Chapter 11: Conflicted

Mimi had her hands placed on her dresser and looked at herself in the mirror. She had just arrived in New York and things were already a mess again.
"Are you feeling better?" Sora asked when she walked into her bedroom with a cup of tea. "This is for you."
"Thank you, Sora." She smiled and grabbed the cup. "I can't he kissed me. He had no right to."
"No, he didn't. Now explain to me why you made such a big deal of the fact he was kissing that woman, whoever she was."
"I don't know why I did that, so I can't give you an answer."
"But I can. You love him."
"Sora."
"Oh no, don't Sora me." Sora said firmly. "Then why did you marry Jou?"
"Because I love him… too."
"So you're in love with the two of them?"
"There's no point in denying it and you won't believe me anyway, so…" Mimi put some locks of her hair behind her ears. "Yes."
"So it is true then."
"I don't know why you seem so surprised, since you already knew about this."
"I still hoped you'd say no, but you finally admitted it." She looked right into her friend's eyes. "So you married Jou in hopes your feelings for Koushiro would go away but they clearly didn't."
"I know it sounds awful, but…"
"That's right, it does. I just can't understand why you couldn't just be honest with Jou in the first place. And with Koushiro too. It would have been much better and it would save you from all of this headache."
"I don't know, okay?" Mimi shouted. "Everything was fine until I had that stupid accident and met Koushiro."
"Don't blame it on the accident and on him, Mimi. He isn't a saint either and shouldn't have kissed you, especially after knowing you were married. The thing is that you are involved with someone else behind Jou's back and he doesn't deserve it."
"I know, but I have no idea what to do, Sora." The ex-model said desperately. "I don't want to get divorced from Jou."
"So you have your answer."
"But I don't want to stop seeing Koushiro either."
"Mimi."
"I know, I'm a terrible person." She took a deep breath and felt her vision get a little blurry because of the tears in her eyes. "I just can't choose one of them. Please, understand me."
"I wish I could. I really do, but this is wrong. I can't pretend I'm not seeing anything while my friend is getting hurt in the process."
"I'm aware it's wrong. I just don't know what to do to make it right."
"Sure you do. You need to choose one of them and be honest with the other one." Sora handed her phone. "Come on."
"Now?" Mimi looked at her, who nodded affirmatively. "Jou is on his shift now. I can't just call him right now."
"Alright, but you have to promise me you will later."
"Okay, okay."
"Good. Now I need to go home. I'll see you tomorrow." She grabbed her purse and left.

.

Koushiro woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. He squinted and placed his hand on his forehead as soon as he opened his eyes and sat up. The events from the night before were a blur in his mind and he vaguely remembered what took place at the bar. He shook his head and stood up, but his dizziness brought him to the ground.
"Ouch!" He sat down on the floor and tried to check if he was bleeding somewhere when Taichi opened the door and some light came into the room.
"Dude, what happened? Are you okay?"
"I fell down when I tried to stand up, I was too dizzy. How much did I drink last night?"
"A lot, I must say. You came back inside and drank at least five plain vodka shots in a row. I've never seen you drinking so much before. Did something happen outside the bar?"
"I don't remember. I only have these lapses of memory of someone… maybe a woman, but I can't remember who." He then pressed his palm against his forehead. "Oh God, what if it was Natsuki and I hooked up with her?"
"I don't think you hooked up with Natsuki outside the bar, but definitely inside."
"What?"
"You don't remember kissing her?"
"I don't remember anything at all. Maybe you can tell me what else happened."
"Okay." Taichi walked to the window and opened the curtains, making Koushiro cover his eyes because of the sudden change of luminosity in his bedroom. Then he walked back to his friend and tried to pull him up. "I will make you a very strong coffee to help you heal this hangover."
"Thank you, Taichi." Koushiro placed his arm around his shoulders for support and they headed to the kitchen.
"There you go." The brunette helped him sit down on a chair and went to prepare the coffee. "You're lucky it's the weekend and you don't have to work today."
"That's a relief."
"Eh… Koushiro?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure you don't remember what happened outside?"
"I just told you I don't. Why? Do you know anything?"
"I think that woman you said you remember being outside with you is Mimi."
"What? That can't be possible, she wasn't there."
"Geez, that's a very bad hangover you have."
"It is, so can you please turn down the lights? They are making my headache worse."
"There are no lights on, it's all the clarity of the sun."
"Really?" Koushiro raised his eyebrows. "It's so bright."
"Here it is." Taichi placed a cup of coffee in front of him. "It doesn't have sugar, so it should help you get better faster."
"Thanks." Koushiro grabbed the cup and drank a sip, making an ugly face because of the bitter taste of the beverage. "Coffee without sugar is awful. I'm definitely not drinking that much again in my life."
"That would be wise. I was scared." He laughed. "By the way, I owe you an apology."
"What for?"
"For not leaving with you when you said Natsuki was there and for thinking about making a move on her without knowing it was her."
"That's alright, don't worry about it." Koushiro sighed and buried his head in his hands. "Now I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this situation and I hate it."
"You will figure it out, I'm sure."
"I hope so."

.

Hikari was walking down the street when she spotted Takeru leaving his building. Their eyes met for a brief moment and they smiled at each other. She held his book against her chest tighter.
"Good morning." His tone was excited and happy. "I wasn't expecting to see you around here so early. I remember you told me you don't live so close to here."
"I guess I got caught. Maybe it's too soon to ask this, but…" She stretched her arms and showed him his book. "I was hoping you'd sign my book."
"Of course." He offered her a smile. "I just don't have a pen with me right now."
"Oh damn it, I forgot to bring one." She sighed. "I was so nervous I couldn't think of anything."
"That's not a problem. I actually find it a good thing."
"Huh?" Hikari raised her eyebrows. "How is that a good thing?"
"That way we can have another date."
"Oh. That was certainly something unexpected."
"Didn't you have fun on our first date?"
"I had an amazing time. It was so much fun." She smiled kindly. "It's just that you always surprise me."
"So can I assume you want to go on another date with me?"
"You're so weirdly charming."
"Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment."
"As you should. Yes, I want to go on another date with you."
"Great! If it's not too near, we can do something tonight. You can take your book and I'll sign it for you."
"Ah…" Hikari looked down at the book pressed against her chest again. "I don't think it's a polite thing to do during a date."
"Sticking to formalities once again, huh?"
"Excuse me?"
"Who cares if it's polite or not?" Takeru looked right into her brown eyes. "We're friends above all."
"So you don't mind it?"
"Of course not! Like I said, we're friends. Signing your book won't hurt me."
"You keep saying we're friends and I think it's great, but you just asked me on another date. I'm confused. Is there a possibility we go past it?"
"Maybe." He said mysteriously. "I like how you go straight to the point by the way."
"I think it's fair to say I learned it from you."
"You're a fast learner. I like it. Well, I have a group lecture now and I'll be late if I don't hurry up, so can I call you later?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take much of your time." Hikari quickly apologized. "Sure you can call me."
"Great. So I'll see you tonight."
"I'm looking forward to it."
"Actually." Takeru looked over his should and then turned around to look at her. "Would you like to go along?"
"Go with you to a group lecture?"
"That's right. Or are you busy?"
"I'm not busy at all." She shook her head negatively and smiled. "I'd love to join you."

.

Sora walked inside her apartment feeling exhausted. She didn't know how she able to drive all the way from Mimi's house without passing out. She had a strong headache due to entire situation with Mimi and Koushiro and it only added to the nauseous she was feeling because of her pregnancy. She was surprised she managed to reach the bathroom and opening the toilet before throwing up.
"Is that how it's going to be in the beginning?" She mumbled to herself with a frown and flushed down the toilet. "I hate it already."
"Sora, is everything okay?"
"Yamato, what are you doing here?" She looked at him surprised. "Did we agree to hang out together today?"
"No, but I thought we could. So I stopped by at a supermarket and brought ingredients to make some sushis for us."
"Sushis?" She covered her mouth with her hand to hold her nausea until she opened the toilet vase and threw up again. "Yeah, I think sushi isn't a good idea."
"Are you feeling sick because of the pregnancy?"
"I thought I was going to be sick free of it, but things don't go as we plan, right?"
"Do you want some tea to help with your sickness?"
"No, I think I just need to lie down and sleep all day. If our baby lets me."
"Come on, I'll take you to your bedroom." Yamato grabbed her forearm gently and helped her stand up. Then he placed his hand over her belly. "Hey, baby, please take it easy on mommy, okay?"
"Look at you, talking to our child again." Sora couldn't help but smile at that. "I'm glad you seem already used to the idea of being a father."
"I just can't wait to hold our baby in my hands."
"I know." She looked down and placed her hand over his. "Me neither. Ouch."
"What happened?"
"I also have a terrible headache, which is probably adding up to my nausea."
"Feeling stressed?" He helped her lie down on her bed and then lied next to her.
"I guess you can say that. It's so frustrating dealing with Mimi sometimes. I can't keep up with her."
"What happened?"
"Would you believe me if I said she married Jou because she doesn't want to admit her true feelings?"
"True feelings?"
"She's in love with Koushiro and thought it would be a good idea to marry Jou so she wouldn't have to face her feelings."
"I'm lost here… when did she and Jou get married?"
"When she went to Japan not too long ago. She had everything already planned. But the thing is, she kissed Koushiro last night and freaked out when he made out with another woman there."
"What?! This is so messed up."
"Tell me about it. I confronted her about it and she said she loves both of them and can't choose just one."
"So she's going to keep lying to both of them?"
"I really hope not, it's not fair to neither of them." Sora rubbed her temples. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Don't worry about it." He said reassuringly and brought her closer to his body. "This is not your business and you should try to relax."
"I think I need that." She snuggled closer to his body.

.

Mimi managed to get off her bed a couple of hours after Sora left. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying and her hair was a mess and she barely recognized herself when she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She placed her palms on the edge of the sink and looked down, burying her head in the empty space between both her arms. She took a deep breath and couldn't help but think Sora was right. She had to be honest with herself and Jou. As much as she said she married out of love, deep down she knew she was actually running away from her feelings and unwilling hurting the person she was supposed to love the most in the process.

Taking another deep breath, she lifted her head again and looked at herself in the mirror one more time. Mimi would never think she'd be tangled in a love triangle and even less being in love with two men at the same time. She felt hopeless and the mere fact of having to choose one of them made her heart ache. But then again, the ring on her left ring finger made it pretty clear which one she chose. So she should be happy about it, right? She had married the guy from her dreams. Jou was her safe haven, the one who she felt safe with and would receive her with fully open arms whenever she was taking things too hard or couldn't take it anymore.

But there was also Koushiro, which made her experience different feelings. She didn't realize she missed the thrilling sensation that came with meeting someone for the first time. With Jou things were much calmer and "natural", since they were friends who gradually fell in love with each other. But with the red haired man, it felt like that movie cliché where two people meet under unusual circumstances and fall in love. It was exciting and she didn't really know how to control her emotions around him, and that often led to her being impulsive like she was the night before.

A sharp pain crossed her chest when she thought about what happened at the bar. She didn't mean to overreact about him kissing whoever that woman was, but she couldn't help but feel jealous about it. Deep down she had absolutely no right to since they didn't have any real relationship whatsoever. However, she felt betrayed by it and then he ran after her, making sure she knew how he felt about her. Impulse got the best of her and she kissed him in the middle of the street and in front of Sora, which now she was sure she shouldn't have.

Mimi slowly ran her index fingers over her lips, as if it helped her to remember the feeling of having his lips on hers and the pain on her chest got worse. She immediately realized it was guilt and she didn't want to feel it anymore. She gathered her hair together with her hand and tied it on a ponytail as she kept looking at her image on the mirror. Then she opened the faucet and let the water fall on her hands, which were shell shaped to contain some of it. She washed her face and let the water fall back down towards the sink and into the drain, taking away her insecurities and impulsivity.

She left the bathroom and came across a picture of her and Jou over the chest of drawers. She picked it up and looked at it carefully. A smile came into her lips as she noticed how happy they were at the time. Someone she couldn't remember had taken that photo during the wedding ceremony from one of Jou's work mates. After about a minute or two, she placed the portrait back down and grabbed her purse that was hanging on the wall. She was determined to make the right thing and nothing was going to stop her.