Dark Matter Strikes

(A/N: Kirip is my unofficial online name, I sometimes make cameos during the course of this whole remake. I am remaking the series because…A) I need to make the story look much more neater, and B) I sort of forgot how the rest of my story goes, memory lapse and all. /. Been busy with games like Gunbound and Final Fantasy XI (man I need to get my brother to reactivate the account now…) so that's why I couldn't keep my promise of updating the more complete story. Well anyways, I am remaking the whole series with a slightly different style, but it still brings you the humor you know and love.)

Note: Phrases in bold indicate actions like action or ::action::

Chapter 1

On a seemingly peaceful day, Kirby stumbles upon a bloody battlefield in PopStar. He notices all the Waddle Dees that are getting overwhelmed by the shadow forms of them. Kirby wipes his mouth from the food he just ate with a napkin. He throws it aside.

Kirby: (Hmm…where are they coming from?)

Kirby then notices a big dark concentration of energy in the middle of the battlefield.

Kirby: (No…it can't be…)

He glances at the dark figure again, and realizes that his eyes weren't lying to him.

Kirby: (Dark…Matter? He's…back? I thought I already killed him 2 years ago…I guess I have to take care of things the old fashioned way) ::punches his flappy arm into his other flappy arm::

Kirby runs into the battlefield, avoiding all the attempted blows of the shadow Waddle Dees he passes. He screams his battle cry, jumps, and lands in front of Dark Matter.

Dark Matter: Well well well. If it isn't Kirby, the same guy who has defeated me 2 years ago. If you think you can defeat me this time, you are wrong. I have gotten much stronger and have learned much since our last encounter. I…am invincible.

Kirby (angrily shaking his head): HOW ARE YOU BACK WHEN I KILLED YOU?!

Dark Matter: I guess you just weren't thorough enough the last time we fought. Apparently you let a little part of my darkness survive, and then it gathered even more darkness, and then I formed… You have no chance, you lazy bum. ::evilly laughs::

Kirby: No…::grabs head in despair::

Dark Matter: Admit it…your laziness is the reason why I'm here!

Kirby (is now kneeling on the ground): No…! …GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Kirby starts glowing slightly yellow and attempts to deal a mighty blow to Dark Matter with one of his deadly kicking combos. Dark Matter just endures the blows and remains unharmed.

Kirby: … No…this can't be happening!

Dark Matter (gloating): What did I tell you? ::evil grin, even though you can't see it due to the fact that he's all just dark, dark, dark.:: Now it's my turn…meet my trident…of death!

Some of Dark Matter's dark gas suddenly separates itself from his body, and forms a "trident". It was actually a fork. Kirby can't help but start cracking up.

Kirby (rolling on the ground laughing really hard): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You.call.that.a.trident?! PFFT GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH STOP IT YOU'RE KILLING ME HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Dark Matter: What the hell are you laughing about? THIS IS MY TRIDENT OF- ::looks at his "trident" and gasps in horror:: AHH CRAP WRONG ONE!!

Apparently he bought out something else. This "trident" was a fork! A fork that he always ate with. He could not eat without-

Dark Matter: KIRIP! STOP EXPOSING MY SECRET!!!

Kirby (is practically dying from laughing): OH.MY.GOSH. YOU EAT WITH IT TOO? GAHAHAHAHA!! PRICELESS!! ABSOLUTELY FREAKING PRICELESS! XDXDXD ::takes out a digital camera and takes a picture of Dark Matter and his special little fork::

If you must know, the fork was no ordinary fork. It was one of those BABY forks. That's right, you heard me, BABY fork. DECORATED WITH RUBBER DUCKS! Some villain huh?

Dark Matter (is blushing): Damn you Kirip! ::cries::

Kirby is still rolling on the ground laughing. How he doesn't get a sore throat from this is beyond me.

Dark Matter is glowing red from anger right now. He silently makes the fork disappear, and PULLS out from inside him the trident, a very pitch black looking kind of trident with a jewel in the middle of it.

Dark Matter (chanting a spell): (laugh at me will you?) TAKE THIS KIRBY! ::charges up trident::

Beams of darkness form right into the trident. Dark Matter takes careful aim, and shoots a deadly-looking blast at the still-laughing Kirby. Kirby flies out of Popstar from the huge explosion caused by it.

Kirby: ::stops laughing:: HEY! DAMN YOU DARK MATTER! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!

Dark Matter: Yeah right. I'm too powerful now! ::evilly laughs::

Kirby flies off too far to be able to hear Dark Matter now, so he turns around and tries to observe where he was flying. He can breathe in space for…alien reasons? Oo.

Kirby: (Damn that Dark Matter. I swear I will kill him as soon as I get stronger, and if I ever find a way to get back to Popstar.)

5 minutes later…

Kirby has been flying through space at an intense pace for quite a bit of time now, and his back starts to ignite on fire.

Kirby: ::sniffs:: Hey why the hell do I hell smell smoke? And why is it so warm back there? ::looks over his back:: HOLY ---- MY ASS IS ON FIRE!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME! MOMMY!

Another 5 minutes later…

Kirby: My ass…is hurting all over…am I landing-

Kirby flies into a planet called Eart. (Shut up, so I'm being unoriginal here. Bleh.) It was similar to Earth, but it contained many strange beings. He was falling like a meteor, so it looked pretty impressive. Kirby falls into a forest and causes a huge explosion which destroys pretty much the whole forest. A huge crater is now in place of the forest, with Kirby in the middle of it.

Kirby emerges from the crater, unharmed. He was rather a short being, shaped like a ball with arms and shoes. Kirby wore very huge red shoes, how he manages to run with them is beyond me. Big feet? His skin was pink; it was a strange color for him because he was a male. He had 2 small red ovals with his mouth in the center. Kirby's eyes were like narrow vertical ovals colored black and blue, with a white pupil.

Kirby stretches out his arms in a bit of pain. A few minutes later, he randomly says:

Kirby: WHAT KINDA PLANET IS THIS? THERE'S NO SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE HERE! Well, at least not here. And to look on the bright side, no hostile life! .

Kirby decides that he needs to explore the planet. He starts to walk around, looking for any signs of non-hostile life, and maybe some civilization. It was getting pretty dark at this time, causing Kirby to break into a frantic pace. He ran a bit too fast and tripped over a rock; he lands really hard on the ground.

Kirby: OH MY ----ing GOD!! DAMN THE PERSON WHO ----ing INVENTED THESE ----ING THINGS IN THE FIRST place…oops. CRAP!

Kirby realizes he has upset Mother Nature, so a random lightning bolt comes from the sky and hits Kirby.

Kirby: OW!!!!! ::sizzling::

Kirby walks a little more and decides that he needs to rest on the desert ground, thinking it was comfy. He realizes that he was lying on quicksand.

Kirby: ----!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!! AHH!!!! ::panics::

Luckily, the quicksand subsides before Kirby got sucked into it. Kirby decides to sleep now, since it was too dark to see ANYTHING at all.

In the middle of the night, Kirby couldn't sleep. There was a noise that kept him fro sleeping. It was a cricket chirping.

Kirby (in a piercing scream): OMG!! SHUT UP YOU DAMN CRICKET!!!

No good.

Cricket: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

Kirby (with flames in his eyes): STFU YOU ----ING CRICKET!

Still no good.

Cricket: Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

Kirby (getting up): DAMN YOU! DIE ALREADY!!!

Kirby opens his mouth and activates his vacuum ability, causing him to suck things up like a real vacuum cleaner. He searched around the darkness like this for a while, and found the cricket. After he gets the cricket into his mouth, he spits it to the moon. Kirby cheers while the Final Fantasy fanfare theme was playing in the background, and happily falls back to sleep.

Morning…

The sun shone in Kirby's eyes, making him wake up.

Kirby (panicky): AHH!!! It's the APOCOLYPSE!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! ::realizes it was just the sun:: Oh…oops!

Kirby continued on his journey, and found a sign by a bridge.

"Town across this bridge."

Kirby: YES! CIVILIZATION!!!!

Kirby happily started to run across the bridge when suddenly it disappears, and he starts falling down a cliff.

Kirby (falling slowly and screaming his lungs out): HOLY ----! STUPID MIRAGES! ::panics:: Wait a minute, I'm gifted with special powers! ::sucks in the air and becomes twice his size and flies above the cliff to the other side of the "bridge":: Whew…damn mirages.

Kirby continued on, and across a man, who wore a green tunic, which looked a LOT like a dress. This man had sorta crystal-blue eyes, silver tights, elf ears, and blonde hair. Kirby winced. Not knowing the importance of manners, he walks up to him, and:

Kirby: Hey, are you a cross-dresser?

The man gets mad and lashes out at Kirby.

Man: THIS IS A ----ING TUNIC, YOU ASS!

Kirby: Sorry.

Man: It's ok, I get this a lot. Stupid Hyrulian wear. What's your name, ball? My name is Link. ::takes out sword to pose and accidentally cuts down a tree:: Oops.

Kirby: Hi Link. My name is Kirby. ::poses also::

As soon as Kirby finished his sentence the tree fell on him.

Kirby (painfully): OW!!

Link: Sorry, sorry! ::pushes the tree off Kirby::

Kirby mumbles to himself. Link wondered a bit about Kirby.

Link: So…why are you here, Kirby?

Kirby: ::shakes off the pain from the tree:: Well…it's like this. I come from another planet. I got blown off it by my nemesis. I got to get back before he destroys it.

Link: So…you're an alien.

Kirby: Yes, but we are nice and we can speak English.

Link: Cool. Mind if I join you on your journey? I need some excitement for my vacation from Hyrule. That's where I come from.

Kirby thanked Link greatly, and so they set off on their epic journey.

So what do you think of the remake so far? I'm thinking of actually putting effort in this version of my story.

Kirby: Please review!