Thank you so much Ncsupnatfan for pre-reading.

Chapter 30

Sam felt like he was in freefall. His breaths came quick, swelling his lungs past what would be comfortable to a human and deflating until they were completely flat. He just stared at her in awe and horror. It was the face of the woman he loved, the woman he would always love, but the consciousness behind the eyes was not her. It was the mind of an angel—one of Michael's monsters.

"There's someone here," she said, her voice achingly familiar but the inflection more careful and formal than it had been.

The other two angels' eyes roved around. "I can't see anyone," one said.

Jessica looked annoyed. "Obviously, they're concealing themselves, which means it's one of them."

"Which one?" the blond asked.

"How would I know?" she snapped.

Sam watched their exchange, and his hands reached automatically to her. It was almost possible to believe it was her, Jessica's voice, her face, the hair that he'd once loved to tangle his fingers in, the eyes that had always seen right into him, to the places he'd kept the deepest parts of himself.

But it wasn't her; he had to tell himself over and over again. It was someone else, both a Jessica who didn't know him, and an angel. The sweet and innocent woman he'd loved in another world had here been taken over by one of Michael's twisted soldiers. Her hands and body had been used for cruelty. She had been defiled and her body stolen. Jessica's life had been stolen.

Sam was furious.

He felt his wings prickle, and he knew he was close to losing control, to smiting them all, and he had to tamp it down. He couldn't kill Jess. She had to make it out of this alive. He had failed her once, lost her in the worst possible way, and he would not do it again. She had to live through this.

He stepped closer to her, his eyes searching her face, and raised his blade slowly.

"I know you're there," she crooned. "Show yourself for me."

Sam knew he shouldn't, he would be able to kill the other two and save her if he remained concealed, but it was that request—not command—that reached him.

He allowed himself to be seen, and the three angels stared at him. The other two looked horrified, but Jessica just looked him up and down.

"You're the one they call Sam," she said. "I can tell. Gabriel is the one they call the midget. You…" her eyes appraised him, "are far too tall." She tilted her head to the side. "You're handsome, too."

Sam winced. He remembered a conversation with his Jessica, early in their relationship, when he'd still been trying to get to know her, in which she'd said he was far too pretty to trust. "No one with a face like yours could be good for a woman like me."

"How long have you had that vessel?" he asked, unable to help himself.

She switched her blade to her left hand and used the free one to trace from her throat to her stomach. "This? It's nice, right? It took a little damage to get consent, but I was able to fix it right up."

"How long?" he growled.

"Since shortly after Michael killed Lucifer. She was in the human resistance: part of a small group in California. You might have called it a family affair. I took a liking to her and asked for consent." She pouted. "It took the murder of her parents and brothers to get her to finally give him, and that was only to spare her little sister." She gave a soft laugh. "I didn't spare her for long. That girl's death was the first executed with these fine hands."

Sam winced automatically. Jess's family was dead, Michael and Elizabeth, her parents that had been so kind to Sam, her brothers were gone, and Melanie, the only one who had managed to make a credible threat when he'd been introduced as Jessica's boyfriend. She had sworn to break his legs if he ever hurt Jess. Sam had not thought of her in years, not wondered what her life had been, but she had been killed in this world by her own sister.

Sam hoped Jessica hadn't seen. Jimmy had said being Castiel's vessel was like being chained to a comet, and he remembered little, but Lucifer had made Sam see everything. If she had watched… if she had known… It would have destroyed her, and her strength of mind was vital to what he was going to do for her next.

He didn't have time to deal with the other two angels, not if he wanted to do right by Jessica, so he raised his blade and pressed it to her throat, then said, "You're staying with me." He chanced a glance from side to side at her companions. "You two can go."

They looked at Jessica as if awaiting instruction, but she seemed stunned by what was happening. Perhaps she'd expected a fight, to go down against an archangel in a blaze of glory. She was not having that, though. Sam would not kill her even if it cost his own life as her body belonged to the woman he loved, and he was determined to see Jess take control of it again.

"Now!" he shouted.

They ran, sprinting away to the door. Sam wasn't sure how long the spell keeping them flightless would last, but he didn't much care either. They could go, and he would find them again. What mattered now was getting this angel out of Jessica's body.

"Leave," he snarled.

She smirked. "I'd be more prepared to believe you'd let me go if you didn't have a blade to my throat."

"No, I mean leave her body."

She looked puzzled, and then a cruel smile spread across her face. "You know this vessel… Who is she?"

"Someone far better than you. Now, get out of here, or I will slit your throat."

"You won't hurt me while I'm in her."

Sam pricked the skin of her neck with the tip of his blade, drawing a trickle of blood. "I can heal anything I do to her, and you know it. Now, leave. If you go, I'll let you live. If you make me force you out, I will track you down and kill you. Don't think I won't."

She seemed to be assessing him—her blue eyes penetrating. "You'll let me live?"

Sam nodded, jaw tight.

"I'm not sure I believe you."

Even though the idea of hurting Jessica's body was abhorrent, Sam knew it was necessary as this angel wasn't going to leave otherwise. He drew back the blade an inch then quickly swiped it across the angel's chest, cutting through her jacket and into flesh, making grace bleed from the wound.

She looked stunned and, finally, a little scared.

"Leave, or the next cut will be worse," he said.

She stared at him and then threw her head back, and blue-white light spilled from her eyes and mouth. It flowed into the air and then rushed away from him.

As the last of it left her, Jessica screamed. Sam quickly healed the cut he had just made then placed his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Jess," he said hurriedly. "The angel's gone. You're free now."

Jessica didn't seem to be seeing him. Her eyes were wide and distant. "Mom, Dad, no! Mels, oh god, Mels!"

"It's okay," Sam said. "You're okay!"

Jessica finally seemed to realize she was being held, and she struggled to get away. Sam dropped his hands as if burned and swallowed down his dismay as Jessica backed away from him, clearly terrified.

"Please don't hurt me," she begged. "I just want to go home…"

She looked at her hands, holding them up in front of her face.

"The blood," she whispered. "All those people."

Sam felt a wave of horror as he realized that she remembered at least some of what the angel had done with her body.

He knew he couldn't leave her this way, not with those memories, so he buried the hatred he felt for what he was about to do, scaring her further, and walked forward. She backed away again, eyes darting to find an escape, but Sam caught her arm and held her fast.

"I'm sorry, Jess," he said, touching two fingers to her temple and sending her into unconsciousness.

She crumpled, and he lowered her to the floor, cradling her head in his elbow. Holding her like this felt both blissful and wrong. This was not his Jessica, and she was scared of him. However, he wanted her to be protected and comfortable while he did what he needed to do.

He touched her forehead again and searched through her memories. He found all the memories of being a vessel – the pain and fear of losing her family, the desperation as she bargained for Mel's life, and then saw the promise broken as her own hands smote the life from her little sister – siphoning them into himself and wiping them from her. He took her memories of fighting in the war until he found a place to stop just after the apocalypse, when she was mourning the loss of a man in her life—she'd been married. Sam searched back a little further, though not siphoning away the memories, and found he had been killed in the first wave of the war, and that was what had led to her becoming part of the resistance.

Sam left her those memories, not wanting to wipe away the person she loved, then dropped his hand.

She would wake with a little more peace than she had before. Sam felt that was the least she deserved. She couldn't hear him in the peace of unconsciousness, so Sam felt free to speak.

"I'm sorry, Jess," he whispered. "I love you."

Sam spread his wings and took flight to The Roadhouse. He landed in a room which must be Jo's, as it bore tattered and dusty remnants of a life before an apocalypse—torn posters on the wall and a few photographs pinned around the mirror.

He laid Jessica on the bed then called, "Ellen, are you here?"

He heard footsteps, then Ellen said, voice a little harsh, "What are you doing in here?"

Sam turned to face her, a guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry, but I needed somewhere comfortable for her."

"Why?" she asked.

"This is…" Sam ducked his head. "This is the woman I loved and lost a long time ago in my world. In this world she was forced into being a vessel when the apocalypse came. She's not mine, I know that, but I have to take care of her."

Ellen looked at him a moment, and he thought she was about to remind him of the hundreds of other people they needed to take care of. With a sigh, she shook her head and said, "Okay, I've got it. I'll take care of her for you."

"No, I want to do it," Sam said.

"You've got work to do."

Sam grimaced, looking between Jess, who seemed peaceful, to Ellen, who had a hard look in her eyes. "I know, but…."

Before he could make a case for spending more time here with Jessica, there was a quick indrawn breath behind him, and he spun around.

Jessica was stirring, her breaths coming faster and her eyes moving beneath their lids. Sam wanted to move closer, but he knew he shouldn't yet as she would be scared. Ellen was the better choice to comfort her.

"Please," he said softly. "Help her."

Ellen nodded and moved to the bed. She perched on the side and said, "Hey, honey. You can wake up now. It's safe. The angel is gone."

"Am I dead?" she asked. "I don't remember. The angels…"

"They killed a lot, but not all of us," Ellen said bracingly. "There's enough of us left to start over. We're going to have paradise."

Jessica looked up. "What about Michael?"

"He's dead," Sam said. "I killed him."

Jessica's eyes snapped to him, and she looked wary. "Who are you?"

It was painful to look into her blue eyes and see no recognition there, let alone love, but he swallowed down his pain and said, "I'm Sam."

"He's an archangel," Ellen said, then rushed on in response to Jessica's flinch. "But he's a good one. We've got two on our side—Gabriel and Sam. They're helping us. They're the ones that are going to make paradise on earth."

Jessica shot Sam an assessing look. "How are you going to make paradise?"

"We're…" Sam stopped. He had no idea how they were supposed to create paradise; he just knew Gabriel told Ellen he was going to do it.

"They're going to sacrifice something of theirs for us," Ellen said.

Sam felt a little uneasy about that, having already sacrificed more than he thought possible, though he supposed sacrifice was the wrong word for some of it—his family had been stolen from him.

"Look, we've got a lot of people here that survived the war," Ellen said. "Good people. I'll take you to them. Sam here's got more work to do."

Sam was annoyed that she was effectively sending him away, but a part of him knew it was for the best. He was not doing any good here, least of all to himself. He was hurting seeing Jessica like this.

"I should go," he said reluctantly.

Ellen nodded. "You should."

Sam turned to Jessica, and his hand rose automatically as if to touch her, then he dropped it and said, "Ellen will take good care of you."

She nodded, looking a little wary, and Sam forced himself to walk out of the room, through the bar and outside to where Castiel was.

Before Sam could say a word, Castiel was hugging him. Sam held him in return and smiled sadly when Castiel said, "I heard enough to understand who you found."

"It was Jess," Sam said.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Sam sighed. "She's going to be okay now. Ellen will take care of her."

"She will," Castiel reassured him. "Jessica is going to be okay."

Sam nodded. "I know. It's just… I never thought I'd see her again. Then I did, but she wasn't my Jess, and she was scared of me." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Cas, Ellen said something, and I'm a bit worried. Gabriel has promised these people paradise when all the angels have been found and dealt with, and I guess… How is he going to do that? Ellen said it needed a sacrifice."

Castiel frowned, and then his lips parted with shock. "Grace."

"What about it?"

"Angelic grace is a sort of distillation of the power of creation. The grace of an archangel is very much more so. It could create paradise. Gabriel must be planning to give up his grace to make it happen."

"Whoa, Cas, don't you know snitches get stitches," Gabriel said.

Sam and Castiel turned and saw Gabriel leaning against the doorframe of the bar.

"Your grace?" Sam asked.

Gabriel nodded. "Yep. I am going to make a heroic and incredibly impressive sacrifice to give these people a second chance at life. Now, I know you love me, but don't cry. I'll not die straight away. I think I've got at least another fifty years as a human once it's gone."

"You can't do that," Sam said. "Gabriel, these people need you."

"Maybe," Gabriel said dismissively. "But they'll have you and Cas."

Sam shook his head. They needed Gabriel—an archangel that knew and understood everything. Sam didn't know enough. He couldn't be their protector.

"Let me do it," he said automatically.

Castiel gasped. "Sam!"

Sam shook his head again. "No, I need to."

It made sense to him now. This was the right path for him. If he stayed an archangel, he would live forever with the pain of loss. He would never see his family again and yet would miss them every day. If he made this sacrifice, the humans here would have paradise, and he would have his humanity back: only a handful of decades of life left to get through, and people would no longer fear him, as Jess had done.

"It's the right thing for me to do," he went on.

Gabriel stared at him, seeming to see right through him to his innermost thoughts. "You know, I kinda expected this, which is why I didn't tell you before now. Honestly, Sam, as much as I want to be a hero, I think you're right."

"What?" Castiel said harshly. "Gabriel, it's suicide."

"It's not," Sam said. "I'll have a life after, a human life. The kind of life I should have." He placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Cas, I can't live forever with this weight. It needs to be me. I'm not cut out to be an archangel. This is what I need to do."

"You can't!" Castiel said. "I came here for you."

Gabriel shrugged. "Then both of you do it. Hell, Cas, your grace is enough for a nice pot plant or maybe a palm tree or two."

Sam shot him a glare, but Castiel looked pleased, almost as though he was actually seriously thinking about doing this.

"Cas, you can't!"

"Why not?" Castiel asked. "You're doing it."

"But I started out human. You're an angel."

"Sam," Castiel began, looking at him with a serious expression. "My whole existence, millennia upon millennia, I was an Angel of the Lord. Even when I rebelled against Heaven, or when – in my hubris – I tried to replace Him, my faith in the Father I had never met was unshaken and unshakable.

"When I met Him, Chuck was… not what I expected. Even so I was still an Angel of the Lord. If Chuck was not the father I had hoped for, I believed he was still my righteous and unknowable Lord. Then you accidentally showed me your reality. The real reality: His lies, His cruelty, the way He killed Jack, how bored He is with everything He has created. How can I be an Angel of the Lord knowing all that? God killed, me, Sam, when His actions destroyed my faith in Him. I cannot go on if I am the only one in all creation that knows the truth."

"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Gabriel chipped in, mock-offended, then continued in a much kindlier tone. "Look, I get it, Cas. I knew Dad right from the get-go – what He does isn't an existential shock to me. I guess He made angels to believe rather than to know."

"In a sense we are a personification of faith," Castiel nodded. "With no faith…"

"Then there's no person," Sam said, comprehension blooming inside him. Castiel nodded.

Gabriel turned back to Sam."Look, I'm happy to make the sacrifice, Sam; I always planned to be the one to do it, even after you showed up here. But I think the right thing for the two of you is to do it and have a human lifespan together. I can stay and look after this world, the humans and the angels. The ones we rebooted deserve a second chance, and angels needs a strong hand at the helm."

"Yes," agreed Castiel, "we do."

"I kinda liked having little brothers and sisters the first time around," Gabriel went on. "You get to see everything through fresh eyes, y'know?"

"This is what I need to do, Sam," Castiel said, looking Sam in the eye. "Don't you want me with you?"

Sam sagged. He did want Castiel with him. He could never go back to the rest of his family, they were lost to him thanks to Chuck, but he loved Castiel like a brother. They had both been hurt beyond endurance by what Chuck had done. The idea of living out a human life beside Castiel in this new paradise felt right.

Also, it was a kick in the teeth to Chuck, who had planned for Sam to suffer eternity as an archangel without his family.

"Of course I do, Cas," Sam said quietly. "Wouldn't wanna do something like this without my brother."

Castiel beamed and threw his arms around Sam again. Sam huffed a laugh and embraced him in return.

He actually felt better for the decision. His life, which had stretched ahead of him endlessly and filled him with horror, would now have an expiration date, and he would have Castiel at his side for it.

That seemed like the happiest ending he was going to get.

So… Now you know the plan. We're coming down to the end of the story now—only a few more chapters and the epilogue. Thanks for sticking with us for this long.

Until next time…

Jadey xxx