Hazing Chapter 12

M/N: Yes Jax forced himself on Nina. It was kind of hard to write that as Jax is my muse and I did not want him to do anything physical to hurt Nina but I wanted to show where he is at right now mentally and how he feels about Nina whether he wants to admit it or not. He can't be without her and he needs and wants her mentally and physically. He let his anger and emotions get the best of him. Nina is getting stronger. It may not seem like it but she will be more independent and be a strong woman for her and her daughter. Will it last when you have Jackson Teller circling around you constantly….I don't know…we shall see.

Nina finished washing off Jax's blood off her chest. She gazed at herself in the mirror as she put on another shirt. Two months of trying to let him go shattered in minutes. What in the hell was she going to do? Feeling the throb of pain between her legs intensify she pulled up her skirt and pulled down her underwear. Just great! Nina thought as she saw the spotting of blood in her underwear. She pulled off her soiled underwear, grabbed a new washcloth and washed herself. After getting situated with new underwear and a panty liner, Nina walked back out to the living room and found Lily whining a little in Jax's arms.

"I need to feed her." She said walking slowly up to Jax trying not to show the pain she felt between her legs.

"I can feed her….just give me her bottle."

"I'm nursing and have not pumped anything yet." She carefully took Lily from Jax's arms. Nina grimaced a little as she sat down on the couch and unbutton her shirt to nurse her daughter. Jax watched her intently as she nursed Lily.

"I'm sorry about your blouse and the lamps." He finally said.

Not for nearly ripping me in two. Nina thought to herself.

"You will buy me more lamps and a get me a gift card to Express." She told him matter of factly without looking up at him. Jax got up from the love seat and sat next to Nina. He caressed Lily's little legs as she nursed and caressed Nina's cheek. Nina recoiled.

"Did I hurt you Nina?" he asked in a soft whisper.

"Yes." Nina answered finally looking up at Jax. Jax face softens as he realized he did indeed hurt her. He was angry with her for ignoring him for as long as she did and when she hit him, something switched inside of him.

His anger and desire for her had consumed him, he had let it take over, and the intense need for her had caused him to hurt her. He felt her struggle against him but he did not care he needed to be inside her. When he finally was inside her delirium took over and he could not get into her deep enough. His thrusts were too hard and frantic for her and he knew it but he could not stop. He had slept with hundreds of women in his lifetime and he had never felt his emotions take over as they did earlier with Nina. What kind of man was he to hurt her like that?

"I'm so sorry Nina. I'm so sorry."

"Jax I don't know what you want from me. You told me you wanted to fix things with your family and it broke my heart but I let you be while you did that." Nina was frustrated.

"I want to be a part of you and my daughter's life."

Nina shook her head.

"You can't be a part of my life. You are Lily's father so of course I want you in her life but I can't be the other woman anymore Jax. I need to move on with my life and focus on my daughter."

"Our daughter." He corrected. "Nina I told you how much I care for you."

"What am I supposed to do with that? You don't love me. Caring for me is not enough. It is not having you here with me, waking up and falling asleep with me, being here for 3am feedings and changing diapers. Just caring for me is you stopping by when it is convenient for you. You are not my man and you never will be."

What Nina said stung Jax and the last sentence stabbed him in the heart.

Before Jax could answer, a key rattled in the door and Gemma walked in.

"Hey!" she said walking in shutting the door behind her. It took a moment before she noticed the disarray in the living room. The couch was moved, lamps were on the floor shattered and Jax nose was red from stained blood.

"What the hell happen in here?" she whispered noticing Nina nursing.

"She has a key? I'm the father and I don't get a key!" Jax was getting upset. He didn't want to lose Nina. Yes it started out as a one night stand but it developed into much more. Nina had this pull on him. He loved his wife and his boys and could not imagine his life without them but now he could not imagine his life without Nina and Lily.

"You have a key to a household already." Gemma replied snarky referring to his home with Tara.

"You don't need a key Jax." Nina said as Lily finished nursing. Nina closed up her nursing bra and button up her blouse as Jax just sat on the couch and stared at her in disbelief.

"Gemma you want to burp her?"

"No I can burp her." Jax countered.

Nina was not kicking him out of her life. He was going to be there for his daughter and he will have her as well. Nina carefully placed Lily in Jax's arms, he gently placed her against his chest and lightly patted her back.

"Anyone going to tell me what happen to the place." Gemma asked as she grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen to pick up the broken glass pieces from the lamps. Nina slowly got up to help her. It did not go unnoticed by Gemma how Nina was walking.

"It was nothing." Nina lied. Gemma saw right through her.

"We will talk later." She told Nina.

Nina and Gemma straighten the living room while Jax went into Nina's bedroom to rock Lily to sleep.

"Did he force himself on you?" Gemma asked once Jax was in Nina's room. Nina did not know how to answer. Was it rape when she was in love with him and she had one of the most intense orgasms she had ever experience. She felt ashamed. Gemma got her answer from Nina's face.

"I'm going to kill him!" Gemma hissed the memory of her rape flooding back in her mind. Nina grabbed Gemma's arm to get her attention.

"But I came Gemma." She whispered shamefully.

"That doesn't matter…by the way the place looked and his face you put up one hell of a fight so that means you didn't want it. I raised him better than that. He knows better." Gemma could not believe her son would force himself on Nina. Gemma had no qualm as to who her son was. He was a man of violence but toward a woman he claims to care for.

"Don't say anything Gemma. He feels bad about it. It won't happen again."

"You are such a fool in love girl. Stop letting him walk all over you."

"I'm not Gemma." Nina said defensively. "I told him that he could be in Lily's life but not mine."

Gemma chuckled God she was so naïve. Nina can say all she wants to Jax but when Jax wants something, he gets it and it was obvious by what happen between them earlier.

Jax kissed Lily's little lips and placed her in the basinet. She was fast asleep. He walked out into the living room and felt tension in the air. Gemma dropped her trash bag, walked up to Jax, and slapped him.

"How dare you force yourself on her?!"

Oh God! Didn't Nina just tell her not to say anything.

"I did not raise a man to rape women! How could you Jackson?"

Jax saw the look of hurt and anger in his mom's eyes and he knew where it stemmed from.

"Mom I did not mean to hurt Nina. I cherish her….I promise it will never happen again." Jax felt awful. He managed to hurt his mom also. What the hell was going on with him? How could he have let his emotions take control and disregard Nina's feelings? How was he going to make it up to her?

"Is Lily asleep?" Nina asked.

"Yeah." Jax walked up to Nina and grabbed her hand. "Nina please forgive me. I swear I will never do anything again to hurt you." Jax pulled Nina into a hug and Nina hugged him back. She knew she looked weak to Gemma but she wanted things to go smoothly with Jax, as he was Lily's father. She however was going to stand by her word and not sleep with him and be second in his life. She was going to prove to Gemma and Jax that she was becoming stronger and can be her own woman.

Nina looked at her phone and sighed. Jax was blowing up her phone. She had been busy the past few weeks with Lily's doctor appointments and trying to get her financial aid straighten out so she could take a few online classes to start back on her degree. The past couple of days they were missing each other calls. She was happy that he was making time for his daughter but it baffled Nina as how he had the time. According to Gemma, him and Tara had supposedly worked things out so how did he have the time to come over at least three to four times a week. Not that she was complaining as he was great with Lily and Nina never got tired of taking pictures of father and daughter. Jax was always beaming when he was with Lily and it showed in every picture she took.

Nina had held steadfast whenever Jax visit and kept her distance. She busied herself around the house while he spent time with his daughter. She had a few moments of weakness whenever he did come in close contact with her and she smelled his scent and when he looked at her with his beautiful blue eyes. She knew he was seducing her little by little each time he was over. It was like a game of cat and mouse. He was the cat and she was the mouse trying hard to get away.

She nearly pounced on him however whenever Lily has spit up on his shirt and he took it off so she could wash it. Seeing his board, muscular chest sent Nina into a tailspin. Noticing her reaction in seeing his naked chest, Jax placed Lily in her baby bouncing seat, walked up behind her as she started the washer to wash his shirt along with a few of her and Lily's clothes. He pressed up against her and rubbed her hips. Nina sighed as she felt the heat rush to her core. She almost arched her ass up on his obvious hard erection. His hand began to play with her waistband of her pants as he nuzzled his nose in her neck.

"Jax." She breathed in protest.

"Do you want me to stop? All you have to do is say the word. I won't force myself on you again." He whispered in her ear.

Nina swallowed hard and finally said no. Jax instantly backed away and Nina found her body pulsating with ache for him. Jax walked to the couch and sat down shirtless. Nina smiled to herself that she was triumph against his advances. Nina made a note to herself to buy him some t-shirts to have at the house so if there were another accident he would not have to go shirtless while she washed his shirt.

The phone stopped ringing with Jax leaving his third message for the day. Nina would have to call him later she was giving Nina a sponge bath. Putting Lily in an onesie she kissed her cheeks and sat her in the baby bouncer when there was a knock at the door. Nina looked through the peephole and saw Tara Knowles Teller at her door.

What the fuck!

Nina cracked the door open. "Can I help you?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"We have nothing to talk about." Nina snapped.

"Yes we do. I won't be long." Tara looked past Nina and saw Lily asleep in her bouncy seat.

"Wow she has gotten so big." Tara said in amazement.

"You have five minutes." Nina open the door to let Tara in and ushered her to the couch. Tara could not take her eyes off Lily.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Are you still sleeping with Jax?" she asked bluntly. Nina sighed. She did not have time for this bullshit.

"No. I am not. I don't seek Jax out. I am focusing on raising my child."

"But he does come and see you and the baby?" Tara asked gazing at Lily again.

"Yes….he is the father. Why are you here? Aren't you guys still together. I'm not doing anything to get in the way of your marriage."

"Your very existence is getting in the way of my marriage." Tara retorted. Nina looked at Tara and felt kind of sorry for her.

"What done is done and Lily and I are here but I am not trying to break up your marriage. Jax loves you not me."

"You love him though don't you?"

"No." Nina lied and Tara saw through it.

"Yes you do."

Nina shook her head. "Tara it does not matter how I feel. He is with you not me. What do you want from me? I am not pursuing him. He just visits his daughter and I am not even the room half the time."

"He has changed and is not the same. We may be together but we are not cohesive. He is distant."

Nina was trying to rack her brain as to why she should give any fucks.

"Not to sound insensitive but that is not my problem. Looks like something you need to work out with your husband."

Nina and Tara was startled by a frantic knock at the door.

"Jesus!" Nina hissed. She really wanted to take a nap while Lily was asleep. She open the door to an agitated looking Jax.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Nina asked as he barged in the apartment. He stopped short in the living room. Nina shut the door, turned around, and gasped. Tara had picked up Lily out of her bouncer and was holding her.