What If Series Seven: Somewhere Down The Road

'We had the right love at the wrong time.'

"It's kinda weird, isn't it?" he said as he walked me on a paneled lobby... the way to his office. I didn't say anything I just listened to the thoughts that have been roaming around my head, ordering my feet to come back and grab the door and explain everything to her... no one knows how exactly I am missing her. "She woke up nicely. And she didn't have even thrown a pillow or wondering why she's been so stiff after sleeping in that bed for months. You too, don't think it's normal, do you?" he asked me again and I was down on my feet, "Ni-chan? Are you okay?" he tapped my left shoulder. "I don't think she's fine with that." the only thing I can say. "I know, I know. We owe her an explanation, you have the right to tell her but... you just have to take it easy on her or else, she'll get hurt. So here's her case... she woke up fine... and found out probably the light above her and she must be trying to remember everything but shocks grilled her... and she just shut her mouth like when the whole thing we've been waiting for her to ask her name failed to do so. Let's just give it time. She'll wreck it off. We'll come back after lunch." he opened the door to his office. He sighed when he noticed that I left something in her room, probably my mind. "Okay, just relax. She's going to be fine. We'll just need to know how severe it is, and which part of her memory was lost. It must have been huge because the impact was too strong. Anyway, we'll find it out once the result takes in." and in one final question, "Can I take her home? She can't just stay in the hospital for too long. It's not meant to but I... had craps of research on my bed every night. I really need her to be better... to be back on her feet again." I wanted too... I wanted... to return the way it was before... I wanted to paint the colors again all over our house but... every time I do that, I always think that I am alone. He nodded, "Okay. Sure, but give her a week. We'll examine it."

'Guess I always knew inside...'

The next day.

"So, you're here?" her nurse, Trisha, surprised me at the door. She looked at the flowers I'm having in my arms, "Yes, I am." I led myself to the bed, hoping that I am going to see her in one glance. And I heard her cleared her throat, clicking her clipboards on, "She's been sleeping after some medical shots. But here, I got you a vase. You can at least put that flowers in." she offered it to me and I was hesitant to take it. She offered me to sit on the sofa beside the door, and beside me, she occupied the space of the rest of the seat and had barely... until it became obvious, she was touching my hand as she inclined herself more onto me until her body touched my chest. Those familiar caresses have already started to annoy me. "How come you're always here to see her? Please don't take it to the heart. No hard feelings for that. But I'm just wondering. This girl reportedly has amnesia... I mean, she's poor kind of thing to have that out of people in the world. I mean billions. And you're a good man to incredibly, I mean... chasing down after her. Who are you to her, by the way?"

'I wouldn't have you for a long time...'

I looked at her strangely, she surely has used so many words to clear that one question up, "I am her husband. And she's my wife." I told her honestly. And she just blinked twice until her hand was no longer rested in mine. I stood up, "I have to visit later... I'm just passing by. I mean, I have appointments with Dr. Senjou Samuel." I was about to reach the door but she stopped me. How clingy can she get to herself?

'Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shores...'

"Oh wait. I didn't mean to be like that," she said and pulled me to sit again. "O-of course, you are her husband. I do not doubt that." I looked at her as she pulling another crap. "Look, I didn't know it was like that until I heard you myself. And don't get me wrong... I don't want to mess anything up but... the patient, Irie Kotoko, has serious aftermath issues after being in a coma for months. I mean, this is not the first time I see a patient like her who also has a comma but... it's pretty impossible to get her back into herself again. I know you heard it from her doctor first before mine... and I know it starts to pain you a lot and I already felt that every time you visit and see her. And she has no wonder to dig out the hell kind of you. So... what I mean, I am just comforting you with the truth. And it was the truth."

'And if they're calling you away...'

"Thanks but... I have enough of the truth and I don't care if she loses her memories with me. I can make it up for it. I can make us be together again. I cannot just give up and lose her completely. I already had one and it's enough. Sorry but no," I stood up and put the flowers on the desk and opened the door but before I finally open it, she held it with her right hand... following me before I turned to the right, "You know, I also support her. I'm hoping for her fast recovery so that... you can be together again. If a miracle doesn't forbid, then why not? But somehow when it suddenly wake you up... the truth coming out of her mouth, I think you should forget it. I'm sorry if I had to tell you this. I actually don't put sugar about my patient's condition so that everyone can be happy and I am not telling you to give up. You know, it's alright with just one try."

"But I'm serious, I won't give up on her. She loves me."

'I have no right to make your stay...'

"Well, she may have loved you for now. When she forgets... everything will be erased. It's up to you now. It's up to the miracle if it'll favor you."

I got angered. "You know what? I'm going."

I am so pissed at myself. I threw that kind of possibility. And I always knew that was gonna happen in our relationship. It might be happening... and it must be. But I'm gathering my hopes so that I could start believing in the thin chances that I could bring her back to me... and everything won't have to change. I'm sick of this kind of thinking... but I never conclude to quit. I won't stop loving her. I won't even if I go back to square one... I won't have myself with a reason to quit. I will fight for her. She doesn't want me to give up.

"Watch out!" I suddenly ran to her when she was about to fall and thank goodness, I came at the right time. My hands quickly captured her waist and for the first time... we had closed the gap of being so inadvertent to each other. I said through my shaky being... I am nervous and I don't know why... "You're about to fall," I said and she turned her body against me, looking up with a strange look. "Oh. You are the man who always stops by to put flowers in my vase," she said and pushed herself away to me. "Thanks for saving me." she gave me that smile which made me compare how sad it is... to miss her usual smile. And before I miss the whole thing about her, I quickly regained myself and tried to understand that this is what I am talking about. I have to get through this.

'But somewhere down the road...'

"Can I talk to you for a minute? I mean... I always stop by but I never had the chance to talk to you." I said as I guided her to sit comfortably on the bench. She nodded, but I can see unfamiliar shades in her eyes that make me not to push it on her. "Sure. I've always wanted to talk to you. I definitely have no idea what happened to me." but instead of showing of doubts and frustration on her face, she faked a smile. "I can't remember anything. I can't remember everyone. I can't remember you. And it's aching me inside my head when someone popped out and say, 'Hey, your name is Irie Kotoko. I am your friend... we've known each other for a long time.'" and in the moments of silence she used, I waited for her answer... while I'm fighting against the odds... I had a strange feeling. And then she continued. "I find it so hard to sink into my system about what happened to me. I don't want to deal a thing any longer. I don't want to think of anything else. I am definitely so confused about everything I see. I mean, whenever I looked at my hands... I can't seem to find the old me that everyone is talking about. I want to yell and shout... but finding reasons over my emptied life makes me want to stop and swear that this life is being mean to me. I mean why did I survive? Why did I have to go all through this? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of taking step by step when in fact..."

'Our roads are gonna cross again...'

"I've always wanted to tell you about..."

'It doesn't really matter when...'

"Oh goodness! Now what? Now I mean, who I was before? It's kind of different to think that I have an old me to bother about."

"You're Irie Kotoko. You are a nurse at Tonan hospital. You have a very beautiful life."

'But somewhere down the road...'

"Yeah, right. I can't seem to sink into that system that I was really her. Surely, she must have a beautiful life and I am not really her. Look... everything about me happened to end with tragedy." and she sighed, "I was kind of too tired to keep thinking about who was I before... every time someone appeared with news on their hands... I kind of have thought and until I say to myself that I can't understand it. Now... look, I'm trying to get past at square one. I'm tired of adjusting to being that past self. I mean... everything's got clearer to me... and I got it. I got my new self right behind me and if ever I would miraculously bring that person whom they always talk about... it's a success... but can't you just give me a little more time to even assess myself?" and I saw how she was really mad and frustrated but even if she's finding the right words to express her feeling, I watched her like I didn't watch myself shrinking into the tiniest bit that someone could step on and then break me. "I wanted to remember everything. I mean it's been days since you marked me... I mean since I woke up and I know I owe you something guys... but that couldn't be repaid with, 'Oh I remember you. I remember everything.'" and she sighed while gesturing out her hands how complicated it has been for her, "You know... I'm tired. I want to quit. I can't just... bring back the old me. I am feeling like I was a stranger meeting strangers, you know. So If you have a bomb with everything you say to me now, please... don't make it hard for me to move on. Just let me remember everything on my own. Please..." and for the first time in my life, I never saw her pleading like this... seriously? Kotoko... only beg for the stupid things that she wants to do with me and this is so not like her.

'I know that heart of yours will come to see...'

"I understand..." a sad voice came out of my mouth when in fact my walls are breaking inside me.

"Good. Thank you for letting me explain myself. I just don't want to hear it from someone else. I know I've hurt you... but I can't think of anything else but to be selfish. This has been a shock to me too. I can't trust anyone... I can't let my guard fall down. My doctor told me not to rely on what other people say but just try to relax and remember it on my own. And I think, that's better. He's right. I'm doing it because I'm trying to avoid something... I really can't do this."

"I understand," I repeated... knowing how hard it is for her to listen to what I'm about to say and right, I'm not gonna say it now... or I have no reason to tell it to her. She owns her life.

'That you belong with me...'

"And then my doctor told me about me... and that I am married. Why would I be married? I don't want to lead my life with questions like that. I just want to start... fairly even if that's not fair to everyone who knows me... but I'm just trying to lead my life better and I think, I just need to stand it on my own."

"It's okay. You have the right to take it easy. I mean, you can lead your life whichever you want. I don't have the right to stop you from it. And I really agree with you... you should try to stand on your own until you win. I'm just gonna be over there to keep waiting for you to show up and then you'll try to say... well, never mind. I've got you the whole support you needed and if it was for the best."

'Sometimes goodbyes are not forever...'

"Thank you so much." she stood up.

"And one more thing, can I at least tell you my name? I mean, we have a talk here and I was really hoping that we could meet each other in the streets and have coffee?"

'It doesn't matter if you're gone...'

"And your name is?"

"It's not much information, you see... I'm Naoki. Nice to meet you once again, Kotoko." I stood up and smiled at her making the situation not so awkward. She nodded, "Okay... so, see you then, Naoki-san."

Naoki-san?

"You've got a nice greeting to me, huh. What a nice opening with beers in your hand. Hey, Irie? What are you doing lately? It's kinda bad in your bad situation." Kinnosuke sat across me as I drank my fifth beer for this night. I just can't help it. I just need some distraction before I'll destruct something in my straight mind. "You know when people say that it's nice to have this kind of thing in the moment of misery? I think I totally got their idea." I nodded and drank it all hard again. He made me stop reaching the sixth beer but I flipped his hands and made it, "You don't need to stop me." I said. And he made a very loud sound and I bet all the customers are turning their head on us, "What the hell are you doing to yourself... you know nothing's gonna happen if you keep yourself to be like that. I mean..." and he sat down and bowed to everyone who got disturbed by his messy action. "What the hell had happened? Is it about Kotoko? I thought you will understand her situation... and you can't go being a drunk old man when in fact you need to be by her side all the time. She definitely needs you!"

'I still believe in us together...'

"That's it! I'm totally hurt because she doesn't need me anymore... and she will never be!" I answered.

"W-what the hell? What's your basis to say that? I mean... how can you arrive that thought so quickly when in fact it's your first try?" and he opened both of his arms and shrugged it off. "I know it's hard for you, it's hard for you to get along with this but let me tell you, as a veteran of this sick hardship in life, you just can't give up without lasting for six years, I mean again, the years don't matter or the time... just as long as you promised her that you are always going to be there by her side, not letting go of her... then it's fine enough. It's ridiculous to see you being, I mean, turning into like a crazy man when in fact you should do some planning how to get her memories back! So stop that, Irie!" and he snatched the seventh beer away from me. "I promise you will never find another like me to take you home nicely, okay?"

'I understand more than you think I can...'

My head's turning but I still can't see stars around so, "That's the case... I mean... I'm hurt. Never in my entire life that I got to feel so much pain in my chest. I don't even know how to describe it with numbers... it's shaking... and the intensity is kicking me in... maybe I'm not a genius."

"Oh, goodness!" he made another noise again but he held himself back to point his finger on me, "Did you really ever think there is a genius here in this world? I mean..." and he gestured so crazily that nearly made my sight a lot of copies of him. "I mean... it's that fact that you're so good at we're bad at. Listen... you are not genius when it comes to this... you are bad at romance. I can't believe I am talking to your drunk self now! I wish I could hurt you more but no..." and he shook his head and it slowed in my sight. Maybe I'm not a genius... literally. "So did you talk to her... I mean, it's a fair introduction to everyone who might make her feel that they are strangers but... you know, talking about the past. Did you tell her?"

'You have to go out on your own...'

"I almost did." I sighed heavily. Even though I'm barely closing my eyes when my world starts to stop and kicks in... at least my mind is still sane. "And to tell you, when I'm visiting her, she won't ever ask who I am until I force her to hear my name." I stopped as I recall the moments. Kinnosuke's hands gestured to keep talking... so the hurt might never subside so I ran through the memories as I speak the words, "And what hurts the most is... she made a decision to herself... I mean... it's a blind decision but, it's one way of saying that she wants to start her life without me... talking about fairly clean. And that's the reason I'm here now."

'So you can find your way back home...'

"Oh, man." he leaned in his chair and drank the eight beer. "And what did you say?"

"I didn't have anything to say that time. I was just like stunned. I don't want to hurt her."

"Say you don't want to hurt your relationship. I mean, how could you drive her to that kind of decision? She knows nothing about herself... about you... and... it's not fair!"

"And I think, I deserve this kind of punishment."

"You are not the Irie that I know..."

"I know! Because everything has changed! I didn't how this would come! I just got..."

"Okay. I will not discuss how you turned into a human form being a cold-hearted robot." he let me drink my ninth beer. "I mean, what are you gonna do now? Would you stay away with her, waiting for the miracle again to come and make her remember you? For all I know, each people can have only one miracle and it's now or never. And I believe, you already got one."

"I don't know that's why I called you. You are more human than I am, I think."

"So you have given me the right to say, well please... hang in there, okay? She's Kotoko. She loves herself. Everyone loves her. She won't give up. She won't bring us down."

I really hope.

Weeks after...

I was about to hold the knob open when Nurse Trisha approached me. "Hey, you never failed to be here every day." she smiled a bit, "What happened to my wife? Who's her yelling at?" I got curious when I heard several shouts behind the door. It was obviously Kotoko's voice. She kinda looks mad.

"I bet you already heard about her condition right?"

"It could be the effects of her brain injury?"

"So you heard. And yes, she's throwing her tantrums... throwing things because her system doesn't know how to control the memories coming in. For her part, it was really painful to have a shred of memories she can't even know when and why did it happen. Dr. Senjou Samuel to let her have that... she needs to realize it on her own."

"Did you give her shots? Tranquilizer? She needs to calm down. She can't fight with that frustration alone."

"I'm sorry. The tranquilizer only lasts for fifteen minutes and we couldn't do anything about it if it was gone. Her brain needs to catch up in order to learn the skills. She was struggling to get past at square one."

"So I can't see her? I mean, how's that possible? Why can't I see her? Why can't I just barge in and say the truth? She can't possibly suffer on her own memories!"

"Just give her time. Just think that this is safer for her... she's struggling... when she's talking to me, she said she doesn't know where to start so we decided not to tell her things. She's trying..."

I heard another series of clashes.

"Will she be okay? Tell me."

"She'll calm down when she lost her energy. You can see her after that. Anyway, I have to go to the bathroom. You can wait here." she said and walked away. I was standing at the door... and the only thing that could make me see her is to open the door... rush in and hug her. But now, it pains me more to hear her crying... and I couldn't do anything for her.

Weeks after...

I heard a call that she wants to see me. I took a nice bath, shaved my beard, and had a haircut. I came in looking clean with the clean clothes I wear. I saw her inclining that hospital bed, she looked faint... and she lost all the vivid colors of her face. But she greeted me with a warm greeting... calling my name. "Naoki-san," she said. I stopped for a bit because it was so unusual to hear her calling me that when in fact I got used with 'Irie-kun' for all of my life.

'But somewhere down the road...'

"You call me here? Why?" I said... not minding the strange tone of her voice.

"I told Dr. Senjou Samuel about the memories I've recently remembered." she started. "I remember a girl... a little girl. She was smiling at me... looking me up... and holding my hands. I always have a dream of her every night and I asked them about that dream and he said that you can give me answers... since you are related to my life. I quite remember I blew you off when you were ready to tell me everything but... I was just hoping you could save those for later not until I asked them out. This little girl... I feel in my heart that she's very important to me and I was hoping that you could let me see her." I gulped and played my hands... I never thought that the one thing I've feared the most is happening now. I pulled her for a hug but she just pushed me away, "Please don't." she pleaded and shook her head... there's a hint of fear in her shoulders... fear to be near from me. "I'm sorry." that's all I can say. She's been so cold to me whenever I came to see her every time. She won't even tell me things after she replied to my greeting. She was silent all the time.

'Our roads are gonna cross again...'

"I was afraid of you actually." she finally told me the reasons. "I don't know why but I don't like you to be near me. I'm not comfortable with you and it gives me this reason that I might hate you so much before." and now, she won't even look at me as she said those words. "That's why I don't want to hear anything from you," she confessed and played her hands. "The doctor said to me that it's okay to trust myself and not to rush myself to remember... he also said to be with myself so I'm being with myself when I have a feeling that I hate you. I don't want to see you here every day. I don't want you to replace those flowers in the vase. I hate you."

"I get it. You can hate me all you want. It's no big deal." Really?

"Right. I can hate you all I want... but it's strange when I don't have the reasons why."

'It doesn't really matter where...'

I nodded. "Yeah. Someday when you are ready to remember you'll know."

"I am ready to remember because of the little girl I keep on dreaming every night."

"You do?"

"But I'm stuck at reading and writing... and I still can't get past at square one. How could I? I always think that I can do this alone but it's really hard when you don't have the background. It pains me... it pains me that I have to practice it every day when in fact, if I could only remember the time that the pen in my hand... how to write kanjis the stroke order... that would be great to get to the next level."

'But somewhere down the road...'

"I understand. I know all of this is hard for you. If I could only take it away from you, I would."

"No. I don't want you to take it away from me. You're all I hate."

'I know that heart of yours will come to see...'

"I'm sorry."

"So do you know where I could see this little girl?"

"Yeah. I know that little girl you've been seeing in your dreams."

"Good. Even though I have discomfort being with you but if I wish to remember it on my own... I would do anything for it. Just please... don't ruin my recovery. Just don't say anything when you aren't asking to answer. Please."

"All right." I nodded when in fact... I don't know how to lead a conversation with her when I could only be more hurt than I am right now.

"Thank you, Naoki-san."

"Can I hug you even for a bit?" I desperately asked. I miss her scent. Seeing her right now, knowing that there's nothing I could do... even makes me miss her more. "Why?" she leaned back in her seat, she asked me with that surprising tone. "It's because I just want to help you recover and I'm rooting for you to recover." I lied. I am so desperate to touch her... she's my wife. "Okay. Just for a bit." she nodded and had kept still in her seat. I pushed myself out, slowly wrapping my arms around her. And goodness... her scent was still there... only that Kotoko that I used to know was missing. I was expecting to feel her warm but she's cold. "Stop," she said and pulled me away. "Sorry." I just nodded and turned around... the pain had already filled my bottle of hurt... and now, I'm pouring it out of my eyes as I walked away.

'That you belong with me...'

"I heard that amnesia girl has a very good-looking husband who has worked in Tonan hospital. Well, he just resigned and that's a big why." Nurse Jane, one of Trisha's colleague asked her when they are busy writing their nurse report. Every time they are struggling with how to analyze their patient's condition, they always find a topic to release their stress. "Okay, how's your patient, Trish?" she followed another question. "She was still not in good shape. Her recovery slows down. She has serious brain damage. Poor her." she answered truthfully. "So how was her husband? Was it a nice meeting him? Oh, I envy you." Jane asked again as she took another pen in her bag, "Well, he's good-looking. He is more handsome right now that he shaved his beard. He looks like a classic, intelligent doctor that all of us want to marry." she giggled. "Oh. I don't see his new look yet but I kind of imagined how would he looked like." and for a bit, she imagined him standing in front of her. "Yeah. But as I heard, he was a promising doctor in Tonan but... he just quit... I don't know if he's allowed to work there whenever he wants to but... it's been a while since he was last seen to wear his white coat." and all the girls stopped with pain on their faces, "Oh. It must be hard for him to give up his profession. I mean, all the doctors struggled to reach their destination and him? He got a nice future ahead... and he just quit." Jane commented and another nurse joined their conversation, "Yeah! I heard he was chosen to represent Nihon five months ago but he just quit when his wife had a serious accident."

"So do you think that his wife will remember him? Or everything? Or there's no chance at all?"

"I don't think so. Dr. Samuel had made it clear that it will be hard for her to start over. She has retrograde amnesia and a serious brain injury. Last week, she keeps shouting in her sleep... and she keeps throwing things. She's kinda out of her character. And this injury will prevent her to remember her own husband. I pitied him for bringing flowers every day when in fact his wife is so cold to him. She won't even look at him. Thinking about that makes me mad! That guy is beyond perfect you know? How could she push him like that... like he was a total stranger to her."

"So what are you gonna do as her nurse? Would you help them fix their relationship?"

"Hell, no!" she made it clear and her intentions are showing up. "I really don't know but I was hoping that she won't remember everything. And I was all favored because she's still doesn't trust everything she sees and hear... she couldn't even write her own name. She's hopeless." and then continued, "It's just pointless for her to try to remember. She's just a little cat who is afraid to get up and run." she finished her nurse report. "But seriously, I really like her husband and I don't think he deserves to be treated that way," she confessed.

"What did you say?" Jane asked to clarify.

"I said I like him. I really do... now I'm trying to flirt with him every time he visits his wife."

"Are you really sure? You are a nurse. You tend to care for your patient's condition. Flirting with her husband is beyond evil. You'll only make it worst, Trish!" Jane stopped her. And she irritatingly looked at her, "I know that! Do you think I wasn't thinking clearly about this? But I just can't stand that poor man trying everything he can do... his wife doesn't even want him! I mean... she will lose her memory forever... I've read facts and this is not the first time that I have patients like her. Duh. Most of them didn't remember their own past... they always start over... and there's really a change in their personality. They don't even like the person whom they like in their past before they got an accident. If you see the situation fair and square... it's very wrong for a person to try everything when in fact... the other one won't even budge to remember! So it's unfair, right?"

"So you want to seduce him? That's it?"

"I'm not gonna seduce him. I have morals but... well, I can still play dirty. Whenever she hurts him, I will be there to comfort him. I will give all his needs."

"Damn..." Jane slammed her hands against the desk, "You're really something."

"Hey, are you ready?" I opened the door and found her writing something. She's trying to learn from the start. She closed her notebook and bolted up when she saw me coming over to her. "Did I scare you? I'm sorry." I was just too excited to see you, that's all. "O-okay. I will be up and I still need to finish this." she showed me her notebook, "Uh, okay then." I respond. "Can you please wait outside?" she pointed the door that I left open. "What? Is there something I can do? Do you have a problem?" she answered, shaking her head, "Uhm, no! I am just trying to practice writing. I have to finish this up before I go."

'Letting go is just another way to say...'

My feet have their way to step forward until I was seated beside her. "Let me help you. Maybe I can do something." I told her and opened her notebook. She allowed me to freely scan the pages but she realized that I might see something that she should be embarrassed of. "No! Don't look at it. I have bad penmanship and I am stupid!" she tried to take it away but I already anticipated her moves. She's still persistent and wild, she almost got up on her own bed. "It's okay..." I slightly laughed. "I'm used to it." And then I remembered... she never had perfect writing... even if she already become a nurse, she always had mistakes in writing kanji, she would wake me up in the middle of the night to ask what's the perfect kanji of the word 'Aisatsu.' Kotoko... no, she was.

'I'll always love you so...'

"You're used to what?" she stopped and asked me suspiciously. I cleared my own mind. I should not be so obvious in front of her or else she won't give me a chance. She already hates me. "No-nothing. I mean, I like teaching stupid people. Not that being arrogant but I just want to talk to them. They're a lot of fun." I told her the truth.

'We had the right love at the wrong time...'

"O-okay." she bought it even if it wasn't a lie.

"So... what are you trying to write?"

"I'm trying to write my own name... and the names I've been known of so that I won't forget it. My doctor said to exercise my memory in the present. And I thought I should really help myself."

'Maybe we've only just begun...'

"Okay. Your name is Irie Kotoko. It should be written like this. Irie is written with six strokes and this kanji is very different in the kanji of person. You have to extend this stroke above to emphasize that you've been meaning to write the kanji of entering. And Kotoko... is made up of two kanjis. One has twelve strokes and it is the kanji of kinkoto, the harp. The other one is the kanji of the child. It is written like this. Three strokes... and done." I gave her the pen, "Okay, you try now." I encouraged her. She pulled off another chance and sighed, "Okay... I'm gonna try it now." she was slowly writing her name when I take a look at her face closely. I miss being close to her like this. I want to squeeze her for another hug but surely I don't want to scare her. "See? Is it okay?" she showed me her notebook. "You're doing good," I told her honestly and I was hoping to see her smile like that... but... what I saw was another strange smile coming for her. "Thank you," she said but there is something different. And now I know because the Kotoko that I am with right now, lost all her love for me and I was just hopeless... but I'm desperately hoping that she'll remember me anytime soon. Even if the last thing to do is to keep waiting.

'But somewhere down the road...'

"Wow. You are really a great teacher. Are you a teacher? I kinda feel like so and you are smart."

'Our roads are gonna cross again...'

"No. I am unemployed until now for some reason. I quit my last job."

"Oh. I think you should try being a teacher. It fits you. You have that kind of future that you can make them understand a thing in just a minute. You go for it."

'Somewhere down the road...'

And I remember her telling me to become a doctor. It was one of my happy moments... and I kinda liked her idea so I followed her suggestion but now...

'I know that heart of yours will come to see...'

"Yeah, think I should have clear isolation to think that over."

She stared at her own handwriting and I can't help but watch her secretly. "So good. I made a good job. But I have a lot catching up to do." and I pretended not to watch her when she turned her head to me, "So when can I see this little girl? Can you give me her address now? I want to personally meet her." and I had kept my mouth shut, "The truth is..." I thought deeply, "The address is kind of hard to drive, and... it's really far away from the city. I suggest you should not come alone. I tell you, the way to her is not easy. It's complicated. So I want to come with you."

'That you belong with me...'