The white walls were illuminating. Was she dead? The pain in her body told her otherwise.
"Dana?"
The voice was not the one she expected.
"Mom?"
She felt her mother's hand tighten the grip on her own.
Smile, Dana, Smile.
But there was nothing to smile about. She couldn't fake her happiness for her mother. Instead there were tears.
"Mulder?"
Mrs. Scully read the expression on her daughter's face and heard the pain in her voice.
"He's fine. He wanted to be here but …"
Mrs. Scully's words were interrupted.
"But the doctor who promised him that he would be here lied to him."
Mulder shot a quick glance at the doctor standing next to him before making his way to Scully's side.
"I thought … when I didn't see you …"
"It's okay. I'm here now."
He took her hand into his; their fingers intertwined. She looked beautiful. A little pale but beautiful nonetheless. Her face was relatively unmarked. A few bruises marked the areas where Edwards had hit her but they were quickly going away. Most of the damage was on her torso and luckily, her hospital gown covered those wounds.
Mulder could visualize the area where the knife went through. He could still see all the blood pouring out. It had nicked an artery and if Mulder had been a minute later … he shuddered at that thought.
As for Scully, her eyes were penetrating through Mulder's shoulder.
"It's nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing."
"It doesn't hurt. Not anymore."
"Let me look at it."
Mrs. Scully took her cue. She had long felt that the two lovers needed to be alone but she could not tear herself away from her daughter.
"Coffee. I think I'll get some coffee."
She bent down to get her daughter a kiss and stopped to give Mulder an affectionate squeeze on the arm before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.
"I'd thought she'd never leave."
"Scully …"
Scully had inched over towards the now empty seat on her left side, indicating to Mulder that she wanted him to be next to her.
As soon as he took his place, Scully begin to unbutton his shirt.
"Scully? Don't you think it's too soon? For you I mean?"
She shot him a glare. Finally reaching the final button, Scully's traced her hands along Mulder's abdomen before making her way to his bandaged shoulder. Carefully, she lifted a corner of the bandage to asses the wounds.
"Stitches. How many?"
"I forget."
Mulder was paralyzed by Scully's movements. For days he had been yearning for her touch and now she was right next to him.
When she was done with her investigation, Scully buttoned up Mulder's shirt and gently rested her head on his chest. Mulder, in turn, wrapped his arms around her, careful not to put any stress on her wound. They stayed that way in silence for a good while.
It was Scully who broke the silence. Her facial expression during the speechless draught told Mulder that she was thinking about something painful. She was thinking about Randy.
"Mulder … I was going to tell you … eventually anyhow."
Her mother had told her in advance of what she had told Mulder. Then, Scully had just sat in silence, shocked at the words coming out of her mother's mouth but understanding them. Randy had always been a painful issue of the Scully women. Now she had to explain it herself to Mulder.
"I was going to tell you when I felt that the matter was finally at rest. When we were married."
Scully looked down at her ring finger and saw the white band of skin where her engagement ring was supposed to be. It was lost in the struggle with Edward and she had considered it lost forever. Mulder had never made a mention about the ring.
"If Ed …"
Scully stumbled at the name. The memory was still too fresh.
"If he hadn't come that night, I would have been married to Randy … and I would have never met you…"
Scully trailed off. Mulder had remained silent, taking in Scully's words. He felt no anger towards her for keeping the secret. He had kept too many secrets in the past from Scully to allow himself to have that feeling.
"Do you …"
"I don't regret anything Mulder. I loved Randy and I still do but what I feel for you is different … It's stronger."
"So then why did you feel the need to keep this from me?"
He wasn't prying. He was just curious.
"Because I wasn't sure how I felt. I wasn't sure that I could do that Randy, Mulder. He was the first man that I ever, truly fell in love with and I didn't feel that way for a long time. Not until I met you. But I still felt that I was betraying him somehow, dishonoring his memory and his love for me by marrying someone else … marrying you."
Mulder tightened his grasp on Scully. He did not want to let her go.
"In an odd way, I'm thankful for was Eddie did."
She had no hesitance with the name this time. Mulder gave an inquiring look.
"I think I saw him – Randy. He was there, protecting me, keeping me alive until you came. I took comfort in that, more than I ever expected but it made me remember things, Mulder; things that I had forgotten because of Randy's death. I wasn't always happy then. He drank a lot. Never physically abusive, but sometimes his words would just hit all the right places. I knew that he loved me but sometimes I questioned my own love for him."
Scully stopped to catch her breath. It was draining her, reliving all these memories. She had never expected that they would catch up with her in this manner. She always thought Mulder would find out through a slip of the tongue or by flipping through some of her old photo albums.
"Sometimes I would be afraid that he would hate me for loving you, even though he's dead. I feel like he knows that what I feel for you is stronger than what I ever felt for him. A part of me felt that he hated me for loving you but another part told me that he was happy. I think I know now though … what Randy wants for me … what he wants for you."
Scully looked up at Mulder. She had been avoiding eye contact with him for the entire time.
"I saw him too."
At this Scully unwrapped Mulder's arms around her and sat up straight.
"What?"
"When I thought that I would lose you forever, he came – Randy. And he showed me where you were. He led me to that cabin in the woods."
"Then how did Skinner …"
"He found out later. A lead came through but by that time I was long gone."
Before Scully could say another word, a nurse came into the room.
Mulder tired to make his excuses, but the nurse would not allow him to stay. Ms. Scully needs her rest she said. You can see her tomorrow. It pained the nurse to force the love-sick man away but she was under strict doctor's orders. Mulder finally complied.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
He kissed Scully on the forehead before making his way towards the door.
"Mulder … you're jacket."
Mulder turned around to see his jacket hanging from the coat rack. He had placed it there a day ago, when he was first allowed into Scully's room. He had forgotten that it was there. Mulder went over to pick it up and draped the jacket over his arm. Two objects fell to the ground.
Clink. Clink.
Mulder bent down to see what they were. Rings. Engagement rings. One old, the other new. Randy's and his own.
"What was that Mulder?"
"Uhh …"
The nurse was still standing in the room. Her gaze told Mulder that it had to wait. But Mulder shot a quick glance towards Scully and saw the pale band of skin on her ring finger. No. It could not wait.
He darted over to Scully with both rings in his hand. He acted like he wanted to give her one last kiss, going through the motions of bending down and grasping her hand. But in the act, he quickly slipped a ring on her finger, leaving the other hidden in his palm.
"Good-night love."
The nurse had moved closer to the couple, either oblivious or impatient towards the scene in front of her.
Mulder cleared his throat with an air of defiance and awkwardness and quickly made his way out of the room. The door closed behind him and Mulder heard the nurse trying to make light conversation with Scully. He played with the ring remaining in his hand.
It was Randy's ring. He knew that Scully couldn't see it – at least not anytime soon. She had barely begun to recover from this most recent ordeal. The most logical answer would be to get rid of it, but Mulder's mind was never the logical one. Instead, he dropped the ring into his pocket, making sure not to forget of its presence again. He would figure out what to do with it when he got home. But now, he wanted to savor life. He wanted to rest. He wanted to dream. But most of all, he wanted tomorrow to come; because maybe by tomorrow, Scully would have figured out which wedding invitation she wanted to use.
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Thank you for reading this endeavor of mine. I appreciate all the feedback and hopefully I'll have another story soon.