Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters

On My Own

Chapter Five- Trials & Truths

The day had started out normally. Well, as normal as a school day could possibly be while pregnant. But as the day had progressed, Hermione felt her day shift into something completely abnormal. Blaise had admitted he felt feelings that weren't in a "just friends" sort of way, and blown up once she had not returned those feelings. But the strangest moment of her day wasn't that, no. It was Fred's reaction. He seemed to have followed them, and saw Blaise lose his temper.

Fred had actually fought Blaise for Hermione; something told Hermione that it wasn't just because of the Unbreakable Vow. But what truly caused Fred to do what he did, she did not know. There was something in Fred's eyes that told her there was more to his actions. Exactly what that "more" was, she didn't know.

And he had run.

Of course, Professor McGonagall had sounded overly mad at Fred, actually threatening him. Which Hermione was now debating about with her.

"But, Professor, you threatened him," she said as she rushed to keep in pace with her. "You did not have to do that. Fred had good reason to kick Blaise, because Blaise was holding his wand to me. If it weren't for Fred, I could be injured. Or worse, my child could be injured."

"Ms. Granger, there are some things that I am sad to say you may never understand about Blaise Zabini," said McGonagall, stopping to look at Hermione with her worn eyes. "Many things happened to Blaise Zabini in his seventeen years of life, things that will scar him for the rest of his life. He had an extremely horrible childhood, one that I doubt you could ever imagine. Those things, the abuse he dealt with for the first eleven years of his life, and every time he returned home, still have an affect on him. Personally, I think he is getting better. His temper is better; he's civilized when with people other than students that were or are in Slytherin. Professor Dumbledore's portrait told me that, no matter what, I was not to let Blaise be left out of Hogwarts. Until today, his therapy and daily potions seemed to be helping. But what just happened, you telling Blaise "no" in the way you did, set him off and set him back. When they revived him, he was shaking; back to where we started when we found him during the summer, after almost being beaten to death by his father. What Fred did to him reminded him so much of his past that he is in denial now. As of now, we, that being Madame Pomfrey and me, have decided the best thing would be to remove that memory from his mind."

Hermione looked at the Professor unsurely. "He... he was abused?"

She nodded her response in a grave manner. "Some things cannot be cured with magic, Ms. Granger; some things cannot ever be forgotten."

This entire time, Hermione had never known; never even guessed. "You two think that it's wise to take a memory away from him?"

The professor nodded once more. "For now, I don't think he should be reminded of what his father did, and that he could possibly be turning into him."

"But if he thinks he is turning into his father, he'll try to stop it. He won't let himself get any more like his father and—"

"Completely shut himself off from society. Ms. Granger, Blaise was already in a suicidal state, because he thought no one cared about him. Now, if he thinks no one cares about him, and that he is slowly becoming his father, the one thing he tries his hardest not to be, then he'll be in an even worse condition then before," McGonagall explained.

"But, Professor, I think taking something like this away from him is wrong," Hermione protested. "If he knows his actions, he is more likely to try and prevent himself from doing something like it again. And if you do decide to remove that memory, I'll be sure to give him a duplicate of my own."

The professor looked at Hermione wearily, and then sighed. "You must get your way?" she asked. Without waiting for a response, she continued. "I don't think it is in your best interests to do so, but if you insist... You are the one who is going to have to watch over him. As of now, you are his, what Muggles would call it, therapist. However, I want him unarmed whenever around you for long periods of time. This is a major setback, Ms. Granger, and we are back to square one in his recovery."

She nodded at the professor. "Can I go see him now?" she asked eagerly.

Professor McGonagall started walking once more. "You know where the Hospital Wing is," she called back resignedly.

---

I am a total wreck, thought Fred Weasley. After Apparating from wherever he had been to Diagon Alley, not one thought other than that of whether or not he liked Hermione could penetrate his mind. Now, he clearly decided he was going insane. Firstly, Hermione was the woman his dead brother had loved; the woman his dead brother had gotten pregnant. Second, he was only supposed to be looking after her and helping her through the pregnancy. Not falling for her. Falling for her was not part of that Unbreakable Vow.

Falling for Hermione Granger was not in any way part of the plan. Yet, Fred had fallen for her charms, her looks. Everything.

His life had been taken out of his hands and put into the hands of Fate. Who decided that one big train wreck was what Fred needed; that all he needed to have in his life was the one girl he hadn't wanted or needed. Now, she was all he could think of. Currently, he was lying in bed, staring up at the plain white ceiling. But it wasn't white to him anymore. No. Hermione's image seemed to be imprinted on that ceiling.

So he turned over, looking at the wall. But he didn't see the wall anymore. The wall, of course, was mimicking the ceiling and was only appearing as Hermione now. This was not how Fred wanted to spend his night, avoiding the wall and the ceiling because they were mocking him and his feelings for a certain bookworm. Life could not be fair in one single way for Fred right now, was it?

No. Not fair at all.

And it was just as Fred decided to close his eyes (where he was met by the same image of Hermione) that he had decided his life a total wreck. The worst kind of train wreck.

So he repeated, only this time out loud, "I am a total wreck." It was more of a mumble than anything, but he somehow felt better saying it out loud. With that, he turned onto his other side, flipped his pillow over, and drifted into his Hermione filled dreams.

---

"Blaise, wake up," said Hermione Granger, her brown curls pulled back into a loose ponytail. That was the image that Blaise Zabini woke up to. Of course, he didn't really have a problem with that. But under the circumstances...

"Go, Granger, before it's too late," he said, sitting up as quickly as he could. The stiff beds in the Hospital Wing made this an easy thing to do. "Go!"

But Hermione didn't waver in her efforts. "You, Zabini, will be listening to me right now," she said, pushing him back down forcefully. "I am not going anywhere. What you did, it wasn't your fault. According to Professor McGonagall, until today you had been doing very well. I think that the only thing you really need is a therapist. Along with some lessons on self-control. I don't want to lose you as a friend, Blaise. That's the only reason I am doing this."

In all honesty, Blaise was very disappointed that her intentions were completely pure and friendly. But that was life; it sucked.

Yet, it still seemed to go on constantly. Even though it sucked. The sad thing was that it didn't suck as much as he figured it would with Hermione only being friends with him. Truthfully, life was pretty good after that day. Besides the fact that, since Fred had not been back, he was the one who helped her.

Hermione was, he found, was very strict. But she didn't force him to stay in his room, like he was grounded. No, he was forced to leave the Head dormitory for two social hours every night.

Not that he minded really. Most days, he couldn't wait to get away from the nagging Hermione. Seriously, what had happened to the sweet girl he had started to fall for?

"Blaise, did you finish your homework?" she would ask. He, automatically, would answer, "Yes, ma'am." This would always invoke a speech about how calling her "ma'am" made her feel like an old woman. Of course, that was the exact reason he used that word, because he loved hearing her rant.

Hermione often seemed worried about Fred, Blaise also noticed. She would mumble something like "I wonder if he's all right," then glance out the window, as if she was hoping to see him arriving at Hogwarts.

At the present time, it seemed like he would never return because of what he did.

Or maybe, it was because of something else.

---

Most mornings, Fred would get out of bed, clean himself up, and get dressed to go meet Hermione for their daily breakfast together. But this wasn't most mornings, so he didn't bother getting out of bed. When his alarm clock rang, he threw it against the wall (which was still mocking him) and turned over, shutting his eyes tightly.

Like the wall, however, his eyelids were mocking him. Why did the world hate him so much?

Why?

He sighed, trying to rid his mind of Hermione. That was, of course, proved impossible during the past week, but he still tried.

Fred only needed to do one thing to end all thoughts of Hermione, he figured. Sighing deeply, he threw the blankets off onto the floor and stood up groggily.

Without faltering, he sat down at his desk, took out a bottle of ink, a quill, and a spare bit of parchment. He knew exactly what he needed to say, so... why did he have to lie?

---

Arriving at the Great Hall, after having concealed her stomach and gotten dressed in a hurry, Hermione sat down next to Ginny, who was across from Harry. Blaise, she noticed, sat next to the usual group at the Slytherin table.

Silently, she started eating a blueberry muffin while she listened to Ginny and Harry bickering over something or another.

She hadn't heard from Fred in over a week, and was extremely worried. Was he all right? Where was he? But, the question that was in her head more often then the rest was, Is he thinking about me Although, Hermione tried to rid her mind of this thought, because she knew the answer. No. Simple as that. A two-letter word answered that question; her most important question.

She was suddenly pulled from her reverie when an unfamiliar owl landed in front of her with a dull thud, knocking over Ginny's goblet of pumpkin juice.

"Who are you searching for?" she asked the small tawny owl. She removed the small letter tied around its leg to view the name on it. In looping, unfamiliar handwriting, her name was written. The owl pecked her affectionately and started nibbling at her muffin, which she had set down to read her letter. It read,

Dear Hermione,

I'm sorry that I haven't been around in a while, but things have suddenly come up at the store. I would love to be there, helping you, but am unable to at the present time. However, if anything happens, anything at all that could affect both of us, please inform me. I'm only an owl away.

Signed,

Fred Weasley

Short and to the point, that's what it was. And so... unlike Fred. Of course, Hermione had never received any post from Fred at all, but she imagined that it would be much like hearing him in person: funny, witty, randomly off topic. This letter was anything but Fred. It was, sadly, similar to the letters Hermione remembered receiving from her parents. She shuddered at the thought of Fred resembling her parents in any way. Fred would not ever be a strict parent, she thought to herself. Suddenly, Hermione read "if anything happens, anything at all that could affect both of us, please inform me" in a whole other way.

Apparently, he wasn't planning on returning for quite some time. Just that thought, that Fred wouldn't be around as often, depressed Hermione greatly. In fact, she was so miserable because of this that not even the thought of Christmas being only one week away could cheer her up. Well, she didn't actually remember Christmas until only days before...

"I didn't get anyone but Fred anything!" she informed Blaise, panicking. "There's no time to shop for you—"

"No need to shop for me," said Blaise.

She ignored his comment and continued her rant. "Harry, Ginny, and my parents."

"Just get them some sugar free chewing gum," he suggested, not even bothering to look up from the book he was reading. They, of course, were in the Heads dormitory. The common room that they shared, to be exact.

"Your attempts at humor are not amusing," said Hermione absentmindedly as she made the effort to write a list of what exactly to get those people she had just listed. She really had already bought Fred's; she had bought his over a month earlier. It was something she knew, for sure, that no one else would get him. After all, it was a Muggle thing really.

A Muggle comic book. Obviously, because of Ron, Hermione had seen the sad excuses of comic books that Wizards made, in which the main character was either a very unintelligent Muggle, or a Wizard who did everything he could possibly do to outsmart and outwit Muggles. It had been bought from a Muggle comic book store when she had visited her parents and a Muggle doctor, when she had brought Harry with her to the mall.

Hermione was certain that he would not fully enjoy reading about superheroes, but had picked out ones that she knew, from personal experience with a father who had collected comic books as a child, that were amusing. Even to bookworm Hermione.

The box with the comics in it was already wrapped, a bright red bow neatly adorning the top. Just waiting to be sent off to Fred so he could open it on Christmas morning.

Suddenly... no one else's present really seemed to matter to Hermione. She didn't care that she hadn't bought Harry a present, or Ginny. Just the fact that she had bought Fredrick Weasley a Christmas present made her feel content.

She sighed because of this. Lately, these types of emotions had overcome her when it came to Fred. To explain this, Hermione had come up with one excuse. But it was just so... unlikely. She, Hermione Granger, book and rule lover, could not possibly... like Fredrick Weasley, prankster and rule-breaker extraordinaire, in that way. Being who the stubborn young woman she was, she denied what she thought she was feeling for the one and only Fred.

And, oh, how good she was at denying it. She had actually, truly, convinced herself.

For a few moments.

Reason being that, not only was he her complete opposite, he was Ron's brother. The same Ron, she reminded herself during these times of forcing her denial, which she had loved; the same Ron that she had conceived a child with. The child which she was still carrying.

It was annoying, that's what it was.

Earlier on, when she had accepted Ron's death, she had also accepted the fact that, no matter what she believed, no matter what she tried to think, Ron wasn't the one for her. While he had been sweet, and she definitely had loved him. He just... wasn't. Her instincts told her that, for a fact, the person that was "the one" was still out there, somewhere. And he was someone that she was meant to grow old with.

But it couldn't possibly be his brother.

Ron's love had been rushed. Right after Professor Dumbledore's death, things had happened so quickly. One day they were best friends, two of a trio. The next, they were boyfriend and girlfriend, living as if there were no tomorrow.

Sadly, though, his destiny led to what seemed to be a premature death. Hermione, however, knew better. She knew that, if he had been meant to live, it would have happened that way. He wouldn't have died. His death was just what was to happen, to set the course for the future. It was Fate, once again messing with lives. Only this time, it was Hermione's life it had been controlling really. Once again, her instincts told her that Fate did not have Ron and her, together, in mind. And that was the only way out.

But even with these thoughts, her mind debating with itself, she still realized that it was, in fact, Fred that she was now craving. A relationship that would not readily be approved of, and could never possibly happen. Fred certainly did not like her in that way; she knew it. If he did, which he didn't, wouldn't he have been there, protecting her from everything? If Fred Weasley liked Hermione in that way, than why was he completely avoiding her at the moment?

Obviously, when it came to guys, Hermione really didn't know that much.

---

Hermione, Harry, Ginny, and Blaise (whom Hermione had been sure to invite the second she heard he was planning on staying at Hogwarts, along, for Christmas) arrived at the Burrow the day before Christmas Eve. They entered the house quickly, as the wind was blowing the falling snow all around. The four gathered around the fireplace to warm up momentarily. Suddenly, Hermione was swept into a bone-crushing hug by none other than Molly Weasley. She felt the elder woman's head burrowing into her shoulder as sobs wracked her body. Molly's muffled speaking was incoherent, though Hermione tried her best to understand what she was saying.

Mrs. Weasley seemed to sense this and released her from the embrace. "I n-never should have b-blamed you," she said sincerely, still crying; sniffling occasionally. "I sh-should be happy that I am g-going to be a grandmother. I overreacted and I-I'm really sorry, Hermione, d-dear."

Hermione smiled and nodded. She had been preparing, as Ginny had told her to, for this moment of apology. Frankly, she had prepared what she was to say after this. But, as luck would have it, she couldn't remember what she had practiced on the train. It was too simple, what she had planned on saying. As she tried to think of something else to say, however, nothing would come to her mind. Nothing at all. Well, there was one thing. "It's all right, Mrs. Weas—I mean, Molly."

This made the older woman smile broader than she had in, probably, months. The wrinkles became more apparent when she smiled, wrinkles that Hermione had never noticed before. Most likely, she thought, because Molly had just acquired them, with her recent bouts of worrying. "Percy said he will be arriving shortly," she told them all cheerfully. "Charlie will be her later tonight; Bill and Fleur are in town for the time being; the twins said they won't be able to make it until tomorrow afternoon. Oh, I almost forgot about the Lovegoods, who, when I invited them, were delighted to say that they would be joining us tomorrow night for dinner."

Hermione's heart lightened when she found out she would be able to see Fred in the not too distant future. She also reminded herself that, according to Ginny, Fleur was also pregnant, if only three months so far. Still, she would love to discuss things with Fleur. Every since the wedding that past summer, which had been hastily done, only a week after their return from Hogwarts, Hermione had felt closer to Fleur. She couldn't explain exactly why, but Fleur no longer was an annoyance. Maybe, she pondered, it was because she finally had Ron, who at that point, would no longer stare at Fleur, or do silly things around her.

Molly suddenly glanced around at all of them, her eyes landed on Blaise in surprise. Everyone, especially Blaise, was shocked when Mrs. Weasley embraced him as well. "I hope you enjoy your stay here, at the Burrow, and that this isn't the last one, Blaise Zabini."

He smiled once she released him. "Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," he said graciously, nodding his head in thanks.

Only a few hours later, the house was filled with the smell of another wonderful meal, courtesy of Molly Weasley. Once everything, ranging from chicken to cornbread, was on the table, including the dishes and silverware, they sat down in their normal seats. Blaise took the only empty seat. This, of course, earned him several awkward glances. He didn't know it, but he was sitting in Ron's old seat.

When Hermione noticed this, a pang of emotion came over her. Although, it was not just sadness, it was a feeling of content and happiness. Blaise smiled at Hermione, because she had been staring at him blankly for a few moments. And, it seemed as if, even with Ron gone, they were complete.

---

It was the day before Christmas now, and the snow had started early in the morning. By afternoon, Harry had convinced Hermione to come outside with him, Ginny, and Blaise, if only to sit on a bench in the garden. "It will be good for you, to get outside," he had told her. Obviously, her protests meant nothing to the one and only Boy-Who-Lived-Again.

So, sighing in an overdramatic fashion, she donned a thick pair of boots, one hat, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and a winter jacket. Oh, and not to mention the heating charm she placed on the jacket. Just in case.

After that, one would think that she wouldn't find it cold out, but she felt as if her face was going to fall off. When she voiced this, Harry only laughed. "You're wearing a scarf, covering your face," he said, having only put on a jacket and a thin pair of mittens himself. "You cannot possibly be freezing."

"For your information, Harry, I am cold," she said, sniffling. The cold air tended to make her nose run. "I want to go back inside, where it's warm."

"With that many layers," a familiar voice came from down the path, "I'd say that you already are inside."

They all turned to see two figures, both of equal height, with the unconcealed red hair showing through the heavily falling snow flakes. They were, of course, identical twins. Fredrick and George Weasley. George had been the one talking, Hermione immediately knew. The duo stopped in front of the sitting Hermione. Fred, standing on the left, only smiled weakly at Hermione. While George, without more ado, launched into a more or less one-sided conversation with Hermione. He must not have noticed that she wasn't making eye contact with him, but his twin, because she did this during for the entirety of their conversation.

It, their conversation, was the usually, run of the mill conversation that Hermione was used to having with people by now. How are you doing? They would ask. She would answer, Fine. They would then go onto ask about the pregnancy, usually leading to a name discussion and what dates were ideal for the child to be born on.

George, however, came up with one question Hermione had not heard before. "The Muggle doctor that you went to," he said, "She said that there was only one, right? No chance for twins? Twins that you could possibly name Gred and Forge?" The last part, of course, was only a joke, as he proved when he winked after finishing.

"Only one," she answered, still blatantly looking at Fred, who seemed to be more interested in the snow flakes falling on his dark gloves that he didn't even laugh at George's joke.

After a while, and after progressing into a heated debate with George as to why the name "Corban" was better than the ones he had come up with, Molly came outside, announcing that it was time for dinner.

They all entered to see that the dining room had several more chairs, due to the arrival of the twins, Percy, Charlie, and Bill and Fleur. The food had been placed in the middle of the already plate-and-silverware-crowed table, and everyone was sure to sit in the seats they had been. Once again, Blaise sat in Ron's old seat.

Mr. Weasley, who had been lounging in the living room, reading for the entire day, stood once everyone had sat down. "This past year," he started, "We lost one member of our family in the final battle. But, we gained another. Ron's sacrifice not only saved Hermione, who was already part of the family, but the child she is carrying. Words cannot express how much I would like my son back, but I think I speak for the entire family when I say that I am grateful that Hermione and her child are here. All because of the sacrifice Ron made."

There was a murmur of agreement as Mr. Weasley sat down and they began to eat.

It was clear to Hermione that she was not the only one who had accepted the loss of Ron.

Dinner lasted a little over an hour. The conversation was one that would be forgotten only days later, because nothing said was that important. They all helped clear the plates from the table, even Hermione. Harry looked at Hermione, who had watched Fred for a little over half of dinner, and nudged her. "If you don't talk to him now," he said out of the corner of his mouth as they put their plates in the sink, "I will."

So, Hermione pulled Fred outside as everyone else around them bustled into the living room to sing Christmas carols. The snow was coming down in flurries, but she welcomed the cold air. It had been rather hot inside with all those people. "What the hell are you trying to pull, Fred?" she asked once she knew they were out of earshot from anyone that might be trying to hear them inside the house, namely Harry James Potter and Blaise Zabini (who had suddenly become masters of espionage over the day and a half they had been at the Burrow). Her eyes, she knew, we giving him a glare he wouldn't dare forget or brush off.

Fred's knitted his brow so tightly that it looked like there was only one eyebrow. "What exactly are you talking about?" he asked unsurely.

"You just leaving me, alone," she exclaimed. "I was worried about you, Fredrick Weasley. I thought that you suddenly didn't care about your own life!"

Surprisingly, he gave her the lopsided grin he seemed to have acquired that past September. "Hermione?" he said.

"What?" she hissed impatiently.

And, still grinning, he said, "Shut up." And before either of them knew what was happening, he was cupping her face in his hands. Just like that, he kissed her. Like he had dreamt about for over two weeks, he kissed her. Slowly, just hoping it could last forever. Her lips were better than he had imagined them being. No wonder his brother had fallen in love with her.

That's when he broke the kiss and took several steps backward.

Hermione looked at him apprehensively. She opened her mouth and closed it several times before she actually spoke. "Well," said Hermione finally, her voice more high-pitched than it had ever been. "Why'd you stop?"

One question changed the world for Fred. "You're pregnant," he answered simply, pointing at her stomach, which had been expertly concealed.

She cocked and eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "Thank you Captain Obvious!"

"I mean, you're pregnant with my brother's baby," he righted himself. "The same brother that died for you!"

She rolled her eyes, nostrils flaring. "Do you really find it necessary to remind me of that?" she asked incredulously. It was one thing to remind her she was pregnant, but a whole other story to remind her that his brother had sacrificed himself for her and their child.

"I don't know what has been going on lately, Hermione," said Fred, "But it's ruining my life."

"Are you saying that I'm ruining your life?"

"I'm supposed to be watching out for you," he said, his voice growing steadily louder. Neither expected what he said next. "Not falling in love with you."

The air suddenly grew silent as both grew aware of what he said.

"Wh-what?" Hermione finally managed to stutter out after a very long and awkward silence.

"Yes, Hermione," he said, "I'm falling for you. No matter how wrong it may seem to either of us, it's happening. I can't stop bloody thinking about you. You, Hermione sodding Granger, are on my mind twenty-four seven. And it's goddamn wrong for me to feel this way when you're... pregnant. I'm just supposed to watch out for you and he/she or it, not fall for you."

All she, Hermione, was able to do was stand that, gaping wordlessly at him. What was she supposed to say to that? "I love you too"?

It was his turn to stare and wait now. And, even though it was only about a thirty second wait, it seemed like hours. Each second ticked by so slowly, and he soon found himself breathing very rapidly, and, even though it was several degrees below zero, he felt as if it were the middle of July.

Finally, Hermione spoke. But what she said, the words that came out of her mouth, were so hard for her to say. The feelings she wanted to admit, she couldn't. He was Fred Weasley, not the man she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. Not any part of her life with.

Or so she thought when she said, "Goodbye, Fred," and walked back to the house without a second glance.

Author's Note: So, I made my schedule this week, and didn't remake it completely like last week. AND this chapter is over 5000 words long, because last week's was so short. So I'm halfway there now, and this is the turning point really. The story was first half dark, last half light.

This chapter, like the whole story, is dedicated to Monica. Who has, most recently, helped me through the most difficult transition of my life. I love you my "evil" twin. :)

I hope you all liked the chapter, and thank you for all the reviews. Expect chapter six to be ON TIME and EXTREMELY long. Well... that could change, depending on when I start.

Leii.