Hello, everybody. I'm back with a new chapter. This one is the most random yet, so be prepared. I've been working on my James Bond fanfic, and should have the first chapter posted soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own any companies, franchises, or characters (with the exception of Linda and Steve). Don't sue me.

Lord of the Ringlets

a.k.a. The Squishabug Chronicles

Chapter Three: In Which There Is AStupid Shopping Trip

Mirkwood Mall was widely considered to be the best shopping destination north of Rohan. The Fellowship decided that they could take time out of their busy schedule for a quick trip to the mall. At the entrance to the large shopping center, the Fellowship split up, agreeing to meet back up at the food court in two hours' time. Eowyn, Arwen, and Linda made a beeline for Hecht's, but Steve refused to go, insisting that mall department stores were to lowbrow for him; he only shopped at overpriced designer boutiques. He and Gandalf went to Abercrombie and Fitch to look around. They weren't looking at clothes, however. Those Abercrombie and Fitch guys were hot! Pippin and Merry spied a bar down the hall a little ways, and they dragged Sam in that direction. Frodo began to walk in the direction of Victoria's Secret to find something for Linda, and Aragorn and Faramir went to duke it out at the arcade. Legolas and Gimli were left standing at the entrance way. A few fangirls spotted Legolas and ran screaming in his direction. Gimli would not let Legolas get all the fangirls' attention. He was going to show the Elven prince just how sexy he could be.

Frodo was walking out of Victoria's Secret (he had gotten Linda a very sexy black lace thong and bra set) when he passed a mirror in the window. Was that a small scratch on the lens of his pimp shades? This would simply not do. He had to replace his sunglasses immediately. Luckily, there was a sunglasses store just across the way. Frodo walked into the shop and began looking at the store's selection of Ray Bans. Also in the store were Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity. They had just bought new leather trench coats, and were now getting new sunglasses to match. Neo spotted Frodo. He was impressed by this midget in a pimp suit. He apparently had some talent to be pimpin' so awesomely. He kneeled and looked Frodo straight in the eye.

"I don't know how you do it man, but I've never seen anyone pimp as awesomely as you. Take my ultra-sexy Ray Bans as a humble gift," Neo said solemnly to Frodo.

"Freakin' sweet!" Frodo shouted. Neo's glasses were certainly the sexiest he'd ever seen. While Frodo was pleased with this exchange, Trinity was not. How dare Neo pay attention to anyone but her? She proceeded to angrily hit Neo with her purse. Morpheus was happy to ignore this little lovers' spat. His eyes wandered to the entrance of the large Barnes and Noble across the hall. That was when he noticed Elrond exiting the store.

"Neo, Trinity! It's Agent Smith disguised as an elf! Let's go get him!" The three ran across the hall to the bookstore, and commenced to assault poor Elrond with slow motion kung fu moves. Frodo left Elrond to his fate, and went to find Linda.

At about the same time in another section of the mall, Legolas and Gimli were continuing their fangirl contest.

"I've got two already!" Gimli announced triumphantly.

"I've got seventeen," Legolas replied nonchalantly. At that time, triplets ran up and began worshiping Legolas. Gimli looked in horror at this event. Legolas looked smugly in the dwarf's direction.

"Well, that still only counts as one!" Gimli retorted.

Faramir and Aragorn walked out of the arcade, ready to look for their wives. Aragorn was dejected; Faramir had whupped him in air hockey 57-1. Aragorn may be the Gondor Uno champion, but nobody could touch Faramir when it came to air hockey. On their way to find Arwen and Eowyn, the guys passed the bar where they had last seen Merry and Pippin. The hobbits were now dancing around like idiots. Pippin had his pants on his head and was flapping his arms like a chicken while Merry played an old hobbit ballad on a kazoo. Poor Sam stood there banging his head on the wall. Aragorn rolled his eyes and went to retrieve the hobbits.

"How many pints of ale have you had?" Aragorn demanded of Merry.

"Only one or two," Merry replied. Good, Aragorn thought. Maybe their ridiculous behavior could be attributed to stupidity rather than drunkenness.

"Dozen," Pippin piped up.

"What?" Aragorn inquired, at the same time knowing that he would probably regret asking.

"One or two…dozen," Pippin said, "each." Upon hearing that, Aragorn let out a scream of frustration that could be heard all the way in Minas Tirith.

Arwen, Eowyn, and Linda had looked at pretty much every store in the mall worth looking at and between the three of them had bought 14 shirts, 8 pairs of pants, 6 skirts, 4 purses, 11 dresses, and 26 pairs of shoes. All in all, it had been a good day. The girls were now debating where to go for lunch when they ran into Aragorn and Faramir, dragging the hobbits behind them. Gandalf and Steve followed soon after, still munching on the popcorn they had gotten at the theater.

"Brokeback Mountain is the best movie ever!" Steve said excitedly. "That Jake Gyllenhaal is really hot!"

Legolas and Gimli walked up as well. The final total for the fangirl contest stood thusly: Legolas: 283, Gimli: 4.

Frodo returned as well, deep in conversation with James Bond Lando Calrissian, and Lucius Malfoy, all of whom he had met in at Pimp Camp.

Now that the Fellowship was back together, they could continue on their quest. After a quick bite to eat at Applebee's, they once again embarked on their mission to find the sacred shampoo.