-The MIA Chronicles-
By: Violet Dawson
A/N: Part of this chapter was inspired by a convo with GreyLadyBast, she's amazing ya'll, you really ought to talk to her!
Reviewer's Notes:
Batgirl_93041: Aren't mailing lists grand? I tend to think so. I'm sorry, you can't tackle the elves, Elrond gets upset and sends me hate mail if you do. Yes, you can tackle Gimli, I'll have him deliver your reviewer's chocolate if you like. Simply return him to Middle Earth in the postage paid envelope when you're done.
Aradi: ::takes season passes to LizzieLand and hands back Lizzie's hamster:: Violet's sorry, she promises never to take your hamster again. Also, I know you like your elves better than Tolkien's so I'll try to find one to give you your chocolate as an apology. The best part? Non-Tolkien elves aren't canon, so you get to keep him!
GreyLadyBast: You rock! I just wanted you to know, thanks again for being your creative wonderful self! And putting up with one sugar-high author. Certainly you can have some lembas to go with your chocolate, I'm sending extra for Hyacinth.
Ihni: Don't ask what happened there, inspiration is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Now to your questions! (btw, I love your questions; they show you're really reading, it's great!) Lembas is elven way bread, it's what the fellowship lived on after they left Lorien and it goes quite well with chocolate. A mazoku general is a character from the Slayer's anime and the specific one I'm talking about has an annoying habit of saying "that is a secret" that's about all I know. For a better explanation, ask Anna. MarySues really are that horrible...just ask anyone who's ever been to the MIA and lived to tell about it. Or better yet you could ask the canons they stalk, either way. The tickets are first class, have fun and send me pictures!
Addicted: Nope, you're not. Did you ever doubt that? (
Starbrat: I only know of one, and he belongs to Anna so you'd have to ask her. If you can't have him, maybe she'd let you borrow him...
Fifty-two escape plans, five escape attempts, seven days and twenty-three shampoos later Anna and Jenna were no closer to returning to reality or closer to reveling again in the glory that is natural brunette.
It turned out the hair dye lied, and that it had no intention of leaving them any time soon.
Not to mention that fact that the MIA didn't carry Midol (good Sues don't have PMS) and Jenna was dangerously close to running out of chocolate.
In other words, it had not been a good week, scratch that, it had been a truly horrid week and things didn't look like they'd be getting better any time soon. Welcome to the MIA.
Jenna tapped the desk with her pencil as she read over the next exam question:
According to Section 89 Article 590 Paragraph C of the MIA training manual, a MarySue should never be without which of the following:
A) A makeup kit with foundation, eye shadow, blush, mascara and lipstick in customized tints.
B) An extra pure white dress that glitters like moonlight and hugs every curve.
C) A map of her surroundings, extra food, hiking boots and a cellular phone, if permitted by the canon.
D) Both A and B
Jenna smirked, checked C and moved on, this was escape plan #53, flunk the final exam so they had to expel her and then send the SWAT team in for Anna. So far, so good, she'd managed to get every question wrong and yet somehow all her wrong answers seemed right...best not to ask. Next question:
Which of the following actions is inappropriate and should be avoided at all costs:
A) Ignoring or imprisoning all lesser canonicals or those that may present a threat.
B) Out showing all canonicals in their areas of expertise. Especially for no apparent reason.
C) Using provided neuralizer on target canonical if resistance is shown to attachment.
D) Treating all canonicals with equal respect, fading into the background and allowing the canon to run itself.
A, B, and C it was. Jenna checked them, gave one last smirk and handed the paper in to be graded, trying hard not the laugh at the look on the Celeste's face as she checked it.
But Celeste was not to be outdone so easily, taking a black pen in hand; she carefully made check marks over each red slash that signified an incorrect answer.
When she'd finished she glanced up at Jenna with a look that said something between 'don't mess with me' and 'why do you even try'.
"Congratulations Miss Williams, you passed with flying colors. Please report to the wardrobe department immediately. Sue #3 will escort you, we'd hate for you to get lost."
Sue #3 popped out of the woodwork, grabbed a stunned Jenna by the arm and half-drug her to wardrobe division. And all the way down the hall, Jenna swore that she could hear Celeste laughing like Cruella De Vile.
Anna squirmed in her desk; five hours of MarySue orientation were not her idea of a good morning.
She'd get up and walk out, but Sue #2 was standing in front of the door, neuralizer in hand. Sue #2 looked over at her and waved it menacingly.
Anna looked down at the cover of the book on her desk. 'Defining Perfection: An Introduction to MarySue' was written on the front in shiny gold print.
The speaker near the front of the room had been going on for what seemed like forever and showed no signs of stopping.
Anna let her mind wander over to Jenna, who should be about halfway through escape plan #53. She remembered their last internet conversation about B's and wondered if she'd be able to do it, flunking things not being one of Jenna's strong points.
Anna's head snapped to attention as someone kicked the back of her leg and passed her a note. She looked around for a minute before inconspicuously opening it.
Define canon and pass it back.
Canon, there was a word she hadn't heard in awhile, Anna quickly scribbled a reply and passed it back. It was soon given to her again.
Knew you were different from the rest of these platinum blonds. Peroxide hasn't reached your brain yet; stick around after class, there's something you should know.
Anna nodded and went back to acting like she cared about the speaker.
"Ouch, I thought Sues were supposed to be perfect." Jenna snapped as she was pricked by yet another sewing pin.
Fittings were not fun. Ticking off the Sue doing them was.
The Sue groaned, this girl was wearing her semi-eternal patience quite thin.
"If you would stay still, I wouldn't poke you." Said Sue #1 through clenched teeth, purposely poking Jenna again.
It wasn't one of her better ideas. Jenna jumped off the stool she was being fitted on and started chasing the Sue out the room and threw the halls of the MIA in her half-finished dress, pins flying in every imaginable direction.
More looks from passing Sues, more of Jenna not noticing.
Nearer the end of a hallway, Jenna, not being entirely gifted in the coordination department ran smack into...something; it's kind of hard to tell while in the middle of blind rage.
Class finally finished up about twenty minutes after Anna's note passing session and it took all her self-control not make a run for her room and the last of the chocolate frosting and lembas.
The girl behind her walked around to the front of Anna's desk, tapped it twice and started to walk out. Anna stood up and followed her.
They walked around for a while in silence, Anna was sure they were lost somewhere in the maze of hallways that made up the MIA's training center.
They'd be found there some twenty years later, still walking around in silence, skinny but perfect MarySue skeletons, she was sure of it.
She turned when she heard a noise behind them and jumped out of the way before Sue #1 ran her over in her attempt to get away from some lunatic in a half finished dress.
As the second figure got closer Anna realized it wasn't just any lunatic, it was her lunatic and she was about to run into the person Anna had been following.
Once inevitability kicks in, it's best just to sit back and watch the fireworks because you really can't do anything about it anyways, so Anna stepped closer to the wall and started to countdown. 5...4...3...2...1....
There was a crash, several muffled curses and something that sounded like "ouch" coming from the mound of Sues on the ground.
"Back off Sue," came the voice of the figure Anna had been following. (we'll call her Mysterious Figure #1, shall we?)
"Hey, it's not MY fault you can't get out of inevitability's way" came Jenna's rather odd answer.
It didn't make sense; again it's best not to ask.
This conversation may have continued for quite sometime, with Mysterious Figure #1 trying to make sense of Jenna's replies, but Anna, seeing inevitability had had it's fun and moved on elsewhere, reached into the pile and pulled out her friend, leaving Mysterious Figure #1 to help herself up.
"Good afternoon Miss Jenna, is there a reason you were chasing the nice MarySue in um...what exactly are you wearing?" Anna asked calmly.
"She pricked me. It's a half of a dress meant to attract elven royalty." Jenna answered.
Anna nodded as though this made perfect sense and turned to where Mysterious Figure #1 was attempting to stand up.
"Now Miss...um I didn't quite catch your name."
"Allyce" Mysterious Figure #1 (now known as Allyce) offered.
"Right, Allyce. This isn't 'the Sue', this is Jenna and I'm sure she's very sorry for running you over and sticking you with straight pins. Aren't you Jenna dear?"
Jenna nodded, Anna smiled, Allyce stared.
"Right well, we need to get going, leave the Sue here." Allyce started walking away, fully expecting Anna to follow.
A/N: Jenna the Sue? Still doesn't sound right to me, of course dancing purple elephants in sombreros do sound right to me so...::worlds sneakiest subject change:: All my loyal reviewers can expect their chocolate to arrive with a visit from the elf that lives in the shed behind my house ::cough::Legolas::cough:: no, you can't keep him, he's mine, I'm sorry. Chapter 7 coming up as soon as I have time. Time, why does college take so much of it? ::shrugs::
By: Violet Dawson
A/N: Part of this chapter was inspired by a convo with GreyLadyBast, she's amazing ya'll, you really ought to talk to her!
Reviewer's Notes:
Batgirl_93041: Aren't mailing lists grand? I tend to think so. I'm sorry, you can't tackle the elves, Elrond gets upset and sends me hate mail if you do. Yes, you can tackle Gimli, I'll have him deliver your reviewer's chocolate if you like. Simply return him to Middle Earth in the postage paid envelope when you're done.
Aradi: ::takes season passes to LizzieLand and hands back Lizzie's hamster:: Violet's sorry, she promises never to take your hamster again. Also, I know you like your elves better than Tolkien's so I'll try to find one to give you your chocolate as an apology. The best part? Non-Tolkien elves aren't canon, so you get to keep him!
GreyLadyBast: You rock! I just wanted you to know, thanks again for being your creative wonderful self! And putting up with one sugar-high author. Certainly you can have some lembas to go with your chocolate, I'm sending extra for Hyacinth.
Ihni: Don't ask what happened there, inspiration is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Now to your questions! (btw, I love your questions; they show you're really reading, it's great!) Lembas is elven way bread, it's what the fellowship lived on after they left Lorien and it goes quite well with chocolate. A mazoku general is a character from the Slayer's anime and the specific one I'm talking about has an annoying habit of saying "that is a secret" that's about all I know. For a better explanation, ask Anna. MarySues really are that horrible...just ask anyone who's ever been to the MIA and lived to tell about it. Or better yet you could ask the canons they stalk, either way. The tickets are first class, have fun and send me pictures!
Addicted: Nope, you're not. Did you ever doubt that? (
Starbrat: I only know of one, and he belongs to Anna so you'd have to ask her. If you can't have him, maybe she'd let you borrow him...
Fifty-two escape plans, five escape attempts, seven days and twenty-three shampoos later Anna and Jenna were no closer to returning to reality or closer to reveling again in the glory that is natural brunette.
It turned out the hair dye lied, and that it had no intention of leaving them any time soon.
Not to mention that fact that the MIA didn't carry Midol (good Sues don't have PMS) and Jenna was dangerously close to running out of chocolate.
In other words, it had not been a good week, scratch that, it had been a truly horrid week and things didn't look like they'd be getting better any time soon. Welcome to the MIA.
Jenna tapped the desk with her pencil as she read over the next exam question:
According to Section 89 Article 590 Paragraph C of the MIA training manual, a MarySue should never be without which of the following:
A) A makeup kit with foundation, eye shadow, blush, mascara and lipstick in customized tints.
B) An extra pure white dress that glitters like moonlight and hugs every curve.
C) A map of her surroundings, extra food, hiking boots and a cellular phone, if permitted by the canon.
D) Both A and B
Jenna smirked, checked C and moved on, this was escape plan #53, flunk the final exam so they had to expel her and then send the SWAT team in for Anna. So far, so good, she'd managed to get every question wrong and yet somehow all her wrong answers seemed right...best not to ask. Next question:
Which of the following actions is inappropriate and should be avoided at all costs:
A) Ignoring or imprisoning all lesser canonicals or those that may present a threat.
B) Out showing all canonicals in their areas of expertise. Especially for no apparent reason.
C) Using provided neuralizer on target canonical if resistance is shown to attachment.
D) Treating all canonicals with equal respect, fading into the background and allowing the canon to run itself.
A, B, and C it was. Jenna checked them, gave one last smirk and handed the paper in to be graded, trying hard not the laugh at the look on the Celeste's face as she checked it.
But Celeste was not to be outdone so easily, taking a black pen in hand; she carefully made check marks over each red slash that signified an incorrect answer.
When she'd finished she glanced up at Jenna with a look that said something between 'don't mess with me' and 'why do you even try'.
"Congratulations Miss Williams, you passed with flying colors. Please report to the wardrobe department immediately. Sue #3 will escort you, we'd hate for you to get lost."
Sue #3 popped out of the woodwork, grabbed a stunned Jenna by the arm and half-drug her to wardrobe division. And all the way down the hall, Jenna swore that she could hear Celeste laughing like Cruella De Vile.
Anna squirmed in her desk; five hours of MarySue orientation were not her idea of a good morning.
She'd get up and walk out, but Sue #2 was standing in front of the door, neuralizer in hand. Sue #2 looked over at her and waved it menacingly.
Anna looked down at the cover of the book on her desk. 'Defining Perfection: An Introduction to MarySue' was written on the front in shiny gold print.
The speaker near the front of the room had been going on for what seemed like forever and showed no signs of stopping.
Anna let her mind wander over to Jenna, who should be about halfway through escape plan #53. She remembered their last internet conversation about B's and wondered if she'd be able to do it, flunking things not being one of Jenna's strong points.
Anna's head snapped to attention as someone kicked the back of her leg and passed her a note. She looked around for a minute before inconspicuously opening it.
Define canon and pass it back.
Canon, there was a word she hadn't heard in awhile, Anna quickly scribbled a reply and passed it back. It was soon given to her again.
Knew you were different from the rest of these platinum blonds. Peroxide hasn't reached your brain yet; stick around after class, there's something you should know.
Anna nodded and went back to acting like she cared about the speaker.
"Ouch, I thought Sues were supposed to be perfect." Jenna snapped as she was pricked by yet another sewing pin.
Fittings were not fun. Ticking off the Sue doing them was.
The Sue groaned, this girl was wearing her semi-eternal patience quite thin.
"If you would stay still, I wouldn't poke you." Said Sue #1 through clenched teeth, purposely poking Jenna again.
It wasn't one of her better ideas. Jenna jumped off the stool she was being fitted on and started chasing the Sue out the room and threw the halls of the MIA in her half-finished dress, pins flying in every imaginable direction.
More looks from passing Sues, more of Jenna not noticing.
Nearer the end of a hallway, Jenna, not being entirely gifted in the coordination department ran smack into...something; it's kind of hard to tell while in the middle of blind rage.
Class finally finished up about twenty minutes after Anna's note passing session and it took all her self-control not make a run for her room and the last of the chocolate frosting and lembas.
The girl behind her walked around to the front of Anna's desk, tapped it twice and started to walk out. Anna stood up and followed her.
They walked around for a while in silence, Anna was sure they were lost somewhere in the maze of hallways that made up the MIA's training center.
They'd be found there some twenty years later, still walking around in silence, skinny but perfect MarySue skeletons, she was sure of it.
She turned when she heard a noise behind them and jumped out of the way before Sue #1 ran her over in her attempt to get away from some lunatic in a half finished dress.
As the second figure got closer Anna realized it wasn't just any lunatic, it was her lunatic and she was about to run into the person Anna had been following.
Once inevitability kicks in, it's best just to sit back and watch the fireworks because you really can't do anything about it anyways, so Anna stepped closer to the wall and started to countdown. 5...4...3...2...1....
There was a crash, several muffled curses and something that sounded like "ouch" coming from the mound of Sues on the ground.
"Back off Sue," came the voice of the figure Anna had been following. (we'll call her Mysterious Figure #1, shall we?)
"Hey, it's not MY fault you can't get out of inevitability's way" came Jenna's rather odd answer.
It didn't make sense; again it's best not to ask.
This conversation may have continued for quite sometime, with Mysterious Figure #1 trying to make sense of Jenna's replies, but Anna, seeing inevitability had had it's fun and moved on elsewhere, reached into the pile and pulled out her friend, leaving Mysterious Figure #1 to help herself up.
"Good afternoon Miss Jenna, is there a reason you were chasing the nice MarySue in um...what exactly are you wearing?" Anna asked calmly.
"She pricked me. It's a half of a dress meant to attract elven royalty." Jenna answered.
Anna nodded as though this made perfect sense and turned to where Mysterious Figure #1 was attempting to stand up.
"Now Miss...um I didn't quite catch your name."
"Allyce" Mysterious Figure #1 (now known as Allyce) offered.
"Right, Allyce. This isn't 'the Sue', this is Jenna and I'm sure she's very sorry for running you over and sticking you with straight pins. Aren't you Jenna dear?"
Jenna nodded, Anna smiled, Allyce stared.
"Right well, we need to get going, leave the Sue here." Allyce started walking away, fully expecting Anna to follow.
A/N: Jenna the Sue? Still doesn't sound right to me, of course dancing purple elephants in sombreros do sound right to me so...::worlds sneakiest subject change:: All my loyal reviewers can expect their chocolate to arrive with a visit from the elf that lives in the shed behind my house ::cough::Legolas::cough:: no, you can't keep him, he's mine, I'm sorry. Chapter 7 coming up as soon as I have time. Time, why does college take so much of it? ::shrugs::