Disclaimer: I own nothing, what did you think I was the Koei president!
A/N: It's basic Q&A's. it's supposed to be funny, so sorry if it's not.
Questions and Answers
Shu
Zhao Yun
Q: Why are you only an elite guard?
A: Because…I'm…I'm illiterate (sobs).
Guan Yu
Q: Why do you have such a long beard?
A: I'm a Sikh so I don't cut my hair! Don't make fun of me!
Zhang Fei
Q: Why are you always so drunk?
A: Because I'm a alcoholic dumbo! I'm always stressed! It's my life support!
Zhuge Liang
Q: Aren't you a bit too intelligent for a guy in the 2nd century?
A: I come from the future, I invented flying cars! Sima Yi's from the future too! Hey! Did anyone hear that?
Liu Bei
Q: Why are you so virtuous?
A: Because I have to cover up for all the bad things I do. They think I'm so virtuous that I wouldn't do anything bad so I get away with it! (Laughs evilly)
Wei Yan
Q: Why do you always wear that mask?
A: I…ugly… Skin…ripped…off.
Jiang Wei
Q: Are you sure you're Chinese? You don't sound it…
A: No, I am, I'm one of them people who talk REALLLY fast!
Pang Tong
Q: Why do you cover most of your body?
A: I'm a Muslim woman, it's my religion.
Ma Chao
Q: What's with all the justice?
A: It's an addiction; it's also my middle name (sobs).
Huang Zhong
Q: Why do you discriminate against young people? You were once young.
A: I was never young; I was born with white hair and a beard! I'm just jealous of them!
Yue Ying
Q: How come you're so intelligent?
A: My dad thought that I would be a boy so he got loads of books and stuff so I had to learn.
Guan Ping
Q: How do you play 'Go' and who do you play with?
A: I play Go with Xing Cai, Liu Chan, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Liu Bei. We don't all play at the same time. There are two different versions I play.
Version 1: I play with Xing Cai and Liu Chan. It involves sexual activity. One time we played it and Xing Cai had a baby!
Version 2: I play with Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Liu Bei. We have a peeing contest, who can go the highest, furthest and who can pee the most.
Xing Cai
Q: Why is your voice so squeaky?
A: I take helium; I hide it under my skirt which is why my butt's so big.
Wei
Xiahou Dun
Q: What did your eye taste like?
A: A bit like a marshmallow but a bit harder to bite.
Xu Zhu
Q: Why are you so fat?
A: Because I eat a lot. I have a disability you know.
Dian Wei
Q: How did you become bald?
A: I shaved it off and it wouldn't grow back! (sobs)
Sima Yi
Q: Who taught you to laugh like that?
A: Every evil guy in my family can do it, the sissy's can't. Muhahahaha!
Cao Cao
Q: What with the name?
A: I heard that my ancestors were cows… The shame!
Zhang Liao
Q: What's with the moustache?
A: I'm French. In France this is stylish apparently.
Xu Huang
Q: Do you believe in reincarnation?
A: Yes, I believe I will one day become Kenshin Uesugi.
Xiahou Yuan
Q: Who taught you archery?
A: Huang Zhong, don't tell anyone!
Zhang He
Q: Are you really gay?
A: Why of course. I like Sima Yi. We kissed once.
Zhen Ji
Q: Why did you marry Cao pi?
A: Because he is rich. I hate being seen with him, it's so embarrassing!
Cao Ren
Q: How come you never take your helmet off?
A: I have helmet hair.
Cao Pi
Q: Who named you?
A: My father. I guess he was jealous because he had a rubbish name so I had to have one too.
Pang De
Q: Why are you so slow?
A: This armour is so heavy. If I took it off I would be faster than Lu Xun!
Wu
Zhou Yu
Q: What made you decide to grow your hair?
A: I was once a woman so I wanted to keep my long hair.
Lu Xun
Q: Why do you have such an obsession with fire?
A: I've been obsessed since I was young, I don't know…
Taishi Ci
Q: Do you go fishing with your rods?
A: No, but other people ask to borrow them!
Sun Shang Xiang
Q: If you're such a tomboy why don't you get a gender change?
A: I never thought about that…maybe.
Sun Jian
Q: Why are you the Tiger of Jiang Dong?
A: Because tigers are fierce, like me!
Sun Quan
Q: Why did you have so many wives and kids?
A: Because I want to be in the Guinness Book of World Records!
Gan Ning
Q: How fast are you?
A: I'm so fast that my legs miss my trousers when I try to put them on!
Lu Meng
Q: Do you love Lu Xun?
A: Truthfully…yes (sobs).
Huang Gai
Q: Aren't bombs a bit modern for you?
A: Well, Zhuge Liang brought some from the future and gave them to me.
Sun Ce
Q: What's with the surfer dude stuff?
A: Hey! It's not my fault! Koei made me this way – sue them!
Da Qiao
Q: Why aren't you more like your sister?
A: Because I am the eldest I must be more mature to keep things under control.
Xiao Qiao
Q: Have you ever had a fight with Da Qiao?
A: Yes. When she cut her hair we had a big fight. Our hair should be the same style!
Zhou Tai
Q: Why don't you talk much?
A: Can't be bothered.
Ling Tong
Q: Where did you get your weapon?
A: From the orange turtle on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Diao Chan
Q: Did you really sleep with Dong Zhuo?
A: Yes. And I enjoyed it!
Lu Bu
Q: Why are you so good ay fighting?
A: Because Ding Yuan had me fighting from an early age. GOSH! Was that so hard to figure out?
Dong Zhuo
Q: Are you addicted to women?
A: NO! …Well alright...I am, but don't say anything!
Yuan Shao
Q: Why do you act so posh? I heard that you go out with a peasant.
A: What? How did you know? That's a secret! I act posh because I'm noble.
Zhang Jiao
Q: Is it true you Yellow Turbans were originally a band?
A: Yes, we were. I was the leader, but everyone hated my singing! (sobs)
Meng Huo
Q: Does your wife boss you around?
A: Well…yeah I suppose, I don't like to talk about it…
Zhu Rong
Q: Are you really the goddess of fire?
A: Yeah of course. Why would I lie. My ancestor was called Zhu Fire!
Zuo Ci
Q: Do you think that you wasted 30 years of your life in the Emei Mountains?
A: Yes, I do. I regret it! I died a virgin because I wasted those years!
A/N: Well that's it. Did you like it? Please review! Going to write more fanfiction soon…