As always I don't own anything except some of the situations they're in. Enjoy!
Meanwhile back in California (the day Jenny ran away):
"Ugg, where am I?" As I looked at my surrounding after waking up after who knows how long from passing out I'm in a place where I never wanted to be. If you had asked me twenty years where I would be today I definitely would have told you that now at the age of thirty-three I would be an alcoholic druggie who never knew where her next fix was coming from but knew that I would somehow need to get one. I guess that's why when T.J. suggested that we start manufacturing and selling the stuff I wasn't about to pass that chance up. This way I would actually have to buy the drugs, although we needed to be careful not to use so much of the drug that we are unable to turn a profit off it.
And as much as I never wished this lifestyle on myself, I definitely didn't wish it upon my daughter. I see the way Jenny looks at me when she snorting, shooting up or drinking. She should be my reason to get out but I can't. I know it's no excuse. I used to better. There was a time when I had a promising future. I had someone who loved me and we were going to be a family. I was going to go to college and make something of myself. But we broke up and I dropped out, what can you do?
As I get up off the floor I look at my home, some home but I guess I have to deal with it. No one ever said that I was going to live some fairy tale, but I gotta tell ya, reality sucks.
I climb the stairs to check on my one ray of light. Since the house is getting darker as the sun sets, I figure she's home, I don't think she said she had to work tonight. When I reach her door I knock, I remember what it was like to be a fifteen year girl, you protect your privacy fiercely and hate it when parents intrude your space, and so I always knock.
"Bunny, can I come in?" Nothing. I knock again.
"Bunny, it's Mommy, will you please let me in?" I press my ear to the door to see if I can hear her moving around in there. I can't even hear that wretched music she always has on in there. How someone could enjoy listening to Modest Mouse, Nada Surf, Jimmy Eat World, Fall Out Boy, or that type of music is beyond me. She reminds me so much of another teenage girl I used to know. I shudder at the thought that Jenny is turning into a miniature Peyton. With how much they're alike in their love of drawing and choice in music I sometimes wonder if Gad gave Jenny to the wrong mother. Like he gave her to the correct father, cuz as much as I hate to admit it Jake was a great father to her, but sent her too quickly, sent her one girlfriend too early. Snap out of it Nikki. You can't think like that. Of course you're the right mother for Jenny, why else was it possible that Jake never found you, albeit he was close a few times, and no one has ever called child services on you with how you're raising her, that surely would have raised some red flags and gotten her taken from you. No, you're supposed to be Jenny's mother.
Since it sounds like there is no trace of Jenny in her room and of course she has the door locked so I can't get in there unless I break down the door, and I'm too weak to do that and T.J. is passed out downstairs, I sit against the wall across from her room and wait. I need to see my Bunny and make sure I haven't messed her up cuz that's my fear.
I must have fallen asleep cuz the next thing I remember is Bubba, one of T.J. and my customers and fellow snorting junkie, was shaking me awake.
"Nikki, hey, you awake? T.J. is passed out downstairs or else I would have asked him, got any merchandise I can buy? I really need some."
"Yeah, yeah. Just a moment and I'll get you some. You good for the cash?"
"Yeah, when you know me for not being good for the cash?"
"Just checking."
As we head down the stairs he asks, "So what were you doing up there anyways?"
"Oh, just waiting for Jenny, needed to talk to her about something."
"Hmm…"
"What 'hmm'? What do you know that I should know?"
"Well when I was headed here earlier I saw Jenny leaving the house with a bunch of stuff. What's that all about?"
"I don't know. What time was this?"
"5:00 I believe. Why? Do you think Jenny ran away?"
"I'm not sure. I doubt it but who knows."
"While I love talking about your daughter and all, the merchandise please."
"Yeah, just a moment." As I went to my room to get the merchandise I couldn't stop wondering about Jenny. Where was she? Something told me Bubba was right, Jenny had run away. But where to? I don't know any of her friends so I guess calling their houses to ask them if they know where she is is out of the question. She probably just took some of her money and went to stay at some cheap motel or something for the night to get away from it all. I mean she's done it before. It's not like she had anywhere else to run. It's not like she knows any of her relatives being that my parents cut me off when they realized what I became. And she definitely wouldn't know that going to Jake's would be the best thing for her. I mean I've lied about her dad her whole life, she wouldn't know the first place to look, would she?
"Nikki, the merchandise!"
"Yeah and bring out some for me too." Oh great, T.J.'s up. Hopefully he won't me again before he passes out.
"Here's your merchandise, Bubba."
"And here's the money. Hey, I've always meant to ask, why is it more when I get it from you than when I get it from T.J.?"
"Cuz she uses that extra money to make herself all pretty for me. Isn't that right, Babe?"
"Yeah, that's right," I say with a fake smile. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. That extra money is actually going straight into a box I have in the back of the bedroom closet and into an envelope.
"NIKKI!"
"Yeah, what, sorry."
"I asked where my drugs were. Geez, zoning out on me there." He stood up and walked over to me to get the drugs that were in my hands. When he got close enough he also hissed into my ear quiet enough so Bubba couldn't hear him, "You better not zone out on me tonight bitch if you know what's good for you." I just nodded.
As I turned to head back to the bedroom to put the money in the envelope T.J. called to me in a voice that held no trace of the threatening tone he had used on me just a minute before. "Aren't you going to partake with us?" No one says no to T.J. I have learned, luckily I've kept Jenny from seeing this side of him and he for some reason acts somewhat civilized around her.
Knowing this I turn around and say, "Of course I will." I keep telling myself I'm doing this for my daughter, wherever she is. What a horrible thing to do for your daughter.
Love? Hate? Please review telling me. I might write another chapter about Nikki again, if enough people like it. I just wanted to somehow keep her in the story cuz sadly she will be returning and reaking havoc. Not sure when though. I should be posting the next chapter within the next two days so be on the look out for that chapter, hopefully it won't be as heavy as this chapter since it will be at the party in Tree Hill.