21st Century United Kingdom

London, England

*Kha*

*Kha*

Rough coughs shake Shirou's body ragged as he leans over the sink in their room.

Water drips down from his chin, joining the small pool that has formed on the sink.

*Kha*

*Kha*

Lancer does his best to support his Master, hands gripping Shirou's shoulders as his insides rebel.

The redhead vomits.

"I'm sorry, Shirou." Is all Lancer can say as his Master shivers and wipes his chin.

"I-I'm..." Another cough. "O-okay." Shirou gives him a wan smile that would terrify a young toddler.

Lancer looks away and steps back once it seems as if Shirou's body has calmed down.

The earliest signs of daylight only start coming in through their sole window. Earlier, Lancer was startled out of a fretful sleep once his Master jolted from the other bed and ran towards the bathroom.

After taking a moment to confirm that no enemies were attacking, Lancer couldn't help but feel guilty as he watched Shirou throw up an early dinner.

"I'm okay now. Really." Shirou says as he flops on his bed, shoulders and hair still shiny from sweat. "It must have been a bad dream."

"I am sorry, Shirou."

Shirou tries to laugh but it comes out as a wince instead. "Don't worry about it. I don't even remember what happened."

Lancer shakes his head, choosing instead to watch the sun rise. He supposes he should feel thankful that Shirou isn't furious - it isn't in his character anyway.

But his Master's choice to ease Lancer's worries instead of focusing on his own well-being grates on the Servant.

It's a quality that would have placed him among the best in the Knights of the Round. He reminds me of reckless Percival... and a bit of me when I was young.

...before everything went wrong.

The windowsill creaks from the force of Lancer's hand. It isn't fair to subject his master to his horrid memories. Especially not the dream Shirou just experienced.

"It was bad, wasn't it?"

It was.

"I'm sorry, Lancer."

That makes Lancer look up and frown at Shirou. "Why are you apologizing? I should be the one-"

"It's a part of the contract." Shirou brings up his hand and points at the Command Seals, two still intact.

"The way I see it, you got the bad end of the deal. You need to keep protecting me no matter what and all I need to do is experience a few of your memories."

Despite everything, Lancer reluctantly chuckles. "Yes, but-"

"It's weird I don't remember it this time though."

"Probably for the best that you don't."

Shirou looks at him for a moment. "I don't know. I'm not much of a magus but maybe I could have helped somehow."

Lancer stiffens and he has to fight back against a sudden wave of irrational anger. He breathes in deeply and exhales. "Why don't we make another contract, just between us?"

"Forget this ever happened and I won't mention that you vomited today to Rin and Archer."

The politician inside of him is not dead, it seems.

It's manipulative, Lancer knows. Dishonorable. Deplorable. Proposing a deal that benefits ultimately no one but himself and framing it in a way that sounds beneficial to Shirou...

It should be beneath him.

Shirou ultimately agrees, realizing that he can't help with something that occurred in the distant past, a dream he cannot remember.

Lancer volunteers to do perimeter duty alone a few hours later. Because even if Shirou has forgotten, he never will.

No matter how much he might wish it wasn't real, he cannot face Gwen and not see a ghost of Lancelot's armored form.

The best of the Round, the Knight of the Lake, turned into a raving animal.

Rabid. Mindless. Broken.

This is what King Arthur does to people.

Author's Note: I told you it was going to be angsty!

So I originally planned to write the flashback word for word, but I think we can all see how horrible the moment must have been for our favorite Seiibaa in Fate/Zero (I cannot find a good unedited clip of it on YouTube, so please share if you do).

That scene just freaking *broke* Saber. She never gets the resolution she sorely needs in UBW, instead getting an extra dose of cynicism from EMIYA. It's another level of messed up when a servant just tries to kill his past self because self-sacrificing in the name of some ideal only leads to unending tragedy.

I think that over the course of the 4th and 5th Grail Wars, Saber would be seriously rethinking her whole HONOR IS NUMBER ONE schtick.

Well~ why don't we go back and see how the ideal formed in the past?