Downward Spiral

Author's note: This story is rated T but slightly mature themes will trickle in and out of the story. Nothing will be explicit, but I definitely don't want to shock or offend anyone. Thank you for your understanding.

We all piled into class arrived just as homeroom was starting, only to see Oda and Ochi arguing.

"Shut up!"

"You're always like this!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Wanna fight?!"

Ochi punched Oda, causing him to crash into some desks.

"Fight!" Noda shouted excitedly, and the class became an uproar as desks were cleared to create a makeshift arena.

I sat on top of one of the desks, eyeing this "fight" with annoyance. Yankumi would walk in at any moment and we would get in trouble. Then again, this was just harmless fun.

"Someone keep an eye out for teachers!" Uchi instructed, trying to cover our bases. The guy next to him nudged him. "What? You have a problem with that?" Uchi snapped.

"No…it's just…she's already here," the guy said.

We all looked over and saw Yankumi kneeling by the fallen twin, egging him on to stand up and fight back. We all stared at her, the room becoming silent.

"What?" she asked, bewildered.

"Why aren't you stopping us?" Minami asked.

"It's just one-on-one fight, right? It's not a sashigoro," she said.

"What's that?" Kuma asked.

"You know, a fight with knives and stuff," Yankumi declared. "Don't you guys know that?"

"Most people don't know that," Noda said.

As Yankumi looked stuck, Sawada muttered "baka" under his breath. Now that we knew about her background, we saw that she was failing miserably at hiding it.

"Hey! I've never seen such a disorganized homeroom in my life!" Sawatari Kyoutou shouted, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Where's Yamaguchi Sensei?"

I turned and saw that Yankumi had hidden behind Kuma, who was the biggest guy in the class. She put a finger to her lips when she saw me looking, but I just rolled my eyes. I hoped she wasn't like this during actual yakuza confrontations…

"Kumai…what are you hiding?" Sawatari asked, observing the strange way Kuma was standing.

"Nothing!" Kuma insisted, but Sawatari was smart.

"Yamaguchi Sensei!" he shouted, and she stepped out meekly. She looked around the class.

"Bad class! Get to work!" she said.

He chewed her out for a while, which was the usual, before he said, "Don't forget about what we talked about at the meeting," and left.

"What did you talk about at the meeting?" Minami asked curiously.

"You know how that random group is going around beating up people with metal sticks?" she asked us.

I sat up. This is what Shun was talking about.

"Oh yeah. I heard my dad talking about it," Noda said.

"Well, because of that, the teachers now have to patrol the shotengai at night and I got stuck with the first shift…"

"Whaaat? Now we can't go to the arcade tonight," Shimazu grumbled.

"And what's worse, I bet all of the teachers are suspecting us of doing it…" Minami pointed out.

"No, no they aren't," Yankumi insisted weakly. Of course they were. It's what they did. "Anyway, I believe that you guys don't have anything to do with it…AH! I wasn't supposed to tell you about the patrolling! They'll think I gave you a heads up! Please keep it a secret that you know!"

Her clumsiness was just too much to keep up with. This yakuza heiress was asking us to keep secrets. I put my head down, feeling a headache coming on.

Because of the whole thing with Yankumi the night before plus the midterm, I hadn't slept as much as I wanted, so I couldn't wait to go take a nap on the roof. It was the one good thing about midterms – we would get a nice fifteen minute break in the morning before classes commenced again.

Luckily the midterm today hadn't been too difficult. The guys seemed to have been too caught up celebrating yesterday about the English one to remember that there were other subjects to study for. But today's was history, and it was the one subject I actually enjoyed. Ando was also lazy and so his tests were pretty much exactly like the review. The rest of our midterms were next week, so we didn't have to worry about them until then.

It was the end of May now, which meant things were considerably warmer, but not too hot yet. It was perfect napping weather.

While the guys sat around complaining about how unprepared they had been for the history exam, I slipped up to the roof. There was a nice long bench and with my blazer as a pillow, I had no trouble getting comfortable.

When I was settled and halfway asleep, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair.

"Uchi," I mumbled without opening my eyes. I heard some shuffling of other benches and felt someone lie down next to me. I dozed off, too lazy to tell him to move.

In what seemed like minutes, my alarm went off on my phone. I groaned, not wanting to get up to go to class. I then realized that not only was my pillow a lot cushier than it had been, but there was a heavy weight across my stomach. My eyes flew open when I realized that my head was resting on someone's shoulder and someone's arm casually slung around me.

Even for Uchi, this was a bit forward…

I turned my head and almost rubbed noses with a sleeping –

"ABE?!" I shouted. "What the hell?!"

I nearly fell off my bench trying to get away from him.

"Gosh, Kana-chan, you're so loud," he groaned, opening his eyes.

Once the initial shock wore off, I was pissed. Who did he think he was, coming and sleeping next to me, and thinking that it was okay to put his hands on me?

"You creep!" I shouted, kicking him so that he fell off the bench. "Ugh, I can't believe this!"

I wanted to beat the crap out of him but now that he had violated my personal space, I didn't want to even go near him.

I ran down the stairs to get off the roof. I had almost reached 3-D when I crashed into Sawada.

"Why are you in such a hurry? Class doesn't start for another 5 minutes."

He stared as Abe came down the stairs behind me with a ridiculous smirk on his face.

"Kana-chan, I have to talk to you later."

"Whatever," I said, dragging Sawada with me towards 3-D.

"What was that?" Sawada asked as I stormed into the classroom.

"Ugh, he woke me up from my nap," I said. I was still fuming, so it must have sounded convincing because Sawada said nothing in reply as class started.

When I came out of the bathroom during lunch, Abe was waiting for me.

"Before you say anything, I want you to look at something," he said, shoving his phone in my face.

My eyes widened. He had a photo of us, and no matter how you looked at it, I was sleeping in his arms.

I snatched at the phone but he was quick and because he was taller than me, I couldn't reach it.

"One click and this will be all over the school," he said smirking.

I stood there, calculating my moves. Could I punch him in the balls and grab the phone before he clicked that send button? No, his finger was hovering too close.

"I could say you photo-shopped it," I said, trying to buy time.

"Hmm….but it's not like I asked for this," he said. "You're the one that rolled into my arms."

"I was asleep, you bastard!" I shouted, throwing a punch. It merely grazed his arm as he somehow dodged it and caught my arm.

"Girls like you shouldn't use language like that," he scolded. "But what a shame. Your entire class is going to realize they were holding back when it came to you. Who knew you were so easy?"

"What do you want, Abe?" I hissed. "A congratulations for preying on a helpless girl?"

"A girl, yes, but helpless? Not so much," he said. "I want one date. That's all I ask. And at the end of the date, I'll delete this photo forever."

"…That's it?" I asked, honestly surprised. I figured he would ask for things…a lot worse.

"Oh, I could ask for those things you're thinking about," he said with a smirk, "but by the end of the date, you will be begging me to give it to you."

"As if," I spat at him.

"Do we have a deal or is your perfect schoolgirl reputation going to bite the dust? I'm sure Sawatari would love to see this," he said.

I considered my options. As long as he had that photo, he would hold it against me. And I was sure that he would actually do what he threatened to. I thought about Shun's words – that I needed to make graduating as easy as I could. If this photo found its way to the teachers, they would never look at me the same again. I might even be expelled for having inappropriate relations with other students because they would of course assume the worst. Not to mention what my classmates would say…

"…Fine," I said. Besides, how badly could one date go?

"Good," he answered, smirking. "Tomorrow afternoon. Be ready."

Abe certainly wasted no time. He walked me back to 3-D's classroom to the irritation of my classmates. I headed to my seat, only to hear him say, "Thanks for spending lunch with me today, Kana-chan."

"HUH?!" the entire class shouted at me.

"Wait, you spent the rest of lunch with Abe?!" Minami demanded.

"Is that why you disappeared?" Noda asked me.

"Is that a crime?" I responded in frustration.

"…I mean, it's not, but Abe?" Uchi said.

"Kana, you might not know him that well yet, but he's not a good guy," Kuma said to me.

"I appreciate you all worrying but all we did was talk," I replied.

"About what?" Noda asked me.

"I dunno…class," I said.

Luckily, Fujiyama walked in to begin English class, and the guys completely forgot about what had just happened.

Sawada leaned over while everyone was giving her their full attention.

"Was it about this morning?" he asked me.

"…no," I said, turning away from him to face the board.

After school, I decided to go straight home. I didn't even walk through the park with the guys like I usually did. I figured they might remember what had happened with Abe at lunch, and I didn't want to answer their questions. If I could have my way, no one would even know about the date. I didn't want to ask them for help, because their way of "helping" me would probably be to start a fight and that wouldn't do anything but guarantee that Abe would send that picture to Sawatari.

When I got home, too early for my shift at work, I flopped down on my bed.

There was a knock but before I could answer, Chiba opened the door.

"You look pissed," he remarked, stumbling inside.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Not much," he replied, sitting on my bed.

I narrowed my eyes at him. Chiba didn't approach me for no reason at all.

He seemed to sense my reluctance to believe him and he laughed.

"What, I can't come in here and talk to you?"

"Are you drunk?" I asked, sitting up. He reeked of alcohol. "What happened to your job?"

"I skipped out," he said with a shrug.

"Why don't you talk to your girlfriend?" I asked.

"…we broke up."

Oh.

Chiba's fingers wandered over my shirt buttons. I grabbed his hand and pushed it away.

"Look, Chiba, I'm not in a good mood right now," I said, standing up.

"I can fix that," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer to him.

"Seriously, Chiba?" I spat at him. "Just because you broke up with your girlfriend does not mean I will do whatever whenever with you."

"Why not? You used to."

I knew he would say it. I knew, and it still felt like a slap across the face.

"That was once, and it will never happen again. I'm not like that anymore."

We stared each other down for what seemed like forever, until he finally stood up and brushed past me.

"It was worth a try," he said without looking at me. "But seriously, don't get so full of yourself."

With that, he slammed the door behind him.

Several moments passed before I finally exhaled the breath that I didn't even realize I had been holding. I stared down at my hands, noticing that my nails had almost cut into my palms from clenching my fists too hard.

"Kana, can I come in?" Shun's voice came from the other side.

I made some noncommittal noise and he opened the door.

"What happened?" he demanded. "Did Chiba do something? Why did he slam your door?"

"I don't know…"

"Look, I know that Chiba can be insensitive, but if you want him to leave you alone, he needs to respect that."

"He was just upset about breaking up with his girlfriend, but I was already upset about some things so we were just taking it out on each other," I said.

He looked at me skeptically.

"Shun, I swear it's fine, okay?" I insisted.

"Okay," he said. "You're still down to work today?"

"Yeah," I said, grabbing my uniform. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay then."

I knew that Shun wasn't stupid. He knew that Chiba and I had some beef that we never told him about. But he had never brought it up, especially because Chiba and I were pretty civil to each other on most days. But there were just some days that everything seemed to aggravate our relationship…and there was no way that I could tell Shun the truth.

I worked my shift as usual, but at night, when I approached my room, a feeling of dread came over me. Chiba hadn't really done anything, but it caused me to remember some things that I had pushed far from my mind.

Instead of going into my room, I slipped down the hallway. I looked around to see if anyone was watching before I slipped into Sho's room.

To my surprise, he was actually there. Sho worked in a popular restaurant in Ikebukuro, and there were some days he didn't come home until the morning.

"You're home!" I said, startling him.

"Geez Kana, don't scare me like that," Sho said, turning around in his chair. "So…why are you here?"

"…I don't want to sleep in my room tonight," I said quietly.

"So you thought you'd steal my bed?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

I grinned. He knew me too well. I flopped onto his bed before he could protest, snuggling into his covers.

"What happened?" he asked, coming to sit on his bed.

I blinked at him innocently. "I just like your bed more."

He gave me a look and I sighed.

"…I just remembered how I used to be when I first came here."

"What about that time?" he asked gently.

"I was such a mess," I said, burying my head into his pillow.

"You still are," he pointed out and I smacked him with his pillow. "Alright, I kid! You're definitely a lot less of a mess than you were back then, I agree."

I sat up and pressed my forehead into his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, what happened?" he asked as I began to cry.

I hated crying in front of people, but there was no other person in this house that wouldn't ridicule me or completely freak out over it. And Sho had seen me cry before so what was one more time, really.

"I wish I was a boy," I whispered. "Things would be so much simpler."

"Why do you say that?" he asked, putting an arm around me.

"If I was a boy, things would have turned out so differently for me…and right now, being a girl is such a disadvantage…"

"Hey, you can't change what happened in the past," Sho reminded.

I knew that, but…

"Chiba broke up with his girlfriend," I said quietly.

I felt Sho's grip tighten on my shoulder.

Because the last time Chiba had "broken up" with his girlfriend, he and I had gotten really really drunk and had done some things I wasn't proud of.

It had happened pretty soon after I had moved into the house. I had realized rather quickly that while Shun wanted me here, not all of the guys did. There were a few guys like Sho who had been friendly from the beginning but the rest had either interacted with me in an awkward way or avoided me altogether. I had been desperate to belong somewhere, and I wanted the approval of the other guys.

I had absolutely no feelings for Chiba, but because we had been both dealing with the aftermath of terrible breakups, I felt like I understood what he was going through. When he invited me to his room to have some beers, I didn't hesitate.

A week later, Chiba got back with his girlfriend, and we never spoke of it again.

I looked up at Sho, remembering what had happened about two weeks after the incident with Chiba.

"Drink with me, Sho!" I said, bursting into his room with an armful of beers.

"You are so underage," Sho said, but he accepted a beer anyway.

Three beers later, I knew I was pretty buzzed, but still conscious of what I was doing. I crawled into Sho's lap and pressed a kiss to his lips.

He pretty much immediately threw me off and I stared at him, stunned.

"Sorry, did you have a girlfriend I don't know about?" I asked, trying to laugh it off.

"No," he answered, looking extremely conflicted.

"Then what's the issue?" I asked, leaning closer to him.

"Dammit, Kana, you need to value yourself," he said, frustrated.

I pushed him away, disgusted. "I don't need a lecture from you," I spat, standing up. "Just tell me you're not interested and I would have gotten the hint."

"…Kana, I'm gay," Sho said quietly.

I turned around quickly. "What?!"

I mean, Sho did keep his appearance really neat but since being metrosexual was a thing, there was nothing that really screamed 'I'm attracted to guys' about him.

My shock slowly turned to embarrassment.

"Well…this is awkward…" I said, trying to find the perfect words to say before fleeing the scene.

And before I knew it, I was crying and Sho had the decency to not only let me cry, but to let me sit on his bed again to cry it out.

"I'm so embarrassed," I sniffed. "I thought that maybe…you guys would like me more if…"

"Kana, I already like you, and you don't need to do anything for me. The other guys…they're just not used to having a girl around, and it'll take them time for them to get used to it, but it'll be okay."

"…it's too late," I whispered.

"Why?"

"…A few weeks ago…I…with Chiba…"

Why Chiba never told anyone, I had no idea. Maybe he didn't want his girlfriend to find out. Maybe he was scared that Shun would find out and kick him, or maybe both of us, out. That was probably it. Not that Shun had given me any rules about dating or whatever back then, but I was still underage.

"You know, I was super lucky that I picked you," I said to Sho, who rolled his eyes.

"Because I'm gay?" he asked.

"Because you cared enough to not let me continue down that path," I said.

Ever since that day, Sho became one of my favorite people in the house. He could have told Shun but he didn't. And when I discovered that he hadn't told anyone else in the house that he was gay, I realized that Sho had taken a huge risk in confiding in me, even though he had no reason to at all. I didn't know how to repay his trust in me but to trust him back.

I shuddered to think what I would have lost if I had continued to believe that that was all I was good for. Some of the guys were like family to me now, and that wouldn't have happened if Sho hadn't interfered from the beginning.

"Why did you pick me?" he asked.

I blushed. "Because…you were really nice to me…and I thought you were really cute…"

Sho burst out laughing. "I'll take that as a compliment," he said, ruffling my hair.

The last thing he said before we both fell asleep was, "Kana, you're not the same person you were back then. You don't have to be afraid. You've changed."

Had I changed? Really? A part of me hoped that I had. But one thing was for sure: the person I was back then wouldn't have been able to turn down Chiba like I had today. And I couldn't help but think that that in itself was a victory.

The next morning, I found Sawada waiting for me by the front gate.

"You're here early," I remarked.

"Can we talk?" he asked. "It's about Yankumi."

I nodded. We ended up on the soccer field, because I insisted that the roof wasn't a good place. Sawada looked disbelieving of my reasons but he didn't argue.

"On the way home yesterday, I ran into Tetsu-san and Minoru-san."

"Ah," I said. Who could forget the first yakuza members we had met?

"I ended up asking them a few questions about Yankumi. It turns out that since becoming a teacher was her dream, she might not end up taking up her role as the next Oeda clan leader."

I nodded, slightly confused but interest piqued. What made Yankumi want to be a teacher? And a teacher at a place like Shirokin?

"But it seems her grandfather and her clan are supportive of her decisions, even though some of them secretly hope that one day, she'll come back and be the fourth generation leader," Sawada said.

I bit my lip. I was lucky to have Shun supporting my decision to go back to school. He could have easily been completely against it, like Chiba.

"Did something happen yesterday?" Sawada asked me. "You've been acting weird…like more than usual."

"I am completely fine, thank you," I said, glaring at him. "And I am not weird!"

"You talk with people like Abe," he pointed out.

I fell silent. I couldn't argue with that. But I sighed internally. If I had gone along with the guys after school, maybe the whole thing with Chiba wouldn't have happened.

We walked into homeroom just as the guys were all riled up about something.

"Kuma-chan~! Kuma Kuma Kuma!" Noda shouted excitedly. "Guess what I found out for you?! Yesterday's girl from Momojou, her name is Morisaki Ami!"

"Wow, you're amazing Noda!" Minami said, clapping his hands.

The guys began to crowd around Kuma, who looked dazed.

"What's this about?" Sawada asked. I leaned forward.

"Yesterday, this Ami girl spilled her parfait all over Kuma," Uchi explained with gusto.

"And she did her best to wipe it all up with her handkerchief," Noda said wistfully. "What if she's totally into you too, Kuma?"

"No way! She has a boyfriend, remember?" Kuma said, hitting Noda lightly.

"Then you should go beat him up!" Minami insisted.

"Yeah, just take her away!" Uchi insisted.

I laughed. Like these guys would actually have the nerve to do these things.

"But…" Kuma protested to the guys' urgings, but he looked incredibly happy.

"Kuma, love is first come first serve," a voice said. Huh? Yankumi?

"Hey, since when did you get here?" Noda demanded as she pushed through the crowd.

"Wow, springtime is the season of love," Yankumi murmured.

"Spring's over," Sawada reminded her.

"No worries Kuma, just go for it!" she said.

"Huh?"

"You should just throw your straightforward feelings at her!" she said, and some of the guys began to nod in agreement. Um, that was disrespectful towards her boyfriend, Yankumi.

"Hey," Sawada said, standing up and tapping her shoulder, "stop saying irresponsible things."

"Irresponsible? I'm just trying to give him love advice-"

"Do you even have enough experience in this field to give advice?" he challenged.

There was a long pause during which the entire class leaned in to hear her answer.

"Let's begin class," Yankumi finally said, and the class collapsed in disappointment.

I grinned. Sawada was definitely pushing her yakuza buttons on purpose. And of course she didn't have experiences falling in love. Who would date a person like her?

"Kana, what do you think I should do?" Kuma asked me as class started.

"…do you have any way of contacting her?" I asked.

"Well…she did leave her handkerchief. I should probably return it, huh…"

"That might be good," I said as encouragingly as I could.

Kuma seemed like he was really into her, and I was happy for him, but I was definitely not qualified to be giving advice on this kind of stuff either.

Unfortunately, everything went downhill from there.

Abe came to see me during lunch.

"What do you want?" Oishi sneered at him.

Abe smirked. "I'm here to talk to Kana-chan."

"Like hell you are," Uchi said, jumping off of seat. "She eats lunch with us."

"Yeah, no one wants you here," Minami said to him.

"Wow, Minami, standing up to me now? We used to be so close," Abe said, acting hurt.

"Yeah, well we aren't anymore, are we?" Minami shot back at him. Huh, I wonder what happened there?

"Whatever. I just came to remind Kana-chan that we have a date after school today," Abe said.

Uchi grabbed Abe by the collar. "You need to stop spouting nonsense," he growled.

With the entire class now threatening to beat Abe out of the classroom, I knew I couldn't just let them go at it.

"Actually, I did promise Abe, and I intend to keep my promises," I said, standing.

"Whaaaat?!" the class shouted at me.

"Why are you going on a date with him?" Noda demanded.

"Because I want to," I shrugged.

My class seemed to be too shocked at my answer to reply. Meanwhile, Abe slipped out of Uchi's grasp and left the room, but not before giving me a wink.

"Why him? It could have been any one of us in this class," Minami protested.

"Yeah!" the class chorused.

"He asked me straight up," I said. "None of you guys asked me."

"That's because…" Gamo began, but he trailed off.

"Because at first, you guys all immediately liked me because I was a girl. But once you realized that I was not ideal girlfriend material, I became pretty much a "guy" in this class," I pointed out. The class quietly contemplated this.

"But you don't like being treated like a girl," Kuma said.

"Yeah, you want to be seen as a girl but not treated like one? That's so confusing," Noda said.

"Maybe it's something that we guys will never understand," Tomita said from the front of the classroom.

"Ah," the guys all murmured in agreement.

"I've always been a girl," I said, frustrated. "You guys don't get to pick and choose when you want to acknowledge that. Don't act all jealous and protective the moment I'm treated like a girl from someone else! You guys were all just looking at your dirty magazines like you didn't care that I was here just moments ago!"

I left the classroom, frustrated. Was I completely justified to be upset? Maybe not, but I was more than a little annoyed. If they just wanted to wrap it up all neatly by saying they'd never understand me without even trying to, then screw them.

The fact that I was going on a date with Abe spread like wildfire at the school. Guys began to confidently approach me in the hallways, asking if I'd be willing to go on a date with them next. I spent most of my time hiding in the girls' bathroom to avoid them.

"Why are you doing this?" Uchi demanded as he caught me during a break.

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't help but snap.

"Abe, that's what," Uchi said. "You don't even like him. He calls you Kana-chan. You hate that."

"I just wanted to be treated like a girl for once," I said. "I don't want to be one of the guys."

"So Abe makes you feel like a girl," Uchi asked.

"Yeah," I said daringly.

I saw how tightly his fists were clenched and I took a step back.

Sawada walked up to us at that moment. He put a hand on Uchi's shoulder before he turned to me.

"Does he have some dirt on you or something?" Sawada asked.

"Yeah, what's he holding over your head?" Uchi demanded.

I laughed. "You think I would let someone like him blackmail me? I would kill him before he did that."

"Look, Kana, we're not going to interfere if you really are going out with Abe because you want to," Sawada said finally.

"I'm not dating him," I said. "It's just one date. And yeah, it's my choice." Why did my lies always sound so weak when Sawada was involved?

"But if he hurts you, you know we won't hesitate to step in."

"I can handle myself. Why can't you all just leave me alone?" I snapped.

"Fine. We will," Uchi growled. "Don't come running to us when things don't turn out like you want."

Really? Sawada's look seemed to say before he too walked away after Uchi.

Even Yankumi seemed to find out about it.

"Kana, I hear that you and 3-C's Abe are getting along really well," she said, completely ignoring her lesson to talk about it.

Uchi immediately scowled and kicked at his desk. The fun atmosphere in 3-D was gone.

"Gosh you guys, you can't be mad at Kana for finding a boyfriend in a different class. You guys were all too slow," Yankumi said, completely misunderstanding their attitude. "You guys should do the same and become friends with the guys from other classes. It might be good for you."

I slunk down in my chair, completely miserable. My friends were pissed at me. Yankumi was unknowingly making things worse. And me? I just hated Abe more and more. And I still had the stupid date to look forward to.

*baka: stupid/idiot

Author's Note:

Yup, there's lots going on in this chapter/arc. The great thing about it, though, is that there's no pressure to wrap it all up perfectly by the end of the arc/episode like a drama.

Adding more of Sho into the story made it interesting because Kana's certainly not alone, but she chooses to take on things by herself. Also, Chiba's part is also interesting because I think in my original posts, I made Kana's "gang" seem like it was a completely supportive group with absolutely no issues, but that isn't the case.

Thank you so much for reading this far. Let me know what you think via the comments. I would really appreciate input on the next couple of chapters especially because so much has been changed/added since the original.

I really appreciate you all!

- Reisa