Chapter XI: Of this Mettle of Unconditional Love
"Thank you for taking the time out to come to this auction. These pieces are from my private collection, works that were done in my early years when I first started wood carving. For the longest time I never quite had the inclination to sell them off, but in recent times, I have decided that it was time to move on into a different space entirely.
"As you can see, these pieces, as opposed to my previous batches, are of a person, something I have yet to display before. However, the techniques which I used are not that different.
"*I feel that it is very important that my texturing or surface design becomes integrated into the overall design of the work. I also feel that the more you work on the surface, the quieter the material has to be. Hence the intricate designs has been left to a minimal.
"Moreoever, I have never used art to influence or persuade viewpoints. Instead, my art that functions and this has always been my starting point in the development of any idea. I try to convey a sense of quiet, personal ceremony with my work. The actual pattern is not as important as the overall feel of the piece once it has been carve. What begins as form soon veers into image, while function itself occupies a narrow space between surface and depty, between reality and illusion – a place called 'two-and-a-half dimension'...*"
Taking a deep breath, he continued the speech that would seem rather technical, yet revealing, if you could only listen carefully.
"And it is with this new dimension in mind that I hope you would look at all my pieces. Because every point of view that is added to this rich tapestry that I hope to weave is a point of view that may distort, or enhance its image. So take your time out and simply enjoy it.
"With this, let the auction: Three Steps Into Yesterday, begin."
It was amidst the applause and gazes of admiration that Enishi looked up and locked glances with the one woman he thought he would not see, not after his words the day before.
Abruptly breaking eye contact with him, she self-conciously wrung her fingers, twisting the handkerchief in her hand. Kaoru wasn't very sure her motives and reasons for being present, but she knew she had to come. Even as she awoke this morning with tear tracks on her cheeks and a dull throbbing in her head, she could not help but walk semi-conciously to the bathroom at eight in the morning to make herself presentable for the auction at nine.
Always the masochist eh Kaoru? Her mind whispered devilishly at her as she tried to wreck her brains for her current predicament for the nth time. Why did she come?
Despite remaining up on stage for the entire proceedings, Enishi could not allow his mind to wander far away from the delicate lady that sat scarcely eight feet away from him. She was just there, just within his reach, all he really needed to do was to stand up, take courage and find his way to her.
What is she doing here?
Barely hearing the entire procedure, Enishi was vaguely aware that he was reaching his target of being a multi-millionaire in the one and a half hour that he was sitting there surreptitiously staring at her, but he really could not care less. He needed an answer, and he'll be damned if he doesn't get one real soon.
"Yukishiro?" He half-turned to his agent sitting next to him. "Is there something amiss?"
Shaking his head inspite of the snorts of disbelief ringing out in his mind, he missed his agent's look of uncertainty. Being rather acquainted with the artist's strange behaviour and laconic nature, his agent merely let his reticence slide.
"Going once, going twice, Sold!"
The auction was going smoothly, but Enishi's mind was left in a riot, a mixture of memories and half-truths rolling about.
What is she trying to do to me?
Like a bee buzzing irritatingly around his mind, Enishi was trying to make head or tail of the situation. What does she want? Was she really trying to salvage the relationship? Should he give her a chance? But the carvings...
He knew that he wanted to forget her, but this conviction was slowly crumbling in the face of her presence hardly three broad strides away from him. He also knew that he loved her, yet how much could love work when you were so far apart from each other.
But most of all, he knew that he could never let go. Even as he said those words yesterday, even as he dug through his cellar finding his prized possession that he never planned on selling and took it out to auction today, even as he strived to keep his heart in check today.
Slouching in an uncharacteristic Enishi moment, he let out a sigh of frustration as he raked his hands through his unruly hair. And it was in this moment that he finally realised what the look in Kaoru's eyes yesterday meant. Her eyes were conveying to him the message that only now his heart could understand in this epiphaneous moment: You belong to me. Even if you sell every single carving, every statue, every picture, every memory. The heart holds onto things that the mind forget, and you'll always hold onto me.
Sitting through the entire proceedings, Kaoru looked at each piece with a detached look, neither moved nor touched by it. She had seen them yesterday, had allowed them to touch her innermost core and move her soul, but today, today she needed herself in one piece, to pick up the many shards that was the broken relationship she shared with Enishi.
Straightening her posture, she leveled her gaze at Enishi's form, openly appraising him. The day before was a rush of emotions and raw passion, stripping her of the ability to think or see clearly. Today, she finally saw him for the strapping, lean, older and sophisticated man he has matured into. Like a fine wine, everything about him speaks of experience and hardships borne.
"And now, the last piece for today..." without either of them noticing, the auction was rapidly coming to an end. "... A little history on this unique piece: This was the final piece to Yukishiro-sensei's collection which only took him six months to put together five years ago when he was still in high school. Initially, he was hesistant to include this wood carving in the auction, but last night, he requested that it was auctioned off as well. Let's invite him up to explain more about this special work of his, shall we?"
Amidst the applause, Enishi woodenly walked to the podium as his last work of art lay waiting beneath a piece of cloth, for his unveiling. But first, his speech. It was a simple yet strategic one which he now started regretting.
Maybe I don't want to sell it after all...
Kaoru looked up at the white-haired ex-student of hers. Looking calm and collected, the slight tick in his left eye and the occasional movement of his adam's apple as he swallowed hard was the only indication that he was stuck in a situation he did not feel at home in. Wringing her hands tighter around the already taut handkerchief, she felt beads of sweat slicken down her clammy back as Enishi's discomfort somehow found their way to her.
Oh Enishi... what's wrong?
"This last piece is different and especially exceptional. But before I go into that, let me explain what Three Steps into Yesterday really is about.
"This exhibition was put together by, and is very much a brainchild of, my agent and I. We looked back into our years and thought back to the times that remained most memorable to us. To him, it was his university years, while mine was somewhere earlier. But they both had something in common – love. It was during these times that we learnt about the value and the lessons of love, bringing a new angle, a new perspective into life. It didn't have to be merely romantic love, it could be a love between siblings, friends or even parents with their adopted child..."
Sharply turning to him, Kaoru noticed him looking straight into her eyes, drowing her, yet daring her to turn away at the same time. Mesmerized, she found it impossible to break her gaze with him.
"...But they all belong to love ultimately. Like the curator mentioned earlier on, these wood carvings were created during my earliest years as an artist, in high school. And it is to that lady who taught me love, that these carvings are of. That much is obvious, isn't it?"
Kaoru sucked in her breath, afraid that any slight movement by her would break the spell that he long since casted on her. The fog that she felt herself in moments before quickly dissipated in the overwhelming presence that Enishi possessed. She knew now that she could never turn away from him. Not ever.
"But what makes this piece so different? Well, this is the only piece that went through the toughest times with me. This is the piece that bore the brunt of my emotions, and this flawed piece is the only one that bears the face of that lady. To which, its sentimental value is unsurpassed compared to the other pieces."
With that bold declaration, the entire assembly broke into a frenzy of activity. Whispers and discussion broke out. Many wondered at this strange behaviour of the previously stoically private person. To open his heart and bare his soul? That is completely unheard of in the two years of his emergence where they were well acquainted with his laconic nature.
"The same time to love
is the same time that you need
to weep and forget."
Enishi read out the final haiku for the final carving, unveiling it after his recital.
Shocked gasps ran out as the crowd took in the angry gash that ran from the tip of the figurine's ear to her skirt. It was obvious that this piece had lived through tough times, bearing the mark of Enishi's troubled youth. Yet, it was more than obvious the tenderness that the artist possessed in him, the gentle curves that he fleshed out and the emotions he must have invested to the delicate details that now seem to bring him nothing but pain. However, ever detached, Enishi merely stood aside and allowed for the bidding to begin.
"A hundred thousand!"
Enishi was unwilling. That much she could see. Without even resorting to gazing into his turqoise orbs, she could easily see it in his rigid posture, in the confidence that seemed to have been sapped from him and most importantly, from his twisted fingers, nervously yet measuredly drumming against his knee. However, it was only when she looked into his eyes and witnessed the depth of sorrow that lay below it, that she saw more than simple recalcitrance. No, he was regretting it.
... I need to know...
Those words still rang out at the back of Enishi's mind, and until today, they still manage to sting. Some wounds are left floating in the subconciousness even after he and Kaoru have set their minds to forget. Because they never forget anything, they merely can't remember it. Does that memory still haunt her? How does she live with it?
But as he looked at her, trying to discern the swirl of convoluted emotions lying there, all he could clearly see was regret. Regret and warmth, everything he really needed now.
"A hundred and twenty!"
...But I can't help wanting, hoping that I can fool myself for the rest of my life...
Kaoru could not hold back the onslaught of memories as they pounded against the door of her heart. Foolishly thinking that she has long since put them away, she forgot the golden rule of memories: They never really leave your side.
...You know I'd never say a word I don't mean...
...That would depend on what you're saying...
"Going once... going twice..."
"Two hundred thousand!"
Still, the auction went on, plodding mercilessly like time that can never be turned back. Waiting for the clock to reverse its advancement was simply a dream that could never turn to reality. They both learnt it the hard way, but still...
"Two hundred and fifty!"
...I have decided...
...You're right and wrong...
...The rest... doesn't have to be said...
Still the torrent of memories surfaced, dragging Enishi under the avanlanche of emotions that he had left so long on the shelf he's even forgotten what they were. But having Kaoru so near, holding onto the memories, the stolen kisses, the forbidden feelings, they were slowly returning to life. It was as though these emotions that were burnt and left as ashes quietly resurrected... and from the remains of the ashes, a phoenix arose...
"Three hundred!"
...Kaoru, Kaoru, what do you want from me??...
She seemed so far away from him before. Even as a teacher, her eyes and smile always hid a mystery, a secret he could never fathom. But now, now she merely say eight feet from him. A merciful yet cruel eight feet that he could either lengthen or shrink if only he tried. Yet the walls seemed to be caving onto him, his dimensions falling in and out of place, weaving his emotions tightly round like a noose, clamping onto him in a suffocating embrace.
...Nothing, Enishi. I merely wanted you to know...
There she was, Kaoru looking up at him, with those inconceivable motives and emotions, with her feelings laid bare if only he could give her a chance.
Kaoru knew she told him what he needed, she knew that the rest was up to him, but still...
"Three hundred and fifty!"
...Now's too late, it's over already...
Still he had the choice to say 'no', and it scared her to death.
...Relationships aren't a must-have in life... a frill... Yet, it can become 'everything' in a person's life... like mine...
Enishi locked his grip around his knees, trying his darnest best to understand what his heart, his beaten, bruised, battered and broken heart was trying to say. Should he try again? But those words... those hateful and hurtful words he uttered...
...Find something else to fill your life Kaoru, you won't find it here...
...How do you take them back?
"Four hundred!"
And still, the auction went on as the price surged, each patron wanting it for their own reasons. For love? For rememberance? For a lesson learnt?
"Five hundred!"
Suddenly, Kaoru didn't care anymore, because she knew what she wanted.
"Unconditional love for the rest of your life!"
Staring at her, the entire assembly hushed, one man swallowing the 'six hundred' that he was going to say. Enishi arched an eyebrow at her abrupt albeit out of place words. Determined, she smiled in a show of confidence and strength that vaguely brought Enishi back to his high school days where she planted herself in front of the white board. But that didn't matter, she was here to reclaim that which she lost.
...I love you.
Tsuzuku
A/N: This was quick! See! I told you this would be fast. This may seem to be a technical story, very 'artsy' or not, I just hope I didn't bore you with all those terms!
Firstly, the words between the * are quotes from Scratching the Surface: Art and Content in Contemporary Wood. I finally figured that I couldn't keep writing about a subject (wood carving) whose only knowledge I possessed was limited to the Japanese Wood Carvings *coughcough* know what I mean? If you don't, where have you been honey?, drop me a note, I'll educate you one on one. Ehehehehe Anyway. The quotes are from Cory Robinson, Christian Burchard, Mark Gardner and most importantly, John Cedrequist, who talked about 'two-and-a-half dimension'.
Secondly, this chapter speaks a great deal about the dimensions, if you do notice. I wanted to highlight the added tones and shades that Enishi possesses, entirely credited to Kaoru. But it doesn't matter if you can't see it, every angle, after all, reveals a different hue.
~Haruko