Behind the Cards
By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn
Chapter 5: I Dream of Yugi
(Dark Magician Boy can be seen napping in a chair in an empty studio. He fell asleep, and everyone is at lunch. So I'll be introducing the chapter today. Yugi walks in to get DMB)
Yugi: Oh Dark Magician Boy! It's lunch time!
DMB: (Sleep talking) Sales pricing! But I need that slab of concrete! I'll teach you a lesson! (Begins thrashing).
Yugi: HEY! WAKE UP!
(Dark Magician Boy wakes up, and hits his head on Yugi's very large hair, and goes unconscious).
Yugi: Oh crud. Uh, Yami?
(Little Yugi hairdos can be seen swirling around Dark Magician Boy. Meanwhile, in Dark Magician Boy's sub consciousness)
(DMB is still napping, but he is this time in his house. Suddenly, DMB wakes up, and decides to pick up a random magazine and read it)
DMB: (Talking out loud) President Yugi elected? Yugi Basset rejected? (Looks at cover of the magazine) YM, the Yugi Magazine? (Tosses it aside). What kind of magazine is that? (Turns on television)
Television: Evil stalks the night. And only one can slay this evil! (A Yugi with fangs and black cape jumps up on the screen), YUGI! THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!
DMB: Oh please. (Changes channel).
T.V.: Tonight on Yugfield. (Yugi appears on screen, and he starts telling card jokes).
DMB: (Starting to get scared, he changes the channel).
T.V. Today on I Love Yugi. (Yugi's face appears in black and white on the screen, and his hair is in a bow, and he has make up on).
Yugi: But Yami! I wanna be in the show!
DMB: For crying out loud! (Switches off T.V.). I wonder how my dogs are doing?
(Suddenly, two dogs trot in, and they look up at DMB)
DMB: Hi guys.
(But then, unexpectedly, they both grow Yugi's hair and get Yugi eyes)
Girl Dog: (In Yugi voice) Hi Dark Magician Boy!
Boy Dog: (Also in Yugi voice) Hi Dark Magician Boy!
(DMB practically faints, but then realizes that on Fan Fiction, any animal can talk. But then he remembers the way they talked, their hair, and eyes).
DMB: I need to go for a walk. (Runs outside before his dogs can follow him, and he begins whistling happily while walking.) That's all I needed, a walk.
Random person watering lawn: Hi neighbor!
DMB: (Waves at RPWL) Hi RPWL! (Suddenly notices that the fat person is in a blue school uniform and has Yugi hair, and he shivers).
Random person raking lawn: Hi neighbor!
DMB: (Waves, then notices that RPRL has the same details as the last person, so he begins to walk faster, until he is at the end of his street, and he looks back at the street, and to his horror, everyone out on their lawn is dressed in a blue school uniform, and has Yugi hair).
Everyone out on their lawn: Hi neighbor!
DMB: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs to the outside of the neighborhood, and towards the woods) Maybe here, I can relax without any interruptions coming from Yugi.
(Meanwhile, in the real world)
LE: What happened?
Yugi: He hit his head on my hair!
Yami: Ok, that's it! You're hair spray amount is going to go down now!
Yugi: Aw man.
Bakura: So is he dead or unconscious?
Yugi: Unconscious.
Bakura: (Thinking) Damn.
LE: Well, what do you think is going on in there? Not that I care.
Yugi: Well, he hit his head on my hair, so something about me.
(Meanwhile, in DMB's sub consciousness)
DMB: HELP!
(Little woodland creatures with Yugi's hair and eyes have surrounded him and begin saying 'That's what friends are for!)
(DMB keeps backing away, until his rump hits something soft. He turns around to see a flower with Yugi's face and hair)
Yugi Flower: Hi there! Do I smell pretty?
DMB: (Grabs flower and crumples it up, then throws it to the ground. Then, he runs out of the forest screaming, but then, he looks up at the sun to see it also has Yugi's face)
Yugi Sun: Hi Dark Magician Boy! It's a beautiful day!
DMB: I'VE ENTIRELY LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Meanwhile, in the real world)
DMB: I'VE ENTIRELY LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yami: Apparently, his dream about you isn't very nice.
Bakura: Ooooh, burn!
Yugi: It must be some sort of warped dream or something.
LE: Yeah, right. By the way, thanks Jgal! Just got your review. Sorry, but my bro's Pocket Watch just won't leave his side. Here, watch. (Holds up a treat towards the Pocket Watch. Suddenly, eyes appear on it, and the it opens up to reveal rows of sharp teeth, and it begins barking as it jumps forward and grabs the treat. It then pulls the treat towards itself until it is entirely in it's mouth. It swallows, barks some more, then turns back into a pocket watch).
Bakura: Well, that explains alot.
Ryou: Is there any way to get in there?
LE: If only we had some sort of magical object that allowed us to see inside his head, like my Millennium Mirror does.
Everyone else: Yeah.
LE: (rolls eyes).
(Meanwhile, in DMB's sub what's it called)
(By now, DMB had decided to go to Egypt. He didn't know why, he just figured it was a dream thing)
DMB: Do you have those cheesy peanuts on this flight?
(Flight attendant with Yugi hair walks up and hands him a miniature blue bag that has the words "Yugi Peanuts" on it, and Yugi's face on a peanut. DMB shivers, but then decides to eat them)
DMB: Wait a minute, how am I paying for this. (Reaches into pocket and pulls out a plastic card that says "Capital Yugi", and it says UNLIMITED ACCESS). Well, that's convenient. (Walks to the bathroom, and changes into PJ's). Why are these things so small?
(DMB walks out and settles into his chair, then sleeps until morning. Well, then again, he sleeps till he is woken up (Doesn't everyone?))
DMB: SALES PRICING! Man, I gotta stop yelling that. Who woke me up?
LE: I did. DMB, your asleep. You kind of have to wake up.
DMB: That explains a lot. But how do I know that you're not some dream figment. Ok, this is odd. Normally, someone is trying to prove it is a dream. But in this case, I'm trying to prove this isn't a dream. So how do I know this isn't a dream? BECAUSE you said I need to wake up. The real Luthien wouldn't want me to wake up.
LE: That doesn't make any sense.
DMB: Exactly!
LE: Which is why this a dream.
DMB: (Realizes the embarrassment of the moment) Oh yeah. So you are just a figment.
LE: Exactly. Just don't imagine me as a giant man eating squid.
DMB: Oh frick.
(Dream LE suddenly turns into a purple, giant man eating squid, and grabs DMB)
DMB: Why is it that dreams never work out the way you want them?
(Squid eats DMB. One might note that the squid also has Yugi hair. DMB lands inside of a stomach and gets burned up, and lands Egypt)
DMB: Wow, that was convenient.
(Meanwhile, in the studio)
Yugi: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joey: What? DMB is the director and without him, we can't continue with the series?
Yugi: NO! They gave me grapes instead of a cherry on my coke? Who eats grape on sodas? Who eats grapes on any drink? No offense to any readers.
LE: Joey is, however, right about one thing. If my brother doesn't wake up, then we are stuck at the point of just getting to Duelist Kingdom. We must find a way to intrude on his dream.
Ryou: Let me try. (Walks up to DMB's head and has a dramatic look on his face). OPEN SESAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Nothing happens). Well, I've got nothing.
Bakura: My turn! (Holds up ax in a menacing way).
LE: NO! If you do that, then my parents will kill me.
Bakura: Barnacles.
Yami: Too bad it isn't season 2 yet. Then we could get Malik to get to use his Millennium Rod to go into DMB's mind and wake him up.
(Suddenly, Malik walks in, and each of them stares for a few seconds)
LE: Malik? You're a season early.
Malik: Well, Shadi came over to have some alone time with Ishizu, so she kicked me out.
Yugi: For a whole season?!?
Malik: Weird, huh? So can I just be a helping hand around here, and stay here pretty much till it's time for me to enter in the series?
LE: Wow. First, one of the most ridiculous coincidences, and an alone time session lasting for a whole entire season. But sure.
Malik: Thank you. Anything I can do to help?
Yugi: Well, funny thing that you mention that, we need you to use your Millennium Rod to enter DMB's mind, and wake him up.
Malik: Sure, just let me look in my suitcase. (Opens his suitcase and dives in).
LE: Did we just see Malik dive into a suitcase.
Bakura: Only if my hallucination is the same as yours.
(They all walk over and peer into the suitcase to see that inside is an excessive amount of free space. It in fact leads to a room the size of a mansion. And this room is filled with stuff. Bakura looks on the side of the suitcase, and there a sticker that says Genuine Mary Poppins Suitcase. Dry clean only. So one by one, each of them dives in to help find the item. Meanwhile, in……. well, you know where it is!)
(DMB walks up to the pyramid and looks at the sign. Pharaoh Atem's Tomb! Open to the Public. Please do not touch any of the cursed, treasured, fluffy, priceless, or limited edition items in the tomb, and no talking.)
DMB: Fluffy, eh? Yami has got to be in there. (Walks in and notices the sarcophagus with Yugi's head engraved on it). Yami?
(Slowly, a figure emerges from the sarcophagus and turns toward DMB)
DMB: Oh, thank goodness. You are the only one that I know that couldn't have been turned into….
(Yami comes out of the shadows, and DMB sees that his hair is not sharper, but indeed, in a Yugi version)
DMB: OH MY GOD! (Runs for the hills, or in short terms, home)
DMB: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Luthien, where are you?!?!
LE: Why, what's wrong little brother.
DMB: Oh my god, thank goodness you're here and not a giant, man eating purple squid.
LE: Why, don't you remember you older sister (DMB backs up from the hug that I forgot to mention, and sees the horror)…. Yugi Eowyn! (Yugi Eowyn looks the same as Luthien Eowyn, but has Yugi hair)
DMB: OH MY &$!!!!!!!! (Runs into his own room, and looks out the window to see the whole entire Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast waiting at the front of the house, each and every one with Yugi hair).
DMB: HOLY FRICKIN' (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Real world)
LE: I FOUND IT!
Malik: No, that's my door knocker.
LE: Why do you have a door knocker in your suitcase.
Malik: Why not?
LE: Good point.
Yugi: I think I found another fishing rod.
Yami: Can't we just get the narrator to change the word from 'Fishing' to 'Millennium'?
(Well, if you were a little bit nicer to me, maybe I would)
LE: Don't make me come up there, or things or gonna get ugly.
(Things already are)
LE: WHAT THE?!? THAT IS IT! Enters the narrator universe. I'm the narrator's narrator by the way
(Oh crud)
(LE: Take that and that! You want some of that? Huh? OK!)
A crash can be heard
(HELP!)
(LE: Yeah right!)
Now Punching sounds are hearable
(All right! All right! Throws up white flag I'll change the word)
Suddenly, Fishing Rod becomes Millennium, and Luthien appears. Thank you, I will be taking my leave now
Bakura: That's my woman.
LE: Anyway. Let's get out of this place already.
(So they are all sucked by the Millennium Mirror, and Malik holds up the Millennium Rod, and they all get sucked into an Eye of Horus that appears on DMB's forehead. Meanwhile in……….. meanwhile is getting annoying, isn't it)
DMB: What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?
(Suddenly, the T.V. flashes on to show the Yugi vampire)
YV: It's not so bad to be me. You get to wear my clothes.
(Suddenly, DMB's clothes turn to a blue school uniform, and DMB looks down at it in a horrified look, just as the magazine he was reading shows President Yugi)
PY: And you get to look like me too.
(DMB's hair changes to Yugi hair, and he starts to scream as the sun Yugi shines into his window.)
SY: And you get to be me too.
(DMB involuntarily says "That's what friends are for!", and his eyes entirely bug out. But on the street, right outside of where DMB's dream is taking place, or dream street, Luthien, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Yami, Yugi, and Joey appear. They all watch as an army of Yugis marches by)
Yugi: Well. I'm, uh, flattered.
(Suddenly, they hear DMB up in his room screaming his head off)
Yami: Oh yeah. This dream about you is very nice.
(Yugi breaks a few tears as the group runs into the dream house and up to DMB's room, then they try to open the door. Unfortunately, by now DMB has nailed his door shut. So Bakura takes his Millennium Ring and prepares to blast down the door)
Malik: WAIT!
Bakura: What is it?
Malik: If you do anything to this door, you might give DMB a serious headache!
Bakura: Sooooo what's your point?
Malik: (Eyes begin bugging out) SURE, FINE! BLAST DOWN THE DOOR FOR ALL I CARE! JUST DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN HE COMES CRYING TO YOU WITH A KILLER HEADACHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bakura: Oooooookkkkkk, that was more than I needed. (Blasts down door, and the group approaches the seriously freaked out DMB)
DMB: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LE: Dark Magician Boy, you're dreaming.
DMB: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL BELIEVE YOU THIS TIME?!?
LE: Because we need you to continue the dang series!
DMB: (Calming down) Oh. So get me out of it, k?
(So they go into a series of medical tests that takes hours and hours and hours. They don't get any results, and still don't know how to wake him up)
Yami: Have you already tried waking up.
DMB: Yes.
Joey: Shaking violently?
DMB: Didn't work.
LE: Singing in Double Dutch?
DMB: Tried. …….. Hey, wait a minute!
Bakura: Ok, that's it! (Walks up to DMB and smacks him on the face.)
(DMB wakes up, and everybody shoots out of the Eye of Horus on DMB's head, and the Eye on DMB's head disappears)
Yugi: You ok?
DMB: Yeah. But I have the worst headache.
Malik to Bakura: Told ya.
LE: Anywho, tell us all how you enjoyed el' chapter while I pump my brother with Advil.
DMB: Yech! I hate swallow pills.
LE: (In sarcastic tone) Don't we all.