Sonic: Hi guys! I took over this story and will probably take over the world!

Neverclaw: There's the asshole! Get him, guys!

Tails: SONIC! –clings to Sonic-

Shadow: No way! I'll be the ruler of this planet! You go to Jupiter!

Amy: SONIC! –clings to Sonic-

Rouge: Fine, but I want all the jewels on Earth! MWAHAHAAHA!

Knuckles: -drools while staring at Rouge-

Metaldix: We're being invaded! Help!

Omega: OMG. Circuits going overdrive. –BOOM-

Charmy: Let's rock and roll!

Vector: Having a party without us?

Espio: I don't think so.

-continuous talk-

Neverclaw: T.T Can everybody please SHUT UP!

Everyone: -stare at Neverclaw- -continue talking-

Neverclaw: -pulls Metaldix out of the crowd- I've got a plan. But first, the chapter.

Disclaimer: (We don't own Banjo or Kazooie, or Konga, or Candy, or Funky, or Diddy, or Donkey Kong, or anybody else we might have forgotten!)

Chapter 3: No more Monkey Business

"First, let's begin with a back flip banana triple kick."

"Huh?"

"He has no clue, DK."

"Riiiiiiiiight. Errr. I knew that. Just an orangutan omega smash?"

Banjo(monkey at the time) was stumped as he looked on at the talking primates. How the hell was he going to learn how to defeat Konga in Xiaoape-style? The gorilla probably had ages of experience, and Banjo was to become an expert by that afternoon! DK and Diddy faced him.

"Well, you seem to be from the water element. Take this Ban nan wuu, it's the Squirt Coconut." DK handed him half a coconut shell full to the brim with icy water.

"Don't touch it or you'll freeze!" Diddy warned (Just like Omi and his Orb of Tornami!).

"Right. So now for some physical tests."

In a few minutes, Banjo was leaping from tree to tree, sweating a rain for the creatures down below. He panted and whined, clambering up vines and trunks only to drop from dizzying heights to grab a sturdy leaf, his feet inches from the ground. Then he would climb up again, and continue with his exercises. After a couple of hours of repeating the drill, he plunged into a lake nearby to relax. Out of nowhere, something gripped his tail, and he flipped out of the water in Xiaoape battle stance. A female ape walked out of the pool sporting a skimpy bikini.

"Candy! Don't bother Banjo with your creepy antics! Run Banjo! She's Konga's spy and personal bitch!"

"DK, you always were a party pooper. I just wanted to have some fun…" Candy Kong smirked and pulled out a katana out of nowhere.

"Banjo, I challenge you to a Xiaoape Showdown! My Monkey Dicer against your Squirt Coconut!"

Banjo, without thinking twice, nodded. "Name of the Game is K.O. Match. Whoever makes the other unconscious first wins!"

Both beasts yelled "XIAOAPE SHOWDOWN!" and the terrain began to change until it was just a floating platform in space. The two primates were silent. Banjo then suddenly slid towards her and kicked her where it hurts (I mean where it hurts men, I don't know about girls...). Candy seemed to retreat, when she came back with a back flip and punched Banjo in his stomach. The monkey (normally bear) counteracted with an uppercut, and while he recovered his breath, Candy pulled out her sword.

"MONKEY DICER- FIRE!"

She waved the blade frantically around as flames shot across at Banjo. Fortunately, only his hair was singed, so he pointed at her with his Squirt Coconut. "SQUIRT COCONUT- WATER!" A stream of liquid blasted onto his opponent's body and froze in place. He poked the statue's breast and it went crashing down, breaking into millions of billions of trillions of gazillions of bazillions of itty bitty little tiny pieces. Ok, ok, you got the idea. So the landscape returned to normal and there was DK, looking extremely proud.

"We've taught you well, my Padawan."

Night before the big Boss Battle. Banjo sweated and rolled over and shifted in his sleep, overexcited about the following day. He kept on having dreams about Kazooie and nightmares about huge mazes. (Banjo doesn't like getting lost. ;.;) He woke at midnight, and got up to get a glass of water. He was almost crawling to the tree house kitchen when he heard a bang. Several more. Then, a curious, egg-shaped object was flung onto Banjo's feet from outside.

"Huh? What's that? Looks like a… a.. GRENADE! RUN!"

He sprang away just in time. Then, more explosives were being chucked in by a maniac, so by the time Banjo had got to the kitchen, half the shelter was blown up, including his room. Banjo satisfied his thirst and swung down to meet the intruder. It was an ape carrying a big boom box and wearing sunglasses. In the middle of the night. Funky Kong was quick work and soon Banjo had some ice for his needed refreshment. (Is it me, or do monkeys drink a lot of water?) He then raided the victim's dropped belongings. He soon encountered a fine little bottle, and out of plain boredom, drank it all in one gulp. It tasted good. But soon he was a bit sober, until he was one crazy drunk monkey.

Banjo opened his eyes and realized he was in a girl's room. He was naked, and there was Kazooie right next to him in the same bed, dreaming peacefully. Banjo woke up (for real this time) horrified. Feeling tainted, he forgot about it when he saw a giant stadium sticking out of the foliage. Due to his curious nature, he approached the arena.

"AND HERE'S OUR CHALLENGER!"

A parrot screeched when it saw Banjo coming closer. Two burly lizards got hold of him and pushed him into a hallway. "Keep moving, flea butt." One of the pair commanded. The monkey/bear obeyed, moving towards the light. He stepped out into the sunlight, with deafening cries of the crowd, and the first thing he noticed was a huge gorilla warming up for battle. He wadded into the ring, and DK and Diddy appeared out of nowhere and were feeding him, quenching his thirst and massaging his tiring arms.

"You can do this, Banjo."

"Believe in yourself."

Out of nowhere, Yugi Muto popped his head from the spectators.

"Believe in the heart of the cards. No wait, I mean Ban nan wuu."

Then he vanished mysteriously.

Then his eyes crept towards a black cage in one corner of the coliseum, and he spotted Kazooie, her bright red and gold feathers now a dark crimson and mustard yellow.

"Kazooie!"

No response. The bird looked up, but didn't recognize Banjo.

-Oh, right, I'm a monkey. Darn!-

Bill Cosby's face in the sky boomed "OH SNAP!" and disappeared. (T.T This is starting to get creepy.)

"IN THIS CORNER, WEIGHING 893 POUNDS, THE MONSTER OF MAYHEM, THE TYRANT OF TERROR, OUR CHAMPION, KONGA!"

More boos than hoorays were heard.

"AND IN THIS CORNER, THE CHALLENGER, WEIGHING 81 POUNDS, BANJO!"

Crickets chirped, and Konga chuckled maliciously. No one thought Banjo could beat Konga, ten times his size and weight. But when the name Banjo was heard, Kazooie knew that the furry monkey challenger was really her best friend.

The battle began. Konga and Banjo hollered "XIAOAPE SHOWDOWN!" and Konga took out his Destruction Drums. "DESTRUCTION DRUMS- EARTH!" By beating it with his palms, a tremor caused Banjo to almost fall out of the ring. He pulled himself together and shot at Konga with his Ban nan wuu "SQUIRT COCONUT- WATER!" but his enemy evaded the attack. Neither one was conceding an inch.

With all the commotion and earth-shaking fight, no one noticed that Kazooie broke free. She was just biding her time, waiting for an opportunity to help Banjo.

The Ban Nan wuus' power beams connected, and the items self-destructed. The explosion was so powerful it broke all near working magic. The crowds gasped as Banjo turned back to his original bear state. Kazooie flew into his backpack and the fight continued. "No more monkey business."

I'm going to make Boss Battles in a unique way. You see, in Banjo-Tooie, Bosses, instead of having a Life Meter have a certain number. It indicates how many times you have to hit the Boss in its weak spot. I'm doing it that way.

Status: Konga- 3

Banjo sprinted around the ring, Konga following close behind. He dodged one of the gorilla's blows and jumped for the Running Shoes. Then Kazooie took care of business. With the shoes, the pair circled the primate round and round, with him turning to catch them, till he dropped, dead dizzy. Then Banjo clambered on top of him and the duo Beak Busted his belly. A monkey's shriek was heard.

Status: Konga- 2

Things weren't as easy this time. Konga started pounding and bashing the floor, making it hard to stand up. A Flying Pad was created and up they went, soaring around helpless Konga's head. One dive bomb and Konga went crashing down. That had to hurt.

Status: Konga- 1

The primate produced a bag of infinite oranges to throw, soon our heroes were on the floor covered in citric juice. (No, this isn't a Tang Commercial.) The ring was sticky and difficult to run in, so Konga took advantage and started beating the bear and bird to a pulp.

"Bear and bird never win! Konga invincible!"

"You might want to reconsider that!" Bottles the mole, Mumbo Jumbo and Humba Wumba were cheering for them right next to the ring.

"CATCH BANJO!" The short bulgy-eyed expert chucked a strange-looking egg at Banjo.

"What is it?"

"Mumbo call it Missile Egg!"

"Cool!" The grizzly ducked and Kazooie flung the bomb at the oversized ape.

KERBLOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The monkey cried out and went sobbing towards the lake to suicide.

So, Humba Wumba got her spell book back, Banjo and Kazooie had a new ace up their sleeve and retrieved their first Black Jigsaw, and Lord Joggo Woggo had tested his two enemies…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Weevil Underwood and Rex Raptor: Hey guys, we're joining in on the party!

-everybody except Neverclaw and Metaldix run away screaming-

Neverclaw: That's been taken care of! Thanks guys!

W.U. & R.R.: Our pleasure, Oh MightyDarth Never. –leave-

Megame91: Darth Never?

Neverclaw: Don't ask…

Metaldix: Hey, what are you doing here?

Megame91: I dunno. Wanna go eat pizza?

Metaldix: Sure!

-the trio walks out-