In my defence as to why this wasn't up earlier, the site was being stupid. Some of you have read this already, but most of you haven't... and if you have, you didn't review. Naughty people.
I'm choked up. This is the last chapter! Thank you to everyone who reviewed this, coz you boosted my confidence no end. I love you all! Even those people who stuck this on favourites and didn't review :grumble: ;) Hope you like this resolution, and keep an eye out for a little Stromboli massacring. Have a great 2006!
Warning- lemony taste to this one. Please be nice, it's my first try.
"Rem? I push open the door to our dorm. I'm not sure what to expect. There's a big part of me that just wishes he'll be sat on his bed, reading a book, a soft smile on his lips. I really don't want to have this conversation. I know he needs it, but I'm not sure if he's ready to admit that need. He might well throw me out of the window. I just want him back to normal, how he was before we broke up and he started dating that scuzzbucket.
He's stood by the window, his back firmly towards me. The sunlight, now fading as it sets behind the mountains, gives him an aura. He looks like an angel. As I move closer I realise I won't be able to see his face unless he moves. His blonde curls hide him from my searching eyes.
"Rem." No reply, not even a twitch to show he's aware of my presence. "Rem, talk to me."
"I'm fine." If you didn't know him, you'd be able to take his statement at face value. There's nothing in his voice to betray him, no little tremor to show what's he feeling. And that's the biggest giveaway of all. I've known him, and watched him, long enough to know that he's trying to fool me.
"You need to talk. And it may as well be with me."
"No. I really don't need to talk."
"Please, Remus. The others are getting worried about you. They can tell that something's wrong."
"It's none of their business." His voice has tightened. Good. At least he's showing some emotion.
I place a hand on his back, his warmth spreading through me. "They care about you."
His hands are resting on the windowsill, and as I finish speaking his knuckles tighten. "They shouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because something's wrong with me."
I shake my head, even though he won't see it. Not unless being a werewolf includes 360° vision. "Remus, there's nothing wrong with you. You're an amazing person."
He laughs quietly. "That's what you said when I wanted to kill myself."
"It's as true now as it was then. Without you, my life isn't worthwhile. But with you, everything's better."
He shakes beneath my hand, taking swift breaths. "If I'm such a good person, why did it happen to me?" He turns suddenly, his eyes wide with desperation. Now I have no physical contact with him, but he's so close that I can feel every movement he makes. "Why did he do that to me?"
His voice is pleading. I know he wants answers, but what can I say? He's obviously gone past the stage where 'he's psychotic and seriously mucked up' would suffice. So I settle for the clichéd copout. "I don't know."
"I can't deal with this anymore." He won't stop moving. Every single part of him is shaking, his head, his arms, his body. I'm worried that he's heading for a breakdown. Which might actually help him. "He's there every single time I shut my eyes. I'm afraid to sleep. It's why I'm always last to bed, so that you won't come up and hear me tossing and turning. It's a torture, Siri. I see him in the common room so much, and if you're not there he smirks at me. He knows what I look like, completely, and it's horrible to think about him thinking about me. I feel so dirty, so used. I smile back at him, so no one knows something's wrong. I smile, because if I don't smile then I'm afraid of what I might do." He lets out one deep shuddering breath.
"Are you afraid of crying?" My voice is quiet.
"I… I can't cry. I mean, why should I cry? I feel like I should, but I can't."
"Maybe crying would make it too real to you."
He gives a sad smile. "I think it's already too real."
"He hurt you, Remus."
"The bruises are fading. Soon they'll be gone, and I'll be back to normal."
I frown, and touch his chest. His heart is fluttering. "He hurt you in here too."
"Do you know how clichéd that is?" He turns away. "Cheesy git." I pull him around by one shoulder, wrapping my arms around him. At first he stiffens, then as I breathe into his hair he relaxes and clutches at my shoulders. "He's right."
"Right about what?"
"If he can do that to me, maybe I really did deserve it."
"Rem-"
"No, Siri. I hurt him a lot, and didn't even think about it."
His hair is tickling my chin. "What sob story did he tell you? Did you once push past him in the corridor, causing irreparable damage to his delicate little psyche?"
He shifts slightly, admonishing me. "He really did, in his own way, love you. And I didn't take that into account. I took you from him."
"And so what? He was going to split us up forever?"
"Yes. I was so evil to him, I deserved that."
"No!" I pull back a bit, lifting his chin with one finger. He stares back at me, no expression on his face. "I fell in love with you ages before I went out with Stromboli. It wasn't your fault. I dumped him before we got together- ok, not before we confessed our love for each other, but before we properly got together. And anyway, we split up." I let go of his chin and bury my face in his hair. I'd forgotten that small incident. I still loved him, but how was I meant to say that? This contact might well be the nearest I get to him ever again.
"That was him too."
"What?" I jerk backwards, my eyes unbelieving. He looks almost haunted.
"What do you remember of the night we split up? All of it?"
"I got drunk, then when I woke up I went to our dorm which you'd destroyed, James had a go at me, I cast a spell on him, then you came out of the bathroom and said 'unus frater verus'."
"You were drinking with Stromboli, and you told him you loved me. He sent you to sleep, took a bit of your hair, and went upstairs to snog a girl in my presence. Then he had a go at me. I thought it was you."
I stroke back a bit of his hair. "You know I'd never do something like that to you."
"That's just it." His eyes are shining in the half light, and his cheeks are lightly flushed. "I was bad to you too. I never listened to what you said. If I'd just listened, then none of this would've happened. I was so damn stupid."
"Hey." I place my arms back around his waist. "It probably would've happened. I was betraying your trust. You really didn't want me to drink, and I kept on lying to you about it."
"Why are you still here, Siri? Why have you stayed?"
"I love you." He shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak, but I stop him by placing a finger on his lips. "I do, and nothing you could say would ever change that. Unless you became a totally different person, I'll always love you. Anyway, I promised I'd be there whenever you needed help. I keep my promises."
"I don't know if I can be helped." There's fear in his eyes.
"We should tell someone."
"No. They'll think it was my fault. Hell, I think it was my fault. I don't want people staring at me in the corridor, going 'Look, there's that slut'. I don't want anyone told."
"He might do it again."
"What am I going to do?" I know he's avoiding the subject, but I won't push it.
"Don't pretend like everything's ok. Coz it obviously isn't."
"I feel a bit better, talking to you."
"You can come and talk to me whenever you want."
He smiles at me, the first time I've seen that complete heartstopping expression in months. "Thank you, Siri." He reaches up and kisses me lightly on the mouth, leaving me yearning for more. He only draws back slightly, enough for me to still feel his breath on my lips. "Werewolves mate for life," he says softly. "If he had… raped me, then I would never have been with anyone else." There's something in his eyes, some kind of question.
"What are you saying, Remus?"
"I'm saying, that I want that one person to be you." He kisses me again, this time more forcefully. "Help me forget," he whispers.
I lean down and kiss him, our tongues battling for dominance. We walk backwards, collapsing onto his bed, trying to not stop kissing. He disengages from me long enough to shut the curtains and utter two spells- one to stop any sound, another to stop them opening.
I pull him back on top of me. His kisses leave me hungry, hungry for more. I've dreamt about this for so long… I want to experience every part of it. It doesn't seem real, but I need it. So does he.
He pulls at my shirt blindly, wanting to lose it. Difficult, it's a t-shirt, and there's no way he's ripping it off. I push him upright for one moment, pulling the shirt over my head, and lie back down. His hands wander across my chest. They're icy cold. It feels infuriating against my hot skin.
"Siri," he moans as I leave his mouth and move onto his neck, slowly sucking on spots which I know are sensitive on me. By the sounds he's making, he's enjoying my work. My fingers move onto his buttons, sliding each one out slowly. I flip him onto his back so that I can take control, forgetting that he's the wolf. But he submits, placing his hands behind my neck. From this position I can see the scars across his chest, the ones I've always adored, and the new ones Stromboli gave him.
The git's etched words into my precious Moony. The scars from the wolf, I love them, they're part of his deceptive fragility, but this… this is sacrilege.
"Siri?" Rem's eyes are filled with fear, and I remember how he wouldn't let me see this the night of the attack. He's afraid that I'll hate him for it.
Leaning down, I kiss each word in turn, running my lips along his porcelain skin. "Only your parents would know this one," I murmur as I pass along the first one and onto the second. "You're only a monster if I steal your chocolate."
He gasps in pain as I touch the last one. "Still hasn't quite healed."
I smile, and instead whisper the words over his skin. "You're definitely not a whore. I'm your one and only."
His hands are running up and down my back as I work on his chest, giving butterfly kisses to every inch. Then he begins to tug at my waistband. We lose our trousers, abandoned to the bottom of the bed.
As I hold myself above him, I pause. There's an amount of fear there. I don't want to hurt him, and if he wants I can deal with this by myself. "Are you sure Rem?"
"Yes." His eyes shut, and I find myself missing those beautiful amber depths. "I love you."
---(AN- I can't write it. Sorry, I'm a wuss)---
We collapse, and curl up onto the bed. He falls asleep almost immediately. I'm left to hold him safely in my arms. I stare down at his head on my bare chest. I love him, now more than ever. And Stromboli will pay for the hurt he caused.
He'll burn.
Actually, I have a question. Should I put in what Siri's gonna do? Coz there will be a mass Stromboli mutilation, but should I write a serious one? As well? I spoil you lot.
And here's a little competition for you all! Person who can guess nearest to the average word length of these chapters (not including notes, so you can't cheat), I will write them a fic. XD