Disclaimer: I don't own FE and whatever
Sorry, but it was hard to find material to make fun of...but, now, I present you...TRAINEES!
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF TRAINEES
Thou shalt always be a weak, innocent looking child when you join the army of badasses that will turn into a badass JOIN THE DARK SIDE thyself.
Thou shalt be ready for any form of ridicule, especially from retarded prodigies. But to avoid any ridicule, do not proudly say your dad's name in front of yours as if he's really famous.
Thou shalt JOIN THE DARK SIDE join the dark side in spite of your mentor simply because he is an ass-kissing hippie.
Thine arms shalt be so puny that thou shalt have trouble even holding up a steel lance/ axe. And thou will get double attacked by those zombie enemies if thou trieth to attack one. Isn't that just sad?
Thou shalt be as lucky as a rabbit. (uber luck growth on all of them...Joshua could use that for his poor gambling skillz)
Though thine body is tiny, thou shalt not look so on the battlefield, especially if thou hath chosen the path of general, warrior, and JOIN THE DARK SIDE summoner.
Thou shalt be so inexperienced with a lance, that thou must run and dive forwards with the lance to hit any harder that thou usually does.
Thou shalt have a hot dancer for a sister that will do 'favors' for thee when thou art bored.
Thou shalt surprise that cute little recruit by jumping her from behind to see under her short skirt. Ewan, you dirty little pervert. JOIN THE DARK SIDE.
Thou shalt be Michael Jackson's next target if thou art a pupil or journeyman. THE DARK SIDE FEARS THE MICHAEL JACKSON. JOIN US AND DESTROY IT.
R&R!
Next up: Flyers? Or Dark users...hmm...