No More Lies

Suddenly, I heard a shout, and I managed to turn my face just in time to see Shun come crashing down the stairs into the room, followed closely by Massan, Chiba and some of the others. There was a scurry of motion as the men let me go to try to fend themselves from the attack before the room was filled with the sounds of fists colliding with faces and the pained grunts as punches hit their marks.

Nishida grabbed me and one of the suitcases and started to drag me towards the stairs.

"Shun!" I screamed, trying to get free. Shun flung the person he was fighting aside before running towards me. I could see the anger in his eyes.

"Nishida!" he shouted, causing Nishida to turn.

"Kanzaki," Nishida sneered back. "I'm taking this one, and she'll be unrecognizable by the time you see her again. If you want her back in one piece, you better give up everything you've been holding out from us."

I saw Shun's eyes waver, and I knew I couldn't let him do that. It wasn't just me that he had saved - there was Massan, Sho, Hiro…everyone who called our area their home.

I mustered the strength I had and bit down as hard as I could on Nishida's hand. He swore, letting go of me and the suitcase. Shun grabbed me as I fell while somehow also grabbing the suitcase. He swung the suitcase hard, hitting Nishida in the head. Money and casino chips burst out of the suitcase all around Nishida as he fell to the ground.

"For Kana. And for Wataru," Shun growled, kicking Nishida in the stomach for good measure. He looked like he wouldn't be getting up any time soon.

"Shun, the police are coming," I managed to gasp out, and just as I said it, I could hear the sirens in the distance.

"Let's go!" Shun shouted at the members of our group. I staggered, trying to regain my balance, and he grabbed my waist to support me up the stairs.

He pulled me outside and the rest of our gang followed, just as the sirens grew near. We kept going until we were clear of the area, finding ourselves in a small park. It was raining less now, but I couldn't stop shaking.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" he shouted at me once we all caught our breath. I winced, both from pain in my body and the harshness of his voice.

I stumbled back a little, away from him. "Sawada…he got caught at the club…he's in jail…"

"And doing this, does this make him free? Does it?!" Shun demanded. "You thought you could take on an entire gang by yourself?!"

"What?! No! I just…I didn't…I thought…" I broke off, my voice catching in my throat. What did I think? I looked around wide-eyed, looking at the other members of my group who were catching their breaths, cradling bleeding fists, staring at me in disbelief.

"Not only did you endanger yourself, you got us involved. What if the police don't catch Nishida and his men tonight? Do you know what would happen?!"

I stared at the ground, trembling. I knew. Nishida would come after all of us. I knew, and yet I acted without thinking.

"This is why I didn't tell you anything," Shun growled.

"Then you shouldn't have come to help me." The words spilled out of my mouth faster than I could think.

The force of Shun's hand hitting my cheek knocked me to the ground. I lay on the ground, trying to hold myself together. The falling rain and the pain in my body made me numb to everything but the overwhelming feeling of disappointment and failure.

"Guys, head home first," I heard him order. I heard Massan protest, but Shun silenced him. I could hear their footsteps getting farther away as I just lay there.

"Are you done being a child?" Shun asked quietly. I didn't answer, face burning in shame. "Let's go," he said finally hauling me to my feet.

But with what strength I had left, I broke away and began to run.

"Kana!" I heard him shout after me but I didn't stop.

I stifled a sob as I ran aimlessly, not knowing what to do with myself. I was shocked that I could even move. I just knew I couldn't bear to be around Shun right now. Not after what I'd done. While I didn't barge in there like Shun probably thought I'd done, the outcome was the same as if I had.

After a while, when I had no more strength to run, I began to trudge towards school. At least no one would be there at night to bother me and maybe I could get Kawashima to look after me the next day. But everything was hurting too much and I wasn't sure I was going to make it that far. And of course it started to rain harder, as if I wasn't already having the one of the worst nights of my life.

I heard running footsteps but didn't look up in time to see the person headed straight towards me. We were both knocked to the ground, and I groaned painfully, not knowing if I could get up again.

"Shit!" I heard from where I lay on the ground. "Are you okay?"

Huh? I knew that voice.

"Noda?" I whispered.

"Kana? What are you doing–" I heard him cut himself off with a gasp. He grabbed my arm, apologizing over and over when I flinched in pain as he tried to help me up. "What happened to you?! Do you need to go to the hospital?"

I shook my head vigorously. No hospitals. I hated them.

"What should I do, what should I do? The closest place is…Uchi!" I heard him mumble to himself as he led me to a nearby bus stop with a bench.

Uchi….i didn't want him to see me like this. I tried to protest but it was too late. Noda was already on the phone. He sat with me under the tiny roof of the bus stop as we waited. I could tell he had a million questions but I couldn't look up from my hands, still shaking from what had just happened.

Uchi came running a few moments later. I heard him curse as he took in my condition.

"I'm taking you to my place," he said, kneeling in front of me. He had Noda help pull me onto his back, carrying me as Noda followed closely beside us, holding an umbrella over our heads.

My arms felt like they would fall off any moment, and my face felt as though it had been stepped on. But I knew I deserved everything I got, especially Shun's hit.

Uchi's place was the first floor of a really old apartment, but I could feel the warmth emanating from it. He carried me inside and put me down at the entrance. He and Noda pulled off my soaked shoes and socks before Uchi threw a big towel over my shoulders and gently guided me further into the house. I found myself in the bathroom, the warm steam enveloping me. Uchi stuck his hand in the bath, muttering to himself that it should still be hot. He instructed me to take a bath and warm myself up after making sure I could do it myself and that I wasn't bleeding profusely anywhere.

I sat in the bathtub, feeling a confused mix of numb and aching as my sore body soaked in the hot water. I heard Uchi say from the other side of the bathroom door that he prepared some clothes for me and they were just outside the bathroom door. I don't know how long I sat there before I managed to pull myself out.

After changing into the sweats and hoodie, clearly Uchi's, I trudged out. I was clean and warm, but I felt so empty inside.

"Kana…" Uchi said softly as I stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Both he and Noda looked at me concernedly.

"Hey, I think I should go. It's getting late," Noda said. I glanced at the clock on the wall that he was looking at and saw that it was a past midnight.

I wanted to thank him, but couldn't say a word.

Noda smiled kindly as if he understood. "Take care, Kana. See you tomorrow, Uchi."

"Here," Uchi said after Noda left, making me sit at the kitchen table. He awkwardly placed a mug of hot tea in my hands. Normally, I would have teased him, saying he didn't seem like the type to know how to make tea, but I drank silently, knowing that I wouldn't be able to say much without breaking down.

Uchi silently dried my hair as I held the mug, working on the tea slowly. I winced when his hand came near the spot I had been hit and he took care to avoid it after. I finished my tea and Uchi took my cup to the sink.

"My mom's on a business trip," Uchi explained quietly as he bustled around the kitchen, looking for something. "Ah, found it." He pulled out a first aid kit from one of the top cabinets. He also got me ice to hold to my cheek, which I assumed was bruised badly by how much it hurt.

Uchi crouched by my chair and began to apply medication and bandaids to the various scrapes and cuts on my face. I couldn't bear to look at him so I kept my gaze down at my hands on my lap.

"You're so good at this?" I finally said softly, trying to keep off the stinging sensation.

He mumbled something about "my mom" and "for me" and I pieced together what he meant.

He reached for my arm and I instinctively pulled back.

"Let me see," Uchi insisted but I shook my head. It'd been a while since it'd been this bad, but I would survive.

"Kana…"

"I'll be fine."

"What if something's broken?"

"Nothing is. I'm fine."

"Kana–"

"Leave me alone! I said I'm fine!"

The silence was deafening and I squeezed my eyes shut. I had hurt yet another person who cared about me. And I couldn't seem to stop.

I decided right then that I wasn't going to stay here and inconvenience or hurt Uchi any further. I stood up shakily to leave.

"It's still raining out. I can't let you go out like this," Uchi said, standing up next to me with his arm out to stop me. "I'll call your grandparents to tell them….that you're safe...but you can't go home tonight."

My grandparents…he still thought they'd be waiting up for me…

All the lies I'd been telling him suddenly felt suffocating.

"Kana?" I heard him say, but I couldn't hear him over the blood pounding in my ears. Before I knew it, tears had escaped my eyes, and I began to cry.

"No, wait, stop," I mumbled as I turned my body away from him, trying not to let him see.

I could feel Uchi shift awkwardly behind me, not knowing what to do. And then I felt him come around and move into my space. A hand was gently placed on the back of my head, and I felt my forehead hit the soft fabric of his shirt.

Shit, I was crying already, what the hell. I reached up and bunched the fabric of his shirt in my hands as I pressed my face into chest.

I felt his arms go around my shoulders and hold me closer.

We stayed like that until my sobs subsided and I was breathing more normally. I didn't know what to do, now that we were just standing, basically hugging in the middle of his kitchen.

I pulled away from him, eyes to the floor.

"Come here," he said finally, pulling on my arm gently. He slid open the door to another room, and I found myself standing on tatami flooring. Uchi's room.

He had me sit on the bed and I stared at him as he knelt in front of me, his hands holding mine.

"I have something I've been meaning to say," he began.

"Wait, Uchi, stop," I began to protest, realizing what was about to happen.

"No, please let me say it," he said earnestly, squeezing my hands. "I like you Kana."

His eyes were so kind, but also full of anticipation.

Anticipation that I couldn't answer. I pulled my hands away, and I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his face.

"Kana."

"Uchi...please. I don't deserve it."

"Don't say that...don't...I…"

When Uchi fell silent, I finally looked up and our eyes met. He reached up and gently cupped my face before he kissed me.

For a moment, I closed my eyes, wondering if this was what it would be like to be with someone who was this genuine, this kind.

But Sawada's words suddenly echoed in the back of my head. "Don't break his heart."

Uchi had feelings for a fraud, for someone who had been lying to him from the start.

Before I knew it, I was pushing him away, apologizing over and over, willing myself not to cry.

"Uchi...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh my god…I'm so sorry."

"...is it because you like Shin?"

"What?" I asked, looking up at the question I had never been expecting. Sawada?

"...everyone knows you and Shin are so well matched, and I thought if I didn't do something soon, you'd start to see him that way too. So after the school festival…" he trailed off and I remembered the flowers. "But then summer vacation happened and I thought things were back to normal. But then you came to school wearing his clothes…I thought I'd lost."

He sat back and looked so hurt. "If we can't be more than friends, then at least trust me like we are friends. You're keeping things from me…"

"Uchi…"

"I'm not blind. I know a guy's shirt when I see one. I saw the way you walked into school together in the morning, the way Shin looked at you during class. He only looks at people like that when he's concerned. He knows something about you I don't."

I sat unable to move, dumbfounded. Uchi was much more observant than I expected. I could hear the bitterness in his voice, and I knew I had been neglecting him, avoiding his feelings on purpose.

"Why can't you trust me? I thought we were friends," he blurt out, clearly frustrated.

I stared at the pain in his eyes, but I also saw compassion and the willingness to accept. I couldn't keep it from him any longer. I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palm.

"Shun…Kanzaki Shun…" I finally choked out, tears forming in my eyes.

Uchi immediately tensed at the name. Shun's name was pretty known throughout the area, not as someone who caused trouble but as someone not to mess with, and I guess Uchi had heard it somewhere too.

"He did this to you?" he asked in disbelief.

I shook my head. Uchi shook me, forcing my head up to meet his gaze.

"Is he bothering you then? What about him?" Uchi asked urgently.

"I…I live with him…" I whispered.

I saw a mixture of emotions in his eyes.

"You're kidding right? There's no way…" He trailed off into silence when he saw my tears. "…What about your parents? You told me that-"

"They're dead, Uchi. They're dead."

The stunned silence was deafening.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked hoarsely.

I closed my eyes. Why hadn't I?

Because I was scared. And I had every right to be.

"…Don't tell…" I said softly. He nodded.

I began to explain things to him. How I had become defiant ever since my parents died in the sudden accident, feeling that it was unfair that I was the only one suffering. How I had been kicked out from my grandparents' home after getting expelled after falling in with the wrong crowd. How Shun had somehow appeared and saved me when that same crowd discarded me.

"Shun…helped me get back up. Eventually I started to take night classes so I wouldn't be held back a year. We're not the typical gang, you know? He doesn't want us to be criminals - we're all just trying to make our lives better. We don't steal, we don't do drugs, we don't intimidate to get what we want…But he doesn't tolerate any weakness…and right now, I'm the group's weakness…"

"…I don't understand," Uchi said.

"I'm the one who gets in trouble, gets us in trouble. I act without thinking...Then I get the entire gang involved because I'm not strong enough to get myself out of the mess. Even tonight…"

"What did you do?" Uchi asked. I looked up and he looked more shocked by all of this information than judgmental.

I swallowed hard. "I tried to get the gang behind the casino bar arrested…I found their hideout…but then I got caught and…Shun had to come save me. And what did I end up doing for Sawada? Nothing. I've disappointed every single person in my life…"

We both were silent for a long time.

"...I'm sorry for lying…I never meant to hurt you…you just…had such a positive view of me and I'm nothing like that…I can't live up to that…or accept your feelings because of it. I'm so sorry," I said finally, my voice barely a whisper at the end.

Uchi gave me a sad smile. "Can we at least be friends then?"

"...you still want to be my friend?"

Uchi nodded. "I'll…need some time…but no more lies, okay?" I nodded back, unable to speak, guilt and shock and relief and disbelief just flooding me all at once.

Uchi got up and handed me some blankets. "I'll be in the next room if you need anything. Try to sleep," he said gently before leaving.

The moment I lay down, tears flooded my vision and I cried into Uchi's pillow silently, trying to ignore my aching body while being crushed by my aching heart.

I didn't deserve a person, a friend like Uchi. I wondered if I ever would.

Do you deserve anyone at all? After all, you've let down Shun, Sawada, now Uchi. The more people you care about, the more people you hurt.

The haunting voice plagued my sleep, and I wondered if going to Shirokin had been the biggest mistake of my life.

Author's note: Another heavy chapter. I'm so sorry if it didn't go the way that you hoped, but this is something that I'd been thinking about a lot for a long time, and it's important to push the story and characters forward. Thank you for reading and if you have the chance, I'd love to hear your thoughts.