Hello! I'm back with a new chapter. I would like to thank all of the people who reviewed my first chapter. You made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Hope ya'll like this one!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so don't sue me. (It's not like you'd get anything anyway, seeing as how I'm broke.)

Lord of the Ringlets

a.k.a. The Squishabug Chronicles

Chapter 2: In Which a Crazy Council Is Held

One week later the members of the Fellowship began gathering in Mirkwood. Arwen and Aragorn arrived with Eowyn and Faramir (who was filling in for Boromir.) Gimli came a few minutes later. But the hobbits were nowhere to be seen. Elrond didn't care; he was ready to get this stupid thing over and done with. Legolas insisted however, urging them to wait a few more minutes. He had come prepared with a pack of Uno cards to pass the time. They were just beginning their fourteenth game (Aragorn, the Uno champion of Gondor, was not allowed to play, seeing as he had one the previous eleven games) when the sound of drunken voices could be heard wafting over the hill. Everyone snapped to attention, recognizing Merry and Pippin. The two hobbits came stumbling along, holding large mugs of fine Shire ale in their small hands. Sam came walking sheepishly behind them, looking rather embarrased at his fellow hobbits' antics. Merry and Pippin were nearing the end of a drinking song of their own composition, a little ditty about ducks and porn stars, when they realized everyone staring at them. Immediatley sobered by Elrond's icy glare, the hobbits took their seats. Although Frodo and Gandalf were absent, now residing in the Grey Havens, the Council decided to proceed anyway. Elrond has just opened his mouth to speak when a purple jumbo jet with gold accents appeared over the top of the trees and came to land on top of the Mirkwood McDonald's, squishing a few random elves in the process. Everyone didn't know what to think of this sight. (Which wasn't surprising, considering no one in Middle-earth had ever seen a jet before. Most of them flew Eagle Airlines. A lucky few sometimes caught a ride on a dragon.) All present at the Council held their breath as the door on the plane slowly opened...and out stepped Frodo, dressed to the nines. He was wearing shiny black shoes (a hobbit wearing shoes?) and a black pimp suit with red pinstipes. This ensemble was completed by a black fedora with a red silk ribbon and a snazzy pimp cane. Behind Frodo stood a tall Elvish woman with flowing blond hair. She was wearing a red tube top, a dangerously short black leather miniskirt with black fishnets, and red stiletto heels that look as if they could be used as lethal weapons.

"Ya'll like my pimp jet!" Frodo asked entusiastically. Everyone just stared.

"PIMP JET!" exclaimed a shocked Sam, finally breaking the silence. What had Mister Frodo come to, he wondered.

"Yeah", replied Frodo, twirling his cane as he descened the plane's steps. The blond elf obidiently followed. "I'm the Gray Havens pimp now, and this is my 'ho, Linda." He pointed to the blond elf, who was twirling a strand of hair around one of her well-manicured fingers and giggling. Sam was completely stunned.

"I hate two break up this beautiful reunion between best friends", said Aragorn, approaching the two hobbits. "But I have to ask you something Frodo. Where is Gandalf? The Fellowship just wouldn't be complete without him."

"Oh, he's still on the plane. GANDALF!" Gandalf stepped into the doorway. He looked as he had never looked before. Instead of the long white robes everyone had become accustomed to after his transformation from the Grey to the White were replaced by tight black leather pants and a tight rainbow tank top. It was quite a disturbing sight. Behind Gandalf stood a man in gray slacks and a black turtleneck. He brought to mind visions of an elite NYC hairstylist.

"Who is that?" Aragorn asked.

"Oh this is my partner Steve. He is the Grey Haven hairstylist. And he gives a mean massage," said Gandalf proudly.

"Partner?" Aragorn inquired. "You mean like business partner?"

"No. I mean like bed partner!" replied Gandalf.

"Okay, I did NOT need to hear that!" Aragorn said, a look of disgust on his face.

"Well, you asked!" replied Gandalf defensively.

"Maybe he should have been called Gandalf the Gay!" Pippin observed. Everyone turned to look at the stupid hobbit. Elrond rolled his eyes at the Took's unessecary comment. He was getting a migraine from all the ridiculousness.

"If you don't have any more freakshows packed into that plane, I would like to get on with this stupid council." said Elrond, more than a little annoyed. Everyone sat back down in their seats and waited for the proceedings to begin. Legolas came foward, ready to present his case.

"On the evening of the 24th of September in the year 5 of the 4th Age of Middle-earth,the fearsome Spiders stolea great treasure from the hallowed halls of the Palace of Mirkwood," Legolas intoned solemnly. All present sat on the edge of their seats, wondering what great treasure had been taken from the Elven prince. With baited breath they waited for Legolas to continue telling his story.

"This treasure has great meaning to me," Legolas continued. "It essential to my status as the prettiest being in Middle-earth. It is my belo..."

"Wait just a minute," Aragorn interuppted. "But Arwen is the prettiest being in Middle-earth. Duh."

"It's true. Sorry Legolas," Arwen said modestly.

"Are not," countered Legolas.

"Are too," Arwen shot back.

"Are not"

"Are too"

"Are not"

"Are too"

"SHUT UP!" Elrond shouted, promptly silencing all present. "It dosen't matter whose prettier. Legolas, just tell them what you've lost so we can get on with the Council." Legolas, who was busy giving Arwen the evil eye, immediately forgot his anger at the chance to rescue his beloved shampoo.

"Anyway," Legolas started, "as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, the treasure that was stolen was my beloved bottle of..."

"Ale?" Pippin inquired in a drunken voice.

"No Pippin!" the whole Council shouted. "Fool of a Took." Gandalf was heard saying under his breath.

"Oh, okay." Pippin said, as he grabbed a piece of lembas bread and stuffed the whole thing into his mouth. "Please continue Legolas," he said, crumbs falling out of his mouth and onto Frodo's shiny pimp shoes.

"Hey! Watch the shoes Pippin!" Frodo said. "These are Neiman Marcus! High dollar stuff!" He began to whack Pippin upside the head with his pimp cane.

"For the last time," Legolas said, "the treasure that somebody stole was my beloved bottle of Pantene!"

"Okay," said Faramir. "What do you want us to do about it?"

"Rescue it of course!" Legolas shouted. Didn't Faramir understand the seriousness of the situation?

"Why don't you just go to Wal-Mart and buy a new bottle?" Aragorn asked.

"It wouldn't be the same!" said Steve the Grey Havens hairstylist, taking the words right out of Legolas' mouth. "I propose that we embark on this quest."

"Well it's stupid, but we haven't got anything better to do." said Aragorn. "Besides, it would be kind of fun to squish some Spiders. I'm in."

"I'll go too. I want to beat something with my pimp cane anyway." said Frodo

"I'll show Legolas that dwarve don't need girly shampoo to kick some major ass! I'm in!" Gimli exclaimed.

The others all agreed to join the quest, and with that they were off to go to war against spiders and oily hair!