Some Possibilities Are Impossible
"Well that was different," Hank grunted as the mutants emerged from the portal, this time in less of a pile than before.
"Different is not the word for it," Scott told him as he got up from where he fell. "I still can't believe how I look with fur."
"What I can't believe is how much damage could be done to a room with a fistfight," Pietro quipped. "A no powers fistfight."
"Hey! I was totally justified," Kitty snapped. "That other Kitty had no right to criticize me like that!"
"And that's why you trashed their living room," Althea grinned. "Good thing we got out of there when we did."
"And maybe you should go back there!" A familiar voice startled them. They realized they were in another Institute living room and a very ticked of Wolverine was staring at them. He was wearing his old tan uniform with the hood down and claws out. "What the devil is all this?"
"Look I know this is going to sound pretty unbelievable," Scott groaned. "But we're alternate versions of the X-Men."
"And Misfits!" Todd piped up.
"What the hell is a Misfit?" Logan asked. "Some of you look like the Brotherhood!"
"Well we were members of the Brotherhood," Lance sighed. "Until…"
"YOU?" Logan said. "Avalanche, you're an X-Man!"
"What?" Both Scott and Lance yelled.
"What's going on here?" X-Man Avalanche rushed in, wearing a black and red X-Man uniform. To everyone's surprise the other 'X-Men' entered the room. In black, red, green and silver uniforms were Todd, Fred, Wanda, Pietro, Rogue, Jean and Althea.
"Hey! I'm in this universe!" Althea grinned.
"Universe?" X-Althea blinked. She looked at the team. "Did she just say 'universe?'"
"YOU GUYS ARE X-MEN?" Kitty yelled. "SINCE WHEN?"
"Since always," X-Quicksilver folded his arms. "And some of you are in the Brotherhood!"
"Which ones?" Scott asked.
"What do you mean which ones?" X-Jean snapped. "Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Beast…Scott you deserted us!"
"Why the hell would I do that?" Scott shouted.
"You couldn't take it when Jean dumped you for Fred," X-Toad quipped.
"WHAT?" Both Scott and Jean screamed.
"Is this a joke?" Scott shouted.
"Does this look like a joke?" The Other Jean showed him her hand. It had an engagement ring on it.
"I think I am going to be violently ill," Jean winced. "I wish I was as smart as Rogue not to come on this trip."
"Where the heck am I?" Rogue asked.
"Back with the other X-Men," Wanda explained. "You jumped out of the way just in time."
"Out of the way of what?" Wolverine snapped. "Somebody start talking!"
"What is going on here?" Mystique walked in wearing a black and blue X-Man uniform with Charles Xavier, who was limping on a cane. "Kurt?"
"Not our Kurt," Xavier spoke. "A different one, from another universe."
"Okay this is the second time somebody said universe," Wolverine said. "What does that mean?"
"It means that we were accidentally transported from our universe to yours," Hank explained. "A universe that has a few…differences."
"Obviously!" Kurt was shocked. "The Professor walking? Mystique in the X-Men? Who else is in this group? The Juggernaut?"
"No…" X-Rogue sighed. "Not quite…"
"All right I don't know why all of you peons refuse to try my Osso Bucco with Saffron Risotto," Apocalypse, in his blue glory wearing an apron that said KISS THE COOK walked in. "Did we invite guests and not tell me? You know I hate that!"
"Oh my…." Kitty's jaw dropped.
"What the hell kind of crazy universe is this?" Pietro shrieked and pointed to Apocalypse. "You know this guy tried to wipe out all the humans and take over the world, right?"
"Well yes," X-Apocalypse shrugged. "But I'm over that now."
"I think I need a drink…" Hank groaned.
"Right this way," Wolverine told him.
Later that evening after a nice dinner…
"So let's see if I get this straight," Pietro counted off on his fingers. "In this universe, the Professor can walk; Mystique and the rest of the old Brotherhood are X-Men along with Rogue, Jean and Althea…"
"Whose parents sent her to them," Althea added. "And her parents didn't divorce."
"I came to stay with these guys during an encounter with GI Joe," X-Wavedancer explained. "And I'm the co-leader of the team with Marvel Girl."
"Jean has a lame codename," Pietro added. "But still better than no codename."
"No codename?" X-Jean blinked. She looked at her counterpart. "How can you not have a codename?"
"Long story," Jean groaned. "How the hell could you fall for the Blob of all people? It's impossible!"
"It's not that impossible," X-Blob looked at her.
"Well…" X-Jean shrugged. "He asked me to have a soda with him and I decided to do it even though I'd be late for Danger Room practice. It turned out he was a really sweet guy."
"See?"Pietro looked at Jean. "You didn't have to brush Freddy off! Look what you missed out on!"
"I think I was better off getting kidnapped…" Jean groaned.
"Kidnapped?" X-Blob asked.
"Yeah uh," Todd scratched his head. "She turned our Blob down and he didn't take it very well."
"That's an understatement if there ever was one," Kitty rolled her eyes.
"Back to the program here," Pietro interrupted. "On the Brotherhood side are Magneto, Cyclops, Havok, Gambit, Nightcrawler, Storm, Spyke, Beast, Sabertooth and Shadowcat. How did that happen?"
"The short version?" X-Scarlet Witch asked. "My father recruited Sabertooth, Havok, Beast, Gambit, Storm and her nephew before Xavier did."
"When Jean here turned down Cyclops he joined his brother with Magneto," X-Blob explained. "He really knows how to hold a grudge."
"Tell me about it," Lance and X-Avalanche groaned.
"You hate Summer's guts too?" Lance asked.
"Don't get me started!" X-Avalanche growled.
"Please don't," X-Scarlet Witch groaned. "Especially when it comes to his precious Kitty!"
"Not this again…" X-Avalanche groaned. "She's not that bad!"
"Oh yes she is!" X-Toad snapped.
"They're dating in this reality too?" Todd asked.
"Oh man you have no idea how bad it gets," X-Toad rolled his eyes.
"Wanna bet?" Althea asked.
"Does your Lance go out serenading at three in the morning?" Wanda asked. "Creates little earthquakes when he gets frustrated?"
"Does your Kitty go out and buy the stupidest gifts and sends them to you?" X-Rogue asked. "Or worse, insist on baking them!"
"Yeah!" Todd nodded. "Don't tell me she can't cook here either!"
"She once made a batch of muffins that broke the floor!" X-Mystique told him.
"Our Kitty did that too!" Pietro said. "Let me guess, her driving's bad too!"
"Is it ever!" X-Rogue rolled her eyes. "She sent seven driving instructors to the hospital!"
"Ours only got a chance to send five of them," Kurt remarked. "Or was it six?"
"What is this? Pick on Kitty Pryde Day?" Kitty snapped. "Why is Mystique here? And why isn't she with her son?"
"It's a long and complicated story…" X-Mystique groaned. "Don't ask."
"Let's just say we have family problems," X-Rogue folded her arms.
"You too?" Todd was shocked. "Wow the more things change…"
"And Apocalypse is here why?" Kurt glared at Todd before returning his attention back to the others.
"Let's just say the X-Men 'convinced' me to give up world domination," X-Apocalypse grumbled.
"Especially since you lost nearly all your powers to Rogue," X-Toad grinned.
"My plan backfired okay?" X-Apocalypse snapped. "Who knew she could figure out how to reverse my absorption abilities?"
"Because I touched you?" Rogue gave him a look. "Duh!"
"How did we end up becoming X-Geeks?" Pietro asked, pointing to his alternate self and Wanda's alternate self.
"Xavier rescued us not long after our loving father abandoned us at a mental institution," X-Wanda grimaced.
"He abandoned both of you?" Wanda was shocked. "He actually locked up Pietro too? There is justice in the universe!"
"Only Wanda got locked up in our universe," Kitty explained.
"That explains a few things," Wolverine grumbled.
"Is there anything else we should know?" Kurt asked looking at X-Mystique. "You're not in love with Wolverine or anything like that?"
"Well actually…" X-Apocalypse coughed.
Althea looked at the both of them. "No way…Mystique and Apocalypse? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?"
"I wish they were…" Logan growled.
"You gotta admit they do have a lot in common," Todd remarked.
"SHUT UP TOAD!" Kurt snapped.
"And you thought when your mom shacked up with Zartan it was bad enough," Todd continued.
"She slept with him in that reality too?" X-Apocalypse grunted. "Big surprise!"
"It was before we met you know?" X-Mystique glared at him.
"So were Sabertooth, Magneto, Xavier, Destiny, Storm and Shadowcat's Dad," X-Toad quipped.
"Didn't somebody tell one of you to shut up?" X-Mystique snapped.
"My father? You slept with my father?" Kitty yelled.
"Technically my Kitty's father," X-Avalanche pointed out.
"Now aren't you glad your dad's gay?" Pietro said to Kitty. "See there's always an upside to things!"
"I amengaged toBlob…" Jean was still puzzled. "Who is an X-Man...I amengaged toBlob?"
"Jean we're off you now!" Kitty snapped. She glared at X-Mystique. "You slept with my dad, Storm and the Professor? Although Sabertooth and Magneto isn't that big a stretch. Is there anyone you didn't sleep with?"
"She never slept with me," Wolverine told them.
"You were too busy sleeping with Shadowcat before she dumped you for Avalanche," X-Toad pointed out.
"Okay this universe is officially sick and twisted!" Kitty threw up her hands. "Can we go now?"
"I think I'd like to point out that our Shadowcat is a bit older than you are," Xavier coughed. "She's in her mid twenties."
"So she's dating a teenager," Althea quipped. "Go Kitty."
"Shut up!" Kitty snapped at her.
"Why do you have a problem with that?" Lance looked at her. "I mean it's still me..."
"Not now Lance!" Kitty snapped.
"Boy this Kitty is just as bossy as ours," X-Toad remarked.
"Why don't you shut up?" Kitty snapped. "Especially after being repeatedly told to shut up? Just shut up already!"
"Yup she's bossy all right," Todd nodded. "Not to mention a bad driver and cook."
"AAAHHHGGGGH!" Kitty screamed.
"And your Kitty screams a lot too," X-Toad remarked.
"You have no idea," Todd shook his head. "I never understood why."
"There's something I want to know," X-Scarlet Witch interrupted. "Toad uh, other Toad are you dating anyone?"
"Yeah Al," Todd pointed to Althea.
"YES!" X-Wavedancer jumped up and did a dance. "IN YOUR FACE WITCHY POO!"
"THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING!" X-Scarlet Witch shot up.
"Yes it does! It proves Toddles belongs with me!" X-Wavedancer stuck out her tongue.
"Over my dead body!" X-Scarlet Witch shouted. She tackled X-Wavedancer and they started to fight.
"Wait you don't mean...?" Pietro looked at X-Toad. "This is a joke right?"
X-Toad shrugged. "Hey I can't help it if the ladies love me!"
"You were right Kitty," Wanda groaned. "This is a sick and twisted universe!"
"Anything else we should know?" Scott asked. "I mean…Rogue, are you and Gambit dating?"
"That Swamp Rat? Hell no," Rogue snorted. "Please! Gambit's with Storm!"
"O-kay," Scott nodded slowly. "So is there anyone…?"
"Well…" Xavier coughed.
"Never mind!" Scott threw up his hands. "I don't want to know!"
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Both X-Wavedancer and X-Wanda screamed as they fought, trashing the living room.
"Scott you have to understand how Rogue and I feel for each other," Xavier said.
"I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!" Scott shouted.
"That's what our Cyclops said before he went nuts and defected to the Brotherhood," X-Avalanche remarked.
"He didn't take that news well either," X-Blob shook his head. "Pumpkin Pie may I have more chocolate cake please?"
"Right here my big strong teddy bear," X-Jean purred as she fed him.
"I think am going to be sick…" Jean winced.
"Just don't do it on the rug," X-Apocalypse snorted. "That'll be another mess I have to clean up! And there are a lot of them!" He glared at X-Mystique.
"You are still mad at me for what happened in Reno are you?" X-Mystique folded her arms. "You know I was on a mission! I wasn't really dating Senator Kelly!"
"No but you still married him anyway!" X-Apocalypse snapped.
"Now I'm going to be sick…" Kurt moaned.
"A Vegas Marriage! And it wasn't even a real preacher! It was just an Elvis impersonator I shelled a hundred bucks to perform the ceremony!" X-Mystique shouted. "It was Xavier's idea!"
"Don't put the blame on me!" Xavier snapped. "I only told you to get close to Kelly so we could find out something on the Mutant Registration Bill! I didn't tell you to get drunk!"
"That's the only way anyone could tolerate that man's presence!" X-Mystique snapped. "Of course I wouldn't have had to drink if you'd been monitoring the situation instead of playing Strip Blackjack with my daughter and Beast!"
"I think it's time we must be going," Hank said as he stood up quickly. "As informative as this has all been…"
"Don't play Mother of the Year!" Rogue shouted. "As I recall you were trying to get back together with Xavier and steal him away from me in the first place! That's why you practically shoved my old boyfriend…"
"Beast was your boyfriend?" Kitty's jaw dropped.
"Man is Rogue lucky she missed this trip," Pietro groaned. "Do I want to know who I'm dating?"
"Uh…" X-Quicksilver gulped. "No one now but you did kind of have a fling with Cyclops after the whole Jean thing."
"That's it!" Scott grabbed the device and turned it on. "We're outta here!" The gang teleported away to another dimension while the X-Men proceeded to argue and in some cases beat the stuffing out of each other.
Alternate couple fics are such fun aren't they? Well hang onto your hats, because it's about to get weirder!