I'm here, really I am. I have not died, nor have I abandoned you all.

Please, put down the pitchforks.

Pretty please?

And (double checks) nope, I don't own anything in here that anyone would want. So lawyers – go away. I don't like you.

Oh – someone was commenting Yugi would look really weird with his hair pulled back. I admit, I was a skeptic too, until I saw this. It's by Lizeth (My personal hero for writing History of Magic). Take out the spaces and add slashes where appropriate. http / www . deviantart . com / view / 3418346 /.

Surprise!

"Tape."

"Here!"

"Scissors!"

"Got 'em!"

"More wrapping paper! Stat!"

"…."

"Seto!"

"What? Just because all of you are going crazy over this thing doesn't mean I have to."

"Arrrghhh….Yusuke, hand over the paper."

"You want the one with the funky gold balls that fly or the stuff that sings?"

"Are we going for obnoxious or traditional?"

"Obnoxious, obviously."

"Singing, then."

"No, no. Put the singing stuff under the snitches."

"Yugi, I think that's enough tape…."

"Nah, just a little more…."

Ryou's birthday being tomorrow, the whole gang had sprung into action. Actually, it had been Bakura's idea first – the spirit had pestered every member of the staff for the last two weeks about not forgetting 'his' birthday. Somehow, Yugi had been put in charge of wrapping the presents, though that particular folly had been quickly discovered - the box now resembled little more than a mass of paper encoated in tape.

Ryou was actually in the room, though he couldn't actually sense anything. Bakura being in control worked better than any blindfold, and the spirit now got to help with the preparations. He and Mokuba were currently poring over a giant poster, attempting to paint, "Happy Birthday, Ryou!" embossed with little figurehead drawings of each of the gang.

The painting was in about the same shape as Yugi's wrapping paper.

Seto looked at the poster with disdain. "Really, you two, I could just print out a banner…."

Mokuba beamed up at him. "But then it wouldn't be half so much fun! Besides, this," he put on a dramatic face that Seto was forced to roll his eyes at, "Comes from the heart!"

"Suit yourself."

Hiei and Botan came through the door – the blue haired ferrygirl looking immensely pleased with herself. "They'll do it!"

A short cheer erupted from every member of the room save Seto and Hiei. "That's great, Botan-kun! I'm so happy you made friends with the house elves!"

Botan nodded. She'd returned from the kitchens, where she'd asked the miniature servants to prepare nothing but desserts for breakfast – Bakura had informed her that Ryou had an immense sweet tooth. Hiei had accompanied her, claiming the need to restrain the ferrygirl from anything too rash. "They're so helpful!" she exclaimed fondly. "And so polite, too! Anyone seen Kurama yet?"

"I'm here," came a voice from the entryway. "We've got some good news and some bad. I found a charm to make the suits of armor sing tomorrow, but we're going to have to scrap the sprite choir. They're all rather….unsociable around here. Oh, and here's a duplicating charm for the banners, and the password to post one in each room."

Yugi's spiked hair poked out from amongst an increasing pile of wrapping paper. "Great – we can split the rooms by levels to distribute the posters, then whoever finishes first can come back and start on more. Too bad about the sprites, though. Gah – I can't believe it's almost 2 AM!"

The red haired vulpine shook his head and crossed the room to inspect the banner masterpiece. "Yes, well, you can't have everything." Squinting and cocking his head at the form representing himself, he snatched a paintbrush from Bakura's hand. "Can I just fix this, please? Thanks." In a few quick flourishes, the figure began to somewhat resemble himself. "Much better."

Snatching the paintbrush back, Bakura swiped the artistry utensil across the other thief's face, leaving a bright red mark across his nose. A stunned Kurama stared at him as he declared with a flambouyant gesture, "Then let the fun begin!"

He was immediately tackled to the ground by an irate kitsune.

"Guys! Stop fighting or we'll never get these banners up!"

Hermione awoke from a rather pleasant dream – involving Crabbe and Goyle being chased by a giant basilisk – eye level with someone's arse.

"Eep!" The bushy-haired girl tumbled off the fourposter bed, landing in a heap of blankets at the feet of the mysterious intruder.

"Sh! Ms. Granger, please don't scream. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'll be gone in a few seconds."

Hermione's eyes widened as she realized whom she was staring up at. "Professor Kurama? What are you doing here? You're a man! In the girl's dormitory! How did you even get in here?"

She saw a flash of white teeth in the darkness and her oddest Professor's ears twitched. "That's my little secret. Suffice to say that I won't hurt you – I just need to get this hung – Adhaeresco!" He flicked his wand towards a banner that floated to the top of the ceiling – the banner bore no words at the time. "Please go back to sleep."

"No!" she whispered vehemently back. "I want to know what you're doing here!"

"I told you – just getting this thing," he gestured towards the banner, "Hung. And looking at your wide array of hair-care products."

She blinked slowly. "My – wait, what? Oh, nevermind. You've got your sign hung, now go away." She sleepily crawled back into her bed, not bothering to feign off drowsiness. "I'm going back to sleep."

Kurama smirked. "My thoughts exactly." As the Gryffindor girl returned to slumbering, he left a bottle on her nightstand. "Sweet dreams…."

The next morning found every student in the Great Hall engaged in gossip. A small group had gathered around Hermione – who was trying to explain why exactly her hair seemed to be behaving today.

"And he came into my room, and hung a banner on the wall – didn't have any writing on it, it was the weirdest thing – and I fell asleep before he left –"

Parvati gasped from somewhere down the table. "Hermione! You fell asleep with a strange man in your dormitory? What are you thinking?"

"Oh, shut up, Parvati. Anyway, I think he left this vial in my room. I tried it on my hair, because it was right in the middle of all the other stuff I use for my mane, and I was thinking, 'Wow, wouldn't it be nice if my hair would go up in one of those really nice buns with hair falling out the sides?' and it did! Without me doing anything! It was so great!"

"So what's with these banner things anyway?" whispered Harry to a rather tired Mokuba.

The black haired boy grinned impishly. "Oh, you'll see."

A flurry of movement at the teacher's table caught everyone's attention. Yusuke leapt onto the center of the edifice, directly in front of the headmaster. "Yo! Imps! Listen up!" A quiet descended upon the hall.

Nodding with mock serenity, Yusuke continued. "Before we start breakfast, I've got an important announcement to make! Today," he grinned as Bakura released control and Ryou's innocent face was let out, "Is Professor Ryou Bakura's birthday!" He shot a small line of Spirit Energy towards the ceiling, and streamers, confetti, and even the occasional bird rained out from every corner of the school. "Happy birthday, Ryou!"

Both the students and Ryou sat in stunned silence as glitter drifted into their hair. Dean and Seamus smirked evilly and started a chant of, "Speech, speech, speech!" that was quickly taken up by the rest of the school.

Clearly still in shock, but now smiling slightly, Ryou rose slowly from his seat. "Um, I…don't know what to say. Thank you." He smiled to all of the newest teachers. "Thank you so much."

Yusuke bent down towards him, and in a stage whisper, announced, "This is the part where you say 'Let them all eat cake!'"

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "Let them all eat….cake?"

Breakfast appeared, and sweets of every kind materialized throughout the tables. A cake taller than Ryou appeared on the floor in front of the head table, labeled "Happy Birthday Ryou!" The banners immediately proclaimed the same message.

"These are the best teachers ever!" proclaimed Ron through a mouthful of sugar.

And everyone agreed. At least until the singing suits of armor arrived.

Reviews

This is getting ridiculous. TWENTY-FOUR REVIEWS! I love you all, but have no room to respond to each and every one of you. So a big thank you goes out to all these poor authors/authoresses. Go read their stuff!

PenPusherM, Starlet36, Samuraiduck27, ComputerFreak101, Sugarpony, Crazy Hyper Lady, FlameThrowerQueen, DBZ Warrior1, Lazeralk, Dark Sorceress of Egypt, Seto's Obbsessive Stalker, Latin 101, Dymond, Chelley Angel, …, The Raging Flame Moon, Stormrose Dewleaf, RainOwl, Alex, Bloody Cross, Jak'Idiot, yllom21, Akira Tosiyama, and Kenmeishouri.