It was like hitting her head against a brick wall.
Had Riley been several fractions more aware of her own personality, she might understand how Shayla was acquiring this newfound stubbornness.
"Surely you cannot believe this is a good idea, Shayla? It doesn't matter whether Jessika and Fain agree to help, it's the fact that you want to take them in the first place!" Riley and Shayla had argued the entire walk from the tournament stadium and had continued sporadically through to the late hours of the afternoon.
Riley's throbbing headache was turning into a full-blown migraine, and she had had enough.
"I'm not saying it's without risks, but we need to bring someone with us who can fight. We can't ask anyone else, it's not like Kili or the others would keep this from Fili!"
"And you think you can ask anyone at all?" Riley stood from her bed and paced down the bedroom for the hundredth time, her lowly frustration becoming more audible despite her attempts to quell the exasperation.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Shayla whispered back angrily, her eyes glancing to the closed door pointedly. All her attempts at keeping this escape a secret would be for nothing if their voices continued increasing. Riley spun on her heel and threw her arms outwards in anger.
"I just don't understand why you can't wait until it's safer!" Shayla jumped to her feet then, tears pricking at her eyes.
"When will it be safer Riley? A week? A year? I can't leave my family for any longer than I already have!"
"But you're willing to risk the others permanently being separated from their family? I know that you're not selfish Shayla, which is why I know you haven't thought this through completely!" Riley cried.
"You were so set on getting out of here Riley? Why won't you help me anymore?" Shayla's voice broke then, and Riley so desperately wanted to back down, to give in and help her, but she couldn't. She couldn't let her go out on a suicide mission.
"Can't you see that I am helping you! I don't even want to leave this place at all, I'm just saying we need to wait until it is safer!" Shayla had opened her mouth to argue but closed it quickly and swallowed hard.
"You… You don't want to leave?" Riley gestured angrily, but her shoulders slumped as she listed off her self-perceived failures.
"What the hell am I going back to there? The job I will have lost? The apartment we will no longer have? I'm better off here, Shayla. The only important person to me from that life is in this room, so I'm sure as hell not thrilled about risking getting you killed!" Her fury flared again, but she exhaled, exhaustion taking over. Her leg was beginning to ache from the constant pacing.
"Okay." Shayla whispered in dejection. Riley almost took a step back in her shock.
"What do you mean 'okay?'" Riley replied, surprise evident in her voice. Shayla's lips trembled and she dropped her head, despondent.
"I mean fine, you're right. We'll wait until we are allowed to leave. With that, Shayla stormed from the room before Riley could see the tears fall down her cheeks. Thankfully the Kings Chambers were sparse from Jessika's defeat, but it felt as though it made no difference to her. She needed to be alone with her thoughts, so she ascended to the one place she knew she could truly think.
Above the fall of the world, sitting at the edge of the stars as the blues and golds rolled into one, Shayla's resolve wavered. How could she risk anyone's lives for this idea? How could she tear a community apart to find her own? How could she gamble with Riley's life, a life that she had only just begun to embrace?
Shayla wiped her arm across her tear-stained skin as she thought deeply about Riley's change in disposition. Was she truly naïve enough to miss the hints at Riley's desire, or was Shayla just so enveloped in despair and longing for her family that she couldn't see anything beyond herself?
She knew Riley was right; how could she risk any other single person so that she could get back to her family?
It wouldn't be right.
Just as her hope burnt around her, reducing everything she had worked towards to ash and ember, a bloom of conviction emerged from the wreckage, flourishing within her chest until her resolve strengthened once more.
Shayla decided then, that this was something she needed to do by herself.
Yikes, what a small chapter! My apologies pals! The plot will really begin to pick up now and I am so excited! I hope you're all well, and thank you for reading this far xx