A collision of hearts
By: Writheworth
Chapter 3: Doubt
A/N: Don't get used to me posting new chapters so often, it'll change (x
Somtimes you'll get new chapters frequently, and sometimes it'll take some time, and the lenght may vary from very short to extremely long and that's just something you're going to have to live with, I'm afraid.
I hope you can bear with me and still enjoy reading (:
(It's not allowing me to make a heart, so, when they're texting this: ^3 Is supposed to be a heart)
Alec opened his eyes and drowsily looked around the room. He was lying in his own bed, and it could have been any normal day – but it wasn't. It was special, because it was the day after his date with the high warlock of Brooklyn.
As his memory started flooding back a smile spread over his face and he sat up. He had never been on a date before, so he didn't really know what had to happen for someone to be able to say that a date went well, but his current feeling told him that it had gone amazing.
He kicked off the covers and exposed his skin to the cold air of the institute. Putting on his trousers he searched his memory for every detail from last night, everything from the barking dog to the soft lips of Magnus Bane.
Walking through the corridors he bit down on his lip, trying not to giggle when remembering Magnus' smooth kisses. As he entered the kitchen he forced himself to wipe the smile off his face since both Jace and Isabelle sat at the table, and he would prefer to avoid a questioning.
"Anything not cooked by Izzy for breakfast?" He asked, trying to act normal.
Isabelle turned towards Alec.
"No, idiot, it's almost lunchtime." She retorted irritably.
"What?!" Alec exclaimed, spilling some of the coffee he was trying to pour into a mug. He searched for a clock, trying to convince himself that she was joking.
"Yeah, we tried to wake you, but you told us to fuck off." Jace said bitterly.
Alec ignored Jace's grumpy comment, he had heard a lot of them during the last few days, ever since the attack, and they only seemed to be directed at Alec. He didn't worry about it too much, these things tended to happen from time to time when it came to Jace, but they usually didn't last this long.
"Has there been any calls?" He asked and tried to remain calm over the fact that he had overslept, something that just didn't happen.
"Yeah, we had to take it without you, and we realized that it was actually easier without your ugly mule as a distraction."
Alec dragged his hand over his face and sighed. He'd even missed a call. So far Magnus couldn't exactly be called a positive influence.
"Shut up, Jace." Izzy said rolling her eyes. "How come you slept so late? Are you sick?"
"No, uhm, late night." Alec answered drying off the spilled coffee from the counter.
"Doing what?" She pushed.
A picture of Magnus strewn out on the ripped sofa, leather clad legs lying in Alec's lap, popped up in his head.
"Reading."
He sipped his coffee making a face. It was cold.
Jace snorted.
"Yeah, right, like you can read."
"What was the call about?" Alec asked, changing the subject. He poured out his coffee in the sink and started making a new pot.
"Some newly turned werewolf went amok in a store a few blocks from here. Apparently it belonged to the guy who changed her."
"Yeah, she'd gotten in a fight with a werewolf on a party, getting him all worked up. Idiot." Jace filled in, sipping his, probably cold, coffee.
Alec raised his eyebrows and turned away from them to hide his smile.
And I wouldn't be surprised if she's a werewolf now!
It had to be the same girl that Magnus had spoken about the night before.
"Uh-huh." Alec answered, trying not to laugh as he poured the newly brewed coffee and sipped it.
At that moment Clary entered the room. Alec's smile disappeared and a frown replaced it.
"Oh, you're back. How did it go?"
"Fine. What've you been doing?" Jace asked, arrogance suddenly absent in his voice.
"I've been drawing. Well, at least trying…Is this hot?" She poured herself a cup of coffee.
"Yeah, no, help yourself." Alec said irritably under his breath. Clary was too busy to hear him, but Jace did, even though he was further away, and he gave him a warning look.
"I haven't drawn in so long, I feel like I've lost my talent."
She sat down next to Jace who patted her knee.
"You'll find it again. Ready to get back in the game?"
Clary took a big gulp of her coffee.
"Yeah, what are we doing today?"
"Failing." Alec commented quietly.
Jace looked like he would punch Alec in the face if he got too close.
"Thought we could try out some close-range battle techniques." He said, not letting his eyes leave Alec's.
"Yeah, all right." Clary smiled insecurely at Jace, trying to shake off the unfriendly comment, and then looked between Alec and Isabelle. "Anyone joining?"
Alec rolled his eyes.
"Nah, I'm gonna go out for a bit." Izzy answered picking up her phone from the table and flipping it open. Alec saw her looking through her contacts over her shoulder. She was probably looking for a hookup.
Jace looked to Alec, giving him a questioning look, probably looking for an opportunity to hit him.
"No, busy."
"Oh, come on, I need someone to show all the moves on."
"Just do it on her."
"Oh, I already am." Jace said, getting an elbow in the ribs by a blushing Clary.
"But not those kind of moves." He finished, his voice a bit strained from the punch.
Alec shook his head making a disgusted face.
"Maybe later."
"You're just afraid I'll beat you, as usual."
He stood up and left the room, companied by the redhead. Alec finished his coffee and put it in the sink.
"You need to stop acting up against Clary, it looks like she'll be around for a while, so suck it up."
"She'll be gone in a week. Jace just has a weakness for redheads, that's why she's not yet disposed of."
"She's one of us, no matter if she's dating Jace or not. She's staying." Isabelle said with her 'and that's final'-voice.
Alec felt a rage growing inside him.
"She'll never make it as a shadowhunter! It's too late for her! Training takes years, and you have to start when you're a kid to be able to become really good! You can't start when you're 17 and think that you'll be fully trained within weeks!"
"You're just jealous." Isabelle answered calmly.
"Me? Jealous of Clary? Oh, yeah, I've always wanted to be redheaded and bad at fighting!" Alec turned away from Isabelle and started doing the dishes, just to have something to do.
"Not like that. You're jealous because she's together with Jace. Something you've always wanted."
Alec stopped short. What did she just say? He must have heard wrong. Slowly, he turned around to face her. She sat in her chair, legs crossed, casually tracing the edge of her empty mug with her finger, looking at him.
"I've known for years, Alec. The way you look at him. The way you talk about him. And you're just as good as him at fighting. You just let him win a bit too often, to have him on top of you."
His blood felt like ice, stiff in his veins, stopping him from moving. Alec swallowed lowering his gaze. He had no idea anyone knew, except himself and Magnus of course. Was it really that obvious?
"Does he know?" He asked after a long silence.
"No. He's too absorbed of himself to notice."
He groaned out of relief, closing his eyes.
"Mother?"
"No."
He let out a shaky breath.
"It's no big deal, Alec. Lots of people are gay."
Alec flinched at the word. He didn't like it, not when it was linked to him.
"This doesn't change anything. You're still my brother."
"Well I wouldn't be our mother's son if she knew." He opened his eyes, frowning.
"Of course you would. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Izzy tried.
Alec gave her a look and she lowered her gaze, admitting defeat. They both knew that he probably had to start looking for a new place to live if she found out.
There was a long, dragged out silence.
"I need to shower." Alec left the room without looking at his sister.
Alec turned the knob and hot water started flowing from the showerhead. He leaned his head against the wall, letting the heat absorb him.
Who was he kidding, trying to date another man when he was already in love? If it was love. Alec had nothing to compare it to. Maybe it was just a stupid crush. The kind that just disappeared without a trace one day. Or maybe it was the kind of love that has its roots deep in your heart, that never truly goes away…
What was he supposed to tell Magnus?
'Yeah, I've been in love with this self-absorbed asshole for years. Oh, right, and we live together and he's basically my brother. But you still want to date me, right?'
He couldn't be that selfish and force Magnus to go through something like that. He should do the right thing and break it off before it got serious. Before any real feelings could be hurt.
Magnus must have been through a break up before, being both the heartbroken and the heartbreaker.
A sudden jealousy hit the shadowhunter. How many had Magnus dated through his years? He was older than Alec, probably much older, so he must have gone through quite a lot of partners. Of course he had, everybody probably wanted to date Magnus Bane, so he just had to take his pick.
And now he had picked Alec.
Alec blushed before hitting the wet wall and groaning, frustrated. What were these feelings? He couldn't tell one from another or for whom he felt it. What was real? He felt strongly for Jace, but just as strongly for Magnus, and even though he felt very much alike for the both of them there was something different burning inside him whenever he thought of Magnus, that did not exist while thinking of Jace. He just couldn't put his finger on it.
But why would the high warlock of Brooklyn choose someone as ordinary as Alec? Maybe the date was just out of sympathy. Magnus trying to comfort the shadowhunter whose pride had been hurt in a fight.
Alec clutched his heart as if he could make the sudden pain in his chest go away. He shouldn't expect to hear from the warlock again.
He got out of the shower, feeling confused and devastated. He wasn't sure what he felt for Magnus, but it hurt not getting a chance to find out, that it had to end before it had even begun.
He dried off, but never got any further than putting on his underwear when a sound interrupted him. He took his black jeans from a hook on the wall and started searching the pockets until he found what he was looking for.
He flipped open the phone, expecting it to be a call but instead reading:
Magnus
Alec frowned. He had no memory of ever entering the warlock's number amongst his contacts. Magnus must have done it sometime during the previous evening. Did that mean he actually wanted to meet him again? He opened the text.
'U never called'
He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help smiling at the text.
Call me.
It hadn't been a suggestion. Magnus had given him an order. An order which he had not obeyed. Alec dropped his jeans on the floor to get both hands free.
'It's not even noon, it's only been a few hours' Alec texted back, grinning.
The answer came quickly:
'A few hours r a few hours 2 much. I told u to call me'
'Sorry, I thought that maybe you'd be asleep'
'I am'
'You're texting?'
Alec tried to multitask and put on the rest of his clothes while answering, but Magnus had quick thumbs, he had barely picked up his jeans from the floor before a new text buzzed his phone.
'I woke up. `No missed calls´ Had 2 make sure u weren't dead'
Alec snickered, dropping his pants once again on the floor.
'Not dead. You can sleep in peace.'
'How do I know this is rly you and not your murderer?'
'Don't you trust me?'
'Well I haven't actually had the pleasure of knowing u for so long :*'
Alec frowned at the weird combination of symbols.
'What's :*?'
'Oh, hi baby, it is u ^3'
'What? What confirmed it? And what's with the symbols?'
'Only u r uneducated enough to not know what :* and ^3 means'
Before Alec had the chance to answer another text came in:
'Anyway, now that I know ur ok, I can get back to sleep. I'll call u when I wake up'
'Wait, what does :* mean?'
'I'll show u the next time I see u :* Nighty night, blue eyes.'
Alec still had no clue what it meant but put away his phone, not sure how to interpret this. He chose not to think about it for now and looked up, seeing his reflection in the bathroom mirror – he was smiling like a total idiot.
Alec entered the training room, having nothing better to do other than to overthink Magnus' texts, and he wanted to avoid that. There he found Jace standing with Clary pinned under his boot. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.
"Okay, okay! Gerroff!"
Jace grinned and let her go, offering her a hand, which she completely ignored. Alec looked at her disapprovingly. He couldn't help but dislike her. Maybe Alec's judgment was clouded by his feeling towards Jace, but according to him she seemed to think she was so special. Alec had been a shadowhunter since birth and did not think anything special of himself, but just because she was raised a mundane she was suddenly so much better than everyone else now that she had become a shadowhunter?
"What's with the smirk?" He asked Jace, walking towards them. "Beating Clary is like beating a three year old. No offence."
"How could I not take offence?" Clary asked raising her arms questioningly.
Alec shrugged. Jace's grin disappeared as he looked upon his fellow shadowhunter.
"If you don't start laying off Clary soon I will break your bones." He took a few threatening steps towards Alec.
"Give it your best shot."
Jace was not known for his ability to resist a challenge and threw himself over Alec who ducked out of the way. Jace was an amazing fighter when he was in the zone, which he for the moment was not. Anger could be a motivator, making you want to give it your all, but most of the time you had to leave the anger outside of the fight or you'd get careless. This was not new information, but still Jace charged again, anger twisting his features, and once again Alec was able to fend off his attack.
"Concentrate, Jace. You're losing it." Alec said mockingly knowing it would throw him off even more.
He expected Jace to yell out and run towards his opponent without a plan, but that was not what happened. Instead the shadowhunter straightened up and took three deep breaths, not breaking eye contact with the dark haired one.
"What's your fucking problem?" He asked, breathing slowly.
"What's yours?" Alec was getting irritated. This had gone on for days. Why was Jace defending Clary so wholeheartedly? This was not like him. "We've trained our whole life, and we're still learning. How do you expect her to make it to our level during her lifetime when she just started her training a few weeks ago? She'll be dead before she turns 25."
Jace was suddenly moving, his boots slamming heavily on the floor. From the wall of weapons he picked two seraph blades and threw one of them to Alec who caught it.
"She'll outlive you. You're too sloppy in a fight. Do you know how many times I've saved your life? No, you don't, because you're not even aware that I'm constantly stopping someone from stabbing you in the back."
"Jace, it's fine, leave it." Clary tried, with a hint of panic in her voice where she stood, forgotten, in the middle of the room. They both ignored her, circling each other, closing in.
"Oh really, so we're just going to ignore the times you've been disarmed by an enemy and have had to depend on me to save your delicate skin?"
Jace swung his blade towards his opponent. It swept smoothly through the air and hit Alec's blade. He pushed away Jace's sword to the left, knowing he was right handed, which made the next blow slower. This allowed Alec to easily fend it off and punch Jace over the jaw with his blades handle.
"You self-absorbed piece of shit, why would I want saving from you?!" Jace growled recovering from the hit.
Their blades met, both of the pushing hard trying to make the other one yield.
"Me? Self-absorbed? I bet you scream your own name while in bed with Clary!"
Jace swung his blade towards Alec's left leg, hitting his knee. Alec fell to the ground hearing Clary's scream. She ran out of the room, a detail Alec couldn't help but noticing, since he thought it proved his point that she was not shadowhunter material.
Though one of the first things you learn in training is to not get distracted, a mistake Alec now had made, giving Jace the upper hand.
Jace kicked him hard in the ribs, forcing the air out of his lungs. Alec desperately tried to inhale, but only accomplished a choking sound. He swung his blade as Jace went in for another kick and slashed his side.
Jace screamed and dropped his blade. Alec managed to take his first breath since the kick, but had no time to exhale before the other shadowhunter was over him. Punching his face over and over with his bare hands. Alec tried to hit him over the head with the handle of his blade, but Jace grabbed it and put the tip of it against the other's shoulder. Alec screamed, feeling the blade enter his skin, but only a few centimeters before stopping.
Jace's eyes were filled with rage and his hands were still on the handle of the blade, threatening to push it in further. Alec stayed completely still.
"You never considered how I would feel that night you got hurt, huh? If you don't end this hero bullshit I will…"
But Jace were never able to finish his sentence, because a thin string of silver tied around his neck and jerked him backwards. Alec felt the blade leave his shoulder and backed away quickly.
In front of him stood Isabelle, her whip pulling back from Jace who rubbed his throat, looking angrily at her. Clary stood behind her with tears in her eyes. Alec had thought she had ran away out of panic, but by acting as she did, fetching Izzy, she had probably stopped Jace from cutting off Alec's arm.
"What's the matter with you two?!" Isabelle screamed. "Go to your rooms!"
"You're not my mother." Alec heard Jace hiss.
Clary left her place behind Izzy and kneeled next to Jace, whispering words Alec could not make out. Clary rose and held out her hand. After a moment Jace took it and they left the room. Alec looked after them.
"Ok, what's going on?! He has been doing this ever since the attack! What did he mean? Before you interfered he said that I never considered his feelings the night I got hurt." Alec yelled, frustrated. He tried to ignore the pain it caused him to move and stood up.
"It's just Jace, being a douchebag as usual. Let me help you with your iratzes."
"Isabelle. Tell me." Alec pushed. He felt like he was the only person in the institute who did not know what was going on.
"Why do I always have to clean up your messes?" Isabelle sighed. "Fine. But I'm not doing it here, I need something to eat, I'm starving."
She turned around and walked out of the room.