Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from it... but we're working on that!

Author's Note: Just when you think it's all going well... enjoy people.

Mixed Signals- Part 28

Clarisse didn't awake until almost lunchtime, Joseph of course was gone and she was actually quite glad to be alone. Upon waking her mind flooded with memories of the previous night; greeting him unexpectedly in that little restaurant, the overwhelming feeling of pure comfort sweeping through her as they held hands and walked the streets of Rome together, making love to him three times in that darkened unfamiliar hotel room.

Then she recalled the brief conversation of the negligee, the feeling of him keeping something from her, of perhaps laughing at her about it. She knew it was wrong, that Joseph's reasons for keeping it were purely because of love and the need to have something of hers near whilst away. But still she couldn't stop herself asking the question why take that? Why not take a nightgown, one she hadn't been embarrassed to wear, or a pair of her gloves that would easily fit into his luggage.

Exasperated with herself she finally climbed out of bed, her mind was going round in circles and she was becoming frustrated. She felt a little angry with him and then she felt angry with herself for being angry at him because she didn't want to be, she wanted them to have a perfectly wonderful few days here together and it was being ruined by her over-analytical mind and now she was exhausted and confused and oh…… Oh damn it!

She ordered lunch and flopped down into the chair by the window. It was only now she noted the dreadful weather outside, heavy rain pounded against the windows, so much for sightseeing. On the table in front of her was a folded newspaper and several letters, some Joseph had opened. She glanced through them hoping to find a note of some kind for her; he was usually so sweet leaving her little messages simply saying 'good morning' or 'meet me for lunch.' It was these little things she realised that made it all so very important. Alas there was no note to be found and she sat back in her chair folding her arms.

The answer machine on the side behind her caught her eye and smiling brightly she twisted round and pressed the play button. After listening to a rather dull message from Joseph's newly appointed PA organising the time of his car that morning a female voice came on the line.

"Sorry I missed you this morning, I just wanted to confirm that we're meeting next week, I know how busy you are these days…" she paused. "Well just wanted to check you hadn't forgotten me. Speak to you soon."

She said 'Bye' in an almost breathless girly voice and Clarisse felt her grip instinctively tighten on the arms of the chair she was sitting in. Surely this wasn't all starting again… not now, after everything they'd been through…

The hours of the day dragged by and to Clarisse it felt as if they would never end. She had no energy to do anything, had not even managed to dress herself in her old clothes to acquire some new, yet at the same time she felt a restlessness that had not been there for months. Not since…

She had considered briefly to search his belongings to find out, who this girl might have been before she recoiled from the fact that the mere thought had entered her mind.

This was ridiculous. Simply because some woman called her husband to remind him of a meeting, it didn't mean that he was having an affair. Why should he? He had everything in his bed that he needed. Her! He had told her so times and again and proved it just the night before.

She was enough to stir and sate his passions. Even without all the … It was that baby doll. If only they hadn't talked about it. If only he hadn't brought it up.

Clarisse shook her head, getting out of the chair and stepping up to the window. She had really thought she had overcome all her insecurities. Their marriage was strong; there was no doubt about it. Joseph loved her. He desired her and proved it every moment they were together. To him she was beautiful, desirable, sexy even and she had thought that her self-doubts were finally a thing of the past. But that negligee had opened up old wounds. Suddenly she had remembered her fear of that night, her embarrassment and her shame.

That was probably the problem, with those memories surfacing suddenly she considered every woman a threat again. Swallowing deeply, Clarisse turned her head at the sound of a knock on the door and came to a decision. No, not this time. Not the same disaster again. This time she would give him the chance to explain, even demand an explanation, but until then, she would trust him. She loved Joseph and he loved her - enough to forsake all others as they had sworn at their wedding. This time, she would overcome her fear with him.

The day had been a tiresome for him and all Joseph wanted was to fall down onto the couch in his hotel room, have a snifter of cognac with Clarisse and then relax with her in his arms. He would probably need to apologize again for his idiotic mention of the negligee, but after that they could just settle down and enjoy their quiet evening.

Stepping inside their suite, he noted that Clarisse had already lowered the lights and that soft classical music was filling the room. Chopin.

Joseph cringed. Chopin. He cringed once more. He was not overly fond of that music. It was too melancholy for his taste. Clarisse knew that and had actually agreed with him on that. If she put it on, then there was trouble ahead.

"Darling, I'm back." He called, trying to keep his apprehension out of his voice.

The music stopped immediately and Clarisse came out of the bedroom to greet him.

As he pulled her into a warm embrace, he involuntarily released a relieved sigh. She had been smiling sincerely at him, so whatever had made her choose that music was not related to the conversation of last night.

"Chopin, darling?"

She shrugged. "I called the reception and asked for something classical to fit the mood of the day. Apparently the entire staff was depressed by the weather."

"What about you?" he asked carefully.

"You mean, am I depressed? No. However, I needed some music to unpack. They have found my luggage."

He heaved another sigh of relief. So he could get rid of the baby doll more easily. Good.

She stepped back and turned to the bedroom again. "I still need to finish unpacking." She said and started for the other room. "Oh and there is a message for you on the machine."

Joseph looked after her, not sure what to make of this. Somehow her business and calmness didn't wash with him. If she had not been in the mood for this, she would have simply returned the music. And why would she so desperately need to unpack her luggage. They would leave tomorrow afternoon. And why did she not simply tell him, what the caller had said.

Worry sprang up on him like a shadow. Certainly there were not going to slip back into the same pattern as they had followed during his supposed illness. Surely, she didn't think that he… Oh damn it, were they going through the same again? Was it starting again?

Wearily he started for the side table and pushed the button on the answering machine to listen to the message. Anna's voice was heard, reminding him of their meeting next week. Anna! He had almost forgotten about this. Heaven's, he had not even told Clarisse about the invitation.

Taking a deep steadying breath, he held onto the side table for support. The phone call… If she had retrieved the messages and had heard this particular one… and had put two and two together… and in her mind it had made five. Oh heaven's, Clarisse and her overactive imagination, when she felt insecure and after his idiotic move with the negligee…Oh gods, what was she thinking? What must she be thinking?

All of a sudden, his world was as bleak as the weather outside. Dark clouds and the cold moved in again. God, had he managed to upset their carefully and still vulnerable balance?

Joseph felt his knees buckle under the force of the fear that suddenly seized him. Not again. They could not go through this again, not after all they had been through to establish the understanding and the level of comfort between them.

Taking another deep breath to gather his jumbled thoughts, Joseph decided that, when it came down to it, he had only one choice.

The bedroom was surprisingly cold, when he stepped in. The drapes were half drawn and only one bedside lamp was lit. The closet on the right side of the room was open, but only a few of her clothes were actually hung up in it. Most of the others still resided in her open suitcase. Despite her earlier announcement, Clarisse was not busy unpacking. Instead she sat in a small chair beside the drapes. It was dark in the corner, but from memory he knew that this chair was all but comfortable. The cold fist that he had felt even before stepping into the suite squeezed his heart a little more. If Clarisse refused her creature comforts like this, then things were bad.

"Darling?" he tentatively asked.

Her voice was dark and he would have thought aloof, if it hadn't been for the tremor of fear he could detect. "Anything important?"

He swallowed. "More or less. The message was a personal one. Anna, my goddaughter, called to remind me of our meeting in Pyrus next week. I had been so busy with this trip that I forgot to confirm the meeting we had set up a few weeks ago."

She was stiffening even more in the chair, if that was possible. "Anna?" she almost choked on the name. Anna, the young woman, because of whom she had made such a fool of herself.

Clarisse had almost forgotten about her as a person, trying to push the memory of what her idea of this woman had almost done to her marriage to the far recesses of her mind. But now, the memory came back with a vengeance and all of a sudden the sharp pain in her heart was back as well.

She tried to sound as normal as possible, fighting to keep the quaver out of her voice. "I see. Anything important, you two were meeting over?"

Naturally, he heard the tremor.

It made him smile a bit. It wasn't that difficult now, to tell her. He pretended not to see or hear her struggle for calmness - or better for the façade of it. The more casual he was when he told her this, the better.

I took great care to keep the calm smile audible in his voice. "As a matter of fact, it is important. Anna is getting married in four weeks and she asked me to help her a bit when her family comes to the event. She thinks her parents might be more comfortable with having an old friend at hand. I agreed to play sort of a host for Jorge and Carmen, when they came to their daughter's wedding…"

Clarisse's posture had not loosened considerably, he reckoned with an inward sigh. Things were worse already than he had expected. How many hours had she played out this conversation in her mind? How many hours had she dreaded it?

"Darling," he finally said gently, "it is cold in here. Lets go and settle down in front of the fireplace. I'd rather be comfortable telling you all the details about this wedding."

He could clearly hear the frown on her face, heard it in her voice. "The wedding details?" She was wondering, why in heaven's name she should be included in the wedding details, a woman who had almost - though accidentally - wrecked their marriage.

He took a step closer, extending his hand to her. "You must know, my darling, because we are both invited to attend the festivities. Anna and Adrian asked us to attend their wedding and the reception afterwards."

"Me too?" She sounded surprised, almost incredulous. The feeling reflected in her face, her eyes were wide and full of question, her posture still stiff, though now, with the lights from the sitting room he could see that it was more fear than anger.

Joseph stopped just two steps into the living room and pulled her into his embrace. Chuckling, he held her face pressed to his chest, while his free hand drew soothing circles on her back. "Yes, you too, my darling." He said into her hair, feeling her relax into his arms. "You are my wife and it is natural that we are invited together now."

"But I… after all the…"

"No Clarisse. You are my wife and Anna accepts you as that. Despite what you feared the relationship between Anna and I was, we never did have a relationship."

He looked at her earnestly during those words.

"I…" she started to say, but he put a silencing finger to her lips.

"I was never interested in Anna in any other way than as my goddaughter. I could never look at her any differently, even if it were not for you. Yet, I have you and all my dreams and all my waking thoughts are of you. Any woman pales against you and I have every intention to show you off at the wedding."

She blushed at his words just as much as at his boyish grin. Still, her insecurity reared its ugly head. "Do they really want me to be there?"

He smiled, running his palm tenderly over her cheek. "Yes. They asked me again and again if you could really make it. And I assured them that both our schedules were free for that day."

Seeing a small smile form on her face, he took her hand and gently pulled her towards the sofa. Sitting down, her pulled her against him, so that her head was resting against his chest, his arm around her shoulder, his other hand tenderly stroking her arm that was draped over him.

"It is going to be a real Spanish/Genovian wedding. All members of Anna's family are coming. It's going to be a big affair, just for the number of people," his voice sounded excited, enthusiastic even.

Clarisse however felt her heart constrict. The entire clan there. All of them knowing Joseph from his boyhood. She would never fit in there. She would be the awkward one, standing out, stared at by everybody.

'A real Spanish/Genovian wedding' - as they should have had. Not some rushed up, all of a sudden, unplanned event, with hundreds of TV-cameras and journalists there. Not the kind of ceremony it should have been, but a highly publicised scandal…

She had never stopped to think what his old friends thought about their marriage. What people, who mattered to him, thought of them, of her. She had never met any of them. What if they met and they found her lacking, found her to be less than they expected, less than this image that was built up around her? What if…

If they knew about her treatment of Anna…

And Anna herself? Could she face the young woman, who she had accused of seducing her husband? Could she expect forgiveness?

Could she…?

What did he say?

"I beg your pardon?" she asked, her confusion obvious.

"Darling?" he was confused as well.

She looked up into his dear face, her hand coming up to trace the contours of his profile. His jaw, his nose, his brows and finally his lips. She suppressed a delighted giggle, when he quickly kissed her index finger and shoved her worries into the far recesses of her mind, hoping that they would stay hidden,

"I was lost in thought, my dear. I didn't hear what you have said." She admitted sheepishly.

He shook his head in mock-desperation, inwardly glad that her mood had lightened again. He did not dare to dwell on the possibilities of her bottling up another bout of insecurity. The last time she had done so, it had almost ripped their marriage apart. "Would you believe that? Here I am going on, inventing one colourful compliment after the other and you are not even listening to my efforts."

Clarisse laughed again. "I am so sorry, kind sir. The effort is appreciated. Though, I would be even more appreciative if you could make the effort again." The glint in her eyes turned seductive and she pressed herself closer to him, her hand wandering from its resting place against his chest downward.

His eyes became a darker shade as her hand reached its target. His voice was thick with emotion and rising heat. "I was saying that I… I plan on showing off my beautiful wife, who is very elegant, very graceful, very gorgeous…" he leaned forward to catch her lips in a gentle kiss that quickly grew heated, "absolutely stunning and…" his hands became busy as well, as he slowly lowered himself backwards onto the sofa taking her down with him, "incredibly sexy and," the last words were quickly followed by a moan, "an irresistible seductress."

Words ceased altogether when the room became filled with the sounds and smells of love, as the couple drowned their worries in the passion of their love.

The small voices inside the woman's head, however, only kept silent for the time being, waiting for their perfect opportunity to reappear…

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