Hi everyone! I'm so sorry about the long, long, long wait for an update (hey that rhymes) but I've been having quite a few problems with this story. Stupid thing. Never fear, though, I'm back and I'm not giving up on it. So, here's the next chapter! I'm sorry it's not very big, but I will update again soon! Promise!
Chapter Three: Why is that cat's fur blue?
The walk down to the Dancing Dove was short, but annoying. Short because Kel was walking so fast that Dom nearly had to jog to keep up with her. Annoying because Dom wouldn't shut up.
"Hey Kel, look at that guy! What a nose! Reminds me of the Meathead, actually."
Kel sighed, and thought, yet again, 'Stone. I am stone. I will not harm Sergeant Domitan.'
"Dom, your nose is exactly the same as Neal's. Now will you please be quiet? I'm trying to think."
To Kel's astonishment, Dom actually stopped talking, and walked alongside her silently.
'Huh. Must be Raoul's influence on him,' she thought distractedly.
Kel started thinking about what they could have done the night before. She was almost positive that they would be able to follow their trail of destruction to Neal. It wasn't like they could have done that much damage in one night, so they should be fine.
How wrong she was.
"Whatcha thinking 'bout, Kel?"
Kel absentmindedly smacked Dom upside the head for talking, but distracted as she was didn't bother to rebuke him properly.
"What we're going to do today. We're going to start at the Dancing Dove, and work our way back from there. We apologize to everyone, fix everything, pick up Neal on the way, and be back at the castle in time for lunch. I mean, we were both drunk, so we wouldn't have been capable of much, right?"
Dom looked at Kel weirdly, but decided not to comment.
"Um…right."
As they entered the Dancing Dove, a few of the less inebriated customers glanced up at them briefly, and Solom waved at them from behind the counter, but other than that they went unnoticed. Kel picked her way through the throng of people and approached the bar.
"Hi Solom," she smiled. "Good to see you again. I see business is going well."
"Aye, that it is Lady Kel. Will you and Master Dom be wanting anything?"
"No sorry Solom, can't. We're on business for Raoul. Actually, we were wondering if you remembered which way we went when we left last night. We seem to have…forgotten."
"Aye, of course you did Lady Kel. With all due respect, the both of you were mighty drunk last night. I clearly remember you jumping up on the table last night and declaring to everyone that any conformists that had a problem with you could kiss your…well, you get the idea."
Dom chocked on his laughter, and began coughing hard as a faint blush appeared on Kel's cheeks, a testament to how truly embarrassed she was. Seemingly oblivious, Solom nodded solemnly (A/N: Solomly hahah sorry won't happen again) and continued, "And you Master Dom. I think I would've been happier not knowing what exactly Sir Nealan looks like in a kimono, thank you all the same. The descriptions you gave were incredibly detailed."
Dom chocked again, only this time he didn't think it was funny. Kel bit her lip, trying to fight down a giggle, but it escaped anyway.
"Solom, Neal was here with us wasn't he? And he left with us?"
Solom nodded. "Oh yes, Sir Nealan was here. Not as drunk as you two though, he seemed to be trying, and failing, to keep you under control. And yes, he left with you. You both dragged him out the door, with him protesting loudly along the way. You went that way, as far as I could see."
Dom and Kel thanked Solom and headed out of the Dancing Dove in the direction he had pointed. Walking along the street slowly, they noticed that a few people seemed to be glaring at them rather heavily.
"Well," Dom sighed. "I guess this is where we start apologizing."
He walked up a stall that sold scarves nearby, and smiled charmingly at the owner, who looked as if he would like nothing more than to ring Dom's neck.
"Excuse me," smiled Dom. "But I've been told that Kel and I came this way last night and that we were rather….inebriated at the time. I just wanted to apologize for anything we may have done to you last night. I'm quite sure that whatever it was it was rather rude."
The stall owner huffed. "You bet it was rude. You knocked over my stall, laughing like a pair of fools the whole time. And that friend you had with you wasn't any better, and he wasn't even drunk."
Dom chuckled. "That was Sir Nealan of Queenscove," he replied, as if that explained everything.
The store owner blinked. "Oh. That explains everything."
At this point Kel butted in, thinking that they weren't getting anywhere. "I'm sorry, but you said we knocked your stall over. Did we wreck any of your merchandise, or break your stall? We would be happy to pay the costs if we did."
The stall owner huffed again, and grudgingly replied "No, you didn't break anything. It was just annoying."
Dom smiled at the man again. "Well in that case, do you think you could tell us which way we went?"
"That way," the man pointed, "leaving a trail of destruction a mile wide behind you."
Kel blushed faintly, replied "Thank you," and dragged Dom away.
Neither Kel nor Dom noticed that they were being followed.
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"I don't understand," Lofren whined for the tenth time.
Raoul sighed loudly, and restrained Alanna from beating the man into a pulp.
"Honestly, Lofren, it's not that hard," commented Wolset indifferently. "If you can't understand this I have no idea how you were able to get into the King's Own. Or how you understand so much about the laws of the country."
"But they're simple," whined Lofren. "Easy to follow. This plan is just too complicated."
Alanna snapped.
"NO IT'S NOT. ALL WE ARE GOING TO DO IS FOLLOW THEM AND TRY TO FIND SOMEONE THAT THEY DIDN'T APOLOGISE TO SO WE CAN PUNISH THEM AND MAKE THEM SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER! HOW HARD TO UNDERSTAND CAN THAT BE!"
Lofren squeaked and tried to hide under his bed to get away from the rabid knight.
"Ii-iit's n-not Lady A-a-alanna. I-I understand n-now."
Alanna smiled ferally.
"Good. Now if that's all we must be going. Don't want them to get too much of a head start, do we?"
"No, ma'am," cried all of Third Company, including Raoul.
Alanna chuckled and made her way out the door. Men were so stupid sometimes.
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Half an hour later, Kel and Dom were going out of their minds. They had apologized to what seemed like to be an endless line of annoyed housewives and midwives and they had only traveled two streets. Half the complaints they had were actually about Neal, and they were no closer to finding him then before. Kel, despite all her Yamani training, was about to scream in frustration. Dom already had. Three times.
"Kel," Dom asked, staring at something over her shoulder with a funny look on his face.
"Yes Dom?" Kel replied nervously.
"Why is that cat's fur blue?"
That was all it took. Kel screamed.
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Yes, yes, it was shit, I know, and I'm sorry. But like I said, I've been having problems. So if anyone wants to review and help me out, I'd be eternally grateful. This comedy stuff is harder then it looks.
Review Responses:
nativewildmage: Yeah, he was always dramatic, but it's impossible to love him, don't cha think? Kel does. Lol.
LadyKnightOfHollyrose: I know, it really is evil of me too have so many cliffies. But I can't help it. They just jump out at me and won't go away! Long live the pointy points and Gandalf quotes.
Thayet1231: Yay indeed. I'm so sorry you had to wait this long but I promise I'll keep updating regularly now. I was banned from my computer. I'm still suffering from the withdrawal symptoms.
Ms. Aly: Thank you kindly. I have a few ideas. They were drunk, after all.
Tortall Princess: You know, you're the only one who guessed (or at least said that they guessed) what they did to Neal. Good for you. Lol.
Kelly Masbolle: Humor generally is amusing. I hope. But thank you for thinking I'm funny.
anonymous girl: Still haven't seen Lilo and Stitch. My friend was gunna lend it to me, but it got stuck in her VCR and the tape got wrecked. sobs I wanna know how to hola dance! Yeah, he is kinda annoying. It's cute for awhile though.
Frimmy: Hmm, it's always the shy, quiet ones like Raoul that you gotta look out for. Neal with Kel, ack no! The gods are all for Kel/Dom. That was a nice threat though. Original. I like it.
slightly unhinged: Evilness is good. Heheheheheheheheheheheh. coughes Yes, well, moving on. Thank you.
Sgath101: I rock! Woohoo! Thank you. Wait for it…….I love you!
Aly the Spy: Hahahah, yeah that happens to me a lot. People mostly just ignore me by now. Its kinda embarrassing, but meh.
Em: Fab? You used the word fab to describe my story? Ok, that was just scary.
HiddenPortrait: Hehehe, can you imagine the mischief a drunken Dom could do? Without a sober Kel to stop him? Oooh, the possibilities!
Nelarun: Yes, poor Dom. He does deserve it though. The beating-up, that is. I was pretty impressed by the effort it must've taken to write that review, what with all the laughter. By the way, where in Australia are you from? I'm a Queenslander, myself. (Maroons all the way heheh)
humanblackhole: Holy shit, I hope you didn't explode! It would stay on my conscience forever and ever!
Catri Holwman – Carthaki Spy: sniffs in disdain I'm not entirely sure if I should be talking to a Carthakian. Or, whatever. Hyperventilating while laughing is bad, though. It leads to death, which can sometimes be permanent.
telmina: Sorry that this isn't completed. Don't worry though, I won't give up on this story. I plan to have it finished by the time I go back to school (to show my daddy that I'm not a fool). Thanks for your awesome review!
Chamber Of Ordeal: Hope it didn't take you too long to clean your dinner up. The answers to your questions shall be revealed. Or, have been. Or, whatever. You get the point. (the pointy point)
WakeFlames: Honestly, I dunno how I do it either. Normally I'm not all that funny. I didn't really expect that many people to like my story this much. Hahah it is pretty ridiculous, could you imagine if Tamora Pierce had something like this in Lady Knight? Hahahah.
Neith4Weiss: Hahah thank-you! But you might want to stop laughing sometime to you know, breathe. Eat. Sleep. Just generally, live. Lol.