A Fighting Chance

I woke up to the smell of something good. My body still ached, but I managed to push myself off the bed.

I slid open the door to find Uchi standing in the kitchen, making something on the stove.

"...good morning," he said, turning off the heat to walk up to me. "...are you feeling okay?"

I was about to say yes, but I couldn't bring myself to keep lying to Uchi, not again.

"Everything still hurts," I admitted.

"I uh…made breakfast…" he said, pulling out a chair for me. I sat down carefully, trying not to make any big movements but still wincing in my pain as my body protested.

I took small bites of the omelette Uchi had made which was really good. But when I told him so, he shook his head and turned away from me to stuff his mouth, but not before I saw the faint blush on his face. I pretended I hadn't seen and silently continued to eat.

It was as if every bit of Uchi's affection towards me was amplified now that it was out in the open, now that he told me. And I would just have to ignore it until it faded…

"Are you gonna make it to school today?" Uchi asked when we finished eating and he handed me some painkillers.

"...I don't have anything with me."

"Maybe no one will notice?"

"I'm pretty sure that's impossible…"

"I would stay home with you…but…we'll probably hear about Shin at school."

That's right. Sawada had been arrested. A sinking feeling of dread came over me. Had he spent all night in jail?

"I'll go," I said, realizing I wouldn't be able to sit at home not knowing.

Uchi didn't argue with me for some reason and tried to find a suitable outfit for me to wear at least until I got to school. I told him I'd spend as much time at Kawashima's as possible. I didn't really want to have to explain anything to her but I hoped that she wouldn't pry. If anything, I could tell her it was cramps.

In Uchi's bathroom, I saw how bad my face looked for the first time. I had a huge bruise on one cheek, my lower lip was cut and swollen and there were cuts and scrapes across my face including a particular one just under my right eye. Some I could hide with my hair but to hide all was impossible.

"...do you have a mask?" I asked Uchi, who found one and handed it to me. While I hadn't ever worn a mask to school before, other students did when they had bad seasonal allergies or a cough, so I figured it would be okay. And it would hide half my face and I'd do my best to keep my head down and let my bangs cover the rest.

Uchi was incredibly patient as I slowed us down considerably on the way to school. I refused to let him carry me, but that meant us walking really slowly. Luckily Uchi didn't live too far from school, and there was a bus that would take us most of the way, even though Uchi said he never took the bus if he could help it. I didn't have to ask why from the way that all of the passengers looked nervously at Uchi when we got on the bus but would hurriedly look away when Uchi glanced in their direction.

When we finally arrived at school, we found our classmates gathered around the outdoor school bulletin board. I had a bad feeling as I could see their shocked expressions as we drew nearer. They silently parted to make room for me and Uchi at the front to read what it says.

"Sawada…expelled…" I said slowly. Uchi's face fell. We had expected it would be bad but expulsion? Without even talking to him first?

The bell rang, and everyone began to silently trudge towards the classroom. Noda gave me a lingering look before following the others. Uchi offered to take me to Kawashima's but I shook my head. I wanted to go alone.

Kawashima's eyes widened when she saw me, taking in how I was clearly not dressed in uniform. I was once again wearing an oversized black sweater, even bigger on me than Sawada's had been, and baggy black pants. I knew the only reason my classmates hadn't reacted was because the news about Sawada was so grim.

"And here I thought girl students would be less trouble," she said in her usual light teasing voice. "Sit on the bed. I'm sure I have a spare uniform for you somewhere."

She began to rummage through a drawer until she found an extra shirt and skirt for me.

"Good thing we ordered some extras. Now change before some boys come in here hoping to skip class."

I pulled the curtain closed so I could have some privacy. It was simple enough to change into the skirt, although I prayed that I had an extra pair of leggings in my locker because my legs were quite scratched up too.

But when I managed to pull off the sweater, I let out a groan in pain when my arms and ribs ached from being moved in that particular way.

"Are you okay?" Kawashima asked, peeking behind the curtain clearly concerned. We both froze as she took in my body, cuts and bruises and all as I stood there shirtless.

"I'm fine," I instinctively said, holding up the shirt to hide my body from her. She silently took the shirt from me and helped me put it on. I thought she would help me button it but I hissed in pain when she touched a bruise on my lower rib where someone had gotten in a strong kick.

"It's not broken," she stated, turning to go to the fridge. She came back with an ice pack and forced me to lay down, holding the ice pack to my rib.

"Nakajima-san," Kawashima said, her tone extremely serious, "is someone hitting you at home?"

"No!" I immediately said. My mind was racing. How would I even explain this to her.

"Then your boyfriend?"

I shook my head.

"I know it's really scary to tell someone, but I have to report this. It's not okay for you to show up this hurt and for me to overlook it."

I shook my head again. "Please…I just…I…I've been…boxing."

"Boxing?" she said, her eyebrow raised.

I nodded. "...yesterday…after Sawada got arrested…I just felt so helpless. So I went to a boxing gym…but got beat…"

"And where is this boxing gym?" she asked, clearly not believing me.

I told her the name of Wataru-san's gym. I saw her look it up on her computer and she sighed when she found that it really was a gym.

"Look, I know you're all going through a lot. It's tough seeing this happen to your classmate. But try not to be so reckless and cause any more problems for Yamaguchi-sensei, okay?" she said finally. I nodded. "And you know you can tell me anything, right?" she said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded again, feeling her care for both me and Yankumi.

She let me stay until the end of first period, making sure I had iced the bruise enough. She also somehow realized that I was hiding a bruise with the mask, so she made me take a small ice pack with me to hold to my face as much as possible.

The atmosphere was grim when I got back to class.

"Where's Yankumi?" I asked, not that I was in the mood for math, but hoping to see her to hear more about Sawada.

"Washio came to tell us we'd have study hall this period," Noda explained. "He sounded so annoyed."

"Maybe she went to see Shin," Kuma wondered aloud. Knowing her, she definitely was.

We sat silently in class, feeling defeated. The fact that Sawada was found in such a place as that club was all the school cared about. As long as he stayed silent about going to rescue Natsumi, he would be expelled for sure.

"Isn't there anything we can do to help him?" Noda asked desperately.

"Shin didn't even do anything!" Kuma burst out in anger.

Minami kicked at his desk. "This doesn't make any sense!"

"Dammit!" Uchi shouted, throwing the football he was holding to the ground, expressing what all of us were thinking. There was nothing we could do.

I kept seeing Sawada in my mind. He had been such a silent small part of my life, and yet without him, there was an even more deafening silence.

Sawada had done so much for me. He had listened, kept my secrets, accepted me without any further questioning. And I had tried and failed to do something for him in return.

Hours dragged on, and it seemed like the day would never end. Yankumi didn't come back. When I returned to Kawashima's later to return the ice pack, she gave me a sad look.

"Sawada-kun's been cleared of any wrongdoing, but since he's a minor, his guardian has to go pick him up…and it sounds like his old man is not budging."

I thought about Sawada's dad and how unreasonable he was when we had gone to see him the night before. There was no way he would actually go pick up Sawada from jail.

I ran into Uchi on the way back to the classroom.

"Kana, what's wrong?" he asked, seeing the look on my face.

I told him what Kawashima had told me, and how stubborn Sawada's dad was.

"Let's tell the others," Uchi said grimly. He told the class immediately when we returned.

"...it might not work, but let's go ask Shin's old man to pick him up," Uchi said quietly. "All of us."

When we got to Sawada's parents' house, the cop and bodyguard in front tried to keep us from the door. We weren't being violent but there were so many of us insisting on seeing Sawada's dad that we were causing quite the commotion. Suddenly, the door opened and Sawada's father, mother, sister, and to our surprise, Yankumi, stepped out to see what was going on.

"You guys…" Yankumi said. She was here, which only could mean…

"Please go pick up Shin," Uchi said, stepping forward. "Please!"

"Please!" we all chorused and bowed our heads.

Yankumi walked over to stand in front of us. She then turned to Sawada's father.

"Please go pick Sawada up." She then bowed along with us.

Things were quiet for a long time.

"Father," Natsumi pleaded.

He gave a long sigh before telling the policeman to ready his car. We all looked at each other in elated relief. Sawada could come home.

Yankumi told us that if all of us went to the police station to greet Sawada when he was released, we'd cause a disturbance. The class grumbled about it, but no one wanted to get in trouble at the police station, so everyone relented to letting just his closest friends be there. I wasn't sure he considered me one of his closest friends, but Natsumi came with us and she stuck close to my side, so it wasn't like I could just leave, plus of course Uchi was going. I hadn't even thanked him properly for taking care of me the night before and I knew I couldn't leave until I did that.

At the police station, we waited patiently outside until Sawada's father had completed all the paperwork. Natsumi was really quiet, and I figured she was anxious about seeing her brother after everything they'd been through.

"It'll be okay," I tried to say reassuringly, hoping it didn't sound as unsure as I felt. Would it be okay? Sawada was still expelled for all we knew.

Natsumi nodded, but she reached out to hold my wrist, luckily below a bruised area, and I could tell that she was shaking a little.

"But what about Sawada getting expelled?" Minami asked Yankumi, who smiled.

"He's not anymore," she said, telling us about how Shinohara had negotiated with Sawatari that Sawada was justified in being at the club that night.

The guys whooped in joy and I sighed in relief.

At that moment, Sawada's father came out, gave us a look and immediately walked toward his car where his driver waited. Where was Sawada though?

After waiting quite a while after that, we watched as Sawada finally slowly walked out, staring in disbelief at his father who gave him an unreadable look before getting in his car and driving away. Of course he wouldn't stay to actually talk to his son…but at least he had come. For a brief moment, I wondered if anyone would have come for me.

"Sawada," Yankumi called to him, and he turned in surprise.

"You guys…" he said, clearly full of emotion.

"Yo, Shin," Uchi said brightly.

"Shin-chan!" Minami teased.

"We waited forever, man," Noda said as Kuma greeted him with a wide grin. I didn't know what to do so I just waved a little.

"Seriously, don't bottle everything up and try to deal with it all on your own," Yankumi told him, her voice light and teasing. "When things get tough, at least rely on your friends. You have friends who will search for you all night. You have friends who will bow their heads to your father to come pick you up. You can show them your weakness. They're determined to stick by you. Right?"

Yankumi's words resonated within me, even though they were meant for Sawada. I was so fond of these guys…yet when it came down to it, I still didn't rely on them until I was forced to…

The guys all beamed as Sawada looked at us. I could see him tearing up a little.

"Sorry for causing you guys trouble," he said.

"Ah stupid. Don't say things like that," Uchi said, shoving him lightly.

"You didn't cause us any trouble!" Minami agreed.

"We do it because we want to," Noda chimed in.

"Exactly!" Kuma finished off.

"And you'd do it for us," I said softly. We shared a look, both knowing it was true.

I stepped aside to reveal Natsumi, who was nervously standing behind me. We all stepped back to give them space. I grinned when I saw all the guys turn away to give them privacy. They were such good friends.

"I'm sorry, Oniichan," Natsumi said.

"Baka," he said, touching her head affectionately. They both smiled at each other.

"Oh yeah. If you're late tomorrow, Sawada, you get toilet cleaning duty," Yankumi said.

"What are you even talking about? I've been…" Sawada started.

"You're not expelled. You were just there rescuing someone," she explained. "Shinohara-san talked to Vice Principal Sawatari for you. The vice principal didn't look too thrilled though."

We all looked up at Shinohara, who smiled before walking back inside the police station. Yet another adult who we could actually rely on…

"Until you graduate, I'm your teacher," Yankumi said affectionately to Sawada before turning to us. "Come on guys. Let's go."

Noda let out a whoop and began to lead the way. Yankumi parted ways with us soon after, saying she had to go back to work. Sawada quietly thanked her and she beamed at him, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

"Arghhh stop," he growled at her, clearly embarrassed this was happening in front of us and even worse, his sister.

But Yankumi, clearly unbothered, just warned him again not to be late tomorrow and took off.

We all headed towards a diner to celebrate Sawada's release. I suddenly realized that in order to eat, I'd have to take off my mask, and I wanted to avoid all the questions that would come with it. Luckily, my legs seemed to be cooperating and I could move a little more freely than this morning, as long as I didn't make any sudden movements. But I knew my face wouldn't have healed that quickly.

On the way to the diner, we passed an electronics store. Minami asked if we could stop so he could pick up batteries for something. Natsumi asked if she could check out something in the beauty products section too, so we all headed inside. I could see the suspicious sideglances we got from the store employees nearest us, but I tried to ignore it. It was the usual after all.

Since I had nothing to buy, I stood near the entrance where all the TVs were at. Sawada went with his sister since she had wanted his advice for a gift for their mother for her birthday or something, and Kuma tagged along with Minami. Noda was excitedly pointing out the latest features of TV monitors to us, when one of them began to play the news.

I stared in shock as the announcer began to describe how last night, the people running the illegal casino bar had been arrested after an anonymous tip led to a raid. Footage of Nishida and his men being led into police cars and then into the police station played, but I couldn't even hear the words being said. My knees gave way and I found myself sitting on the floor, too shocked to stand.

Uchi and Noda were by my side in an instant, but I couldn't hear them as I kept looking up at the TV. Was this real? Nishida and his men were behind bars? Were we safe?

"Was that you then?" I finally heard Noda say and I turned to look at him, not understanding his question. He gestured toward the TV to where the announcer was saying that the police still didn't know the identity of the anonymous caller who tipped them off to where Nishida was hiding.

I nodded, realizing I owed Noda an explanation for the night before, especially after all he'd done for me. But where would I even begin?

"...then…they were the ones that…did that to you…" Noda trailed off, looking at me. "But you were able to get away?"

I nodded. But as I did, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Had they seen the news? Had Shun? Were they okay? Did they at least know that I wasn't a complete fuck up?

I bit my lip hard to try to hold back the tears. I wouldn't cry now. I didn't deserve to.

I shakily stood up thanks to Uchi and Noda's support, just as Kuma, Minami, Sawada and Natsumi came back with their purchases.

"I'm going to take Kana home," Uchi said, to all of our surprise. "She isn't feeling well."

I felt terrible that I was bailing on Sawada's release party, but he was right. I wasn't in the condition to celebrate, especially not after that. I thought I would feel relieved, and I did, but I also just felt completely drained of all the tension I was holding within me from last night.

"Sorry," I said to Sawada, who shook his head.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

I tried to smile behind my mask and nod. But the longer he looked at me, the sooner I felt he'd see what I was hiding, so I looked away.

"Don't push yourself too hard," Noda said and I nodded to him gratefully. One day, I would explain to him properly. He knew about the cafe after all, so I figured he pieced most of it together.

"Kana-chan…when you're feeling better, can we hang out?" Natsumi asked me. I nodded, squeezing her hand. She promised to text soon.

"Thanks, from both of us," Sawada said. Natsumi nodded vigorously. I shook my head.

We left, Uchi walking slowly by my side.

I began to apologize a lot, realizing the situation. "I know you probably don't even want to be with me right now, not after…"

Uchi shook his head. "Stop. We're friends, right? If you apologize again…I'll…punch you."

I nodded, looking at the ground, knowing very well that Uchi would never. It didn't stop me from feeling guilty. But I had to thank him too. If he hadn't been there for me last night, I don't know what I would've done. And a part of me wondered if I had changed…if it had been me a few years ago, I may have just gone with the flow and given myself to Uchi out of obligation and gratitude, hurting both of us in the process…

"Thanks for letting me stay with you," I started.

"You're not staying anymore?" he asked in surprise.

I shook my head. "I need to go back…they'll be wondering where I am…and I can't run away forever."

"…Do you want me to come too?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think that's a good idea."

He nodded. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"I hope so."

Uchi walked me to where Nomura-san's bookstore was. I could feel him getting tense as we neared it. I thanked him again and he left, but not before saying the guys were planning a surprise for Sawada the next day at school so I shouldn't be late, not that I usually was.

When I walked to the back entrance of the café, it was already starting to become dark.

I opened the door to find Chiba sitting at the counter in the kitchen. He scowled at me.

"Aw, the kitty decided to come crawling back. Pathetic," he spat.

I bowed my head, his words stinging. "I'm sorry."

He sat up and sighed. "Shun was about to make us search for you all night you know, wouldn't let us sleep, until that guy in your class came to tell us where you are."

I looked up. What?

"What was his name? Noda? Yeah. That guy. He seemed so nervous when he saw all of us glaring at him, but he told us you were at some guy's house. Uchi or something."

I stared at Chiba. Noda had come all the way down here to tell them that? He hadn't even mentioned it to me today.

"You can't even dig yourself out of your own problems," Chiba growled at me. I hung my head. I was very aware of this. "You're all Shun cares about sometimes, and it annoys the hell out of us."

"Where is he?" I asked hesitantly. He was both the first and last person I wanted to see.

"Who knows?"

I moved to go towards my room but Chiba reached out to grab my arm and I cried out, his fingers digging into a bruise.

"I'll let you off tonight, but I expect something in return for all the shit you put us through," he hissed at me before he let go, storming off and slamming the back door of the cafe behind him.

I let out a shaky breath before walking to my room. I turned on the light to find an envelope on my desk. I tore it open, a feeling of dread washing over me for the second time today. Shun's handwriting…

"Kana, sorry. I thought I knew what was best for you, for all of us, but I clearly don't. I think every person in the house is already doing fine on their own two feet. You might not think so, but you don't need me anymore."

I immediately stopped reading and ran out of my room. I ran to his room, the one place I never intruded upon without permission, and threw open the door.

Shun stood there with his back to me, filling up a backpack with some belongings. He turned and sighed when he saw me, muttering about how he should have left sooner.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice low and empty.

"I'm sorry Shun, I'm really sorry," I said over and over, but I couldn't stop trembling or stop the tears from coming. "But what are you doing?"

Shun passed a weary hand over his eyes.

"I'm such a failure. I can't even lead this group properly. Hell, I can't even protect you anymore, Kana. There will be a time when I won't be there fast enough, and I don't want to be here to see that day."

"So you'll just leave me?!" I furiously demanded, storming over to make him look at me. "Then what will happen to me?"

"Why do you even care if I'm here or not?" Shun asked sadly. "I clearly don't even know what's best for you…I even yell at you and blame you for things you didn't even do. I don't deserve to lead a group like this."

"Then don't! I'll take responsibility for my own actions! But I don't want you to leave! Don't give up on me like everyone else has!"

"Kana…"

He stared at me, and I stared back. Suddenly, tears began to appear in his eyes.

"Why am I so weak?" he muttered to himself, rubbing at his eyes.

I leaned forward and buried my head in his shoulder. He tentatively wrapped his arms around me before tightening his hold.

It was so different for both of us, and it was scary to see Shun, who had always been the strongest person I knew, break down like this before my eyes, but at the same time, it was reassurance to me that I was not the only one hiding weaknesses.

I trusted Shun with my whole heart because he had saved me, but he had never let me see him as anything but strong and untouchable. He definitely scared me at times, made me realized my own weaknesses, but I realized that at the same time, it would be scarier to lose him.

Despite it all, I would rather be hurt than be alone.

"Morning."

"Morning, Shun."

"Have a good day at school."

"Thanks."

As far as I could tell, things were back to "normal". We hadn't talked all that much last night, only enough for Shun to reassure me he wasn't leaving. He promised we would talk soon. Hopefully this "normal" would last this time, even though there was a lot to work out under the surface.

When I got to school, we all hid around the classroom, waiting for Sawada to show up. He first had to go with Yankumi to talk to the principal and Saruwatari to apologize for causing trouble and to thank them for rescinding his expulsion.

When Yankumi finally led him in and they looked around wondering where we were, we all jumped out and set off party crackers, throwing confetti everywhere. Sawada got picked up and they paraded him around the class. He was laughing, truly enjoying himself.

"You should smile like that more often!" Yankumi shouted at him.

"Shut up!" he retorted but continued to grin.

As I watched him, I thought about how much of a significant part he and the others were playing in my life. If it wasn't for him and his friends, I wouldn't be where I was. I would still be so lost, but finally, I was beginning to see myself for who I was, not who everyone else labeled me to be. Of course, I owed a lot to Yankumi for that too, but she was a teacher while it was these guys who put up with me by choice.

I no longer thought going to Shirokin was a mistake - after all I was stronger, I was understanding more about myself and other people…but also realizing how fragile everything really was. Life was already in hard mode for all of us, and I hoped we could get to graduation without things becoming any harder.

"You're not going to tell him what you did?" Uchi asked me softly. I looked up at him.

"No," I answered, adjusting the straps on my mask. "He doesn't need to know."

"I think you should tell him," Uchi said before getting up to join the party.

And Uchi. As far as I could tell, nothing in particular would happen between us. He seemed to get it, my reluctance to even acknowledge his feelings went back to me having lied about so many things to him, the gang and the dangers it held for me and all that I associated with. But that wasn't the only reason. Uchi was so good to me, too good to me even, and I didn't want to be the person to receive that goodness when I didn't see myself as someone who was able to give it back.

But I wanted to repay them all somehow.

And maybe I was selfish, but I wanted to so desperately hold onto things going well in my home life and school life at the same time, no matter how complicated things got. I hoped life would give me that chance.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading!