Volatile

Chikamatsu and Mori caught up to me after school as I was walking home and insisted on walking me to the station. I tried refusing, but they wouldn't take no as an answer.

"The other guys would be pissed if we shirked our duties," was their explanation and who could argue with that.

Chikamatsu was pretty chatty while Mori was the quieter of the two. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to them because I was trying to figure out what we could possibly do as a class for the school festival. The guys had talked about the host club idea and nothing else for the rest of the day, and I was starting to get annoyed.

First of all, the school probably wouldn't even let us do a host club.

And secondly, as much as I hated it, I was in charge of this whole thing. What was I supposed to do while the guys cozied up to the girls, if girls even actually showed up?

Why did Yankumi have to put me in charge anyway?

"…Kana?"

I was jolted out of my thoughts when Mori said my name.

"Huh?"

"We're at the station."

"Oh...I was thinking about the school festival." I cringed as I said it. It was as if I was putting effort into something I didn't know if I actually cared about.

"The host club is going to be so awesome!" Chikamatsu grinned.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Thanks for walking me here. You guys can leave now."

"It's fine! We can wait until you buy your ticket and go in!"

"Yeah, it's not like we have to rush anywhere."

This is what I feared would happen. How would I explain that their kindness was not doing me any favors?

"I actually have a couple of errands to run before I go…"

"Oh, you should have told us! We'll go with you!" Chikamatsu said pleasantly.

…seriously?

"I…um…have to buy some…um…girl things," I said finally.

"Huh?" Chikamatsu said, clearly not getting the hint.

I looked pleadingly at Mori, whose eyes widened.

"Oh…um…we'll be going then," Mori said finally, grabbing Chikamatsu's arm.

"What? Why? I don't get it!"

"Just come on!" Mori hissed at him, dragging him away.

I waited for them to turn the corner, just in case, before turning and quickly fleeing towards the shops that lined the streets south of the station. I wondered if Mori had sisters or a girlfriend that we didn't know about…no matter what the reason, I was glad he understood that I needed to be alone, even if it was a lie.

I quickly made my way through the streets, brushing past elderly people on their daily stroll, mothers running last minute errands with their kids, students heading to cram schools. The crowd dwindled the longer I walked on, but I felt safer as the harbor came closer and closer. The walk home was one of my favorite parts of the day, because until I started living with Shun and the others, it had been years since I had a place that I considered my home.

I turned into a smaller street that had older stores, local haunts that one would only know about if one grew up here or happened to find them while exploring. I ducked into a small bookstore, the familiar smell of old books and green tea hitting me as I entered.

"Ah, Kana," Nomura-san said, looking up from where he sat in the corner.

"Hello," I said as warmly as I could. "I was hoping to use your back exit."

Nomura-san chuckled. "Trying to escape from the boys again, are we? Shunsuke certainly has his hands full."

I grinned, despite how I had been feeling earlier. Nomura-san was the older owner of this small bookstore and was one of the few adults that I trusted. This store was one of my favorite places to come to, not because I loved books, but because Nomura-san let me take refuge here many times when I was avoiding from Shun or the others when they were angry. He was also one of the few people that called Shun by his full name.

It also helped that the back exit of the store led to an alleyway that I could take all the way down to the back of the house. This store had been my escape route many times, but to and away from the house.

"Drop by the café sometime soon," I invited as I headed towards the back of the store.

"I will in the near future," I heard him call after me as I slipped into the alleyway.

A stray cat or two ducked out of the way as I jogged to the house.

The house was empty, as it often was when I got home from school. I threw down my schoolbag onto my bed before changing into my uniform. I glanced at the mirror, pushing some stray hairs out of my face and clipping them to the side.

It was over a month ago that Uchi had dyed my hair, and the color was fading. My hair was still mostly brown, but the hairs that had gone back to black, especially at the roots, were a harsh contrast to the rest, as though I hadn't been thorough with coloring my hair.

The girl that stared back at me in the mirror was not leader material. I knew it, my class knew it. I blew out a frustrated breath before heading downstairs and out to the café.

The more I thought about the school festival, the more my mood soured. It was apparently written on my face because Shun pulled up a chair to where I sat doing my homework that night.

"You looked super out of it during work today."

I paused, putting my pencil down. "We're doing a school festival which, according to the guys, no one even comes to. But the homeroom teacher put me in charge for whatever reason."

"You're in charge?" Shun asked, eyebrow raised.

"I know, right?" I groaned. "And all the guys want to do is a host club. We're probably going to get vetoed by the administration and we haven't come up with any other ideas."

Shun grinned. "A host club, huh? That doesn't sound like it won't get out of hand."

I sighed. "Exactly, but I don't even know why I'm so worked up about it. No one even cares about this school festival anyway. And if we're allowed to do it, what's so hard about a host club? The guys can just sit there and do nothing, basically."

Shun's expression clouded as I spoke. I furrowed my brows, but I realized that Shun wasn't even looking directly at me. I turned around slowly to see what he was looking at.

Sho stood in the doorway, looking absolutely furious. He had never looked at me like that before. His fists were clenched so hard, his knuckles were white, and I was tempted to move out of his line of sight. I opened my mouth but I didn't even have the words to ask why.

After a few moments of painful silence, Sho wordlessly crossed the room and slammed the door behind him as he left. I winced at the sound.

"You shouldn't have said that," Shun said quietly.

"What?" I asked shakily, still stunned by Sho's fury.

But before he could answer, Chiba walked in.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Kana, but Chiba is now going to be working at the café," Shun said.

"Why? What about his job?" I asked immediately.

"None of your business," Chiba snapped.

Shun gave both of us a look. "If you can't get along, then one of you will have to look for another job."

"We'll be fine," Chiba muttered before leaving the room.

"And is that really fine with you?" Shun asked me.

I managed to nod. Working with Chiba? Even if Chiba was civil to me…I wasn't sure I could ever be completely comfortable around him.

"Whatever it is you guys have between you, work it out. Don't harm my business," Shun said, getting up.

"It's nothing," I said, faking a smile. "It'll be fine."

"Good," Shun said. "Oh, and it's best if you leave Sho alone tonight."

"But why? What did I say?" I asked, but Shun shook his head.

"It's not my place to tell you. He'll open up when he's ready. But for tonight, give him space."

But I couldn't. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else.

"Sho?" I said, knocking on his door a little while later. I tried the doorknob and found it locked.

"Go away," he said, voice strained.

"Sho, I'm sorry! Please…" I pleaded.

"You don't even know what you're sorry about," he countered. The door stayed closed.

"…you're mad. I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say. It was true. I didn't know why Sho was mad, but it was even more painful to know that it was because of me. What had I said?

"Kana…I'll talk to you tomorrow. Just leave me alone for tonight, okay?"

I didn't know what to do. I was used to Chiba, Shun, a few of the others on occasion being upset with me, but not Sho. I began to walk towards my room, trying to remember what it was that I had been saying to Shun. Something about host clubs?

"So it's Sho now?" Chiba asked, coming out of the bathroom, having just showered judging by his wet hair and the towel around his neck, not to mention the fact that he was shirtless.

"What are you talking about?" I snapped. Of all times for him to appear…

"I know you guys have a thing," Chiba scoffed, one arm out to stop me from proceeding any further.

"Whatever," I said, crossing my arms. What did Chiba know?

"So he's rejected you for the night?" Chiba said, glancing down the hallway towards Sho's closed door.

"Will you just stop?" I said, clenching my teeth together. I pushed against Chiba's arm, but he slammed my shoulder back with his free hand, trapping me between his body and the wall.

"My door's always open," Chiba said, his nose inches from mine.

"You don't even like me," I whispered, trying to shrink away from his touch.

Unlike Abe, he didn't try to deny it. "I don't need to like you for this. And neither do you. It wouldn't be the first time doing it with someone you don't like."

"Bastard," I hissed, pushing against him, causing him to hit the wall behind him.

But instead of being angry like I thought he would, he simply laughed. "This, this is the real you. Angry, resentful, passionate. The goody two-shoes act makes me sick."

I glared at him. What was he talking about?

He smirked. "Since we're going to be working together now, Shun expects us to be civil."

"That won't be a problem for me," I snapped.

"Really?" he asked with a grin. "Because I kind of like knowing that I get under your skin."

I bit back a response, knowing that a response was exactly what he wanted. Instead, I turned and began to walk back to my room.

Once in my room, I contemplated locking the door but I stopped myself. I didn't usually lock the door, and locking it would mean that Chiba had won, that he had actually managed to irritate me to the point of me barring myself from him. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

I crawled into my covers and closed my eyes. Once the thing with Abe was settled, I thought that everything would go back to normal. I hadn't been anticipating this avalanche of new problems.

How are you going to fix this, Kana?

Somehow, in the midst of thoughts about making things right with Sho, working with Chiba (could we really do it without tearing each other apart?), having to constantly be on my toes about hiding the truth about my background, and figuring out what to do about the school festival, I managed to slip into a restless sleep.

I didn't see Sho, Chiba or Shun as I left the house the next morning. I managed to get to school despite not feeling rested in the least.

I bumped into Sawatari as I passed the teacher's lounge.

"Ah, Nakajima-san, just the person I was looking for. I need to talk to you about the school festival."

He pulled me into the school conference room. He had me sit before he clasped his hands together.

"As you know, students from other schools may be visiting our school on the day of the festival. This includes other high school students, but potentially prospective students as well. And we've made quite a name for ourselves because of our new co-ed program."

I raised my eyebrow at him as he spoke. Currently, I was the only outcome of this so-called program.

"And we want to encourage more young girls like yourself to come to Shirokin," Sawatari continued, "so we were hoping that you spend some time during the festival speaking to some of the female students that come."

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"Well of course you have a choice," Sawatari exclaimed, as if offended that I even asked. "It would just be very nice to get an honest, real-life experience of a female student who goes to this school and has experienced the nice things Shirokin has to offer."

…in other words, there was no one else to ask.

"I will consider it," I said with a sigh. I didn't want to have to deal with Sawatari, especially not this morning, if I said yes or no.

"Great!" he said, flashing his toothy grin. "Now off to class."

It should have made me feel better, heading back to 3-D, but it was if I knew that a headache would be waiting for me there.

Of course, the guys were still all riled up about the host club idea when I got there. I slid into my seat and put my head down, only to be jostled by an overenthusiastic Ochi.

"We were thinking about having these activities for our host club!"

"And we have a list of drinks we want to have," Kuma added.

"…Why are you asking me?" I mumbled.

"Because you're the class representative! We need you to get our budget approved from the school to do this!"

Ah. So they were dead set on this idea. I hadn't even cleared it with Yankumi yet…and when she did ask about it, I told her we needed more time.

"Okay!" she had said with an enthusiastic smile. "You're the class representative after all!"

I almost asked her right then and there to pick someone else, but I forced a smile instead. Giving up now would mean that I had failed, and although their enthusiasm for this host club idea was irritating, a part of me didn't want to let my class down.

But the longer I delayed bringing up the host club to Yankumi and the administration, the longer I was delaying their disappointment when they found out we wouldn't be allowed to do it. All day, the guys bugged me about details about the host club. I barely had to speak, as they would constantly argue over each other even as they were telling me their ideas.

I eventually escaped to the nurse's office. I knew this wasn't what a leader did when facing problems, but in the moment, I didn't care.

"I have a headache," I told Kawashima, who gave me some painkillers and told me to rest on the cot. I camped out there during lunch as well, even though the painkillers were already in full effect and my headache gone, not wanting to go back to that chaos and have to deal with school festival stuff. Instead, I lay on the cot, brainstorming ways I would apologize to Sho.

Kawashima made me leave when she found me still there after lunch, sending me off with a bottle of water.

"Where were you?" Noda asked as I entered the classroom just as Ando was about to begin class.

"Kawashima's," I said, pulling out my history textbook and notebook.

"Here," Uchi said, placing a wrapped rice ball on my desk. I looked at him questioningly. "You probably didn't eat lunch."

I took it gratefully, suddenly realizing that I was super hungry.

"Are you okay?" Kuma asked concernedly as I began to eat. The guys' attention all turned to me, much to Ando's discomfort as he tried to begin the lesson.

"Did you faint again?"
"Did you eat breakfast?"
"Are you drinking enough water?"

"I'm fine," I insisted, trying to wave their attention off of me.

"Don't worry! Hazama and I will walk you home today!" Shimazu spoke up.

"Yeah," Hazama chimed in. "We'll take care of you! And we can tell you all about our ideas for the host club!"

As he said this, Hazama clasped my shoulder, probably meant to be a reassuring touch. But it was something I wasn't prepared for, and my half-eaten rice ball fell to the ground.

Something in me snapped.

"I don't care!" I shouted, slamming my hands on my desk.

The class became extremely quiet as they all stared at me.

"Nakajima-san," Ando pleaded from the front of the room where he awkwardly stood.

"Sorry," I said finally, pulling my hands into my lap. But if someone mentioned the host club one more time…

"Are you on your period?" Sawada's voice cut through the silence.

I turned and glared at him as some of the guys visibly winced or gasped.

"Shin, you can't ask a girl that," Noda said frantically.

"Then why are you so pissed?" Sawada asked, staring at me. I looked away first.

"Did you have a fight with someone?" Noda asked more gently from the side.

I immediately thought of Sho, then Chiba. "Can we…can we just not talk about it?" I asked, my question coming out more harshly than I intended. I turned to look straight at the board. "Mr. Ando, can you please continue?"

Ando regained some of his composure and began to lecture on the Tokugawa Shogunate. My classmates all shrugged and didn't push me further. Uchi silently picked up the rice ball from the floor and handed me another one. But I knew that they were all exchanging looks with each other when they thought I wouldn't notice, and I could feel Sawada's gaze on me but I refused to turn around.

The rest of the day, the guys tip-toed around me, as if extremely afraid to upset me. I knew I needed to actually apologize about taking out my anger on them, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to have to launch into this entire explanation of what was irritating me and besides, most of it was about things I couldn't tell them about anyway.

At the very end of the last class, my phone rang. Sho.

"Hello?" I said hesitantly. The guys all quieted around me, curious to see who was calling me.

"I'm outside your school," Sho said gruffly without a greeting.

"Now?"

"Yes."

I scrambled to get my stuff as I held my phone to my ear with my shoulder. "I'll come out right now."

The guys crowded around as I struggled to stuff everything into my schoolbag at once.

"Who was that?" Uchi asked.

"Sorry, I have to go," I said, finally managing to close my schoolbag and heading for the stairs.

"What's happening? Is something wrong?" Minami called after me.

I didn't stop to answer his question as I ran down the hallway.

"No running in the hallway!" Washizu shouted after me, but I didn't stop. I was more scared of facing why Sho having come to pick me up at school than getting reprimanded for running in the hallway, of all things.

I threw down my regular shoes before stuffing my school shoes in the shoe box. I nearly fell over trying to pull on my shoes but I somehow managed to get them on. I realized my hands were shaking so I took a couple of deep breaths before stepping outside.

Sho stood at the entrance of the school, leaning against the brick wall just outside the gate. He was wearing his favorite navy blue button down shirt, so he stood out among the crowd of black school uniforms. Schoolmates cast his curious glances, but his glares made them jolt and hurry past him.

"Sho?" I said hesitantly as I approached him. My carefully rehearsed apology had completely vanished from my mind and I frantically sought to find it.

He straightened up. "Oh. You're here. Let's go."

"Where are we going?" I asked, but I found myself speaking to his back, as he was already on the move.

"Don't worry about it. Just follow me."

I couldn't detect his emotional state through his tone. Was he still angry?

"Seriously?" he asked, whirling around when he realized I wasn't following him. "Do I have to hold your hand or something?"

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked.

"Are you not going to come with me unless I answer the question?"

I nodded, despite myself.

He paused for a moment, as if thinking about it. "Fine. No, I'm not mad at you anymore. Happy?"

Relief flooded me and a grin spread across my face. "Would you really hold my hand?"

He rolled his eyes before holding out his hand.

I was pleasantly surprised and embarrassed all at once.

"I'm not going to hold your hand! What if someone sees?" I exclaimed.

"Brat," he growled, grabbing my arm and dragging me along. "Hurry up. We're going to be late."

"To where?" I asked, but he wouldn't tell me.

To my surprise, we arrived at the station and Sho handed me a train ticket.

"We're going to Ikebukuro?" I asked, looking at the ticket. He nodded.

Ikebukuro was where the restaurant Sho worked at was. I wondered why he was taking me along to his job. But Sho was silent throughout the train ride, and I didn't want to upset him again by asking. It seemed true that he wasn't angry at me anymore, but he seemed incredibly tense. I could only guess at what was bothering him so much.

When we arrived at the station, Sho pulled me through the crowds that were beginning to form. Ikebukuro was a popular hangout place, especially at night. It would only get more and more crowded as the day went on.

Sho stopped in front of the public restroom inside the station and handed me the brown bag he had been carrying with him.

"Go change," was all he said.

I wasn't about to argue. Once inside the bathroom, I looked inside the bag only to find clothing that I owned inside. I took off my school uniform and put on the white lace tank top and pale pink skirt before pulling on the navy blazer. I would have never paired these items together, since the outcome was so incredibly girly, but Sho clearly knew what he was doing. I breathed a sigh of relief as I found black tights at the bottom of the bag. At least Sho remembered that I wouldn't wear skirts without covering my legs.

"Why am I wearing this?" I asked once I stepped out of the bathroom.

"Your school uniform is no good here," was all I got in reply, whatever that meant.

When we walked past Sho's restaurant, I was surprised. I was so sure that this was where he had planned on taking me.

But he kept walking and I struggled to keep up because he was walking so fast. We turned a few corners, passing by several hotels. I began to notice more guys walking around, coming in and out of the buildings around us.

"Do you remember when you started your first job?" Sho asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" I replied, unsure of where this was going. "It was Shun's café, not too long after I moved in. Wasn't it the same for you?"

Sho smiled a little and shook his head, surprising me.

"But…you said you dropped out of college and…Shun found you and asked you to work for him…no?"

"…I left some things out of that story…" Sho said, finally coming to a stop. "This was where I first found a job."

I stood beside him and looked up at the sign.

A host club.

Author's Note:

*Quick thing I forgot to mention last chapter - Tochigi (where Kana's grandparents live) is two prefectures (kind of like really small states) above Tokyo. So it's relatively not that far away, but it's definitely not close either.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I was so surprised to get so many comments about when I was going to post next, and although it took me a while (almost a month!), it definitely encouraged me to keep working on writing the next chapter. I'll do my best so that the next update isn't too far behind!

Kana's thoughts about leadership and responsibility, among other things, are kind of all over the place right now, so let me know if that's confusing or doesn't make sense (or if anything doesn't make sense!) I definitely still figuring out the balance between writing about her home and school life (I find that each chapter tilts one way or the other), so constructive criticism on this or anything else is much appreciated!

Super grateful for you all! I hope you are having a fantastic beginning of the year!

Reisa