Dedicated to: the one that will never know how much my heart belongs to him…
6) Tourniquet
He had thought about killing himself a few times. No one understood. No one knew why he was suddenly so afraid of himself. No one remembered how close the raven-haired teen had come to loosing everyone he ever cared about. Clockwork had erased their memories. But he remembered, and it scared him. He felt he was a danger to himself and everyone around him, and he had no one to confide in. No one would believe him. He was alone…
The blue-eyed teen stared down at his bloodied wrists. One of them would find him soon. Jazz would probably try to shove some psychology lingo down his throat as she drove him to the hospital. If it was his parents, his mom would be crying, and his dad would think it had something to do with ghosts. The teen smiled a little as he thought about how right his dad really was. It was something to do with ghosts, but it wasn't just any ghost. It was him; he was the ghost. Part ghost, part normal teenager. And one that almost went evil at that.
If Sam and Tucker found him…well, they'd probably try to talk him into telling them what was wrong as they called 9-1-1 and his psychiatrist. He had his own shrink now; he'd been to rehab at least six times. He just couldn't open up to these people, and he'd told his friends that. The shrink would just think he was crazier, and he easily escaped rehab thanks to his ghost powers. He closed his eyes; breathing was slowly becoming more difficult as his body began to shut down. It wouldn't be long until he collapsed.
i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
(so much more)
i lay dying
and im pouring crimson regret and betrayal
He looked up as someone knocked on his door. "Danny?" It was Sam. "Your parents said you were here…"
He turned away. She would eventually open the door, and the same scene that played with every attempt would play again. Why wouldn't they all just let him die? Didn't they know they'd be happier without him? If only they knew what his future was supposed to be. If only they really knew how close he'd been to becoming that evil creature they'd fought…
"Danny?" The door opened, and an ebony-haired teen entered the room. She gasped as her lilac eyes fell upon the bleeding teen sitting in the center of the room, staring into nothing. "Oh, Danny," she whispered, walking to his side.
She knelt beside him, taking out a handkerchief and gently dabbing at his bleeding wrists. She wrapped it tightly around his left wrist, ignoring his wince. She removed another and wrapped it around the other wrist. It wouldn't last long, but it would last long enough for her to try to reach him.
"Danny, talk to me," she gently begged.
"You don't understand," he muttered. "None of you understand."
"Of course we can't understand. You won't say what it is." She sighed as he turned away, setting her hand on his shoulder. "Danny, I know you better than anyone. Please talk to me."
He turned back to her, tears shining in his ice-blue eyes. "Talking won't fix this! You don't understand!"
i'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost
"But I want to understand! You don't seem to understand either, Danny!" She grabbed his shoulders roughly when he moved to turn away from her again. "There are people here that love you, Danny! They don't want you to die!"
"That's why I have to die!" he shot back.
"What? That doesn't make any sense!"
"I told you."
"Why do you have to die, Danny? What terrible thing have you done that requires your blood?"
"It's what I haven't done," he mumbled, looking down.
"This is about Dan Phantom, isn't it?" she whispered. The suicidal teen simply nodded. "You're afraid you're still going to become that…"
He took a deep breath. "You don't remember because Clockwork erased your memory, but you almost died." He looked up. "All of you nearly did."
"But don't you see, Danny? You saved us. You're not going to become him. You chose to give the answers back."
He smiled a little, the first smile she'd seen on his face in month. "Yeah, I guess I did." He sighed, and the smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. "Still, there might be other opportunities, or maybe Dan Phantom will escape."
"There are still choices you can make, Danny." She blinked back tears as she looked down at the now red handkerchief's. She need to get him out of here soon, and she hadn't changed his mind at all. "Danny, please, you can't die."
my god, my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my god, my tourniquet
return to me salvation
He said nothing, closing his eyes. It was difficult to talk now. Maybe if Sam kept trying to change his mind, he'd actually succeed this time. His eyes snapped open as Sam wrapped her arms around him, setting her head on his shoulder. That was unusual paper for her.
Sam felt she didn't have a choice. If she didn't tell him now, she might not have a chance later. She felt tears fall from her eyes onto Danny's shirt, but for the first time, she didn't really care. She didn't care if he saw her cry. This would just show him. He might be trying to kill the pain by killing himself, but he was only bringing more pain to those around him.
"Sam, you're crying," he whispered in a surprised tone.
Sam had never been one for crying. She was always the strong one in their group. Guilt hit him hard as Sam said nothing, a muffled sob escaping her as she buried her face in his shoulder.
"You can't die, Danny," she said finally.
"Why not?" he asked again. Why wasn't she trying to save him? Why was she wasting all this time talking to him?
"Because I love you, Danny," she choked out," more than you think, and I want you to live."
He was stunned into silence then shut his eyes as he struggled against unconsciousness. "Sam," he managed. "I…I…"
do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
will you forget me
"Danny?" Sam gasped as he suddenly fell against her, barely breathing. "No, Danny, please! You have to hold on!" She heard the door downstairs open and close, took a deep breath, and screamed, "Somebody help me!"
Sam bit, kicked, and fought her way into riding in the ambulance with Danny. She wasn't going to let him go; she was going to keep talking to him, hoping he could talk to her. He needed to hang on; he needed to live. She needed him. Didn't he know that? She sat beside him, brushing his hair from his pale face as the paramedics worked on stitching up his wrists.
She choked on a sob as Danny flat-lined, and the paramedics pushed her out of the way to restart his heart. "You can't leave me!" she screamed at the now technically dead teen. "You can't leave me! Don't you understand? I love you! You can't die, Danny!"
She watched with bated breath as Danny's heart started up again. The pulse was weak and the paramedic shouted at the driver to speed it up. Sam stepped slowly forward as they returned to stitching his wrists. She ruffled his hair, tears falling from her eyes. How long would he last?
Sam didn't know if she should go into his room once the doctor had announced he was ready for visitors. She was suddenly feeling nervous and really shy. What if he didn't feel the same? What if he was mad at her for trying to talk him into living and then telling him something like that? Her head was a whirlwind of thoughts.
i'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost
Danny was awake when his parents, Jazz, and Tucker walked into his hospital room. "Hey, guys," he said hoarsely.
Maddie was sniffling but tried to smile for her son's sake. "Oh, sweetie, I'm glad you're okay."
"Don't worry, Mom. This was the last time," he promised. He hesitated then said, "Where's Sam?"
"Right here." Said goth girl walked in just then, not meeting Danny's piercing gaze.
He looked up at his parents who mutely nodded and ushered Jazz and Tucker out of the room. This only seemed to heighten Sam's anxiety. He motioned for her to sit beside him. They were silent for a moment, Sam absently rubbing the sheet on Danny's hospital bed while Danny struggled to gather his thoughts.
"I heard you," he said finally, stopping her hand by setting his on top of it.
Her heart skipped a beat as she stared at his hand on top of hers. "Wh-what do you mean?"
"I mean everything. When we were in the ambulance, after I lost consciousness…" A light blush crept over his cheeks. "When you said you loved me."
She blushed too, looking away from their hands. "I shouldn't have said it," she said quickly.
"You didn't mean it?" He sounded hurt, making her heart wrench.
my god, my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my god, my tourniquet
return to me salvation
"O-of course I did. It's just…it'll ruin our friendship."
"Oh." He withdrew his hand, looking away from her.
"Danny—"
"You were right, Sam," he said, his voice harsh in her ears. "Maybe I don't understand. Or maybe you're the only that doesn't understand."
"Danny, I only said that because I thought you didn't feel the same. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by making us awkward around each other for something I should've never said. I just didn't think you felt the same." Sam started thinking maybe Danny really was clueless when it came to things like this.
"I'm alive, aren't I?" His voice was softer, and she looked up, meeting his ice-blue gaze. "You told me I had to live. I love you too, Sam."
They shared a smile then they kissed. Things were going to change, and maybe the two shy teenagers would get used to the new dimension on their friendship.
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied
christ, tourniquet
my suicide
A/N: Well, in the first place, it took me forever to think up anything for this song, and in the second it took a few rewrites to get the ending exactly how I wanted it. Even this isn't what I had planned at first. I hope you all enjoy, and please review.