Behind the Cards
By Dark Magician Boy and Luthien Eowyn
Chapter 6: Day Off
LE: HOW CAN THERE BE A DAY OFF? WE BARELY DO ANYTHING ANYWAY!
Yugi: It's not a day off. It's that cast's and director's and narrator's field trip to the beach.
LE: AKA day off.
Yugi: Call it what you want.
LE: (Is about to yell, but then realizes that both her and Bakura will be there at the beach in bathing suits) Man, you're a lot more helpful than I thought.
(Thank you)
LE: Anyway, thanks for your review, Jgal. Your reviews are what keep this story alive. Very sorry about the Pocket Watch, and not only that, but I'm sure to say that that dream would indeed be scary. Spongebob is most of the times idiotic and gay. When funny, it is very funny, but otherwise, I'll stick with the first statement.
DMB: Are you guys ready to go?
LE & Yugi: Yeah. (Both run onto the bus, and it takes off towards the beach).
Whole Entire Bus: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves! I know a song that get on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes. Boom! Boom! Boom!
(Half an hour later)
WEB: This is the song that never ends! Cause it goes on and on my friend! Some people started signing it not knowing what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because……..
LE: (Who is driving the bus). OK! No more bus songs, k?
WEB: OK!
(Bus finally arrives, and the Behind the Cards cast, directors, and narrator pours out and onto the beach)
Kaiba: (Screaming like a little girl) AH! I GOT SAND IN MY HAIR!
Yami: Oh, don't be such a sissy. (Someone in the water splashes Yami. Also screaming like a little girl) AH! I GOT SALTWATER IN MY EYES!
Yugi: What babies.
Joey: HEY TRISTAN! Wanna play beach ball?
Tristan & Duke: Only if Serenity will play!
(DMB, Yugi, and Ryou however have decided to go scuba diving, along with Bakura and LE)
LE & DMB: Do we have to go with them?
Ryou & Bakura: Yes.
(Yugi and Ryou are going because they are friends with DMB, DMB is going because he loves scuba diving, Bakura is going because he can't separate with his Hikari (somehow, Yugi and Yami can), and LE is going because she loves Bakura so much, it would be enough to elect a new president! Trust me, I don't know why)
Yugi: Can we just go already?
All 4: FINE!
(Finally, the five strap on their regulators and dive from the surface to the exquisite world of underwater where creatures thrive and predators hunt and fish reproduce and where narrators….. Wait a minute! I can't breathe!)
All 5: BLUB!
(Oh yeah, I don't exist in the real world. Thank you weird psychics)
DMB: Ok, that was odd.
Yugi: I second that.
Ryou: Hey, how are we talking?
Bakura: Who cares?
(Meanwhile, on the beach)
Tea: Yami, what did you do this time?
Yami: But it looked like such a cute little crab, so I gave it death rays because I thought it deserved hot meals for being so cute.
Tristan: Where in the world did you get death rays?
Yami: There was one in the broom closet back at the studio. My guess is that LE and DMB are the only ones whoever use it.
Joey: Dumb luck.
(While the now giant, mutated crab tore up the beach (and when I say this, I don't mean surfing (duh)), the other Bakura and LE went one way, while Ryou, Yugi, and DMB go the other way)
Ryou: (Picking up a clay pot) Hmm, what's this?
DMB& Yugi: Junk.
Ryou: Ok. (Tosses clay pot aside, ignoring the columns of stone they're swimming through (they have discovered the lost city of Atlantis, and they don't even know it), and that the clay pot is probably worth millions. Ooh, I want it!)
Yugi: (Knocking on one of the pillars). What's with all these pillars? Is it just me or have we discovered the Lost City of Atlantis without even knowing it, and the pot that Ryou tossed aside is probably worth millions of dollars?
Ryou & DMB: It's just you.
(Deep violin sound begins to play, and DMB stops in his tracks, or, swims)
Ryou & Yugi: What is it?
DMB: Everyone knows that sound. That's a bad sound! (Turning around) STOP PLAYING THAT MUSIC!
Random Orchestra: But it's just the perfect time. You know, you're underwater, it's dark and murky.
DMB: Well, take a guess why you're even existing. My typing. (Threatening voice) I'll stop typing!
RO: Oh, can we at least try it? We've been practicing all week!
DMB: (Thinks for several minutes). Ok, fine. BUT on two conditions. One, you give me a million bucks. Two, you stop playing right before he's about to eat us, and burn up your stupid violins.
RO: But how can we burn up our instruments if we're underwater?
DMB: Don't know, don't care, cough up!
(The orchestra reaches into their pockets, and manages to muster up a million dollars)
DMB: Better. And you PROMISE TO STOP PLAYING?
RO: Yes, yes.
DMB: Good. (Whispering to Narrator), I'll give you fifty thousand dollars if you keep an eye on them, and make sure they stick to their promise at all costs. Even if you have to kill them.
(But I'm a narrator. I can't kill anyone!)
DMB: Then do something really nasty if they don't listen.
(Ok)
DMB: Ok guys (to Ryou and Yugi), be sure to look around whenever you hear that kind of music.
Ryou & Yugi: Why?
DMB: Ever heard of great white sharks?
Yugi: Oh, yes. I saw Jaws last week. It gave me the chills. (Pauses for a moment). Why?
DMB: We should probably find LE and Bakura.
(Meanwhile, somewhere over behind some really big reef, LE's wetsuit "accidentally" slips off. And Bakura's "accidentally" falls off too. The two immediately start to make out and have sex and all that stuff)
(At the time, over in Australia, a great white shark reacts to the now playing violin music and swims off to the Domino Beach)
(At the time as well, a little kid over in London bought a scoop of vanilla ice cream)
(Now that we've gotten all of that settled, the other three swam for their lives away from the speeding up great white shark)
DMB: Say, what does this even have to do with the fic on at hand?
Ryou: Well, the cast was going on a field trip, LE refused for a second until the narrator told her something very, very naughty, and……
DMB: JUST GET TO THE POINT!
Ryou: We have to find Bakura and LE or we're shark bait.
(Meanwhile, one the beach, the crab had formed several crevices, dried up half of the ocean, and run up phone bills)
(Back in the ocean, Yugi attempts to talk to Yami through a mind link)
Yugi: (Through mind link) Hey, uh, Yami? We have a situation.
Yami: (Also through mind link) Yeah, this giant crab is running amok on the beach!
Yugi: Actually, what I was saying was…… What giant crab?
Yami: Uh, what are you talking about, there's no giant crab, why would there be a giant crab, it's not like it somehow got its hands on a mutating laser beam!
Yugi: Um, whatever.
Yami: So, how's scuba diving going?
Yugi: We're about to be eaten by a great white shark.
Yami: Oh, you mean like in Jaws? I saw that last week. That movie gave me the chills!
Yugi: Yeah, I know. I was sitting next to you. I had to pay the fine to replace the soggy chair you were sitting in.
Yami: I wasn't that scared.
Yugi: This is totally off the point! We're about to be swallowed by a great white shark, summoned by some mediocre orchestra, and you're sitting there tanning or eating something.
Yami: Well how do you expect me to get down there?
Yugi: I don't care, get your own gear, call the navy seals, do SOMETHING!
Yami: Ok, ok. I'll try and get something there soon
Yugi: You better, or the world's gonna be short of two hikaris and a director. (Mind link fizzles out).
(The three swim past the reef the other two are hiding behind, then look back to see them zipping their suits back up)
DMB, Ryou &Yugi: Where have you been?
Bakura and LE: We have been here this whole time, what have you been doing.
DMB: Oh, well we saw some fish, got in a fight with an orchestra, discovered an ancient lost city, and right now, a great white shark is attempting to slaughter us! So what have you been doing?
LE: Oh, well we saw some fish…
Bakura: Had sex.
LE: … Kissed and snuggled several times…
Bakura: Had sex.
LE: … And we had sex.
Bakura: Underwater too!
Yugi: Is that even physically possible?
Bakura: Don't know, don't care.
Ryou: Well, that doesn't sound too out of your guys behavior.
DMB: Can we cut the tea and crumpets and figure out how to get rid of this great white?
Ryou: I happen to like crumpets!
DMB: Well, yippy for you, but this isn't getting us anywhere.
LE: Hey, don't sharks like yellow?
Yugi: That's just a stupid myth.
Bakura: Well they can smell blood, can't they?
DMB: What is this, a science lesson! Yes, they can smell blood.
LE: Oh dear.
DMB: What oh dear?
LE: Oh, um nothing! Let's just find an angry mob or something. Orchestras hate rowdy crowds.
DMB: Ok, just let me check the coral reef gift shop! (Turns around for a second, then turns back around). OH LOOK! THERE ISN'T ONE!
LE: Well, what about the Sunken Ship gift shop?
DMB: Flooded
LE: The Sand Bar (Drums and symbols play in background)
DMB: Occupied
LE: The Trench Club?
DMB: They are a members only club, and when I tried to go, they sent me away, and a few days later, sent me a very annoying hate letter.
LE: Too bad a giant crab mutated by Yami couldn't just drop down from the surface right now.
(The planets align and those little horoscopes in magazines make sense as Yami jumps down from the surface with a scuba mask on, and reigns on the giant mutated crab, charging toward the great white shark)
Yami: ATTACK SAMPSON!
Everybody: Sampson?
(Yami falls off of Sampson's back as Sampson jumps up and attacks the great white sharks. After the great white shark flees back to Australia, Sampson attacks the orchestra. After Sampson finishes off the orchestra, he goes after the stupid movie producers that everybody hates for refusing movies that only they didn't like)
Yami: Goodbye Sampson. You weren't just a crab to me. You were a giant, mutated, product of science.
Yugi: (To everyone) Watch this. (Swims up to Yami) How's Sampson?
Yami: Who's Sampson?
DMB: Oh, how I wish it was that easy.
LE: You wish what was so easy?
DMB: Well, everything! Don't you always wish that things in life were so much easier than they are right now?
LE: Hmm, no, not really.
DMB: Well, why not?
LE: Cause I'm in a band! (LE pulls out a flute, and begins playing attracting dolphins. Bakura joins in with an oboe)
DMB: Hmph, might as well. (Pulls out trumpet and begins to blow, ignoring that they are underwater, how can they play exactly?)
(Don't they need to breathe? I mean, I myself with the all powerful knowledge of narrator-ness am muddled with the non-sense making of this chapter!)
-Nobody stops playing-
(Hmm, might as well. -Pulls out drum and begins to play his hardest-)
-Suddenly, whole entire Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast begins to play individual instruments. Where they got them from confuses me. Weird ending for a chapter, isn't it? Well, please review. I'd tell you my actions right now, but there aren't any more backup narrators-
DMB: (Takes mouth off trumpet for about five seconds) Please review!