Making Amends

After the incidents with the Shinguji guys and Abe, the weeks barreled on towards summer vacation.

Abe left me alone, which made my life easier. There were occasionally times we'd pass each other in the hallway, but he would keep walking, refusing to acknowledge me. And Sawada had been right. Not a word about Yankumi punching Abe was heard outside of 3-D. Yankumi had been incredibly tense for a couple of days but after that, things were back to normal.

My relationship with 3-D wasn't fixed immediately. There were still moments when they made assumptions about my feelings or I would do something that was confusing to them. But to their credit, they were trying really hard to be attentive to my feelings, almost too much.

For instance, they insisted that the whole thing with Abe wouldn't have happened if they had been keeping a better eye on me so they designed an entire schedule which meant that there would always be at least two 3-D students walking me to and from everywhere I went during school hours.

"This is ridiculous and unnecessary!" I protested but they would have none of it.

"This is our way of protecting you!" was the reply.

"Hey, we should also rotate who walks you home!" Minami said.

I looked at him in horror. How would I explain that this was where I drew the line? I would endure anything during school hours, but they needed to give me space after school.

"Maybe that's too much," Noda spoke up, noticing my predicament.

"But what if she gets assaulted on the way home?" Yagyu said.

"Yeah!" the class chimed.

Yankumi walked in at that moment, about to start class.

"Kana, I just found out that your grandparents are your legal guardians and that they live in Tochigi," she said to me.

"Tochigi?" the guys chorused.

I wasn't sure how to respond to this sudden change in topic. And why was Yankumi digging around my background?

"No wonder I don't see you hanging out with these guys after school," Yankumi continued. "You wouldn't want to get home too late after all out of respect to your grandparents."

Oh. OH. I could use this.

"Yeah," I said simply. "They live in Tochigi."

"Wait, so your commute is pretty far?" Uchi asked.

"And all those times you stayed late with us, you've had to go home at night by yourself?" Minami asked concernedly.

"All the more reason to go along with you!" Mori argued. "That's so dangerous!"

"No!" I said too quickly too loudly. Everyone stared at me. I rushed to find an excuse, any excuse. "My grandparents don't know that this is an all boys' school. So it wouldn't be good if any of you followed me home. They would pull me out immediately."

"You didn't tell your grandparents?" Yankumi asked, surprised.

I shook my head. "After getting expelled from my last school, they expected me to quit school altogether. But I found out about Shirokin and asked them if I could try one more time. I'm the one that dealt with all of the paperwork…if they knew that there were no other girls, I would be forced to quit."

This was all true. I had literally begged for one final chance. They agreed on the condition that I would be able to find a school that would still admit me after seeing my record. As far as they knew, Shirokin was a new co-ed school, and I was getting along with both my male and female classmates.

Yankumi looked perplexed. "I don't like the idea of them not knowing…but we wouldn't want you to have to quit…"

"Then we'll at least walk you to the train station!" Chikamatsu suggested.

Ugh, they just wouldn't drop it.

But thanks to their little system, I got to know 3-D better on an individual level. While I didn't immediately click with every person, knowing more about who they were and what their interests are and why they even ended up in this class helped me to understand my classmates better. Even Oishi, who to me seemed to be the most intimidating and rash person in the class besides Uchi, became someone who I felt more comfortable with.

And once the rest of the school saw that, they left me alone. No more random invites to "hang out" and certainly no more letters in my shoebox. Some of the girls at my last school would have been devastated, but I was beyond pleased. This also meant I didn't have to ever explain myself about "dates" to the guys at home.

And though I should I have expected it, once the discovery about Tochigi was made, my relationship with my five closer friends shifted.

My daily conversations with Kuma and Minami went something like this:

"Kana, I found some more restaurants with local food that you have to try!" Kuma would say during homeroom, putting a bunch of pamphlets on my desk.

"More, Kuma?"

"Yeah! See this one? I wonder if you can get food like this in Tochigi…"

It always made me wonder if Kuma realized that Tochigi wasn't actually that far away. It wasn't like we were traveling across the country here. But I also knew that Kuma was searching for the "perfect" restaurant to take Ami to once he racked up enough courage to ask her out, so I put up with his constant recommendations.

"Kana, more importantly, how about introducing me to Tochigi girls?"

"Minami, I already told you that I went to school in Saitama and I hardly know anyone in Tochigi anyway!"

"Saitama girls then!"

"…I really don't keep in touch with anyone from back then…besides, isn't it just easier to get a girlfriend who's from around here?"

Minami would then sigh dramatically. "I don't know if you noticed, Kana, but we go to Shirokin. Girls are scared of Shirokin guys. It seriously kills our game."

I would then roll my eyes and start getting ready for class.

Those two would without fail bring up Tochigi every day. But the other three…

Noda seemed extremely confused about this whole Tochigi situation since he knew about my job at the café. He didn't voice his confusion or his suspicion though, so I left it alone because I wasn't sure how to bring it up either.

Sawada was the only person who didn't seem to care about this whole Tochigi thing. Sure, it didn't make sense why I would come all the way from Tochigi just to go to a school like Shirokin, but he didn't question it. At times, I wondered if he even believed it to be true. But like Noda, he didn't say anything, so neither did I.

And Uchi…my friendship with him was always the most complicated.

My conversation with Uchi after the Abe incident hadn't been too terrible in the end but it was difficult and awkward to have.

We ended up talking in the park after school after a weekend of thinking things through. We sat across from each other, both of us clearly unsure how to even begin this conversation.

"I said some terrible things to you," Uchi said finally. "I accused you…of not being loyal…and of…sleeping with Abe…I can't believe I jumped to those conclusions, especially about you. I just…I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were angry," I pointed out. "And I was angry too. But to be honest, I think most of my anger was packed into that punch so I'm not really mad anymore." This was true. I just wanted to move past it and go back to normal again.

Uchi fell silent. He seemed to be mulling over a lot of things.

"What are you thinking about?" I prompted.

"I thought you going on a date with Abe was a joke at first," Uchi admitted. "I thought you were just trying to humor him. But when you told me that he made you actually feel like a girl…I was really angry, but mostly at myself for not noticing that the way we treated you was actually bothering you."

"Well…I wouldn't say it bothered me until this whole thing actually happened," I explained. "The moment you all found out that I was spending time with Abe, it was like something flipped in 3-D, like it was the first day I was in that classroom."

"…why didn't you ask us for help?" he asked quietly, picking at the grass.

"About Abe?" I asked. He nodded. I thought for a minute about what I could say. What would be genuine enough for Uchi? "I grew up doing a lot of things on my own. I was scared at first to ask people around me for help because I didn't want to look weak, but that grew into a pride in being able to take care of myself. Even now, the environment at home is one that reinforces being tough and taking care of problems on my own."

"From your grandparents?" Uchi asked.

I nodded, not trusting myself and not wanting to hear myself lie to Uchi.

"So you thought that Abe was something you could take on by yourself," Uchi said. It wasn't judgmental, more speculative.

"It was my problem and I didn't want to make it a big deal," I said. "What was one date compared to possibly being shunned by the school? But Abe was a bigger scumbag than I thought, and before I knew it, it had already blown up in my face."

"I still want to hurt him," Uchi said angrily. "Forcing you to do things you don't want…are you sure you don't want us to do anything to him?"

"Yankumi punched him already. Besides…it's just better if we never have to interact again. I'm fine. He didn't hurt me…he was just stupid enough to think that he would be able to get whatever he wanted from me."

"When I heard that you had been seen at the hotel…it wasn't even something that I anticipated happening…and then I just assumed the worst. It didn't even cross my mind that you didn't even want to be there," Uchi continued quietly.

"Yeah…I guess it did hurt when you assumed that about me…" I admitted quietly. He lowered his gaze in shame.

We sat in silence for a while. I didn't want him to feel bad, because there were always going to be things that I could never tell Uchi. But how could I explain that to him without telling him what those things are?

"I was angry…because…" Uchi broke off, swallowing hard.

I remembered what Sawada had told me about Uchi, about his issues of trusting people. "Because you thought I was betraying you?" I asked softly.

"I know I have no right to feel that way. I mean, you don't owe me anything and even though I…"

Uchi fell silent again. I wasn't sure if he was going to finish that sentence, but then he spoke.

"…do you still think we can be friends?" Uchi asked me.

I looked up in surprise. "Did you think that not being friends anymore was a possibility?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to talk to me anymore. Yankumi's right. You were always there for me, even when I hadn't even given you a reason to trust me. But the moment I should have repaid the favor…"

"Hey," I said, making him look at me. The words started to spill out of my mouth. "Whether you like it or not, I'm not going anywhere. I know it hurt you when it looked like I didn't care about what you thought and that I didn't turn to you about my issue with Abe. And I'm sorry. To be honest, there's definitely still a part of me that feels like I could have handled it on my own. But when you and the rest of the class came onto the roof in my defense, I felt incredibly happy. And you know what? I'm sure there will be tons of other times when I'll be stupid and you'll come through for me. Okay?"

"…okay," he said. "And I'll ask you when you do something I don't understand."

"…I guess we should have been a lot less mad and a lot more communicative," I said, sensing the end of our conversation.

"Yeah…it's like we both forgot how to be friends for a moment…"

"I'm sorry," we both blurted out simultaneously. We stared at each other before laughing.

"I missed…this," he said. "Hanging out and stuff."

"Me too," I said. But our conversation wasn't over yet. I had promised myself I would tell Uchi at least this, so I racked up some nerves and placed a hand on his arm. "I do want to make one thing clear. You said that you thought I was different, and I know you meant that in terms of me and Abe. But…I'm not the kind of girl you might think I am…"

"…What do you mean?" he asked.

I took a breath. Why was this so difficult to admit to Uchi? "I think it hurt more that you thought I was like that because...I used to be that kind of girl…I ran into scumbag guys but I didn't know where to draw lines in our relationship, and so I gave more of myself than I should have."

I expected him to look at me the same way he did when he accused me of sleeping with Abe, so I took back my hand and stared at my feet.

Uchi suddenly jumped to his feet. "Who are those guys?" he shouted furiously, startling me. "Who would take advantage of you like that? Where are they? Tell me right now so I can go beat them up!"

People around us in the park stopped what they were doing and stared at us as I looked up at him, mouth open in shock.

"Tell me!" he insisted as I stood up, grinning. "Why are you smiling? I'm being serious!"

I began to laugh. I couldn't help it. He was so upset, and this was not the reaction I had been expecting. "Uchi, it's fine. It's all in the past anyway. But…thanks."

Uchi looked at me skeptically.

"Look," I said, trying to be serious again, "there are some things about me that I'm still not ready to share with you or the others. There are lots of things about me that I'm not proud of and I know you might be worried about it or get angry again…but I promise I'm okay. And if I'm not, I'll tell you, okay?"

"…Yeah," Uchi said, even though he looked a little confused.

"Oh, and there is something you can do for me," I said, changing the subject.

"What's that?" he asked immediately.

"…there's one place that I absolutely love but I took Abe there and now I won't be able to go there without thinking about him. Can you help me fix that?"

"…yeah but how?" he asked.

I dragged him with me to the batting center.

"Here?" he asked.

I nodded. "Can we bat a couple of rounds?"

"Okay…that's it?"

"Yup! Winner buys takoyaki?"

"Hell yeah," he said with a grin.

After that, things had relatively gone back to normal. There were times that I could tell Uchi was being careful with his words, but we were able to joke around like before, and that's all that I wanted.

There was a part of me that wanted to tell him that Sawada had told me about his background, but I wasn't sure how he would respond so I didn't. And there was always always going to be the sinking feeling I got every time I looked at Uchi. I didn't understand it either. I was fighting so desperately to keep our friendship, yet there was no way I could ever be completely honest with him.

I wasn't being fair and there was nothing I would do about it.

Though most things had quickly gone back to normal, there were a few more things that had changed.

I noticed that Kawashima went out of her way to say hello to me. It was definitely awkward because of the whole condom thing that had happened, and at first, I thought it was her way of keeping tabs on me, but after a while, I wasn't so sure anymore. She was never pushy, but it was like she was making clear to me that she was simply there. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

My relationship with Yankumi also changed after that. She was definitely making more of an effort to spend time with me, especially during breaks and lunch. The guys would grumble that she was butting into time they looked forward to not being under supervision of teachers, but she would show up anyways.

At first, she tried to talk about super "girly" things. She would bring up shopping, makeup and boys, but because I had no interest in those things, she would end up talking all about her crush on Shinohara, the detective that seemed to always be in charge of incidents related to Shirokin.

For someone who had grown up with the yakuza, Yankumi was painfully oblivious to the realities of what happened in relationships. She talked about Shinohara as if he was a prince and all the gentlemanly things he could do to sweep her off her feet. First of all, I didn't think she even realized the consequences of a yakuza-bred woman like her getting involved with a detective. Secondly, it was like she had been sheltered from all the womanizing that yakuza people tended to do. I considered handing her one of the condoms that Kawashima had given me just to see how she would react, but I decided that would be a little bit too cruel and so I refrained.

If Yankumi wanted to consider relationships to be all lovey-dovey and perfect, I wasn't going to be the one to burst her bubble.

But it wasn't just with me that Yankumi insisted on getting to know.

One day, Yankumi had this ridiculous idea to hold five minute meetings with us to figure out what we wanted to do. After all, this summer break would be "crucial" in respects to our futures. I figured she was fed up by how we failed to take her "future career" worksheet seriously.

She said she would fail our math finals if we didn't show up to make sure we would do it.

I was pretty sure she wasn't allowed to do that, but I showed up to my session anyway, not knowing what to expect.

"Kana, come in," Yankumi said beaming. "I've been wanting to have this woman-to-woman talk for the longest time and I'm sorry it's taken so long!"

"Ah, it's okay," I said, not sure what else to say.

"So you're adjusting well to this school? I know the boys can be rowdy but they really are good people," Yankumi said enthusiastically.

"I know," I said.

"Especially since you came from an all girls' school," Yankumi rambled on.

"So what have you been asking everyone who walks in here?" I asked.

"Oh yes. What are you interested in doing after graduation?" Yankumi asked me.

"I'm not going to college," I said. "That's all I've got."

Yankumi's brows furrowed. "Surely there must be something you want to do."

I shook my head. I'd been focusing so strongly on graduating that I hadn't really thought about the future. I figured I'd stick around with Shun, probably still work at the café.

"Well, what kind of job would you like, assuming you'll be working?" Yankumi said.

"Anything, really," I said with a shrug.

"You must have some interest in a particular business."

I sighed internally. So Yankumi would attempt to squeeze a nonexistent life dream out of me.

"Café," I said finally.

"What was that?"

"I'll work at a café," I said.

Yankumi blinked. "A café?"

I waited for her to tell me that it wasn't ambitious enough and I should aspire for greater things.

But Yankumi suddenly clasped her hands together. "That's a brilliant idea!" she exclaimed. "If you work hard enough you can become the manager one day! I can just imagine walking in and being greeted by my former student! You'll have to become more outwardly friendly, of course, but we have enough time to groom you into the perfect hostess and manager! Leave it to me!"

I don't know where Yankumi's fantasies were taking her, but I hadn't been expecting her to be so enthusiastic about this.

She eventually got through the entire class. It was like pulling teeth, but everyone came up with something to tell her and according to my classmates, she had surprisingly responded with more enthusiasm than expected to each and every person's "dream".

But she wasn't satisfied with just hearing them. She began to take "practical" steps to make sure they would become a reality. We just had no idea what she was planning.

"Our last event before summer vacation is our annual school festival!" Yankumi announced one day, only to be met with boos.

"No one even comes to that for us," Uchi explained.

"Yeah, no cute girls ever come," Minami said.

"But now that Shirokin is technically a co-ed school, I'm sure lots of girls will come because they'll be curious to see how Shirokin has changed."

What kind of logic –

"REALLY?!" the guys all exclaimed. Well…all, except for Sawada.

"Of course," Yankumi said with a smile.

The class was immediately over the moon and it took a while for Yankumi to calm them down.

"Since it'll take too long for our class to come to a consensus on anything, I've decided to designate a class representative to lead the class's idea. Drumroll please!" Yankumi said. The guys obliged. "And our class representative for this year is….Kana!"

"Why do I have to do it?" I demanded immediately.

"Because you know…your dream!" she said with a wink.

My dream?

Oh. That dream. To manage a café…

"It'll build your leadership skills," she said in an exaggerated whisper.

But I wasn't a leader type. If she had picked Sawada, he could have said anything and the guys would do it. But me?

I stood awkwardly in front of the class. Yankumi told me we had two days to decide what we would be doing as a class before leaving the classroom. It didn't help that Sawada sat back with his arms crossed, smirking as if he were enjoying my pain. I glared at him before I turned to the class.

"What should we do?" I asked.

"How about food?" Of course, Kuma. But I was grateful that he had even thrown out a suggestion. But the vetoes from the class came loud and swift.

"Too much work."

"We'd end up smelling like food."

"We can't pick up girls like that."

"Plus Kuma'd eat it all."

"HEY!"

"What about a band?"

"…a 26 person band?!"

"Not all of us can play instruments you know!"

"Then you can dance in the background!"

"You're demoting me to the background?!"

"Guys!" I shouted before a fight broke out yet again. "Seriously."

"A host club!" Minami shouted suddenly.

"Minami! You're a genius!"

"Yes! This way we can spend time with all the girls!"

"And we can all appeal to our own talents!"

"But…" I began, but no one was listening to me. They were all too excited about the idea of chatting up girls as their contribution to the school festival. But there was one problem with doing a host club. Fujiyama was recently almost fired for being a hostess. She might see it as super insensitive of us to do something like that.

I didn't super care what Fujiyama thought, but I knew it would kill the guys, especially Noda, to find out after the fact that they had unintentionally hurt their beloved English teacher.

The guys came up with nothing else that afternoon and I was tempted to blow the whole thing off. School festivals had never been fun to me and I was sure that this would be no different.

Author's note:

Thank you so much for reading and all of your lovely comments!

This chapter in particular took a long time because not only is it not an episode in the drama, but I wanted to get the conversation between Kana and Uchi as close to the heart of their characters as possible. Kana's still protecting herself, but some of the guys are definitely peeling away at her layers.

Also, a reader (SakuraTomoyoIsolatedHope) pointed out that there was an inconsistency as to where Kana went to school before Shirokin and I wanted to clear that up!

The full name of the school is Momoyuri Jyoshi Gakuin (桃百合女子学院）which is referred to as Momoyuri as well as Momojou for short. I've used both names in different chapters, but it's the same school. I'm really sorry that was confusing.

Thank you so much for reading! Happy holidays! I can't believe that the next time I post will be in 2015!