A Step Forward

Quick Recap

*Kana has started training at a boxing gym with Wataru, a former member of the house
*They're having parent-teacher conferences at school
*Sawada's sister Natsumi came to visit, met Sawada's friends
*Kana and Uchi hung out together at an arcade and had dinner the night before

The next morning, I got up early as usual and headed for Wataru-san's boxing gym. He usually met me outside the warehouse but I had been restless in the morning and got there a lot earlier than expected. I decided to head into the warehouse to surprise him. When I entered the gym from the side door, I immediately noticed there were a lot more people than I expected inside and pushed pause on my music, pulling off my headphones.

I gasped when I realized Wataru-san was on the floor, surrounded by the men in dark suits. I took a step back and accidentally knocked down some equipment propped up by the door. All eyes turned to me when they heard me and I felt scared, a feeling I hadn't felt in a while.

Wataru-san groaned from where he lay, and I could see that he was injured, as if having just been beaten to the ground. The painful noise urged me to move. They had seen me already and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I simply ran away now.

The path surprisingly parted for me to get to Wataru-san and I crouched by him. There were cuts and bruises across his face, and I didn't know where to touch him without hurting him.

"Get out of here," he whispered to me urgently, grabbing my wrist and squeezing hard.

Instead I turned to glare at the men. "Why are you doing this to Wataru-san?"

"What are you, his woman?"

"She's young, ain't she?"

"Who the hell are you?"

Various voices taunted me, until one man stepped forward, hand raised to silence the others.

"Your Wataru-san and I had an agreement and he refused to honor it, young lady. So we just came to give him a reminder of what we do to liars."

I looked at Wataru-san before looking back at the man, clearly the leader, who was still smirking at me. That didn't sound anything like Wataru-san. My mind raced, trying to think of what to do.

But before I could speak, the leader began to turn away. "Anyway, no matter. We're done here and we'll spare the young lady from seeing any more." The men around him chuckled. They turned to follow him, and the leader called out, "Just give Kanzaki our regards."

I felt Wataru-san grip tighten on my wrist but I couldn't stop myself.

"Shun? What does this have to do with Shun?"

The men stopped walking and the leader turned. "You know him?"

"Answer my damn question. What does this have to do with Shun?"

He looked a little surprised at my tone, but smiled. "Let's just say that if he also doesn't keep his promises, he'll end up like your precious Wataru-san here."

I had no idea what he was talking about but couldn't help letting out a laugh. Did they even know Shun? The leader's eyes flashed angrily and he grabbed me by the collar, dragging me to my feet, wrenching my wrist from Wataru-san's grasp.

"Nishida, stop!" Wataru-san gasped out, but the man paid him no heed.

"Why are you laughing, girl?" he sneered at me. I glared at him.

"Shun wouldn't lose to people like you. The only reason you beat Wataru-san like this is because you outnumber him like cowards."

I had barely gotten the last word out when he struck me across the face hard, my head ringing and eyes smarting immediately. He then grabbed my jaw, forcing me to look at him and I did my best to stare at him defiantly despite being stunned by the impact.

"You surprise me, girl. You have no idea who you're dealing with. But perhaps a message to Kanzaki through you would be faster than through him," he said, with a glance toward Wataru-san. I stilled, wondering if this had been what Shun had been hiding from me. "Tell Kanzaki that Nishida sends his regards and if he doesn't hand over this area to us and still keeps stubbornly trying to hold out, we'll do a lot worse than what we did to this guy right here. And we'll do worse things to you too."

At that, I tried to strike him but he hit me first, sending me to the ground. He stood over me as I coughed for breath.

"Could it be that you're the rumored kitten that Kanzaki took in? This just got interesting," he said with a smirk before turning to walk away. "Remember to give Kanzaki my message!"

With that, they sauntered out. I tried to go after them but Wataru-san had grabbed my arm and I immediately turned my attention to him.

"I'll call an ambulance right now. And Shun..."

He grabbed my wrist as I pulled out my phone. "Don't tell Shun."

"But-"

"He already knows most of it. He doesn't need to know about this," he groaned, trying to sit up. I hurriedly helped him up, eyes wide at the extent of his injuries. "He needs to be calm dealing with this. This will only get him and the others angry. Nishida...those cowards came when they knew I'd be alone."

Wataru-san made me sure I was okay which was ridiculous because he was the one who was clearly injured here. I had only been struck across the face twice, which hurt like hell but was nothing compared to Wataru-san.

He refused to let me call an ambulance, but finally relented to let me call the doctor who usually looked after any injuries incurred at the boxing gym. Luckily the doctor answered and agreed to rush over despite being so early in the morning. Together, we managed to help Wataru-san to a bed in the resting area set up for boxers who got knocked out during a fight. I ended up spending the rest of the time we would have been working out together helping the best I could in getting Wataru-san patched up. Miraculously nothing was broken, but he wouldn't be able to box for a while, which seemed to devastate me more than it did him.

One of Wataru-san's young assistants arrived just as the doctor finished up his work. He yelled in shock over Wataru-san's state but Wataru-san simply kept saying he had run into some terrible drunk people who were looking for a fight and they simply outnumbered him and it had all been bad luck. And that I had just happened to find him this morning. I only nodded, afraid that if I spoke, it would be obvious that this was all a lie.

"Go to school," Wataru told me, checking the time. I glanced up at the clock and realized that I would have to hurry to make it to first period. We only had morning classes today like the day before, so I thought about skipping, but Wataru-san saw right through me.

"If you don't go, I'm telling Shun and we're ending your training," he threatened. I nodded, promising to go. Before I left, he squeezed my hand. "Don't worry. Shun's handling it. I know you're confused about it but he'll tell you when he's ready. And stay away from here for a while. I'll text you when it's safe again."

I couldn't even get my thoughts straight as I walked towards school. This Nishida was trying to take Wataru-san's boxing gym? And probably other parts of what we owned and protected? Wataru-san sounded convinced that Shun was handling it but this seemed incredibly serious, much bigger than anything we had faced before. Is this what Shun had been keeping from me...and from Sho? I thought about how Nishida knew of me, but it was my first time seeing him. I clenched my fists, ashamed that I had been so weak and so easily taken down. I hadn't even been able to use any of Wataru-san's training.

My mind a storm of emotions and thoughts, I suddenly realized that first period had started already when I arrived at the school gates. I quickly headed first to the nurse's office.

"Can I have some ice?" I asked Kawashima. Her eyes widened when she saw my face. I hadn't looked in the mirror but by the way my cheek still smarted, I guessed it was still a little red and swollen.

"It's not a fight with your boyfriend, I hope," she said finally in her usual cheerful way, handing me an ice pack wrapped in a towel to hold against my cheek. But I saw the worried way she glanced at me.

"No...I just...fought with a family member," I lied.

She stared at me quietly before nodding. "Well if it keeps happening, you let me know. You can take the furthest bed."

"I can stay?"

"Only for first period. You see what'll happen if you walk into class with your face like that. The guys wouldn't leave you alone, demanding to find out who hurt you. It would be chaos trying to calm them down. Poor Oyama would have a heart attack."

I grinned, realizing that one, she was right, and two, I was super lucky because I would get to skip science, my least favorite class.

I lay down on the bed, ice pack held to my cheek, and I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about what had happened but it was all I could think about. I felt dumb for having felt helpless that Shun wouldn't tell me what was going on - now that I knew, I felt even more weak.

Somehow time passed, and before I knew it, Kawashima was taking the ice pack from me, handing me a new one and telling me to get to class. I glanced at the mirror and saw that my cheek was still a little pink but the swelling had gone down considerably and didn't look bad compared to what it had probably looked like before.

I approached the back door to the classroom and realized I hadn't prepared an explanation of any sort. But before I could come up with one, I heard the yelling from inside.

"All we did was go to the arcade and then eat at the famiresu (diner) yesterday! I walked her to the station at like 6!" Uchi's loud voice broke out.

"Then why isn't she here?" Minami shot back. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing!" Uchi growled. "She was fine when we said bye."

"You left your chance with Natsumi and you're telling us you didn't do ANYTHING with Kana? When we all know you-"

I slammed open the door, unable to bear to hear the rest.

"Kana!" Minami, Noda and Uchi said in surprise. I silently walked past them to my desk.

"What happened to you?" they asked, drawing attention from the rest of the class, the last thing I wanted.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I said simply without looking at them.

"But who did this to you?" Uchi demanded. I shook my head.

"At least answer your phone," Sawada's voice came from behind me. I pulled out my phone, surprised. I hadn't even thought to check. I opened it to see a bunch of messages from all of them, even one from Sawada.

"Sorry," I said, suddenly feeling bad for making them worry this much...I looked up at each of them. "I'm sorry...I'm fine, really. I...had a really bad argument with...a family member this morning...so I was just resting at Kawashima's."

Kuma, Noda, Minami and Uchi glanced at each other before nodding at me and taking their seats just as the chime for second period rang. I glanced back at Sawada but he was sleeping already. I couldn't bring my friends into my issues, but I knew I had to be better about how I treated them.

The next few periods passed in a surprising flash and it was already time for most of us to leave. Uchi and Noda had their parent-teacher conferences today so the rest of us waited on the roof like yesterday. I didn't feel like talking much but I didn't want to be alone in my thoughts so I stayed after I dropped off the ice pack at Kawashima's.

"So what did you and Uchi do yesterday?" Minami asked, trying to sound casual.

"Arcade and then famiresu," I answered.

"Eh, that's so boring!" he exclaimed. "Was it a fun date at least?"

I shook my head. "It wasn't a date. I promised we could hang out if you guys won the basketball game." Well that wasn't the exact promise but it was what Uchi chose so it wasn't really a lie.

"Eh, what about us then?!" Minami said, sounding shocked and offended. "Right, Kuma?"

"Yeah!" Kuma chimed in.

"Do you even want to hang out with me alone? Don't you each have girls you'd rather do that with?" I pointed out.

"Well true but...somehow it all seems unfair," Minami declared, crossing his arms. "And are you SURE it wasn't a date?"

"I'm sure! Stop asking!" I growled.

"Really? But I thought Uchi-"

Sawada suddenly cleared his throat from where we thought he was sleeping and Minami glanced at him, shutting up. I looked away, as if I didn't know how that sentence was going to end.

A group of thugs were threatening to take my home and everything I knew away from me and my biggest problem at school was trying to avoid the fact that one of my friends liked me? I could laugh at the absurdity of it all and how lost I felt in both situations.

When the parent-teacher conferences were done, we met back up with Noda and Uchi who proceeded to tell us about the disastrous meetings with Yankumi and their parents. Noda fought with his dad about where he would live after graduation - he said he wanted to live alone which I was SURE was inspired by finding out yesterday that Sawada lived alone but also knew Noda would act butthurt if I said so - and Uchi, as he suspected, had to sit there as his mom explained and advertised her new job to Yankumi, including with a special free matchmaking video for her.

"It was so embarrassing," he whined.

I laughed, happy to think about something else for once. He shoved me a little for laughing and I pushed him back.

"Lunch at the usual diner?" Minami called out to us from where he walked ahead with Kuma.

"Yeah!" we both answered. Maybe I would be forgiven for forgetting for a little while.

But after having lunch and even going along to karaoke with them even though I absolutely refused to sing, I knew I was heading home to an empty house.

When I stepped out to grab another drink at the soft drink machine, I found Uchi waiting for me outside of our room. I could hear Noda, Kuma and Minami shouting rap lyrics at the top of their lungs inside, making me laugh.

"...I know you said you fought with a family member…" Uchi said awkwardly. "I was wondering...do you want to come over after this?"

"What?" I asked, not expecting this.

"Well, I mean only if you want to. My mom will cook and she's wanted to see you again, so I thought if you didn't want to go home…I mean unless you'd get in even more trouble..."

"...too nice. You're too nice," I said finally. "I'm okay. But thanks."

"Just...tell me anytime, okay?" he responded.

I nodded, wondering if he meant about wanting to come over or about my problems.

But when I got home from hanging out and tried boxing for a bit to take my mind off of things, it didn't work. I knocked on Sho's door but there was no answer, no sign he'd been home recently. So I grabbed my music and headed out for a run.

I didn't want to run near the river because it would take me near the boxing gym which Wataru-san warned me away from. So I ended up running north away from where we lived into the more business district. I ended up running a lot more than I expected because I found myself in an area I didn't usually frequent.

I decided to step into a convenience store to buy a sports drink.

"Hey," a voice said from behind me as I reached for one. I turned and was surprised to see Sawada standing there, holding a microwave dinner package.

"Hey," I returned finally, and walked out together after we paid for our items.

He didn't ask what I was doing, which I liked about Sawada. Instead we just walked until we would probably part ways. I looked up when I heard a familiar voice. Yankumi was walking up ahead of us, complaining to herself about pain in her shoulder.

"You've got stiff shoulders," Sawada said as we walked by her. I grinned when she turned in shock.

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" she asked.

Sawada held up his convenience store bag.

"Dinner together?" she asked curiously.

"What? No. We ran into each other," I explained.

"You guys…having to eat convenience store dinners…you need to eat more meals that are made with love. What is this country coming to?" she muttered to herself.

Sawada and I exchanged a look. What the…

Yankumi suddenly looked around to see if anyone was looking, then grabbed our arms and began to drag us.

"You're coming over for dinner!"

Half an hour later, I sat at a long table with a shimmering hot pot in front of me, back at Yankumi's house. Sawada and I exchanged a look, remembering the last time we had been here when we found out Yankumi's secret. We sat, sandwiched between Yankumi and Yankumi's grandfather, with other familiar faces at the table.

"Don't hesitate, eat up!" Yankumi told us.

"I thought nabe was a winter food," Sawada said, looking at the hot pot in front of us.

"Ojou loves nabe so we eat it a lot," Minoru explained. I smiled as I watched the big bald man shovel food into his mouth.

"We have it once a week, even in summer," Yankumi explained with a smile. That's a lot...

"Thank you," I said as Kanbara filled my plate with steaming vegetables and meat.

It was delicious. It felt like I hadn't had a meal like this, with all these people, at home in a long time.

Tetsu and Minoru suddenly began to fight over one particular piece of meat.

"Minoru eat your vegetables!" Tetsu shouted.

"You say that but all you've been eating is meat!" Minoru retorted.

"Hey! It's rude to fight in front of the guests!" Wakamatsu scolded sharply.

"Hai," they said obediently and began to eat again.

Sawada and I grinned at each other. To think that the most fearsome yakuza were like this at home!

I looked at the meal in front of me and knew what Yankumi meant by a "meal made with love". Though seemingly out of place in a Yakuza household, love was evident here.

"So why do you live alone when you have a family to go home to? Isn't it inconvenient?" Yankumi asked Sawada.

"I've always wanted to try it. It's cool because I do get to things my own way," he answered.

"Don't you get lonely?" she asked.

"No. It's super relaxing," he said simply, continuing to eat. Yankumi then turned to me.

"What about you, Kana? Isn't it tough commuting so far everyday? Wait, do your grandparents know where you are right now? I should have asked earlier! They must be so worried - "

I stopped her mid-panic.

"It's fine. They know that I'm...staying with a cousin tonight. And we hardly eat dinner together."

"Oh, do they live in the city? That must be nice."

I just nodded and tried to ignore the look Sawada gave me. He knew I was lying. I could feel it.

Luckily at that moment, Yankumi's grandfather offered to pour Sawada a refill of his drink and accidentally almost gave him sake before chuckling and pouring him tea. We all laughed a little and the questions were forgotten. I ate a bit of tofu and cabbage, letting the warmth of the food and atmosphere fill me up.

Yes there were times at the house that we'd have meals together, but every person was living their own life and things felt much more fragmented - we had each other's backs, but we didn't play family because we weren't. And I felt that especially recently.

I would enjoy this unfamiliar feeling as long as I could.

"Thank you very much!" Sawada and I said with a bow as we were about to leave.

"Come over any time," Yankumi's grandfather invited cheerfully. We nodded.

"Don't be late tomorrow!" Yankumi reminded us.

"Good night," we said, and left.

"You're not doing a very good job hiding whatever it is you are," Sawada said to me as we walked. It was dark out now, much colder than earlier, and I shivered a little. "She'll find out sooner or later, you know," he said to my silence.

"She really cares about all of us," I said finally. "Sometimes to the point where she butts into our business. I don't want that. And I'm sure you don't either."

"True," he conceded.

We continued to walk in silence for a long while, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I was about to ask about Natsumi visiting yesterday as we approached the end of the residential area when I felt it. The sudden downpour of rain that came out of nowhere. We were soaked through before we even had a chance to start running.

"My place is nearby!" I heard Sawada shout above the rain. I moved to follow but a bike came out of nowhere at the next intersection in the midst of all the people running for cover. I felt Sawada pull me forward by the wrist out of the street. I let him pull me along as we zigzagged through the people with umbrellas and rushing to get home.

After a while, we came to the front of an apartment complex and we rushed to get cover by the stairwell. We both laughed when we saw that we were just dripping water everywhere.

I followed him up to the second floor and we came to a stop in front of #205.

"I live here," he said, tilting his head toward the door. "…It's late already. You can dry off and then we can decide if you want to stay or call a taxi or whatever."

I hesitated. Of course I didn't want to walk home soaking wet like this. But I had a feeling that staying with Sawada would lead to something that I wouldn't be able to take back, that something was about to change in our relationship.

Sawada didn't wait for my answer and unlocked his door and walked inside. I finally decided that like he said, it wouldn't hurt to dry off and then go from there.

When I followed him into the room, the fuzzy feeling in my stomach from the hot meal and from running just now disappeared. It was one big room, almost completely empty, an area off to the side for the kitchen, and one door that probably led to the bathroom. Besides that, there was a lamp, a coat rack for clothes, a small table, and a couch.

"Sorry…my room is kinda dark and gloomy," he said as I looked around. I shook my head. Who was I to judge?

He went to the closet and pulled out some towels and clothes.

"Go shower and warm up first," he said, guiding me to the door that led to the bathroom. "You can put your wet clothes in the washing machine."

I nodded and took a quick shower. I noted that he kept everything quite clean despite living alone. When I came out, I noticed that he had given me a large black t-shirt and basketball shorts to wear. He grinned at how they were too baggy for me when I came back to the living room.

"Okay, I'll go shower. You can dry your hair with this," he said, coming back from the bathroom with a hair dryer.

I dried my hair as I looked around his room, wondering what he did every day when he came home from school. There was a stack of books in a little shelf and I realized how Sawada was often reading when he wasn't sleeping. I noticed that he had some pictures pinned up above the shelf and I realized it was from our group photos from sports day and the school festival. I smiled, thinking about the memories of those crazy days.

"Oh, those," I heard Sawada say from behind me.

"I didn't know you were the sentimental type," I teased and he rolled his eyes at me.

"As if you don't have the same photos," he shot back. I thought about the photos of 3-D that had joined the photo of me, Shun and Sho on my wall and I couldn't say anything back and he smirked.

"Want a beer?"

I nodded. It was still pouring outside and I didn't have money for a taxi anyway.

I sat on his couch as he sat on the floor in front of it, sipping on our beers. It was surprisingly on the quiet side, but the lights of the nearby business district flashed occasionally in the windows when they'd change colors. Sawada turned on the small TV he had and we watched some comedy talk show while eating snacks.

"I guess living alone seems kinda nice," I remarked during the commercials.

"I'm surprised you don't," he replied.

"...that's true," I said finally.

"Because you live with your grandparents in Tochigi," he continued, as if to challenge me.

I looked down at the beer can and I heard him sigh.

"Sorry," he said, and I looked up at the sincerity in his voice. "I know it's none of my business. If you don't want to talk about it, then I won't ask...but maybe cover that up a little better."

I looked down and saw that my tattoo was clearly visible from where the shorts had ridden up a little. I froze before tugging it down, not knowing what to say. I had hidden it so well until now but now…

"...I'm tired," I mumbled and I realized too late I had said it out loud.

"Oh, then we can sleep," Sawada said but I shook my head. It was now or never. I could blame it all on the alcohol later.

"No...I'm tired of hiding and lying."

I heard Sawada turn off the tv before turning to look at me. I couldn't look at him so I just clutched the beer can harder in my hands. Maybe at the end of all of this, Sawada would think of me differently but I couldn't stop the words from spilling out.

"I started living with my grandparents in Tochigi when I was 13...when my parents died in an accident. My grandparents put me in the best schools nearby that they knew, but I wasn't anywhere near ready, so I stopped going. They thought I'd maybe do better back in Tokyo so they put me in Momojou, but when I got expelled from there, they kicked me out of their house. And this group found me and started taking care of me."

"Then that tattoo is…"

I nodded. "One of the guys is a tattoo artist and he designed one for the group as a joke. So it's not official but a lot of guys have it. I got it one day...for reasons...but our leader got pissed off because that isn't what he wanted for me. At the time I got upset that he was mad because I thought he'd be happy, but now I get it, because I have to take care to cover it every day to keep from getting in trouble."

"...but they're good people, right?"

I made eye contact with Sawada for the first time since the start of the conversation and nodded, trying to show him how sincere I was. "If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have tried to go back to school."

"What do you mean?"

"...my parents'...last wish was for me to graduate high school...the guys helped me see that it was worth trying to fulfill. But I can't get expelled again, since no one after Shirokin would probably take me. Not with my record."

Sawada sat looking at me quietly.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking and laughed awkwardly. "I understand if you don't want to associate with me anymore. I've been lying this whole time and no matter how people look at it, I'm caught up in the "wrong crowd". Sorry for dumping this on you."

"I was just thinking that this answers a lot," he responded, his tone not indicating judgment which gave me hope. "But it doesn't matter to me. We all have to deal with our own problems in our own ways. It's not for others to decide what's right."

I stared at him. What?

"What I mean is…I can't judge you for it. Look at me. My dad's a member of Parliament, and he expects so much from my sister and me without even trying to understand us at all. He practically disowned me for getting expelled. So I live by myself now, where I don't have to deal with an opinion that's pushed down on me. And I don't tell people because it's just easier...the only thing I honestly regret is leaving Natsumi there to fend for herself," he said. "You did your best given your circumstances. That's all we can do."

I stared at him, tears threatening to spill. I was stunned at this whole situation, the fact that I had shared this much, Sawada's reaction, the things he had shared with me.

"Don't cry now," he teased, reaching over to pat my head.

"It's the beer," I managed to snap back, wiping my eyes.

"Lightweight."

"Shut up."

Sawada laughed and stood up. "You want the couch or the futon? The couch can become a bed too."

"I can stay?"

"Did you think I'd kick you out into the rain especially after all that? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"Sometimes I wonder…"

"You're welcome to sleep on the floor," he growled and I laughed.

As we both lay on our respective beds for the night, I stared up at the ceiling in shock. A part of me had desperately hoped that based on what I knew of him, that he would react this way, but there was always going to be doubt, especially of how I'd been treated by people in the past. But Sawada hadn't pushed me away or rejected me for telling him the truth...but also hadn't made a big deal about it...maybe I wasn't giving enough credit to people in my life now. I glanced towards where he slept, wondering if he knew just how big of a hand he had just extended to me.

"...Thanks…"

Author's Note: Hello! Thanks for being so patient! I'm applauding myself for not taking another year to update haha. But honestly, comments saying you hope I continue to update this story have encouraged me more than you know! Thank you for leaving those comments whether a new reader or old! Let me know how you feel about new developments in the story :) And since I've been working on rewriting this arc for a while, I'm hoping the new update will be fairly soon!