Mixed Signals - by Posh and Stoneygem

Part 14

Joseph flipped through the pile of letters in front of him, each one signed and dated and he was almost done. He picked his coffee cup up and sipped it before grimacing and replacing it on the desk, cold coffee. He wondered how long he'd sat there and glanced over at the clock, almost a quarter to one, almost time for lunch.

The sky outside was clear and blue, practically cloudless, there was a light breeze coming through the open window and blowing the curtains. Thank goodness the weather was changing. He moved to the window and glanced over the lawns, all so perfectly manicured. He was just considering changing before lunch when his office door opened abruptly then slammed shut.

He spun round ready to admonish the culprit only to find Clarisse standing there.

"Hello dear… you look wonderful." He said scanning down her body, she wore a long very pale pink dress; it had a summery feel about it, yet she wore a cardigan to keep the chill away.

"How nice of you to notice."

There was a familiar sharpness to her voice that he'd come to know so well. He folded his hands together. "I'm guessing I've upset you somehow, or somebody has."

"Well, I thought we were spending the day together."

"We are."

"Yet I wake and you're gone."

"I took Mo for a walk, you were sleeping I thought I might as well get on with some work." He moved to the desk. "Look at this letter I received…"

"I don't care about the damned letters." She folded her arms across her chest. "The way I see it Joseph is that you didn't call me for three days because you were too busy. Then you arrive home in the middle of the night, you make love to me this morning then conveniently disappear afterwards…"

"That's hardly fair."

"Yes it is."

"No Clarisse it isn't."

"I want some attention!" She shouted

"You have all my attention." He shouted in return.

She stilled at his words and moved to the window. "You're away for so long these days, I get lonely. I just wanted to wake with you holding me."

"I'm sorry," he said gently. "I wasn't tired." He sighed and stepped towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, let's not argue now, its Sunday, its almost time for lunch and for once you, I and Mia are under the same roof at the same time. Let's enjoy each other's company and relax."

"I seem to spend a lot of time eating alone these days." She whispered. "We need to talk about this Joseph." She turned in his arms. "Something's not right between us, something's just not…"

"I know, we will talk I promise."

"You said that last month then you've been travelling across Europe non-stop since." She straightened his collar. "You have no time for me."

"Hey, I always have time for you, you have to understand this is important to me."

"Yes but…"

"Ah," he held his hand up. "Listen, the clock has struck one, we'll do this later, right now I want to escort you to the dining room."

"I hate all this arguing, I hate always feeling so angry with you, so frustrated."

He didn't know what to say to her, any words promising that it wouldn't always be this way would seem shallow and untrue. Who knew how long this would last, who knew how they'd dig themselves out of it? Certainly taking their time to do the things that ordinary couples did had failed, neither seemed to have the time.

Instead he settled for kissing her forehead, taking her arm and leading her to the dining room. Neither completely at ease with the situation.

After lunch Mia convinced all involved to take the time to watch an afternoon movie. Joseph sat on the couch and after a while Clarisse moved from her chair to sit next to him, she was feeling rather hazy after two glasses of wine with lunch and a small whisky as the movie began. She slipped her shoes off and lifted her legs up onto the couch, in time her body sank against his and within minutes she was asleep next to him, her head on his arm.

He gently lifted his arm and manoeuvred her head to his chest then laid his arm over her waist.

Glancing up he smiled as Mia watched him from where she lay on the other couch.

"This a sign of age, sleeping after lunch." He said.

She giggled then returned her attention to the movie.

He looked down at Clarisse, snuggled up against him, her hand gripping his leg. How peaceful she looked. Tonight they would have to sit and discuss things properly, thoroughly. He doubted either of them would sleep as peacefully tonight.

Night fell quietly and calmly over the kingdom of Genovia, not knowing about the happiness in some of its house, unaware of the loneliness in others and blissfully ignorant of the shouts that sounded through one of the suites in the royal palace.

If it had known about the heated argument, the night would probably have tried to hide.

"Why should I believe you, Joseph? You promised me, we would work through our problems! But I wouldn't call running all over the continent working for our marriage."

"Dammit Clarisse, how often do I have to tell you that my travels have nothing to do with our marriage."

"Oh but it has everything to do with it, Joseph. Maybe, your idea of solving our problems is by walking away from them, but things don't work this way, darling." She drew the last word out sarcastically.

Joseph only stared at her, drawing a deep breath. And then another. It wouldn't help if he lost his temper now. Mentally, he shook his head. How had this talk deteriorated so quickly? All he wanted to do was simply talk to her, ask her how she felt, what her plans were. Maybe by simply comparing their ideas they would find common ground.

But as soon as they entered their suite, she had thrown herself into his arms and started kissing him. For a second, he was completely taken aback, but reacted almost instinctively to her mouth on his. Gods, the feelings this woman evoked in him. But then her hands had fumbled with the buttons of his shirt and suddenly, reason had slammed into him.

This would lead to nothing. They had done this too often already.

Gently he had stilled her hands and pulled away. With some effort, he managed to still his breathing enough to talk. "Clarisse, no. Not now. We need to talk."

That had been the beginning. She had ripped her hands out of his, turned quickly and stalked over to the fireplace. When she had turned towards him again, he had not been able to hide his visible cringe. Anger was blazing in her eyes and her whole body language told him that this was going to be the epitome of an unpleasant marital discussion. How he hated it, when he was right.

Her angered voice shook him out of his daze. "Tell me one thing, darling, did you make this promise only to pacify me?"

His jaw tightened as she hurled yet another accusation at him. "I did not lie to you. I promised you, I would do everything for our marriage and I will do it."

She almost sneered. "By walking away from me? You are never here long enough to do anything about us."

"What do you want from me woman?" he shouted at the end of his patience. "You could have come with me on each and every trip. I asked you every single time. I asked you every bloody time, if you would accompany me. It was you who told me that you wouldn't join me. Every single time. What do you want me to do? Beg you on my knees? 'Oh please, Clarisse, come with me. Oh please, darling, oh please.'" His voice took on a mock-whiny quality during those words, but then strengthened again to a hardened tone. "What do you take me for? I am no longer some employee you can order around. I am your husband!"

"Oh are you really? Well then, 'husband', doesn't seem to me as if you are very committed to our marriage."

Her eyes widened with fear as she saw the emotions flit over his face and she shrunk back against the wall, as he closed the distance between them with a few quick and clearly angry steps. He stopped mere inches before her.

"You accuse me of not being committed to our marriage? You accuse me of…? Now that is rich, Clarisse. That is really rich."

She let out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding, when he turned away from her in shock.

"You accuse me of not being committed to our marriage. The question is, Clarisse, are you? Are you committed to our marriage?" His voice had lost its former ire. Instead, he sounded weary.

"Of course, I am." He turned again and she winced at the look in his eyes. "Really? You refuse to accompany me - even though you would have the time. You don't even ask, if I couldn't use your support during one of those trips. You are angry with me, if I don't call you, even though you know that I probably just didn't have the time or didn't want to wake you. You don't talk to me, yet the moment something doesn't go your way, you accuse me."

Running a weary hand over his face, he went over to the armchair and sat down tiredly. Clarisse's heart widened with compassion at the sight of him. But then he continued to speak and his words cut her like a knife. "We need to talk, Clarisse, desperately do we need to talk. A few weeks ago, we agreed that we needed to define our roles in this marriage. That we needed to find common ground. That we needed to learn about each other, needed to share, needed to talk. But we never do. All we ever do is stop talking and make love."

She kept silent. Knew that whatever she would say now, would come out completely wrong.

"We won't solve our problems like that Clarisse. Making love doesn't solve them."

She swallowed involuntarily. "I thought… you wanted to."

He looked up at her. "You know I do, all the time I do, I waited for so very long to be able to touch you." His voice was gentle then he glanced at the floor again and she saw his hands grip the sides of the chair. "But we can't keep doing this, fixing an argument with sex."

"Why not? Joseph I hate to argue with you, I hate being angry with you…"

"So what," he stood up again, she watched him move across the rug towards her. "So what exactly, we go to bed and suddenly everything is fine again? We wake up and it's still the same."

"No, it isn't, not for me."

"That's because you don't feel Clarisse, you don't seem able to feel anything so you think fucking will make it right again but it won't." He backed her up against the wall, his hands resting either side of her preventing her from moving. "So we're arguing now, you think if we fuck it will suddenly fix it, that I won't still feel this way… that it won't still be tearing us apart."

He shrugged. "Good, if that works then great let's get on with it." One hand moved down her dress bunching it up her legs.

She grabbed his hand and attempted to push it away. "Stop it."

"I thought this was what you wanted."

"STOP IT!" She scratched his arm and pushed him back, he backed into the coffee table and tripped hitting the floor with a thud.

Clarisse moved behind the couch and stared down at him, a hand covering her mouth as she gasped back her sobs.

He sat up slowly rubbing his head. "Sorry." He said gently. "I was trying to prove a point, I wouldn't have hurt you."

"You scared me." She mumbled attempting to breathe.

He looked over at her. "Oh my darling I'm sorry…" He shook his head closing his eyes. "How did we get to this?"

She moved back around the couch to him and knelt in front of him. "Do you need something for your head?"

"No." He looked at her tear-stained face and placed a hand softly on her cheek. "I love you Clarisse, more than I ever imagined I could love anyone. I was meant to be a permanent loner, not to fall in love with somebody like you."

"It's I who doesn't deserve you, I'm the one who's tearing us apart. I'm selfish and …"

"Shhh, we are both to blame, we have to work at this together not battling each other." He brushed his thumb over her lips. "We skipped the dating Clarisse, we skipped crossing boundaries and building a relationship together."

"I'm trying, god help me I'm trying Joseph, I want this so badly…" She was crying again and he felt his own tears threatening. "I need you, I need this marriage to work." She reached for his hand and he gladly folded his fingers with hers.

"Oh my love, we will always be together there isn't a doubt in my mind about that. But we need to start working at this now… not ignoring our problems and hoping they'll go away."

"I know."

"So, perhaps, for a while we should have separate bedrooms…"

She swallowed convulsively at this, trying to keep the tears in check. But she couldn't keep them out of her voice. "Separate bedrooms?"

His smile was gentle as he took her face in his hands. "Yes, my love. For a while. We do need the physical separation for a while, so we can concentrate on our relationship. We need to concentrate on talking and on setting the basis for our marriage. Love isn't everything, desire can't be everything - though Lord knows, I want to make love to you. Right now, if it were possible." He grinned sheepishly and she couldn't help but giving him an answering grin. "But it wouldn't be right…"

"Because it will solve nothing…" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He nodded. "Yes. Clarisse, if we don't address and resolve our issues now, we might never do and find ourselves in exactly the same cycle again a few weeks from now."

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his. "I know. I know and I understand. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

Joseph chuckled. "No, it doesn't mean you have to like it."

Leaning against the back of the couch the couple sat in each other's arms for some time in silence. Each mulling over how to get through the self-induced separation and how to resolve the seemingly impassable wall between them, for the first time in weeks they were at peace with each other.

Finally, Clarisse spoke again quietly. "Joseph…this separate bedroom-thing. Does it start tonight?"

He chuckled obviously amused and she revelled in the shaking of his torso under her hands. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he asked mirthfully. "You are truly full of surprises, my love. How could anybody ever believe you are a passionless woman? Sometimes I think I need to find the off switch. You are insatiable." His hand ran down her back and gave her hip a squeeze.

"I am not insatiable." Clarisse replied indignantly, but the laughter was evident in her voice as well. "I'm merely asking."

He took her face in his hands again and his serious expression gave her the answer to her question. "I see." She said in resignation. "Does it mean, we won't sleep together at all?"

His smile turned mysterious. "Can we endure it?"

There was something in his eyes, she couldn't quite read. He was serious about this physical separation, she knew that. And if she was perfectly honest with herself, she knew that he was right and they needed it. Sex didn't solve their problems. She also knew that he had not suggested it from the lack of attraction, oh certainly not, if a certain part of his body, pressed against her leg was any indication. She closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep her answering moan inside. Gods, she wanted him. Again and again. Was it possible to desire a person so much?

His strained voice broke into her musings. "I think, it would be better, if I found a place to sleep tonight. And I believe it would be better, if I found it now."

He struggled to get up and then turned and pulled her into a standing position as well.

"Do I get a kiss goodnight?"

"You are asking for trouble, you know that, don't you?"

"Maybe, but I need something to keep me warm tonight and since you won't be there to warm me."

He shook his head. "Clarisse, Clarisse…"

She leant closer and suddenly felt herself being crushed against his hard body. His lips were on hers and his tongue was demanding entrance into her mouth. She opened her lips and moaned deep in her throat when his tongue swept possessively through her mouth. She felt her knees go weak and the familiar fire travel slowly from all corners of her body to the pit of her stomach. Gods, that man could kiss.

As suddenly as he had started the kiss, he pulled away and took a few steps back. He stood there, staring at her, his chest rising and falling rapidly in obvious arousal. He raised his hand and with the tip of his finger tenderly traced her swollen lips.

She felt an aroused flush rising into her cheeks and over her décolleté. Taking a deep breath and then another, she silently prayed for him to step closer and kiss her again.

Instead, he only whispered. "Good Night, my love. Sleep well." Turned on his heel and in a flash was gone.

Clarisse stood numbly in the middle of the room, staring at the door that had closed behind her husband. She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh. Suddenly, the big room seemed to be even bigger than usual and the silence unbearable. This was going to be a horrible night.

Shades had to admit; afternoon rounds had something really lovely in spring. April brought the warmer season, after the long and cold winter. At two in the afternoon, even the temperatures were good. Yes, spring could be really lovely.

Hopefully, the blossoming season would also work on the royal couple. Shades sighed. When had he become some kind of a 'Dear Abby'-person? And since when did he care so much about other people's love lives? Even though it was his former boss and mentor. The big security guard snorted. Who knew? Maybe, he only wanted some more peace and quiet. And with the couple arguing or Queen Clarisse moping around, life at the palace was certainly no fun. Shades almost wished to have those quite embarrassing surveillance tapes again, when he constantly had to watch the couple make out somewhere. Honestly, they must have tried all possible - and some impossible - places. Still, that had been a lot better than this now.

Spotting the queen's aide taking her lunch break on one of the sun-covered marble benches, he quickly went over.

"Charlotte, how are you doing on such a bright and warm Monday afternoon."

The gloomy expression on the woman's face almost made him recoil.

"What happened this time?" he asked with an unpleasant sense of foreboding.

"Separate bedrooms."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Separate bedrooms. Sir Joseph asked to have a part of his clothes brought into the other bedroom of her majesty's suite. The couple has separate bedrooms for the time being."

Shades sighed, putting his hand against his forehead. Then he let out a loud breath. "I really wish somebody would shake some sense into them. Something. Anything."

Charlotte put a calming hand on his arm. "I know. I feel the same. When her Majesty told me this morning, I only wanted to shake her. And then I wanted to go and shake him."

"Yes, and then lock them into a room and throw the key away until they have sorted their problems out."

Charlotte chuckled. "Thanks, my friend. I really needed that laugh."

Shades made a face. "And here I was trying to be serious."

She patted his arm. "I know. I need to go back."

They stood up from the bench. "Keep your eyes open."

"I will."