Hazing Chapter 11

"She's so tiny." Nina gasped as she gazed at Lily Rose in the incubator. She placed her hands on the warm glass longing to hold her daughter.

"She is a fighter. She made it through surgery like a champ." The nurse smiled down at Nina.

"She's a Teller. We are fighters." Gemma said with pride. Jax looked down at his daughter who was so tiny with tubes and IV's hooked up to her. He could not believe he was going through this again with another one of his children. Would he have the strength for the emotional roller coaster of having another sick child? Looking at her tiny sleeping face, he knew he would have the strength. He had to have the strength she was his flesh and blood. Jax squatted down to Nina's level sitting in the wheelchair. He took her hand.

"She's beautiful Nina." He whispered to her. "Just like her momma." Nina looked at Jax with tears in her eyes.

"Yes she is." Nina whispered back and looked away from Jax. She could not look into his eyes.

"She is so pale." Tim thought aloud.

"Wait until you see her eyes….they are the most beautiful shade of blue." The nurse told the family.

After sitting with Lily Rose for a while, Nina started to feel pain from her C-section.

"I better get back to my room." She told everyone. Tyler pushed her back and Gemma and Sandy helped her back into the bed. Jax walked up to Nina and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"I have to go sweetheart. I will be back to see you and Lily later."

Nina gave him a strain smile and watched him leave the room. She knew he was heading home to his wife. Nina decided to herself that she was not going to wait around hoping and praying she would see him again soon. She decided she would see him when she was ready and she knew it would be awhile before she would be able to gather the strength to see him again without wanting to fall back into his arms.

Jax walked into the living room and found Abel on the couch watching a movie and Thomas asleep in his playpen. Looking for Tara, he found her in the boy's room packing bags. Jax leaned against the doorframe awaiting her wrath. She looked up at Jax.

"Do you love her?"

Jax was taken aback by her question. He expected screaming and a few shattered objects. He frown as he thought about how he would answer her.

"No." it was the safest answer and what she needed to hear. "It was a one night stand Tara…a moment of stupidity and weakness."

"She loves you Jax. It was written all over her face. It had to have been more than just a one night stand." Tara angrily stuffed more clothes in the bags.

"She is young Tara. She doesn't know what love is. At best its infatuation not love." Jax felt bad throwing Nina under the bus but he needed to fix things with Tara. He did not want her taking his boys from him.

"How often did you see her?"

"Not often. I just checked on her and the baby from time to time. Bobby was the one who had the most contact with her. Once she told me she was pregnant and was keeping the baby I knew I could not leave her and the child stranded."

Tara sat down in the rocker chair by Thomas crib. She was so exhausted mentally.

"So you planned on being in this child's life and keeping it a secret? You were never going to tell me were you?"

"I don't know Tara. I wasn't thinking….the only thing I knew was that I can't lose you and my boys."

"I think it's too late for that." Tara chuckled sarcastically.

Jax walked up to Tara and got on his knees in front of her.

"Don't leave me Tara. Don't take my boys. We can get through this."

"Get through this? Jax you have a child with another woman! How can I get past that? Do you know how hard it was for me to work on that child today? You put me in that position!"

"I know it will not be easy and I don't expect you to forgive me overnight but we have to try." Jax begged.

"You have cheated on me time and time again Jax. What am I not providing for you that you feel the need to sleep with other women?" tears formed in Tara's eyes.

"You are a wonderful wife Tara. I could not ask or hope for better…I'm just flawed and selfish I am working on that. I promise I would do everything in my power not to hurt you again." Jax kissed her hands and laid his head in her lap. Tara found her hands playing in his hair. How could she ever come to terms with what Jax did?

"Are you planning on being in the child's life?"

Jax looked up at Tara and nodded his head yes. "I have to Tara. It's my child."

"Then that means you will be in her life for at least the next eighteen years." Tara sighed as she thought of dealing with another baby momma. Tara needed to get away from Jax. She needed time to think of what she was going to do. Should she divorce him? This was the ultimate betrayal in their marriage.

"I can't be around you now Jax. I need time to think."

"You and the boys stay here. I will stay at the clubhouse." Jax stood up and looked down at Tara and Nina's face flashed in his mind. How was he going to make two women happy? He knew he needed to make things right with Tara and may not see Nina often but could he give Nina up? Could he do like he just promise and not hurt his wife again? Clearing his thoughts of Nina, he told Tara they will talk in a few days and while he was gone, one of the guys will keep her company.

"You think I am going to disappear with the boys?"

"It's just a precaution." He told her before leaving out the room to kiss his boys and pack a bag to stay at the clubhouse.

"Are you going back home or stay with your parents while Lily is here?" Gemma asked as she helped Nina take off her hospital gown.

"I need to be near Lily so I am going to stay at a motel until I can take her home."

"No…you are not staying in some dirty motel. You can stay with me."

"Oh no Gemma I can't impose on you like that."

"You are not imposing sweetheart. You are staying with me. It's not up for discussion."

"Gemma I don't think I can see him or be around anything or anyone that reminds me of him." Nina sighed as she pulled on a pair of sweatpants April brought for her.

"This is a time Nina that you need to be strong. The moment you slept with Jax and got pregnant, you signed up for a daily reminder…..and sweetheart Lily Rose is a spitting image of Jax from her skin tone to her eyes."

Nina knew what Gemma told her was true. There would be no escaping Jax.

"Come one honey. Let's get you home."

As soon as Nina walked in Gemma's house, she saw various pictures of Jax throughout his childhood to his adulthood. She also saw several pictures of Jax with another little boy.

Nina asked Gemma who was the young boy in the photos as Gemma showed her the guest room she would be staying in.

"That's Thomas. My youngest son. He passed away."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Nina offered.

"Thank you sweetheart. Get some rest. I will start on dinner."

"Have you heard from Jax? Do you know what happen when he went home to her?"

Gemma studied Nina face. She looked so young and fragile.

"You don't need to worry about that. You said you didn't want to be reminded of Jax so you don't need to be asking about him or worrying about him and Tara. Focus on your daughter and getting her home."

"Ok." Nina said in a tiny voice. She could not help but to think of Jax. She needed to understand that he had made his choice and it was not her. He obviously did not love her and she needed to get that through her thick skull and try to take steps to get over him. Gemma left her to get situated and Nina looked over and saw a picture of Jax smiling holding a beer with his cut on leaning on his bike. Nina walked over and slammed the picture face forward on the dresser so she would not see his handsome face. Nina sorted through the clothes and personal items her and Gemma had just brought from the store. She put everything up, took a shower, crawled into the welcoming king size bed and fell to sleep.

Gemma and Nina fell into a routine of visiting the baby every day and baby proofing the apartment and decorating her bedroom for when the baby would be able to come home. They so far had successfully hidden from Jax that Nina was staying with Gemma. There had been several close calls when he had pulled up and Nina had to go hide in the bedroom until he had left. One evening he had stayed for dinner and Nina tipped toed out the room to listen to their conversation. Jax was telling his mom all the remorse he had for the way things had turned out with Nina. He did not want to break her heart as he cared for her deeply.

"You have a big heart Jackson but you can't share it with two women. If you chose to stay with Tara then you need to let Nina go. She does not deserve you stringing her along. She is young and has her whole life ahead of her. I don't want her to waste years pining over you and being second in your life. You just worry about sharing that heart with your daughter she needs you." Gemma told her son.

"I just need to see her and talk to her."

"From what Nina told me you already said what you needed to say to her…..you chose to stay with your family. There is nothing else to say. The only contact you two need to have is any and everything that has to do with Lily Rose and that is it."

Jax nodded in agreement, as he took a bite of his steak. He knew his mom was right but the question was would he take her advice. Nina slipped back into the room, crawled into bed, and softly cried. It ached hearing his voice. She wanted to see him so bad but she needed to be strong for her sake as well as her daughter. Gemma was right she could not be second in his life. She did not deserve to be second in his life. She knew she would have to eventually see him so she needed to get her emotions in check. She did not want to be weak and give into him when she sees him again.

"I have something I have to tell the club. It is a personal matter but we are all brothers and I need your prayers." Jax fiddled with the gavel as he prepared to tell his brothers the news of his baby girl.

"I just became a father again to a baby girl from a woman who is not my wife." Jax paused to let the shock from some of the members subside. "I'm sure some of you remember a few months back the three black college girls that came and hung out at the bar. One of them just gave birth to my daughter. My daughter is in NICU cause she was born premature and also has CHF just like Abel."

"I'm sorry Jackie Boy." Chibs offered his sympathy.

"Thank you. I am asking for everyone's positive thoughts and prayers to whatever higher power you believe in. It has been pretty hard as you can imagine between me and Tara but my daughter is innocent in all this and deserves good health and the best in life."

"Jax….none of us can throw any stones at you because as I am sure I speak for all of us at this table no one is perfect. I hope your little girl gets better. Is there anything we can do for you?" Opie asked wondering how his best friend could keep a secret so big from him.

"Thanks Ope….I just need your prayers. She has made it through surgery and we are just waiting for her to gain weight and feed on her own so she can go home."

"How does Tara feel about this?" Piney asked. He was disappointed in Jackson.

"Not great Piney….but that is between me and Tara." Things had been awful between him and Tara. After giving her a few days alone, he moved back in the house and she was cold as ice to him. She had asked for a divorce but he told her no. She explained to him she would not take his boys away and would stay in Charming so they could have shared custody but Jax sill said no. He wanted to see if he could make it work with Tara and be a father to Lily Rose. He tried to call Nina several times but she would not answer his calls. He went by her apartment once she was discharged and she was not home. He called April to find out where she was and she told him she was staying with her parents. Jax was pissed. He needed to see her but he knew her parents would not let him anywhere near her.

Every chance he could he would go see Lily Rose and he hoped he would run into Nina but he had always seem to miss her. Lily was doing so well and was gaining weight almost every day. Jax heart was full of pure joy whenever he would see her. After several days, Tara was back on rotation at the hospital and found Jax sitting in NICU reading to his daughter. It hurt her seeing him with the child. She wondered if the pain would ever subside. She quietly walked into the room and Jax looked up and smiled at her.

"Hey." He said to her softly.

"Hey." She said back picking up Lily's chart and reading over it.

"Tara….why are you in here? You know you don't want to see her."

"She is doing very well Jax, "Tara said ignoring his comment. "She is a lot stronger than Abel was about this time. She should be home in no time. Have you seen or talk to the mother?" Tara looked over at Jax.

"No. I haven't."

Seeming satisfied with his answer, Tara put the chart up.

"Since you are here you should go down to the daycare….you know visit the other children you have." She snapped as she walked out the room. Jax sunk lower in his. When will things get better?

8 Weeks Later

Lily Rose was finally home and the first few days Gemma and Sandy had stayed with Nina to help her with the baby. Sandy and Gemma had started to get along really well as they both wanted Nina to be happy and they loved Lily Rose. Jax was out of town on club business when Lily was released but it did not stop him from blowing up Nina's phone every day. After not seeing or speaking to him for the past two months, she finally picked up the phone feeling she was strong enough to see and talk to him.

"Where the fuck have you been!" he shouted in the phone.

"Well hello to you too Mr. Teller."

"Don't be a smart ass! I haven't seen or talk to you in two months!"

"Jax didn't you say you would not see me for awhile as you fix things with your wife?"

Jax gritted his teeth as he controlled the urge to throw his phone against the wall.

"That was not meant for you to drop off the fuckin planet and not reach out to me when I tried to contact you."

Nina did not answer Jax.

"I'm coming over to see my child." He snapped at her before he slammed the phone shut. Nina looked at her phone. He actually hung up on her.

Oh My God! Nina thought as she opened the door for Jax. He was more devastatingly handsome than she remembered. As Jax walked pass her in the apartment she could feel how angry he was.

"Two months Nina! Two fuckin months you have been ignoring me!" he yelled at her.

"Lower your voice Jackson! She is asleep."

Jax's face soften as he thought of his daughter.

"Where is she? I want to see her."

Nina ushered Jax into her room to Nina's basinet. She was sound asleep snuggled under her pink blanket.

"My God. She is so beautiful." Jax whispered in amazement. He leaned over, inhaled her baby scent, and planted light kisses on her cheeks and lips. Nina felt a lump form in her throat as she watched Jax. Nina don't you dare become weak! She shouted in her head to herself. Jax looked back up at Nina with tears forming in his eyes. Oh God! Nina stay strong! Jax walked up to Nina and caressed her cheek.

"Do you know how much I have missed you?" She looked even more beautiful than he remembered.

Nina pulled away and walked back out to the living room with Jax close behind.

"Don't you dare do this to me!" she whispered angrily turning to face him. "You chose her! You can't come back here and expect it to be the way it was."

Anger was building up in Nina. How dare he come over and expects things to be the way they were. How could she as she gazed at him began to lose resolve and want things back the way they were with him. Come on Nina! You had two months to build up a wall when it comes to Jackson Teller!

Jax grabbed Nina's arm and pulled her to him and she felt the bulge in his pants.

"Yes I chose her but I WANT you." He whispered in her ear just before nipping on her earlobe.

This muthafucker!

Nina pushed away from him and punched him in the nose drawing blood. She wanted to do that every since he said he was leaving her. Jax stepped back stunned, wiped his nose with the back of his hand, picked Nina up, swiftly walked to the couch and threw her down on it.

"Jax!"

Jax crawled on top of Nina and she tried with all her strength to push him away. During the struggle the couch moved and knocked over the lamp on the table by her head. Nina was able to get a punch to Jax face again and continue to pound on him while he quickly pushed down his pants.

"You asshole!" Nina hissed at him as Jax tore her blouse open.

Nina struggled under him trying to get away but Jax had grabbed both of her hands and pinned them above her head. Nina tried to kick him off but only manage to knock over her other lamp on the table by her feet. He was too heavy on top of her. Jax pulled her panties to the side and with lust and anger in his eyes Jax plunged into Nina with such force that the couch had moved again and her whole body was pushed up to the arm of the couch, her head hitting against the arm of the couch as he pounded in her. Nina gave up struggling and looked into Jax eyes. She had never seen the look in his eyes before. It was a wild and fervent look. Jax continued to pound into Nina with loud grunts and it felt as if the whole apartment shook with each of his thrust. Nina could not take the intense look in his eyes, looked away from Jax, and stared at the wall for a few moments. She felt warm droplets of blood from Jax's bloody nose drop down on her chest. As Jax's thrusts quicken Nina closed her eyes as her body betrayed her and she began to feel the tingle of pleasure rising. She looked back at Jax and a moan escaped her lips. Jax let go of one of Nina's pinned down hands, grabbed her leg behind her knee, and pulled her leg up to push in her deeper. They locked eyes as he pushed in her harder causing Nina to arch up to meet his thrusts. Never leaving eye contact Nina began to moan with each of his hard thrusts causing Jax to groan as his orgasm began building up. Pushing even harder and deeper he came and let out a low growl. Nina closed her eyes breaking eye contact as her orgasm coursed through her body. Nina opened her eyes and looked at Jax who still had that wild look in his eyes. His nose was still dripping blood on her. They both heard Lily whimper and then began to cry. Jax jumped up and pulled his pants up, grabbed a tissue to wipe his nose and headed to Lily. Nina laid stunned for a second on the couch. What the hell just happen?

Jax walked in the living room holding Lily Rose rocking and cooing her. Nina wincing from the pain between her legs slowly sat up on the couch. She looked down at her shirt and realized it was ruined. She pulled it off as she watched Jax sit on the love seat with his daughter who was content in his arms. Nina slowly got up to wash the blood off her and change shirts. She looked at Jax again and he was looking at her up and down. Nina looked away from him and went to her room to wash up. Nina looked at herself in the bathroom mirror as she wet a washcloth. What the fuck just happened? She asked herself again. That was Jax firing the first shot at your wall and weakening it was what the fuck just happen.