Sweet and Bitter Sentiments

Despite my head start, I only reached the teacher's lounge a few moments before everyone else.

"Uchi…" I said and he looked up from where he sat next to who I assumed was his mother in front of Sawatari. He immediately looked back at his hands.

"What happened?" Yankumi asked walking up to them.

"Uchiyama beat up Teradomari from Class 3-A," Sawatari said. "It's a week's worth of bed-ridden injuries."

From what I had heard about that Teradomari kid, he probably deserved it. He was just another arrogant smartass. But of course, that wasn't the problem here.

"Uchiyama, why did you fight him?" Yankumi asked. Uchi remained silent.

"If you won't tell us, we can't argue that your actions are justifiable," Sawatari said but Uchi wouldn't say a word, even when his mom prompted him. "See, it's such a waste if some students do good things, and others cause problems like this. It all adds up to nothing!" Sawatari scolded him. "I hope you're ready for consequences."

"I was already going to quit school," Uchi said suddenly. Everyone stared at him.

His mom gasped. "Haruhiko, what are you saying?"

"It's a decision I made a while back. Thank you for everything until now," Uchi said, standing and bowing before leaving the lounge.

Yankumi and the others chased after him, but by the time they got to the front, Uchi had already left.

"You knew, didn't you?" Sawada said to me quietly.

I didn't answer. I felt terrible for Uchi. It was one thing to quit school, but it was another thing entirely to get expelled, which was probably what would happen to Uchi for beating up Teradomari. He would have to be upfront about his expulsion to future employers, which would severely harm his chances of getting a job even more than ever.

"What can we do?" Noda asked frustratedly.

"Let's try to find out the cause of the fight," Yankumi said. "And we should try to find Uchiyama as quickly as possible."

"Kana and I will look for him," Sawada said quickly.

I was surprised by the sudden nomination but I nodded. The sooner we found him…

"Alright. The rest of us will ask around about Teradomari," Yankumi said. I was incredibly impressed with how quickly she took action but there was no time for that now.

Sawada and I caught up to Uchi's mom as she was leaving the school.

"Is there anything that would tell us where Uchi would be right now?" Sawada asked her.

"Well, I did find this on his desk a couple of days ago," she said, handing us a local job magazine. "It was turned to this page this morning." She looked and sounded so distressed.

"We'll do our best to locate him," I promised her. She took my hands gratefully.

"I would appreciate that so much," she said, bowing as tears filled her eyes.

I did my best to ignore the twinge in my chest as Sawada and I took off to find Uchi.

Based on the jobs that Uchi had circled and crossed out on the job magazine, we narrowed down our search to a small restaurant near the park. We arrived just as Uchi disappeared inside.

We decided to wait outside, but we could hear how the interview was going.

"We don't want to hire any potential troublemakers here," a person who I assumed was the owner of the restaurant said harshly after criticizing Uchi's appearance.

Moments later, Uchi emerged from within the restaurant, looking dejected.

"Shin…Kana…" he said. He forced a smile.

"So it's not going well?" I asked him as we walked through the park.

Uchi shook his head. "The school doesn't want me, my mom doesn't want me, jobs don't want me…no one wants me…" He said this in a slightly joking manner but his voice trailed off sadly at the end.

Uchi just couldn't catch a break. First, he was framed as a criminal and now society would reject him without knowing that all he wanted to do was help his mom. I clenched my fists, angry at how we were boxed in from every side.

"Are you really going to quit school?" Sawada asked.

"Yeah," Uchi said, sticking his hands in his pocket. "I've already decided."

"I thought that I could quit school anytime too, you know," Sawada began. "But lately…I don't know why, but school's been fun. Maybe it's because of that crazy teacher."

"Yankumi?" Uchi said, and Sawada nodded.

"Uchiyama!" Yankumi shouted, running up to us. Speaking of the devil…

"I heard why you attacked that student," she said as she caught her breath. "He was hurting the stray puppy you found and were caring for, right? That's why you hit him."

"The puppy…" I gasped. Uchi hung his head, then turned and began to walk away.

"It's true that it's not okay to hurt other people. But that's no reason to quit school," Yankumi continued, walking after him.

"It doesn't matter," Uchi said.

"Your mom…she's going to go apologize to Teradomari," Yankumi said.

"So?"

"Can't you consider your mom's feelings for once?!" Yankumi demanded.

"Shut up!" Uchi burst out, unleashing his frustration at her. "My mom would be better off without me! She's always had to deal with my problems, bowing her head to people every time I caused problems and whatnot! I'm going to make my own money now so I can live without depending on my parents."

"Stop acting so high and might!" Yankumi shouted back at him. I cringed. What the heck? "No one can do anything alone! Can't you see that? Where do you think you got everything you have? Whose food did you eat and become so tall? Where did the clothes you're wearing come from? It's all from your mom who worked hard for you! She's never run away from you or backed down from being called out to school on your behalf. She does all of this for you!"

I bit my lip, trying to keep my temper. I wanted to defend Uchi, but Sawada beat me to it.

"He knows that," Sawada said a lot more calmly than I would have. "He's doing all this for his mom. She hurt her back last month, so he wants to work in her place and make it easier for her. Right, Uchi?"

Yankumi was speechless.

"You didn't have to tell her," Uchi muttered.

"Sorry…" Yankumi said apologetically. "I said too much."

I was taken aback. Yankumi was actually apologizing. Every teacher I encountered would have brushed it off as our fault anyway.

"Let's go," Sawada said, clapping Uchi on the back.

"Where?" Uchi asked.

"You aren't going to make your mom apologize all by herself, are you?"

When we reached the Teradomari's house, Uchi's mom was already there, apologizing. The kid was bandaged up everywhere and had his arm in a sling. Teradomari's mom was going on and on about how brilliant her child is and how Uchi was such the opposite. I gripped Uchi's arm, trying to encourage him.

"You know, your mom said that you're her life," Yankumi said softly. "No matter how much trouble you cause, she'll do anything for you."

"I'm really sorry," Uchi's mother was saying, bowing humbly.

"Where is your son?" the kid's mother demanded. "Isn't he here to apologize? You must keep a better eye on him! He's so reckless that he's even been mistaken as a criminal!"

"My son may be violent and may not be very smart, but he won't attack anyone without a good reason to," Uchi's mom suddenly defended. Admiration flared up in my heart for her, and I could see it in Uchi's eyes as well.

"I thought you came here to apologize, not accuse!" the woman said shrilly.

At this point, Uchi walked up to stand beside his mother. He bowed his head deeply.

"I'm really sorry for what I've done. There's no way to make up for it," he said. His mom stared at him for a moment before bowing again alongside him.

I watched this scene and couldn't help but feel a bitter emotion well up inside me.

On the way back to school, Yankumi, Sawada and I hung back a little bit so that Uchi could speak to his mom.

"Mom…I'm sorry," he said, swallowing his pride. "I'm really sorry."

"What are you saying, silly boy," she said, blinking back tears and patting him on the back. Uchi's mom then turned to me. "You must be Kana. My son has told me about you."

"Mom," he groaned.

"Why don't you come over for dinner?" she invited, extending the invitation to Sawada and Yankumi.

I stiffened. Dinner meant talking about my past, my current situation.

"I'm sorry but I have to decline. Thank you though," I said with a bow.

"Come on, Kana," Uchi said. "My mom's cooking is better than the takoyaki we shared yesterday."

Sawada raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored him.

"I'm busy tonight," I lied quickly. Uchi's mom smiled understandingly.

"Then you'll have to come another time. Thank you Yamaguchi-Sensei. I'll take him home now."

She took Uchi's arm even though he vehemently protested and they began to walk away together. I stared after them.

Yankumi began to wipe away dramatic tears.

"Parents and children are meant to be like this," she said dramatically.

"You're not so bad," Sawada said suddenly. Yankumi stared at him.

"Awww, your expression is so hard to read! But you're not a bad person either. You're a really good person!" she said, ruffling his hair. He pulled away irritably.

"I don't need to hear it from you," he said, and we began to walk away.

Yankumi really was an interesting teacher. Even the little things she did were different from any teacher I'd had before. But why was she like this? As far as I could tell, doing so much for us would give her no real reward. She was just weird.

"You lied about being busy," Sawada said without looking at me.

"So?"

"Uchi doesn't open his heart to just anyone. I wouldn't treat that lightly if I were you," he said.

"…Are you just jealous that I just stole your best friend?" I asked teasingly.

He ignored me and kept walking. Like Yankumi said, Sawada was a good guy but there were times I felt like he could see right through me. I knew I needed to be more careful around him from now on.

The next day, we found out that Teradomari had to pay a fine for animal abuse. His mother, in order to avoid having charges pressed against him, asked the school to act as if nothing happened, which meant Uchi would not get expelled.

The class began to cheer loudly and clap Uchi on the back. I sighed in relief. I knew that only Yankumi could have done this and a part of me wondered if I was being unfair by not giving her a chance.

At lunch, Uchi took out his lunchbox and we all stared at it hungrily.

"Aww~ is it Mommy's love-filled lunch?" Noda teased.

"NO," Uchi said. "Leave me alone."

Kuma reached over. "Let me have some!"

"Mine," Uchi said. "Don't touch! Ah, but Kana can have some," he added.

"It's so good!" I said, chewing on some fried shrimp.

"See what you missed last night? You should have come over," Uchi said triumphantly. I laughed it off.

"You guys make such a great couple," Minami said with a sigh. Uchi and I stared at him, then at each other.

"It's not like that, STUPID!" we both said simultaneously. "Can you believe this guy? No way!" Minami stared at us with wide eyes as Noda and Kuma cracked up. Uchi snuck a look at me and grinned.

"Oi, Yankumi. We thought of what we want you to treat us to for catching the culprit," Noda said when she approached. "Include Uchi while you're at it and treat us all again!"

"Yes! Don't think you can get away with just a school lunch. I want steak," Kuma jumped in.

"Shabu-shabu* for me!" Noda said grandly, waving his arm.

"I want sushi!" Minami said, pumping his fists.

"I treated you already," Yankumi protested.

"That was cafeteria food!" they shouted back at her in unison.

"The rest of this discussion…will be prolonged until later," she said, running away quickly.

"HEY!" Noda shouted after her. "That's CHEAP!"

Uchi stared at them in bewilderment as I watched them in amusement.

"You didn't miss anything," I said to him as the other guys grumbled loudly.

"You just called me Yankumi for the first time!" we heard Yankumi yell at Sawada by the entrance of the cafeteria. "Aww~ you don't have to be so embarrassed!"

Sawada muttered something and walked towards us, rolling his eyes.

As I stared at Uchi and how his friends started laughing and joking with him once more, I felt a tightness in my chest. I knew that getting too attached to them would be dangerous, for them and for me. But a part of me just couldn't keep away.

After school, I pulled Uchi aside.

"I want to celebrate your return with this," I said, pulling out a box from my schoolbag.

"…You want me to dye my hair brown?"

"No, me!" I said.

"Ohhhh…..okay!" Uchi said, finally getting it. "Where are we going to do this?"

I grinned. As far as I could tell, I was the only person using the girls' bathroom. The teachers had their own, and since Sawatari had installed a lock ever since some boys were caught sneaking into mine, I was the only person who had access to it. There was also a nice deep sink for the task at hand.

"Whoa, it's so nice and clean in here!" Uchi said when I let him in when no one was looking.

"Alright, so what do I need to do first?" I asked.

"Leave it to me," he said.

Uchi expertly began to apply the dye once a towel was wrapped securely over my shoulders. "Are you sure your parents are going to be okay with this?" he asked once everything was applied.

"Isn't it a bit late to be asking that?" I pointed out.

Sure, Shun would be pissed but I was willing to risk that. It was my hair after all.

I almost regretted it when I remembered that I would have to wait over half an hour with this stuff in my hair, but time passed quickly since Uchi kept asking for more details about the culprit hunting and what the guys meant by Yankumi treating them to a meal.

Uchi gently washed out the excess dye out and even helped me towel dry my hair. I stared at myself in the mirror.

"Now I'm definitely part of 3-D," I said, running my fingers through my hair. The color was darker than Noda's hair, but it was definitely brown now. "Thanks Uchi!" I said, punching his shoulder lightly.

"It's the least that I can do…"

I hopped onto the bathroom counter so that I could sit and still be eye to eye with him.

"Hey," I said, pulling him closer by his jacket sleeves. "Don't say that no one wants you, okay? Because that's not true."

He stared down at his shoes so I placed my hands on his cheeks to force him to look at me.

"Promise me," I said.

"…okay."

"Good," I said, briefly pressing our foreheads together for good measure. "Alright, how about we get out of here before you get re-expelled for being caught in the girls' bathroom?"

He grinned and I checked to see that the hallway was empty before letting him out.

We stopped at the park to feed the puppy one last time.

"The two girls that came to see the puppy the other day want to keep him," he told me.

"That's good, little guy. Now you'll have a home," I murmured to the puppy as it jumped around in my lap.

"Thanks Kana...for being there," Uchi said suddenly. I looked at him and he looked away, embarrassed.

"Look...it's what friends do," I said, remembering what Sawada had said to me. I knew now that if I asked for Uchi's heart, he would give it to me. Not because he was desperate or because he was stupid, but because that was the kind of compassionate person that he was. "And we are friends, right?"

He looked at me surprised then socked my arm lightly. "Stupid. What else would we be if not friends, huh?"

"Well..." I said with a smile and left it at that.

"What did you do to your hair?" Shun demanded when I came home.

"Uchi dyed it," I responded. "Doesn't it look nice?"

"What do you think you're doing?" Shun asked, his tone telling me that I was in huge trouble. "You dye your hair, deliberately disobeying me, you stay out late doing dangerous things, you give me attitude…maybe going to Shirokin was a bad idea after all."

"You didn't want me to dye my hair because you're worried about my image and my reputation. But it's my own life!"

"I'm just trying to keep you safe!" Shun responded, his voice rising.

"Well you're not my dad, are you?" I shouted at him.

He looked at me, startled. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, walking away from him. "I'm going to go work out."

I walked to the storeroom, where we kept some work out equipment. As I pulled on my gloves and began to hit the punching bag as hard as I could, I couldn't suppress the tears. It wasn't fair. I bit my lip and continued to hit and kick at the sand bag, but I couldn't get the feeling to go away. I hadn't meant to say that to Shun, but watching Uchi interact with his mom had brought up emotions that I didn't know I even had.

Never had I seen a parent and child care so much for each other. I turned away, knowing that I would never understand that feeling. I wouldn't know what it was like to fight and make up with my parents like that. I wouldn't know because I didn't have parents.

I knew Shun was watching me from the doorway. I paused when I heard him approach me, my shoulders tense. He grabbed me by the back of my shirt collar and threw me to the ground. The pain of sliding against the concrete floor shot through me.

"Damn straight I'm not your dad," he said angrily, "but this is the path you chose, remember? Quit acting like a child and grow up."

Loud laughter suddenly came from the entrance of the house, breaking the silence and I knew that the others were back.

"Get up," Shun said before turning and leaving the room.

I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, muffling my sobs. It was true...but it just wasn't fair.

Author's Note:

*Shabu-shabu: Japanese-style hot pot

Thank you for reading! I know some of this is confusing, especially since things about Kana & her background are being revealed little by little, but let me know if something is particularly confusing.

As always, I appreciate your questions/comments/concerns! ^^

- Reisa