Behind the Cards
Chapter 3: Bakura…… or is it Ryou….. Or is it both of them?
By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn
DMB: Thanks Jgal for getting rid of that stupid rain cloud. It was annoying the heck outta me!
LE: Dark Magician Boy, we're ready to start
DMB: (Does a double take) Where did you come from?
LE: (Sighs) Our parents, but that's not important right now. Yugi is all healed and what not, and he's ready to come back.
DMB: How did he heal so fast?
LE: He healed while that gigantic iceberg you call a writer's block thawed. Afterwards, they extracted the stars while we cleaned up the studio. Then Yami got turned back into Yami while Yugi healed back to healthy healthiness. Finally, the kids went trick or treating and snuck away to go to Mars.
DMB: What, huh?
LE: (Sighs) He healed while that gigantic….
DMB: NO!!!!! OH! Who cares anyway? Let's just get the damn bulb repaired.
LE: Well, do you know any people?
DMB: (Breathes in to say something really long) No.
(Hours later, DMB and LE have gone through piles and piles of phone books)
LE: Oh! Oh! How about this guy? (Shows DMB a name)
DMB: "Ron the Ruper Man?"
LE: No, not that one!
DMB: (Looks further down) Ryou Bakura and Bakura Ryou: Shadow Bulb repairers. "If you need to steal someone's soul, steal it with a shadow realm bulb. And if you need to fix it, we're the hikari and yami for the job.
DMB: If I weren't distracted by that annoyingly long slogan, I'd say no, but ok.
(LE makes the call, and a few hours later, a car arrives with two white haired teens. One of them taller than the other. The two get out of the car and run up to the studio)
DMB: It doesn't look like they have any tools
LE: Oh, let's just see what they can do. It could be worth some laughs
(The first one walks in. This one is the shorter one)
Ryou: Hello. Did somebody at Kaiba Corp studio call for a shadow bulb repair.
DMB: I did (Points at pink clouded bulb)
LE: (Thinking) Rats. I thought they were going to be cute
Ryou: Bakura. They sure do have a serious problem.
(The second one walks in. This is the taller, more confident looking one. LE doesn't care to notice, but opens her eyes for a peak at the newcomer. Her eyes become wide, her mouth flops open, her tongue rolls out, and she starts babbling like crazy. Bakura looks at the drooling teen, and for a few seconds does the same)
DMB: (Snaps fingers in front of LE's face a couple times) Hello? Luthien?
(Ryou starts doing the same to Bakura. Bakura regains his cool much faster. A few seconds later, LE regains her composure. They both chuckle a little at each other. LE smiles seductively and Bakura wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. I'm guessing you know the magnetic pull that's pulling at both of them. No, it isn't curly fries. No, it isn't soda either. For crying out loud! It's-)
DMB: So can you two do the job?
Ryou: Oh yes. (Takes Bakura by the hand who is as stiff as a board, and Ryou shakes him down) (Through mind link) Just because you see a girl that you think is…… well…… attractive doesn't mean you have to show it.
Bakura: (Also through mind link) But she's a damn sexy girl.
Ryou: (one might note that the rest of the conversation will be through mind link.) No, Bakura! Don't say it! She's our employer and you are not allowed to think of her that way!
Bakura: You're no fun, Ryou. I'll bet if you had just one good fuck you'd change your tune.
Ryou: AH! MY VIRGIN MIND!
Bakura: You're too innocent for your own good.
Ryou: Behave, Bakura! We're still on the job after all.
Bakura: Oh, that's no fun. All I need is one minute alone with her and she'd be all mine. I mean look at her, Ryou. That has got to be the most excellent body I've ever seen. And I bet she would look even better in some really…tight…black…leather. (starts drooling)
Ryou: STOP! I can't take anymore. It's just too disturbing.
DMB: (Through mind link) Hey, I don't have a mind link!
(Ryou takes out his Millennium Ring, and forces Bakura to take out his. The rings begin glowing, and the bulb transforms from pink to dark purple)
LE: Wow you guys are pretty good.
DMB: Any chance you guys might want to try out for our series, Behind the Cards. I'm pretty sure you guys would do great in the two available roles.
(LE looks at her brother, and jumps at the chance of keeping Bakura at the studio)
LE: Let's hold the tryouts now!
Bakura: Uhhhh
LE: Perfect! You're in. What about you? (Looks at Ryou)
Ryou: Well since you let him in, I am required to go. Due to our strange, but true bond, I can't leave him.
LE: Good enough.
DMB: Ok, that was quick. Well back to the show.
LE: Oh, do we have to. I wanna get to know our new stars. Mostly, the hot one, but can we?
DMB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You think Bakura's hot?
LE: Let's just say, If I was cold, he would be my heat.
DMB: But Luthien. You don't get cold. And that line was so corny, it was grosser than gross.
LE: (Brainstorms a solution) Uh, yes I do! I just pretend that it isn't there. But now that he's here, I won't have to worry about being cold. This guy is so hot, he could heat the entire studio. (Looks over to see DMB barfing)
LE: Too much?
DMB: Uh, yeah. Pretty much!
(Meanwhile, in the T.V. (That sounds so cliché, doesn't it?))
Yami: Ok Pegasus. You will not stop my puzzle and I.
(Pegasus walks over and smashes puzzle)
Yami: You stopped me.
Pegasus: Yes, chop, chop, can we just get around to the "Me stealing your grandpa's soul" part.
Yami: (Filing nails) Go ahead.
(Grandpa's soul hops out of his body and walks into the T.V. that is in front of Yami, and the shadow bulb disappears, Yami is replaced with a new and improved Yugi, and the blue makeup on Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Grandpa disappear. Grandpa's body falls over with a farting noise, and Tea, Joey, and Tristan fall down as well.)
DMB: Oh my. (Faints as well along with LE, Ryou, and Bakura.)
(Oh dear (Narrator faints))
XXX……(Xs faint)
Backup Narrator who happens to have a gas mask: I…… (Faints)
Backup for Backup Narrator with a working gas mask: (Faints)
(It is…… (Letters faint)
(Hey, If the letters faint, then how am I talking? (Random voice gets punched in the face. (Saying just said faints)))
(Writer faints)
Lsdfcvni fhreuawihpiuvftnhucihiuhb uihniuvfniuprcmi aurheacuipcrny8rueivnyui iuytaeitunvypiey9p573vn9 q76nf5my0r89cm8druioueoauivn957q369vgn9y3985u7
(Oh, that hurt. This is a few hours later)
DMB: Sorry about that. I fainted on my keyboard.
Ryou: What's that supposed to mean?
DMB: How should I know?
Ryou: Well, you and Luthien are the narrators of this story aren't you?
LE: No, we're in the story. The guy that talks in between the parenthesis is the narrator.
(She is right about that one)
Ryou: Oh. Well. That was an odd first few hours on the job.
Bakura: Ditto.
DMB: Double ditto.
LE: Triple ditto
DMB: How many dittos are there?
LE: You got me. But who cares now? Tonight is movie night, and we don't have anywhere to have our movie night.
Bakura: (Realizes that he and Ryou could host their movie night in the millennium ring.) I did? (Yes, I'm the narrator, remember? I'm supposed to tell you everything.) Oh. Could you tell me some more things?
(Sure. Bakura plans after two movies have finished to send DMB and Ryou to get snacks, so he can get some alone time with LE)
Bakura: Oh, thanks.
(No problem)
Ryou: Bakura, who are you talking to?
Bakura: Uh…. Say, how about you have your movie night in the Millennium Ring.
LE: (Catches on to Bakura's little plot) Oh, thanks. What do you have?
Bakura: (Through mind link) Ryou, what do girls like these days at a guy's house. Or, soul room actually.
Ryou: (Mind link obviously) Oh, oh, big screen T.V. with surround sound…(the rest of what Ryou says is through mind link till I say he's done.)
Bakura: (Actually talking) A big screen T.V. with surround sound….
Ryou: Snacks. Yes, plenty of snacks.
Bakura: Plenty of snacks.
Ryou: Comfortable couch beds.
Bakura: Couch beds.
Ryou: And working toilets!
Bakura: And working toilets! (Through mind link) Huh?
Ryou: Oops, that's something I like.
(Okay, Ryou's done now talking through mind link)
LE: Um, okay, sure. That last part was odd but I think we can manage. Do you mind, DMB?
DMB: Nope!
Yami: Perfect! Yugi and I are going to have a party in the puzzle inviting the entire cast.
LE: Than why weren't we invited?
Yugi: Well, those two were just enrolled, and you two are just plain mean to us.
DMB: Cold, but true.
Bakura: Ok, meet us a few hours later at the lunch table.
(A few hours later at the lunch table)
LE: Where are they?
DMB: I brought all our horror movies, action movies, romance movies, I don't know why you demanded but, porn movies, and popcorn.
(Bakura and Ryou walk into the studio, empty handed)
DMB: So where are we going to have movie night?
(Ryou holds up his millennium ring, and Bakura holds his up. A beam shoots from each one, and a door is made)
Ryou: Bakura, did you bring the key?
Bakura: What, do you expect me to do have everything?
Ryou: Well, do you?
Bakura: Yes. (Pulls out key and unlocks door. He walks in first, then Ryou. Next, LE, and then, DMB. The door closes automatically behind DMB, and shrinks down to the Millennium Ring lying on the floor)
LE: Nice place.
(They are in a golden hallway leading to a kitchen, a living room, and of course, a bathroom)
DMB: So what do you want to watch first?
(They decide on a horror movie where the killer killed the entire continent and ruled the world)
Bakura: (Crying) I always love happy endings.
(Next was the movie, Titanic. For that, just for a theme, Ryou turned the light to a deep blue. And after it was over, Bakura and LE's plan activated)
Bakura: Uh, Ryou, that last movie made me a little hungry. How 'bout you get us some pretzels, nachos, sodas, and stuff.
Ryou: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets up and walks into the kitchen)
LE: Say, how about you go and help him by whipping up a few pizzas.
DMB: Do I have to?
LE: (Eyes turn fiery red.) JUST DO IT!!!
DMB: Eep! (Runs into the kitchen with Ryou.)
Bakura: So, Luthien.
LE: (turns to Bakura and leans closer. Bakura shudders with anticipation, closes his eyes and leans towards her. But she pulls away at the last second and Bakura leans too far forward and his face falls directly into her lap.) Hmm, getting a little bit ahead of ourselves aren't we. It's kinda hot in here, don't you think?
Bakura: Oh, playing hard to get are we. That won't last long. You know you want me, Luthien. You can't resist.
LE: On the contrary. I think it's you who can't resist. (slowly unbuttons her very tight blouse and sheds it. She leans forward again.) What do you think?
(Bakura sits in stunned, drooling silence for a few minutes before grabbing LE and throwing her down on the couch. He kisses her roughly on the mouth before giving her a dazed look.)
Bakura: I want you.
(Bakura snaps his fingers. The lights turn entirely off, and the couch turns into a very comfortable bed. He shoves LE under him and they resume their activities wink, wink)
XXX
Ryou: Which one of these is simmer?
DMB: How should I know? I've never grilled burgers!
(Suddenly, a voice sounds from the darkened living room.)
LE: DO ME, BITCH!!!!
Ryou: What the heck does that mean?
DMB: I don't know!
(Due to their griping, they don't notice Yugi walking in)
Yugi: Do you guys have any Cherry Coke, we're out?
DMB: In the fridge. (Does a double take)
Both Ryou and DMB: Yugi?!?
Yugi: We ran out of Cherry Coke, and Yami wouldn't leave, so he made me go. I walked a few inches, saw that the door was open, and walked in.
Ryou: It wasn't open. It wasn't even there.
Yugi: (Holds up key) I found this on the floor.
DMB: Oh, well. Did you hear what my sister yelled?
Yugi: Yes, actually I did. When I opened the door, I kind of expected "Hi Yugi!" But instead, I get 'Do me, bitch' instead.
Ryou: So, let's go find out.
(The three walk to the living room and see that it's darkened. All they hear is the ruffle of covers. So Ryou reaches for the light switch)
DMB: Please review!
Yugi: What does that mean?
DMB: I don't know! I just always wanted to say it!