Neverclaw: SO! Moving on to other news! Er. Only 1 review so far! Aw...

Metaldix: OH SURE! WE WRITE OUR ASSES OFF FOR YOU AND YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO REVIEW!

Neverclaw: 0.0 You scared them off...Random fact! Some of you might have noticed that last chapter had the same name as one of The Hobbit's chapters. Whatever.

Metaldix: HERE'S THE &$/ !ยก CHAPTER!

Disclaimer:((We don't (Emphasis on don't)own Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo or any other of those cool charries. The Byefe tribe is mine(Pronounced Beef!) so BACK OFF!))

Chapter 2: Tribal Troubles

Banjo groaned, his back aching. Hey. He wasn't near the river! In fact, it was too dark for him to see where he even was. There seemed to be a plate of strange-looking leaves on a plate next to him, but that was all he could make out. His stomach rumbled loudly.

"Man, I wonder if these are edible?" He stuffed his mouth full of the weird plants and began to chew.

"Yeach!" He almost puked.

"This tastes like my grandma!" He took a whiff off it, and his eyes watered.

"And smells like her, too!"

He looked away, but his ravenous hunger got the better of him. He had soon finished the plate, and lay down to rest

With a yawn, the bear woke once more. A girl with shoulder-length dirty blond hair entered the room, a bowl of water in her hands. She was dressed in unusual Indian-style clothing. She wore a brown leather dress of some sort, which covered her from her neck to above her knees. She also sported a feathered headband, which went nicely with her hair.

"Bear awake. Bear thirsty?" She smiled kindly, lowering the water to him.

"Yeah, please." He took the bowl from her and drank down. He wiped his mouth, and looked back at her. "Thanks. Don't I know you?"

"I'm Humba Wumba. I helped you in last game." Humba explained.

"I'm looking for my friend Kazooie. Is she here? She's the red breegull."

"Bird is in Konga's cage. Banjo need key from Konga to save Kazooie. But Humba need Banjo to assist her in saving tribe."

"What's wrong with them?" He inquired, curious.

"The Byefe tribe is under magic spell. They are cows." She told him.

"Cows? Who turned them into cows?" He could hear vicious mooing outside.

"Konga stole Humba's magic book. Konga try spell and now the tribe is made up of 40 cows."

"Do you live here, Humba?"

"Humba just visiting her relatives. Humba turn you into a creature to help you save bird."

"What about the Gotoes?"

"Oh, yes. Glowbo in river."

"The river? The one with the crocodiles?"

"And piranhas."

"Okay...But only for Kazooie and the rest." Standing up, he ran outside.

"Good luck, bear."

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Uh...So the river is where?"

The cow dropped down on four legs, as if he wanted to take Banjo for a ride.

"So you'll take me?" The beast gave a kind of nod. "Ok." He hopped on, and grabbed hold of its back. So the animal took him to the west.

West. West. West. West. West. West. West. West. West. (Metaldix: I've got the feeling they're headed towards the west.) Time went by. Banjo could've sworn he'd seen the same bush twice, or the exact markings on a tree, or identical plants. But, he was wrong, and after many vines and vegetation, he spotted rushing water between the leaves. He leapt down and sprinted to the shore, and the mammal followed. Banjo wondered how he'd get down there. There were crocodiles, piranhas, snakes, everything with fangs, or spikes, or...or.../claws/.. Reality hit him hard in the face.

"Ow! Reality, that hurt, you know!"

"Sorry.." A mysterious voice out of nowhere replied.

Banjo stared down into the depths. He would do the old grizzly-style fishing. He waited for something pink to come by.

"There's something!" He scooped out a light red koi. "Koi in the Amazons? What is this world coming to?" He mumbled, pushing it back into its home. Something else. Scoop. "AN OLD BOOT? SHIT! DAMN THIS PLACE!" Banjo sprang into the water, slashing and scratching everything within his reach. Then he found it. The Glowbo at the bottom. He dived deeper and deeper until he grasped it and surfaced, kicking down with his feet. He stumbled out of the now red river.

"Moo." The cow pointed at something it had written on the sand. "Man, like dude, you REALLY need to do something about that temper problem." It read. Banjo glared at it. It turned out the Glowbo had drowned from too much time underwater. He doubted a dead Glowbo would be of any use. Suddenly, he perked up. Gleeful ape laughs. "Run. RUN!" He ordered, racing at full speed with the cow closely behind.

"You know what? I think I'll call you Betty." Banjo told the animal. It gave a rather unpleasant moo which made him rush back into Humba Wumba's Wigwam.

"Good, bear. Dead Glowbo make strong magic. But almost too magical to kill. Can only drown." The Indian flung the Glowbo into a purple-pinkish pool. "Jump in, Banjo."

Closing his eyes, Banjo skipped into the pool. He began to see weird rainbow swirls all around, purple and pink streaks in his vision. It was as if he had entered a different dimension. Then, he spied a shadow coming closer. The shape passed through him, and he was sure it didn't leave him. It all ended as quickly as it had started, and Banjo observed his new body. "A monkey? I'm a monkey?"

"Primatus tailus to be exact, bear...err, monkey." Banjo stomped off in a rage, tail twirling in fury. He got outside, bid farewell to Betty. He flipped onto a tree and swang from vine to vine. "Bear, bear, bear o' the jungle, watch out for that tree!" Smack. Banjo blacked out.

"Is it alive?" A vivid voice asked. "Yeah, he's opening his eyes." A hardy kind of voice responded. "W-W-Where am I? Who are you?" Banjo the monkey was lying next to an ape and a chimp. They seemed to be in a tree house. "I'm Donkey Kong, you call me DK." The second voice told him. "I'm Diddy Kong! Call me Diddy!" "Uh, hi, I'm Banjo the err... Monkey?" "Welcome, Banjo. You are our guest here. Bananas?" DK waved a yellow fruit in his face. "No thanks." "DK, let's hide him from Konga, he's been killing off all the new monkeys!" "Diddy, that gorilla has been our tyrant for too long. I'm going to challenge him." "No, I'M going to challenge him. I've been sent here to kick his furry butt. At least I think its him. Not any other murderous evil rulers here, are there?" The pair shook their heads. "But you must learn to battle by the ways of the Xiaoape Monk-eys." (Oh God. What a cheesy piece of shit.) "Don't bring me that crap. I'm taking him head on." "But you must learn to master your element! And fight him with a Ban nan wuu!" (This seriously stinks. No, I'm not kidding.) "Whatever. Teach me what I need to know now." And so began his exhausting and difficult Xiaoape training. And soon his first test for the Black Jigsaw would begin.

Konga lay on his giant sofa, watching the events through the Jungle News. Scratching his behind, he cackled and hooted. "No one can beat Konga! Konga invincible!" And with that, he left towards his private fridge for a snack.

Reality: Xiaoape? Monk-eys? Ban nan wuus? That's going to hurt your rep really bad.

Neverclaw: Err. Thanks?

Metaldix: I think my temper tantrum is over, gu...HEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR SHIT OF A REP IS RUINED? REVIEW PEOPLE! -chases realization around swearing loudly-

Neverclaw: 0.0 Riiiiiiiiiiight. So, will Banjo prevail over Konga? Will Kazooie and the Byeefe tribe be saved/Does/ Konga have a private fridge? Can reality really talk? To find out, stay tuned for more Banjo-Kazooie: Paws and Pecks!