Yukina
Chapter 4: Caged
"You…you can't remember anything, can you?"
The words echo through the empty chasm of my mind over and over again like a macabre, horrifying song.
Because I can't.
The panic returns full blast. My eyes widen and I blink them rapidly to keep from crying. That I cannot remember ever crying, just as I cannot remember having any friends even though I know Kurama was mine, makes the yearning to do something—to cry, to scream—even greater.
The burning desire to express the utter helplessness...the frustration boiling inside of me, tears me apart. But I can't do anything. Nothing I could possibly do would be enough to make them understand. Nothing could make them feel what I do.
I bite my lip, emotion bubbling within me, the most pained expression I can muster on my face.
I squeeze my eyes closed and open them again...I am enraged by the prick of wetness at their corners. I think of doing something...anything to try to release my frustration. I am imprisoned by my own physicality. I cannot implode, or evaporate, or even rip my own hair out. I want to scream and scream and scream and scream until I collapse, but it wouldn't be enough. I am limited, and I feel like I am going to explode. The fierce desire to burst into flame and burn everything around me to ashes nearly blinds me with its force.
"Hey. Kurama. His energy...it's...er...spiking. It's—" the boy starts, but Kurama cuts him off with a yell, his eyes widening.
"No! Hiei! Please! Get a hold of yourself! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm so sorry! Just please don't!" He kneels down like he did mere moments ago, and I tense, waiting for the embrace.
But it doesn't come. Instead, Kurama puts both his hands on my waist and looks up at me with a pleading sort of expression on his face. It's almost as if he thinks to brace me, while at the same time begging me for something I have no idea how to give him.
I can't give him forgiveness for making something clear that I should have seen myself.
"Please Hiei! Stop!" he screams.
Why must he scream? He is three inches away from me. But I hear a dull, roaring noise coming from...everywhere that does make it difficult to hear what he's saying.
"Stop it Hiei!"
But I'm not doing anything...
The temperature in the room flares up, and I know it's not a fever or anything so normal as that, because I can see droplets of sweat beading on Kurama's forehead.
And that is when I realize...he can feel it too.
Kurama can feel what I feel.
I suddenly feel a lot better. A lot calmer.
He screams the screams that I think will never be powerful enough to release the blocked feeling inside me. He cries the tears I instictively cannot allow myself to.
And yet...it is not enough. Not from me, and not from him. Nothing can quell the anger and frustration roiling within me. Nothing can break me out of the oblivious haze I am trapped in.
Nothing can bring me back. Nothing. I am trapped inside my own ignorance. I am blinded, deaf, mute...
And it's getting hotter.
"NO! Please don't! Stop it Hiei! Stop it!" The redhead is screaming his lungs out now. And I cannot understand why. I'm not doing anything, I'm just getting more and more confused and more and more frustrated.
And it just keeps getting hotter. But...it doesn't bother me. Not really.
"Kurama! We have to get out of here! He's gonna burn down the whole temple!" the other boy screams.
I'm in a temple. Finally, I am in a temple. Not just a long dark hallway that stretches on forever.
The boy continues to yell. His voice is really loud, even above what I have discovered are roaring flames with no recognizable origin, towering above me on all sides, surrounding all three of us.
"Get away from him!" the boy screams, attempting to drag Kurama away from me. He grabs Kurama's arm and suddenly my vision blurs.
I would pass it off as heat waves, but...
The boy's hand starts shrinking, and his arm becomes clothed in black. I look at his face and see a different boy holding onto Kurama. This boy has black, spiky hair with a white starburst at the front. This boy is at least a foot shorter than Kurama, and is looking down at him with large red eyes.
Then I blink and the red-eyed boy is replaced with this brown-eyed one.
What?
"KURAMA!" The boy yells so loudly that my ears actually pop, probably partly because he screamed directly into my ear. And partly because his voice is naturally impossibly loud.
I can't understand. Why is this happening? My head is spinning...I'm so tired. I just want to lie down.
I want to scream, to cry, to bleed. I can't do it all at once. I can't do any of it, though I desperately want to.
I can't do anything, and I can't fight. I am completely stuck.
I can only dimly register what the other two are saying asmy eyes drop closed.
"Kurama! Leave him! He'll be fine! Remember what he is!" the other boy yells.
I feel so distant as the fight in me ebbs away to nothing. The arm that has remained at my waist tightens around me, and another arm joins it. I am floating away. I close my eyes completely and let my legs go slack.
I give up. I just don't care anymore. I don't know anything. Let my mind be blank. Let me sleep.
I don't fall, though. The moment my knees give way, the arms about my waist lift me, and the body they belong to cradles me against its chest.
"No." That is Kurama's voice. But I can barely hear it…the voice is so far away. I strain my ears to hear it. When Kurama speaks, though, his voice is calm, clear, and controlled. It is strong. It shows no sign that only a short while ago he suffered a small mental breakdown. "No, Yusuke. I can't leave him. I don't care what he is. I'm staying." He says this softly, but I hear every word.
"Don't be stupid! Come on!" One of the arms holding me shifts.
Yusuke. That other one... He wants Kurama to leave me, he's pulling him away.
The roaring begins to fade away with my senses. I give myself over to oblivion. I can barely hear what's happening anymore, and I am too exhausted to open my eyes.
"Yusuke…?"
"Don't look at me."
I can hear them perfectly. I crack one eye blearily open, and look at the hall. Both eyes open wide.
There is no fire anywhere. None at all. Only a few black scorch marks every few feet. There is no sign that there was ever a life-threatening inferno here. I look up into the green eyes above me. Kurama is smiling.
"Shhh…" He brings up a finger to his lips. "It's okay, Hiei…everything's all right now…"
The brown-eyed boy starts coughing. It sounds very suspiciously like poorly-suppressed laughter.
Yusuke.
Greased black hair. Brown eyes. Loud. Average height. Another 'loud' for good measure. Kurama's friend.
Maybe he is my friend, too?
Hn. No. Probably not.
I close my eyes again. And the voices start to get distant.
"Should we…Genkai…?"
"…'s alright, I can…"
"No…we should…"
"I…suppose you're…"
"C'mon…ama…"
"Wait…moment…fallen asleep…"
"…going…carry…?"
"Yes…"
And then I can't hear the voices anymore.
And Kurama smells nice.