Ah, wonderful people. My toe. My poor toe. The nail is dropping off- I was clumsy and walked into my friend's foot. Right after getting my GCSE results. And, despite spending my 'revision' time writing the first few chapters of this, I did well! Woohoo! Ta to everyone who wished me luck.

This is Rem POV. Very mucked up. He is drunk.

I have no heart- I'm cold inside
I have no real intent

I glare across the common room at him. He's sat in the corner all alone, not taking part in the party. It makes a change from the usual group of sycophants surrounding him at these things, angling for his affection. At the last party they didn't have to try too hard, did they?

I can't see him clearly. My vision keeps swinging. His face is swathed in shadows, and his legs are stuck out from the chair. Stupid arrogant upper class haughty Black. He's everything he claimed to hate about them.

He's hurt me, much more than I thought was possible. He took everything I was, everything I ever held dear, and destroyed it. Walked over me like I was nothing. Worse than nothing. I was just his plaything, something to be used and dropped once pleasure is no longer derived from use. Use. That's what he did. He used me.

I take another sip from my bottle. Even though I hate him, and I tell James not to mention him, I can't get him of my head. I dream about him at night, about the way he looks in the half light of dawn which comes in through the curtains around the bed, about the way he looks when he laughs, about the way he kisses… I even find myself thinking about him during the day, in the middle of lessons or when I'm meant to be studying. For a moment I can't breathe because I'm not with him. Then I remember what he's like, and what he's done, and I hate myself just as much for still wanting him. I think the wolf has a definite masochistic streak.

I'll show him what he's missing.

I put down my bottle- I've emptied it- and move across to the record player. I flick through the albums, finding one that I can dance to. I slip it out of its sleeve and place it onto the turntable, lifting the needle and putting it down in the right place.

The piano notes start, and everyone turns to look. I ignore them and move to the centre of the room. Normally I'd run from this situation, but not tonight. Tonight I dance. I'm alone. Always alone. I throw my arms above my head and begin to writhe slowly. I know I'm copying his movements from so many times before. When he danced it drove me crazy. Now I'll do the same to him, see how he likes to see what he can't have.

Other people are beginning to join me, but I know he's still watching. I can feel his eyes burning into me. I throw my head back and let myself flow into the music, forgetting everything. The words control me.

Death on two legs
You're tearing me apart
Death on two legs
You never had a heart of your own

I can feel someone dancing with me, sliding their hands onto my hips. I don't care who they are, so long as it's not him. It could be anyone. Most sixth and seventh years are here, including ones from the other houses. It could even be a Slytherin.

You're just an old barrow-boy
Have you found a new toy to replace me
Can you face me

I wonder why he hasn't got anyone with him at the moment. Probably someone waiting upstairs, keeping his bed warm.

I relax into my partner's body, reducing my dancing to a gentle sway. We move together, neither speaking.

Is your conscience all right
Does it plague you at night
Do you feel good- Feel good?

He begins to move his hands along my body, caressing me softly. I rest my head back on his shoulder, shutting my eyes and exposing my neck. He begins to place kisses on me, gradually becoming more demanding. He spins me round and pulls my chin up to him. I still don't know who he is, my eyes still shut tight. He kisses me.

It's different to when I kissed him. It's harder, more desperate. The kiss tastes like Firewhiskey and smoke. It's harsh, so unlike the soft gentle kisses that he gave me. I press for more, snaking my arms around my partner's neck. If I keep kissing this guy, maybe I can forget about all the other kisses. I can drown in him.

But I know the real reason I haven't opened my eyes. If I see who I'm kissing, I won't be able to imagine it's him anymore.

"Remus!" Someone grabs my arm and pulls me away, leaving my partner stranded. I'm pulled across to the wall. I hold my head, trying to stop it from spinning, and open my eyes. James is glaring at me.

"Why'd you pull me away?" I say petulantly.

"You were making a complete prat of yourself! Snogging in the middle of the room!"

"So?" I laugh bitterly. "I'm free and single, Jamesie boy. I can do what I want with who I want."

He sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, Rem, I know you're hurting, and you want to hurt Sirius. But this isn't right."

I push him off angrily and stare up at him. "I do not want to talk about him. And stop calling me Rem. It's a stupid stupid name."

I turn away from him and look towards the corner where he's been sat. He's gone. I whirl, looking for him, but there's no sign. Maybe he's gone up to whoever's in his bed. I can't stop the way I feel about that. It hurts, like a dagger in my heart. I hate that.

"Remus, do you even remember who you were kissing?"

I shrug. "No. He was a good kisser, though."

"Oh, Remus!" James sits down, looking at me with concern in his eyes. "Can't you see what you're doing? You're becoming just like Sirius."

"Oh yeah, because I'm cheating on the person who loves me when I think he's not looking. I'm doing what he's specifically begged me never to do. I'm taking his heart and tearing it into little tiny pieces!"

"No. You're drinking yourself into oblivion, and snogging the nearest person to you." The sadness in his eyes gets to me. I kick the nearest chair over, regardless of the looks I'm getting from other people in the room.

"Leave me alone. You don't understand what's going on in my mind, you with your perfect life, and your perfect girlfriend. You could never understand me. So do us all a favour, and don't try."

I run across the room, not knowing where I'll end up going. I stumble from the portrait, losing my balance completely. As I'm about to collapse onto the floor someone catches me and holds me in their arms. I look up to my rescuer's eyes, and see the only person who can understand what I feel.

Lady of Faerie- We'll get you a Sev of your very own for Christmas. SlashyKitty- Is Choppy your axe? elsie777- Hmm… :little wink: decaydancexx- Never say never. QFan- Not just yet. Sorry. aishteru- Thank you for reviewing so much! EsScaper- I hope you didn't hurt yourself, falling off the chair. Heehee, lots still planned for Stromboli. bloodyredlips- Hmm. Nice idea. I only write short things at the moment. The Cotton Candy Kisses- I'm always scared of writing Peter, in case I get it wrong. Icy Sapphire15- I can't say. You have to pay attention, or I'll finish it when you're not looking! KawaiiMegami86- You think you're nutty? Try me and my friend. Leftover Jackson- I've just bought that album! And lots of people seem to like hands. We should start a society. carpe-nox-sulum-nox- Sorry for the depression. I'm happy, and I get angsty when I'm happy. 5 O'clock Charlie- 'Sound off!' '1' '2' 'That's about it'. girl-in-the-moon- HP world is not right. Tonks:strangle: Lykaios Nyx- I say again, just post! We love you! giant-hamster- No, this is my only shot at this. IssaLee- At heart I'm a sap. Does that make it better? butterflywings32- 'Eating Death'? I love that phrase! Zoutou- Wow! You came and read my story! Thankyou so so much! Your story is amazing and I am going to stop gushing now. puffskein- Ah, you must wait and see. Ta for the c2! lauren- Hey my closest Aussie fan!
Thanks to Versipellis, checkmarks, Selene182, Ayame Lupinand Korogi-chan.