My first day at college. I feel so grown up. No, really.

OK- are we still allowed to respond to reviews? Coz nothing's changed in the rules. So I'm gonna keep on doing it, unless anyone can show me the thing which says we can't. I'm just bloody minded.

PS- Stromboli's first name is Matt. The reasons for which I will reveal to a few people. If they ask nicely.

Was it all wasted
All that love?

"Remus! Merlin, you nearly fell over. Are you ok?"

It's Stromboli. He's holding me close, his eyes filled with some unidentifiable emotion. I stand on my own legs, his arms still circling me, and smile at him. "Yeah, fine."

"You don't look it."

He releases me and I slump against the wall, not caring that I'll end up blocking the corridor. "Probably because I am drunk at the moment."

"Why? I thought you hated that. When Sis used to get drunk, you always got mad at him."

"In this particular case, the use of alcohol is justified."

"Because…?"

"It's just… everything's crap."

He smiles slightly and sits down opposite me. "Isn't that slightly pessimistic?"

"Not pessimistic- just realistic."

He nods. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I put one hand to my head, trying to stop the ache inside it.

"You and Sis haven't been together much recently."

He says it as a plain statement, nothing more, but I still whip my head round to look at him, sending tendrils of pain shooting across my eyes. "Why? Have you been watching?"

"I can't help but watch." He shuts his eyes as if in pain. "I still love him."

"I'm sorry, Matt. Really, really sorry."

"It's ok."

I shift uncomfortably. "Matt, Black and I were… we… um…"

"Remus, stop. I know what you're trying to say. You and Sis… you were together."

"How do you…"

"I watch him, remember? It was easy to see from the way you were around him. I know what it's like to love him. Don't worry. No one would have noticed unless they were really watching. And understanding what they were seeing."

I bow my head. Black hurt him, just like he hurt me, and it was my fault that Stromboli is now in pain. "I'm sorry for taking him away."

"I don't blame you, Remus. I blame him."

"He's an evil git."

"No, I don't think so. Mostly, I think, he's a child. He sees something, wants it, takes it, leaves it."

I run my hand through my hair, then stop as I remember Black saying something about it being 'adorable'. I'd rather not do anything he'd think of like that. "Matt… how do you do it? Still loving him? How do you get through the day, still seeing him all the time?"

"I'm not really coping. It's driving me insane." I reach across and put my hand on his knee. He looks up and smiles gratefully. "I guess you're in the same position, so you know what it's like. How I feel about him and everything else."

"I'm angry at him. He's such a bastard."

He tilts his head. "What did he do to you?" he asks curiously.

I breathe in, steeling myself. "You know I went to St Mungo's for a bit? Well, when I got home, he was snogging some girl at my welcome home party. Then we had an argument, and he told me he never loved me." My voice shakes slightly at the end. I clench the hand resting on his leg into a fist, hating the way my feelings betray me.

He covers my fist with his hand. "He doesn't know what he had."

"I hate him, Matt, so much. I'm angry, and I wish he was dead, and I think he's a bastard, but I can't forget him. I still dream about him."

"I know. It's like no one else will ever make you feel the same way again. No one else could ever make you feel as alive as when you're with him, as loved. And yet you know that with him you were dying, one piece at a time."

I stare at him. "That's it, that's how I feel."

"I've been out with a few people since him, but nothing's ever come out of it."

I think. The only other person I've ever even kissed, apart from Black, was whoever I was dancing with earlier. I want to know who that was. Maybe that person could help me get over Black, and make him jealous. "Matt, where you in the common room just now?"

He nods. "Yeah. I came out to get some air."

"Good. Listen, did you see me dancing?"

"Yeah…"

"Did you see who I was dancing with?"

He blushes and looks down at the ground. "Um, yeah. Me." I gaze at him. I've never spent this much time alone with him. Hell, I've never looked at him properly before. His hair is very dark brown, hanging down to chin level in waves. A few months ago he put blonde streaks in it, but they're nearly completely gone now. His eyes are a bright shining azure, countered by his heavy black lashes. His face is sharp, his cheeks slightly sunken, and although he's not traditionally handsome there's something about him… You know that he's experienced, and that he could please you.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I-I'm sorry," he stammers, and looks away.

"No, it's ok. I would've stayed if James hadn't pulled me away. You're a good kisser."

He smiles. "Thanks. Not so bad yourself."

"But why me?"

He shrugs. "You looked like you wanted to forget. I wanted that as well. I thought, maybe, we could forget in each other. You're also the only person who could ever make me forget Sis."

I know I'm blushing, the compliment taking effect now that the alcohol is wearing off. "But how? I'm nothing."

He comes closer, kneeling in front of me. His blue eyes lock with mine as he brings one hand to rest under my chin. His thumb begins to wander across my face, running across my lips. "You are," he says, his voice low and husky. "You're smart, funny, tender, kind, compassionate, everything that he's not. And you're beautiful, in a soft golden way that he could never be." He leans in to kiss me, a gentle brush of the lips to gauge my reaction. He draws back, his hand now cupping my cheek. I watch, quite detached, as my own hand comes up to stroke his hair back from his face. I have to keep my eyes open while we're kissing. Then I know I'll be able to get over Black. This time it really will be Stromboli that I'm with. We kiss again, this time in a hard crushing kiss. Both trying to forget by filling our senses with the other.

A noise makes us pull apart. Standing in the corridor, staring at us with pain in his eyes, is Black. I look at him coolly, then pull Stromboli forward. I open my mouth and force his open. Our tongues battle, and we drown in each other.

We sit like that for a few moments, kissing, then draw apart, panting. I look up the corridor.

He's gone.

elsie777- Nice premonition. Ain't I evil? QFan- Ta for the cookies. My toe got worse today- I forgot and stood on my points. Ms.Lykaios Nyx- Ah, but it wasn't Sirius! And look, I gave you the newer name. Like or no? FlamencoPenguin- Ta for the c2 :blushes: And lovely review. RonaldYHarry- He's going off the rails, crazed by grief. Lady of Faerie- Be careful with Sevvy! Once you get him, he won't be returnable! KawaiiMegami86- Nuttiness is good! carpe-nox-sulum-nox- Woo! Go Mash! "Get me Tokyo." "What, on the radio?" "No, open the door and yell." chaeli.meep.- I have to make it angsty. I'm a depressing person. IssaLee- In my first idea they were gonna get together, but I changed my mind. Oo, and ta for the celebration! You were the only one to notice :sniff: SLC- Well… oo, I can explain, but I'd ruin it for everyone. Tell me your email and I'll explain without spoilers. I was kinda worried about you, and feeling neglected! ;) SlashyKitty- Even bigger depression fit now, methinks. EsScaper- Maybe I use my toes to type. butterflywings32- Hmm. Missy, write! lauren- Half a world away. I do no geography either. Ethereal Dawn- Ta! Wow, all the way through at that time? Let's start a 'we hate tonks' society. Selene182- Glad you like me cliffies. Leftover Jackson and Artina- Glad you both like it, and don't worry about being hyper. The song rules! cerasi1- It'll soon be over, I promise. This fic will get finished.
With thanks to Versipellis, suckers love, Miss 'Nubis, decaydancexx, Karamela, The Cotton Candy Kisses, Icy Sapphire15, clamsofmacabre, Freak in Corner, marina-potter and freakanature.