Misconduct: Chapter 13

By: The Confused One

A/N: Well, this is it folks. This is the last chapter. I decided to make it all fit. Hopefully, you'll like the ending. Let me know. Please.

Walking into his apartment, Bobby gasped slightly. He could still smell the perfume Alex had worn the night before. He closed his eyes and remembered walking to his bedroom with her. Putting his things down on couch, he followed his memories. Staring at the bed, he crawled into the bed, where she had been. Taking in her scent that still lingered, he broke down and cried.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Bobby sat on his bed staring at the pictures he had of her, including the one he had taken from her apartment. The diary sat to his side. He jumped when someone banged on the front door. Irritated, he yelled, "Go away!"

The voice outside yelled back, "I'm not going anywhere till you let me in, Robert Goren!"

He closed his eyes and cursed himself. He had yelled at Karen Eames. He had yelled at Alex's mother. He finally got up and went to the door. He opened it up and apologized, "I'm sorry."

It had been three days, and Karen had decided she was going to have to make Bobby talk to her. She almost gasped at the sight of him. It was obvious that he hadn't slept since he had come home. He was still in the same blood stained clothes he had been in when she had seen him at the hospital, and he smelled quite ripe. His usual stubble was becoming a full beard. She deduced from those things he hadn't eaten either. Shaking her head, she pushed in past him. She explained, "We need to talk, but you march into your room and take a shower and change first. I'll have food waiting."

It was then that it occurred to Bobby to look down at his clothes. For the first time he noticed the blood. He could only wonder why he hadn't noticed it before. With a nod, he wordlessly marched into his bathroom. He wasn't going to argue with Karen Eames, and he most definitely now knew he didn't want to stay in these clothes.

It took almost an hour, but Bobby finally made his way out of his bedroom. He was clean, shaven, and in new clothes. Karen nodded her approval and placed a plate that had a grilled cheese sandwich and chips on it in front of him when he sat down. Pouring him some orange juice, she finally spoke, "I want to talk about Alex."

Bobby slowly broke his sandwich apart. He noticed the hand putting the juice down. He might be, momentarily, in the real world again, but he wasn't hungry. He knew he needed to eat, and he made an effort, but he didn't feel the hunger. He felt nothing really. He deliberately kept from looking at Karen. He finally mumbled, "Alright."

Karen eyed him warily. She was extremely worried. She ventured forward, "Some decisions still need to be made. I want you involved."

Bobby finally looked up and met her eyes. He was surprised and confused that she was asking. He finally asked, "Why?"

Karen sat down, across from him, now. She was irritated and explained, "She loved you. You loved her. We don't want to push you out, and absolutely no one blames you for this but you. A lot of people are hurting here, not just you. It helps though to know you're not alone. It helps to be with people who cared too. Please, stop hiding from us. Come stay with John and I."

Bobby sighed and looked back down at his food. He finally replied, "I don't know what I could do."

Karen nodded. He sidestepped her offer. She knew what that meant. She let it drop and focused on what he was willing to talk about, "We set the funeral for tomorrow at ten am at the old St. Catherine's Church. We want you to speak, if you want to."

Bobby met her eyes again. He wanted to honor Alex. He decided he had to do it. He nodded slowly and agreed, "Yeah, I can do that."

Karen nodded. She accepted his words and continued, "We are going to go through her apartment in a couple of days. You should come. She'd want you to have things."

Bobby swallowed some of his sandwich. He momentarily debated telling her about the picture and the diary. He finally admitted, "I went to her apartment after I left the hospital. I already took a couple of things."

Karen nodded slightly. She knew he hadn't taken anything she'd object to him having. It was something she just knew. She pushed him to come though, "Come anyway. There may be something else. Please."

Bobby took a deep breath and swallowed a chip. He agreed, "OK."

Karen, relieved, replied, "Good."

Bobby stared at his food again. He was feeling guilty and the need to explain, "It was a picture and her diary."

Karen was slightly surprised. She had forgotten Alex kept a diary. After a moment, she found her courage and asked, "Can I see her diary?"

Bobby stopped. He wasn't sure about that. He wasn't sure he wanted her to see it. He was embarrassed by what he did. He just knew she'd find the entry he had added. Meeting her eyes, he saw her need to see it. He sighed and nodded. He quickly went to retrieve it from his bed.

Handing it to her, he replied, "It was almost full."

Karen nodded. She absently flipped to where Bobby least wanted her to go to, the end. She was startled to see handwriting that wasn't Alex's. Looking at Bobby, she realized from how he had his head down and the embarrassment on his face that he had written it.

It was dated the day she died,

I thought her diary needed an ending. Alex died this afternoon, from a bullet meant from me. The psychotic who shot her was out to get me. I'll never forgive myself.

I guess I should write about her last couple of days. She never had the chance. Deakins and Alex went to see Hensley and Huffines. They played them the tape. When Alex and I were at breakfast, Hensley told us I was getting off on the charges.

Thinking I was brilliant, I invited her over that night. She did paperwork all day. She always hated paperwork. I served duck, and we finally talked. I told her that I loved her, and she said she loved me. They were words I never thought I'd hear from her. I'll always love her. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. It was the most perfect evening I've ever had. She was happy. We ended up in my bed.

We woke up together once. I convinced her we had to face the world. We went for breakfast. Hensley, the psychotic, saw us. She was wearing the same thing she had worn the day before. He lost it and shot her, then himself. Nothing will ever be the same.

Karen looked at Bobby, who was trying to focus on his food. She touched his shoulder and whispered, "It will get easier, for all of us."

Bobby shook his head. Meeting her eyes again, he was honest, "Not for me. She's a part of me. Losing her has ripped me in half."

Karen closed his eyes and took his hand. She tried to comfort him, "She'll always be apart of you. She'll always be with all of us. What would she say right now, if she were here?"

Bobby smiled for what was probably the first time that day. He answered, "In so many words, she'd tell me she loved me, but I can't hide in my apartment. It wasn't my fault. I have to take care of myself, and I have to move on."

Karen took her hand off his and nodded. She knew he was right. She was relieved to see he was clear headed enough to know that. She was about to speak when someone knocked on the door.

Bobby sighed and got up. Opening the door, he was surprised to see Dennis. Just looking at him, Bobby could feel the rage and pain bubbling inside him. He almost liked it. It was one of the first times he had truly felt much of anything in days. He began to slam the door in Dennis' face, saying, "I never ever want to see you again."

Dennis stopped the door. He understood and figured he probably shouldn't be there, but he couldn't help himself. He spoke quickly, "I realize I'm the last person you want to see right now, but this isn't a social visit." Dennis was relieved to see Bobby stop. Seeing the confusion, he continued on, "Brier and Lincoln have this case. I heard they were coming by, and I asked to come with them. I'm extremely sorry Goren. There are no words to describe how horrible I feel about what happened. If you need any help with these guys, you can come to me. I'll back up whatever you want me to say about Greg. Just let me know. I'm not staying. I promise. I'll let them know they can come up now."

Bobby stood in shock. Dennis Huffines wasn't just offering to lie for him, was he? Shaking the notion Bobby mentally tried to prepare himself to get grilled. He had forgotten Karen was even there till she asked, "Who was that?"

Without looking back, Bobby choked back his anger. He curtly answered, "IA. Detective Dennis Huffines. He and his partner investigated the whole Jennifer Irving thing. It was his partner…"

Karen listened as Bobby trailed off. She choked back her own anger. She could guess the rest of the sentence. She wanted to go yell at Dennis herself when two more detectives appeared at the open door. She watched as Bobby stayed standing, almost guarding his door. One of the detectives introduced himself, "I'm detective Bryer, and this is my partner Detective Lincoln."

Bobby silently nodded and moved to let them in. He finally looked at Karen and suggested, "I'll be OK. You don't need to hear this. You should go home and be with John. I won't be late to the funeral."

Karen looked him over and decided he was right. She sighed, grabbed her things, nodded, and left.

Turning his attention back to the two detectives, he explained, "That was her mother. She came by to let me know when the funeral was and to check on me."

Lincoln nodded. Sitting down, he got down to business, "It's fine. We have some questions about what happened."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Bobby closed the door and stumbled to his liquor cabinet. That was when the phone rang. Angrily he picked it up, "Goren."

Deakins quickly replied, "I wanted to warn you. I couple of IA guys are headed to your place."

Bobby closed his eyes and sighed. Looking at the closed and locked front door, he agitatedly replied, "Little late."

Deakins leaned back in his chair and groaned. He apologized, "I'm sorry Bobby. I didn't mean for them to surprise you like that."

Bobby waved dismissively. He poured a glass of vodka and replied, "Its fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bobby hung up the phone and gulped down some of the vodka. Putting down the glass, he headed to his room. He just wanted to sleep for forever maybe. The phone ringing again earned it a death glare. Picking it up, he angrily answered, "Goren."

Lewis could tell Bobby was definitely not doing well. He took a deep breath and spoke, "I'm sorry Bobby. I just heard."

Bobby closed his eyes and sat down. He took a deep breath and replied, "Thanks Lewis. I'm sorry about... It hasn't been an easy day."

Lewis swallowed. He had been friends with Bobby for a long time, and he knew more about him than most. Lewis didn't think this was fair at all. Alex was one of the few people in Bobby's life who hadn't left on him. Lewis was one of the few others. He tried to respond, "Its fine. Look, how about I bring a couple of cases of beer and we drink till we pass out."

Bobby snorted. As appealing an idea as that was to Bobby, he knew better, "We can't do that Lewis. Her funeral is tomorrow morning at ten at St. Catherine's. I just. I want to go to bed."

Lewis understood exactly. He agreed, "Alright. She was a great woman Bobby. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bobby hung up the phone again. He knew what Lewis had meant by 'see you tomorrow'. Lewis was going to be at the funeral. Bobby surprised himself by being glad. This time he was able to make it to his bed. He crashed and was asleep in minutes.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Bobby was getting ready to leave. The one thing he wasn't going to do was be late to her funeral. Lord knows, he could at least get that right. He hadn't done much else right lately. Opening the door to leave, he was surprised to see Deakins and his wife, Cheryl, standing at the door. Deakins was about to knock. Getting over the surprise, Bobby locked his apartment door and greeted them, "Hi."

Deakins took a deep breath. He was a little relieved. Bobby didn't look as bad as he had feared. Deakins responded in kind, "Hi. We thought you might want to ride with us."

Bobby nodded. He suppressed his inclination to wallow in his pain and push them away. He reminded himself, they're trying to help. He agreed, "Sure." Following them to their car, Bobby decided to pry a little, "You didn't need to do this. I promised Mrs. Eames I'd get there, and I wasn't about to not show."

Getting into the car, Deakins sighed and conceded, "We wanted to make sure you were OK and weren't going to be late. Karen called last night, and after I talked to you, we were worried."

Bobby took a deep breath. He continued to try not to be mad. He tried to point out, "I wasn't going to be late. I can make it to a funeral."

Deakins glanced through the mirror at Bobby. He replied, "Don't do that Bobby. We're just trying to help."

Bobby leaned back in the car and closed his eyes. He relented, "I know. I'm sorry."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Bobby stopped at the doors. Going in meant saying goodbye to Alex. She was really gone. He wasn't sure he was prepared for that. She was never coming back. He'd never see her smile again. He'd never hear her say his name again.

Cheryl, realizing Bobby wasn't with them anymore, turned and faced him. Seeing the look on his face, she hesitated, "Bobby?"

Deakins turned and faced Bobby too. He took control. Walking over to Bobby, he quietly asked, "Can you do this?"

Bobby suddenly looked at Deakins. Realizing what Deakins was asking, he nodded slowly. He could do this. He had to do this. He had no choice. He was going to get through this. She deserved this much, no matter how much pain it caused him. He silently followed Jimmy and Cheryl Deakins into the church.

Looking around, Bobby approved. It was a beautiful church, and it was probably one of the few Bobby hadn't been in for a case or personal reason. He saw Alex's family all huddled together in the middle of the isles. He met Angie's eyes. She walked over and hugged him. She whispered, "We'll get through this."

Bobby nodded. She took his hand and led him to the rest of the family, not noticing Cheryl and Jimmy had taken seats.

It only took a few more minutes before the church started filling up. He recognized most of the people. There were cops from vice, their whole squad, and plenty of personal friends of Alex's. Karen Eames squeezed his hand and led him to a seat beside her. Jake sat on the other side of him.

It was an excruciating hour for Bobby. When it had been his turn to speak, he spoke elegantly but shakily, "Even if I started now, I'd never even begin to cover everything I loved about Alex in this lifetime and possibly any other. I can honestly say she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Both of our lives have had their share of pain. Maybe that's why we worked. We understood each other. We cut each other slack. She was the most patient and understanding person I've… ever met. God knows, I gave her plenty of reasons to leave. She never did. Maybe putting up with me was her greatest accomplishment. She held her own with me. She was better than me. I loved her, and I'm going to miss her for the rest of my life."

Bobby felt like the burial itself seemed to take just as long. He still couldn't believe it was happening. He was really burying Alex. Bobby stood over the casket that was slowly being covered by dirt. He simply stared. He felt like he was probably pretty lucky so far. They hadn't told him to move, yet.

Lewis finally walked up beside Bobby. He had liked Alex a lot, but Bobby had made it clear from the beginning that Alex was off limits. She was his. Lewis had spent the last few years teasing Bobby and threatening to ask her out, just to get the inevitable rise out of his best friend. Lewis finally put his arm around Bobby's shoulder. He wasn't sure if his presence had even registered with Bobby. He was worried about Bobby. Lewis finally spoke, "Come on Bobby. Let's go back to my place."

Bobby shook his head. Then he stood stone still again. He finally whispered, "What am I going to do without her Lewis?"

Lewis stood silent for a moment, searching for the right words. He finally settled with, "You give it a few more days, but then you pick up the pieces Bobby. Go back to work, get back into life. It's what she would want you to do. You can't do anything else. You have to move on and live your life. Take it a day at a time."

Bobby shook his head absently. He closed his eyes and replied, "Maybe. Look, take me to my place Lewis. Please."

Lewis nodded. He wasn't going to argue. He surmised anywhere was probably better than standing in front of her grave indefinitely.

Bobby felt Lewis let go of him. Taking another look at the casket, he turned and followed Lewis to the car.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It had nearly been another month. He had only left the apartment once since the funeral, to go to Alex's apartment with her family. He had taken the Santa mug, some more pictures mostly of them, and a couple of other small things that meant something to him because they had been important to Alex. The only person he let into the apartment anymore was Karen. Even she could only get in every couple of days, which was just about the only time he ate. If she could find his keys, she would have confiscated them already, so no one had to worry about him not letting them in. The super had been no help in this matter. He refused to give them keys, open the door most days, or allow them to break down the door. Everyone's hands were tied there. It wasn't a police investigation, so they couldn't force him to give them access.

Deakins hadn't been able to get him to let him. He had told Bobby he had a new partner lined up for him when he decided to show up, but he needed him to come back soon. Bobby hadn't been interested in listening to too much of it.

Lewis couldn't get in either. He figured Bobby had managed to just about completely shut down. He was terrified they were about to lose him for good. They were all about at their wits ends and ready to bust in and drag him to psych ward for some serious help. No one wanted to do it to him though, but they, obviously, weren't getting through. Something was going to have to be done soon.

It was this way, when Karen Eames banged on the door again. Bobby finally opened it for her. She took his appearance him. She shook her head, very worried. He had lost a huge amount of weight. He was only eating once every other day, when she was there. At least he was taking showers and dressing, it was better than the last few weeks and when she had come to see him a few days after Alex had died.

Bobby sat down at the table and watched her cook. She spoke to him gently, as she started boiling the water for the spaghetti, "You should get out Bobby, got to work. You need to work."

Bobby shook his head. He stared into space and replied, "I can't."

Taking another pot out of his cabinet to start the sauce, Karen took a deep breath. It was the same conversation they had been having for weeks now. She closed her eyes and was determined to figure out why he was being this way, "Why not?"

Bobby managed, "I've told you."

Karen stopped. Turning around, she bent down and took his hands. She shook her head no. Finding his eyes, she replied, "No, Bobby. You really haven't."

Bobby was confused now. He wasn't sure why he had to spell it out. Why did he have to say everything to make them understand? He painfully answered, "She's not there."

Karen nodded. She choked back tears. She gently replied, "Oh Bobby. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Listen to me. She wouldn't want you to live like this. You know this. I know you know this. You have to move on. You get a new partner, and you solve cases. You work. It's what you're meant to do. You're meant to be a cop Bobby. Don't walk away from that."

Bobby nodded absently. With a sigh, Karen let go of his hands. Standing back up, she went back to the stove. She continued to talk, "At very least, you have to start eating Bobby. You're falling apart physically. Everyone's getting extremely worried, including me."

Bobby didn't acknowledge the words. He silently sat. After awhile, he asked, "Everyone is about to do something drastic, aren't they?"

Karen closed her eyes. Turning to face him again, she nodded slowly. She tried to make him understand, "We're afraid for you Bobby. You just. Please try."

Bobby looked away from her. He nodded again. He responded, "I don't go anywhere because there isn't anywhere for me to go."

Karen, exasperated, turned back to the food. She answered, "There are a lot of places for you to go Bobby. There's work, the grocery store, out for a beer with a friend, our house, museums… the list goes on. You just don't want to go. You have to try to shake this depression Bobby. You're hardly functioning."

Bobby sighed. He knew she had a point, but she was wrong about one thing. He promised her, "It's not depression."

Putting a plate of spaghetti in front of him, Karen, confused, asked, "Then talk to me Bobby. What is it?"

Bobby shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it. He couldn't talk about it, not to her. He replied, "I can't."

Karen nodded. She sighed, again and decided to try again in a little while.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Bobby sighed. Crawling into bed, he was somewhat glad she was gone. He didn't have to have someone trying to get him to answer a lot of questions he didn't want to answer. It wasn't long before he fell asleep.

It was sometime in the night when someone sitting down on his bed woke him up. Straining in the dim light, he was confused and totally overwhelmed. He whispered, "Alex?"

She smiled slightly and ran her hands through his hair and replied, "Yeah."

Sitting up, Bobby was even more confused. He tried to say the words, "You're…."

Alex nodded and assured him, "Yeah."

Even more confused, Bobby stuttered, "Then how…."

Alex put her hand to his lips. She touched his cheek, and explained, "That doesn't matter. You're what matters right now. What are you doing to yourself?"

Bobby stopped. He stumbled through an explanation, "I… I don't know."

Alex closed her eyes. Concerned, she kept her voice calm, "My mother was right you know. You're skin and bones. You're letting yourself fall apart. Don't you dare kill yourself over me. You have to start eating. There's still more for you to do here Bobby. Don't throw your life away. We were cheated, that's a given, but its past time to pick up the pieces. Deakins isn't going to be able to give you paid leave, or any leave much longer. You're stronger than this. Don't be afraid to live again. You're not betraying me, us, by getting a new partner. You're not betraying how we felt by living your life again. You're a brilliant cop Bobby. You're too good at your job to give it up. There are other women out there. Meet them. You're not hurting me by doing that, anymore than I was hurting Jack when I was with you. Life moves on, and you have to move with it. If you won't listen to anyone else, please, I'm begging you, listen to me. If you ever loved me, you'll take your life back. You won't forget me. You know this stuff. You're just trying to use it to hide. Stop hiding, please."

Bobby was overwhelmed. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to feel. He started, "Of course I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have protected you."

Alex kissed him to stop him. She shook her head. She touched his cheek again. She replied, "It wasn't your fault. Please, stop blaming yourself. I love you too, but I can't stay. I just. I can't watch you do this to yourself."

Bobby sat up in bed with a start. His heart was racing and his skin was clammy and dripping with sweat. He wandered into the bathroom and took a long shower, trying to calm his nerves.

Staring in the mirror, he desperately tried to shake the images from his mind. Had it been a dream? Something else? Had she come to him? Was she that worried? Really looking himself over in the mirror, he shook his head. She was right. He was starting to see ribs.

Lying back down, his mind still tried to understand it. It had felt too real to be a dream, but he definitely hadn't been awake. What was it? But really, did it matter? The message was more important. He decided he wanted it to be her. It made him feel closer to her, and it made the message more important. It made the message real and that meant everything to him. He was scaring her. He was going to have to fix his life, again. He finally fell asleep again. Tomorrow was going to be a starting over, again.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Deakins sighed. He stared at his paperwork, again. But once again his thoughts were preoccupied by his detective who was basically refusing to leave his apartment. The new detective who was to be Bobby's new partner was starting to get restless. Deakins was beginning not to blame him. He had been here almost a month, and Deakins had been forced to keep him on desk duty and paperwork.

He had his door open, as usual, and the sudden quiet got his attention. Looking up to see why, he nearly had a heart attack. It was Bobby, standing in his doorway. Deakins stood and gestured for Bobby to come in. Bobby dutifully closed the door behind him. Sitting back down, Deakins started, "Hi."

Bobby sat down too with a sigh. He spoke softly, "I'm sorry. I know you've had to pull a lot of strings to keep them from firing me by now."

Deakins eyed Bobby warily. There was something in his eyes. There was a spark of the Bobby he knew, the Bobby that had disappeared when Alex was killed. He dared to hope that Bobby was coming back. He asked, "How are you?"

Bobby took a deep breath. That was definitely not an easy question. He tried to explain, "Let's just say, I've had a wake-up call. She really is gone. I can't keep hiding. I have to keep living."

Deakins stared at Bobby for a long moment before nodding. It was real. Bobby was coming back. He wasn't sure he'd ever know what caused this change, but he was glad to see it. Drastic measures wouldn't be needed after all. He wanted to ease Bobby back into cases. He didn't want to overdo things or go too fast. He pulled out a badge and gun from the bottom drawer of his desk. Handing them to Bobby, he explained, "These are yours. Look, Goren, how about we let you stick to paperwork for a couple of days."

Bobby eyed Deakins carefully. He knew he deserved the worry. He hadn't exactly been Mr. Stability lately. He suggested a middle ground, "If you're worried… I can work just a case or two and work back to my old case load."

Deakins nodded. It was as good a compromise as any, and he knew it wasn't fair to Bobby's new partner to force more desk duty on them. Getting up, he opened his office door and called, "Logan. In here please."

Logan hurried into the room. Eying Bobby carefully, he asked, "You Goren?"

Bobby arched his eyebrows and nodded. He could tell detective Logan was a man's man. That was fine with him. He finally nodded and answered, "Yes. Bobby Goren."

Logan nodded. Shaking Bobby's hand, he replied, "Mike Logan. I'm sorry about detective Eames. Captain gave me her desk. I hope that's OK."

Bobby nodded slightly. Logan seemed decent enough. He could give this a shot. He had to try. Bobby shakily assured him, "Someone had to take her desk."

Deakins pointed to Logan and explained to Bobby, "He helped out on a case. I thought we could give him a shot up here. So, both of you play nice."

Logan looked at Deakins now. He was hopeful, "Does this mean I'm going to get to do something now?"

Bobby smiled. Bobby suddenly definitely felt a little guilty. He realized Logan had probably spent the last few weeks shuffling paper. He spoke for Deakins, "He'll let us know when a case comes up. I. I need to straighten my desk."

Bobby saw Mike nodded and was glad when Mike followed him to their desks. Noticing the quiet, Bobby announced, "I really am OK everyone."

Mike smiled slightly. He watched as Bobby picked up the Santa mug he had deposited on his desk before going into Deakins office. He moved it to its proper place at the edge of the back of his desk. Opening a new pack of pens and pencils, he filled the mug. Mike smiled when Bobby finally looked up and noticed him watching from his chair. Mike finally asked, "All year?"

Bobby smiled slightly. Wagging his finger, he warned, "It was the first thing I ever gave her. Don't ever touch it."

Mike nodded and put his hands up in mock surrender. He'd play by Bobby's rules, for now at least. He'd play ball and maybe they'd get along. He promised, "Don't worry. I don't plan on bothering it. I promise."