Still Getting Weirder Folks
"Well that last trip was a perfect disaster if I ever saw one," Scott grumbled as he stood up after landing into the new dimension. "Where are we this time?"
"I think we're in the middle of the Danger Room," Todd gulped.
"What makes you say…?" Pietro began before he saw a very large laser point at them. "Okay…"
"I knew this was going to happen sooner or later!" Scott shouted as he dove out of the way.
"RUN! RUN! RUN!" Kurt yelled as the Danger Room attacked them.
"Don't let the machine get hit!" Lance yelled as he dodged several projectiles.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO?" Hank yelled as he held onto the device and dodged lasers.
"POINTY THINGS! POINTY THINGS! POINTY THINGS!" Pietro screamed as he ran from the sharp giant buzz saws. "REALLY BIG POINTY THINGS!"
"AL SAVE ME!" Todd screamed as he hopped around.
"Oh for crying…" Althea grumbled as she pulled out her hidden nunchucks and took out a laser. "Let's get 'em girls!"
"No problem!" Kitty phased through a few weapons and they short circuited.
"Piece of cake!" Wanda used her powers to turn the Danger Room weapons on itself.
"Everyone stand back!" Jean focused her powers and suddenly all remaining weapons in the room exploded.
"Whoa," Althea looked around. "I didn't know you could do that Jean."
"I didn't know either," Jean admitted. She looked at the guys. "Okay boys you can relax. We took care of the big bad Danger Room."
"Uh yeah but what about them?" Todd gulped as he pointed behind him. There were the X-Men (Cyclops, Another Jean, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Rogue, Wolverine, Storm and Spyke) in their uniforms and they didn't look happy
"Okay somebody say something quick before we all get killed," Pietro gulped.
"What the hell is going on here?" Wolverine roared. "Who are you people and what are you doing here?"
"We're from an alternate dimension," Kitty explained. "Some of us are X-Men the rest are the Misfits which are members of the Brotherhood that joined the Army after Magneto dumped them. We're kind of lost between dimensions and we're trying to find our way home. Rogue's not with us because she was smart enough to get out of the way. Does that answer your question?"
"You're kidding?" Spyke snorted.
"I believe them," Other Jean said. "I can sense they're telling the truth."
"So can I," Wolverine snorted. "They may look like us but they smell different. In fact this Toad actually smells cleaner."
"Well I've been using this soap that works really well with my particular skin condition," Todd explained. "You see I have this gland problem…"
"WHO ASKED YOU?" Wolverine roared.
"Sheesh! No matter what universe we end up in, Wolverine's always a grouch," Todd grumbled.
"I think we should all have a talk," Xavier said as he wheeled up to them.
"Could we have something to eat too?" Kurt asked. "We're kind of hungry."
"Fine! You want milk and cookies too?" Wolverine snapped.
"That would be nice," Todd nodded happily.
"And no matter what universe there is apparently Toad's still clueless…" Wolverine groaned.
Twenty minutes later…
"Okay to recap people still don't know about mutants and it's pretty much the same as it was before Beast turned blue and furry," Kitty said. "It all seems pretty normal to me. Well…relatively speaking."
"You serious on the whole power surge thing?" Spyke asked.
"Oh yeah" Todd nodded. "Jean's gonna go all mega powerful and you're gonna look like a walking stegosaurus yo."
"I'm so looking forward to that," Evan grumbled.
"And when he does don't let him go to the sewers with the Morlocks," Hank whispered to Storm.
"The who?" Storm asked.
"Just trust me on this," Hank sighed. "Keep him home! For everyone's sake!"
"Why? What will happen if I don't?" Storm asked him.
"Oh not much, just a few murders, a disaster of a trial and some riots in the streets," Hank rolled his eyes. "You really don't want to know the whole story."
"O-kay," Storm blinked, deciding not to press the issue.
"So you're saying I'm gonna get possessed by Apocalypse and he's going to try and take over the planet by turning everyone into mutants?" Rogue asked the other mutants.
"You got it," Lance nodded. "So watch out for that okay? And if you meet a chick named Risty Wilde…Just stay away from her. She's bad news. Trust me on this one."
"And I'm still in the mental institution, am I right?" Wanda asked bitterly.
"Actually…Pietro is the one currently residing in the institution," Xavier coughed. "I've been trying to counsel him about his anger issues. Your counterpart leads the Brotherhood."
"HA!" Wanda snorted at her brother. "JUSTICE STRIKES AGAIN!"
"You are enjoying my misfortune in other dimensions way too much!" Pietro snapped.
"Can you blame me?" Wanda asked.
"I can't," Kitty admitted.
"So did you guys burn down the gym yet?" Todd asked not too diplomatically.
"Can you be more specific?" Nightcrawler asked.
"During the soccer game," Kitty explained. "When Lance and the others got the bright idea of trying to out us to the entire world!"
"I said I was sorry for that!" Lance snapped. "How many times to I have to apologize for that!"
"As well as trashing the school all those times," Todd counted on his fingers. "Every fight you've had with Kitty, the time you threw that pie at Colossus…"
"DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL YOU TO SHUT UP ALREADY?" Lance yelled at him.
"I don't know, I never listen a lot," Todd scratched his head.
"I hate my life…"Lance moaned.
"I'm afraid the incident which you are referring to also happened in our dimension," Xavier sighed. "With one major difference."
"What's that?" Scott asked. Just then the alarm went off.
"I'm afraid you are about to find out," Xavier said. "It seems the Brotherhood is attacking the Institute!"
"So we'll give you a hand," Kurt said. "And kick Magneto's butt!"
"Magneto is no longer in charge of the Brotherhood," Wolverine grunted. "There's a new guy running the show and he's even worse than Magneto!"
"Worse? How could he be worse?" Pietro asked.
"He has telekinetic powers as well as the ability to change his body into liquid form," Xavier sighed. "A very dangerous combination."
"Liquid form huh?" Althea grinned. "I think we can handle it."
"Al here is a hydrokinetic," Todd explained.
"A hydro-what?" Nightcrawler asked.
"Later! Let's go!" Cyclops told them as they rushed outside. There the Brotherhood awaited them with their leader. Ready to attack were the Scarlet Witch, Avalanche, Toad, Blob, Mystique, Pyro and Sabertooth.
"ALL RIGHT X-MEN TODAY IS YOUR JUDGEMENT DAY!" Their leader, a familiar form wearing black and red spandex and a cape floated above them. "TODAY I GET PAYBACK FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME! SO SAYS…KILLER KELLY!"
Indeed the mutant leading the Brotherhood was none other than Edward Kelly himself.
"Principal Kelly is the new leader of the Brotherhood?" Kitty's jaw dropped.
"Yeah," Spyke groaned. "So you can imagine what our school day is like. I mean we get detentions every day!"
"While the Brotherhood gets away with murder," Shadowcat groaned. "Literally!"
"Kelly a mutant? How did that happen?" Scott yelled.
"When the Professor tried to wipe Kelly's mind after the soccer game incident, he kind of triggered a dormant mutation in his brain," Wolverine told him. "And turned him into a mutant."
"He's been a bit miffed about that since then," Nightcrawler explained. "And when he learned that the Brotherhood hated us…"
"They joined forces," Scott put two and two together.
"Killer Kelly? Last time we fought he was Kelly the Invincible," Rogue groaned. "This guy has a harder time choosing a codename than Jean."
"Ours finally did," Pietro told her. "It's Phoenix."
"Really?" Other Jean asked. "Why that one?"
"It's a long story," Jean sighed. "You see…"
"HELLO?" Brotherhood Kelly shouted. "LEADER OF THE BROTHERHOOD ATTACKING YOU HERE!"
"Hey who are these guys?" Toad asked. He pointed at Todd. "I gotta admit some of them are easy on the eyes!"
"He's easier on the nose too," Sabertooth sniffed.
"Well I have this soap which really helps with my gland problem," Todd explained.
"Really?" Toad asked. "How does it work?"
"LIKE ANY OTHER SOAP WOULD WORK YOU IDIOT!" Kelly shouted. "ATTACK! He changed into a liquid form similar to a spout of water and charged right at them.
Only to stop right in the middle of the air. "Okay this is weird…" Kelly blinked. "I…Can't move! Who's doing this?"
"That would be me," Althea told him.
"To answer you inquiry Nightcrawler, a hydrokinetic can manipulate water," Hank grinned.
"Oh crap…" Kelly gulped, his face barely visible in his liquid form.
"And I can do all sorts of things with it," Althea grinned.
"Uh listen," Kelly gulped. "Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe we should talk about this?"
"Uh, let me think about it. I've thought about it. No," Althea grinned before she started to stretch Kelly's liquid body.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Kelly shouted as he was stretched. "ATTACK HER YOU IDIOTS!"
"Let me try!" Pyro created a flaming dragon.
Which was immediately put out as Althea used Kelly's body to douse the flames. "Yeah use fire on a girl who can manipulate water," She snickered as she reformed Kelly's body into a ball. "Smart choice!"
"MY FIRE DRAGON!" Pyro sobbed. "SHE DESTROYED MR. FLICKERS!"
"Will you get a grip?" Scarlett Witch groaned as she slapped her head. "TOAD! ATTACK! TOAD?"
"So let me get this straight…" Toad said as he was writing something down. He was conferring with Toad. "This soap's made up of three parts aloe…"
"And oatmeal, don't forget the oatmeal," Todd said. "For any chafing."
"Ooh, yeah gotta take care of that chafing," Toad nodded as he scribbled down the words.
"Forget it!" Scarlet Witch threw up her hands. "I should have known you wouldn't be any help!"
"WELL NOBODY IS HELPING ME NOW!" Kelly screamed as Althea pulled on his watery body. "SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING! GET THE X-MEN!"
"Uh, which ones?" Blob scratched his head. "There are a lot more of them than usual. Maybe we should…?"
"JUST DO SOMETHING ALREADY!" Scarlet Witch shouted. The ground shook under her feet. "Avalanche?"
"You're mostly right," Lance grinned as he made a huge hole for her to fall in.
"AHHH!" Wanda screamed as she fell in.
"All right now I'm going to…" Sabertooth began when Jean telekinetically threw him up in the air. "Oh crap!" He was thrown against a wall and was knocked out.
"As much as I love to shake things up," Avalanche began to focus his powers when suddenly he was whacked on the head with Kelly's body. "OW!"
"HEY!" Scott and Cyclops said at the same time.
"I wanted to whack him," Scott grumbled.
"Me too," Cyclops said.
"You can get the next one," Althea grinned as she used Kelly's water body to slam into Lance again.
"YOU LET HIM GO!" Mystique charged at her. "NOBODY HURTS MY BOYFRIEND AND…AGGGHHH!" She was knocked backwards by Scott's optic blast.
"Okay I did not need to hear that!" Kurt moaned.
"Oh dear," Blob looked at the scene. He looked at the X-Men and Misfits. "I probably shouldn't attack you should I?"
"Let me guess?" Pietro folded his arms. "In this reality you're actually smart aren't you?"
"Oh yeah," Blob nodded energetically. "I can even do fractions!"
"Should we be doing something?" Shadowcat asked her team.
"Nah I think these guys have it covered," Wolverine chuckled as Althea used her powers to have Kelly whack his team as well as whatever solid object was around them. "I gotta admit, it was worth our Danger Room getting trashed to see Kelly get his!"
"Of course it doesn't hurt that the human body is about ninety percent water," Hank explained.
"I did not know that," Todd remarked. "Now I know."
"And knowing is…" Other Jean began to say.
"DON'T YOU SAY IT!" Jean snapped at her counterpart. "EVEN I'M STARTING TO HATE THAT JOKE!"
"What joke?" Other Jean was puzzled.
"Never mind," Jean moaned.
"Well there's one joke that never gets old," Lance grinned. "Good old fashioned Kelly torture."
"OW! OW! OWIE! OW! OW!" Kelly screamed as Althea used her powers to throw him all over the lawn and knock into statues and trees. "OH THAT HURTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! MOMMY! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"
"Well that explains why Althea can hurt Kelly in his liquid form," Lance blinked.
"OW! OW! NOT THE ROSEBUSH! OW! OW! NOT THE TREES! OWW! THAT REALLY HURTS! NOT THE ROSEBUSH AGAIN! OWWWWWWWW!" Kelly screamed as Althea tormented him. "NOT THE WALL! NOT THE WALL!"
"Boy that looks like it hurts," Blob blinked.
"IT DOES! YEOWWW! OW! OW! NOT THE WALL AGAIN!"
"Come on little flame…" Pyro was trying to coax a spark from his doused lighter. "Just light a little one for Daddy!"
"KELLY DO SOMETHING!" The Scarlet Witch snarled as she climbed out of the hole. "USE YOUR TELEKINEISIS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"
"I WOULD EXCEPT MY HEAD'S KILLING ME!" Kelly screamed as he was bounced around like a ball. "HELP!"
"Bouncy! Bouncy! Bouncy!" Althea grinned as she played with Kelly like a basketball. She spied a basketball court on the side of the mansion. "SHE SHOOTS! SHE SCORES!" She dunked Kelly into the basket.
"Ow…" Kelly reformed into his human self and was stuck in the basket. "I don't feel so good."
"Now that's funny!" Pietro laughed. Then he got zapped by a hex bolt. "OW!"
"SHUT UP!" A very angry disheveled Scarlet Witch growled as she finally crawled out of the hole. "JUST SHUT UP!"
"YOU SHUT UP! NOBODY ZAPS MY BROTHER EXCEPT ME!" Wanda shouted using her hex powers on the other Scarlet Witch. "Okay you are me but…YOU GET THE IDEA!"
Unfortunately the Scarlet Witch used her powers at the exact same time. As you might imagine, the two hex powers colliding at the exact same time and speed caused much more chaos than usual.
Just as Pyro finally created a flame. "OH YEAH BABY! RIGHT ON!" He cackled. Then he realized that he was right in the middle of the hex bolts. "Oh dear…This will be painful."
BOOOOOOOM!
"I'M BLASTING OFF!" Pyro was launched into the sky covered in flame. "OW! FIRE HURTS! HEY I CAN SEE THE SCHOOL GYM FROM HERE! AND IT'S COMING CLOSER REALLY FAST! UH OH…"
BOOM!
FOOM!
KAPOW!
A small blast of flame could be seen in the distance. It was almost as big as the one that currently engulfed the Institute.
"THE MANSION'S ON FIRE!" Shadowcat screamed.
"Oops," Wanda gulped.
"Way to go sis," Pietro said as he managed to wobble back on his feet.
"Well that worked halfway," Scarlet Witch blinked.
"I think it's time we left now," Blob picked up the bodies of a dazed Mystique and Sabertooth.
"STORM PUT OUT THE FIRE!" Wolverine ordered. Storm created a rainshower as the Brotherhood escaped.
"That was an interesting battle," Todd blinked.
"Well except for the Institute being totally wrecked," Kitty said.
"We also just set the school gym on fire again didn't we?" Scott groaned as he saw the smoke in the distance. "I recognize the smoke."
"Yup," Althea said. "And our counterparts don't look to happy."
"We gotta get out of here…" Lance groaned as the gang regrouped as their X-Men counterparts started to stalk towards them.
"Way ahead of you," Kurt took his turn using the IM NUTS device.
WHOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!
WHUMPH! The mutants landed in a heap on the next stop.
"I tell you I am definitely not enjoying this mode of transportation," Hank grumbled as he got up. "Is everyone all right?"
"More or less," Jean groaned as she stood up. "Where are we this time?" They were standing in a large green meadow filled with brightly colored, sweet smelling flowers.
"Welcome Friends!" A happy yellow pony with a green mane clopped by. "Welcome to Ponyland! The happiest brightest sunniest land in the world! Tra la la la…I'm Flufferbunny! Enjoy your stay!" The pony ran off laughing.
"Okay," Lance blinked. "I think I would prefer a world filled with Sentinels."
"Again I agree with you," Scott admitted. A pink bunny rabbit hopped up to him and latched onto his leg. "This is a nightmare!"
"Talking ponies?" Jean was stunned. "Okay this is just plain nuts!"
"Of course its nuts," Kurt pointed to the logo on the machine. "Haven't you read the logo on this thing?"
More pink bunnies were hopping over. "Get off me!" Scott tried to shake them off his legs.
"Affectionate little buggers aren't they?" Pietro looked down at the rabbits on his legs. "YEOW! ONE OF THEM BIT ME!"
"Poor thing," Scott quipped. "It'll probably get rabies. OW! THEY'RE BITING ME TOO!"
"I'm starting to like these little guys," Wanda snickered. "Don't get me wrong. Normally I hate the color pink…"
"But they're so cute," Kitty went to pick one up. "OW! IT BIT ME!"
"They do kind of grow on you don't they?" Althea grinned to Wanda.
"I can't handle this…" Jean groaned.
"Then do yourself a favor," Althea told her. "Don't look over there."
"What do you mean?" Jean turned around. "Please tell me that's not…"
"Us over there? That's what it looks like all right," Lance blinked. A herd of multicolored unicorns were grazing and romping through the grass.
One unicorn had a bright red mane and was levitating apples with her horn. Another unicorn was chasing another brown unicorn and occasionally trying to zap him with it's eyes. The brown unicorn laughed and made the ground shake. There was a sea green unicorn with a long tongue with a blue unicorn with a webbed tail and gills. There was a familiar looking black unicorn with a metal horn and metal hooves chasing around another unicorn that was creating ice with its horn.
"Oh god no…" Jean buried her face in her hands.
"I told you not to look," Althea admonished.
"In this world there are no mutants, only unicorns with magic powers…" Hank thought. "Fascinating."
"That's not the word I would use!" Scott snapped as several more bunnies had appeared and were climbing all over him. "Get these things off of me!"
"In other words we're stuck in a My Little Pony cartoon," Pietro was trying to shake some of the rabbits off his arms and legs. "And these rabbits have a pretty strong grip!"
"Get off! Get off!" The bunnies were now climbing on Lance. "Help!"
"Great we're going to be mauled to death by pink bunnies," Scott moaned. "Even killer Sentinels would be better than this! This could not get any worse!"
SNORT!
"What are you doing in my field Bub?" The black metal horned unicorn was glaring at Scott.
"It just got worse didn't it?" Lance asked. "RUN!"
Kurt managed to teleport into a tree and watched how everyone ran from the pink bunny horde and the rampaging unicorn. Todd hopped up to join him. "Okay now this is really getting weird," Todd remarked. "Even for us!"
"Wait…Talking ponies?" Kurt thought aloud. "Where have I heard that before?"
"Tra, la, la la la!" A blue furred demon with long blue hair and a long tail like Kurt's came skipping by. He was wearing a pink and blue outfit and was throwing flowers everywhere.
"Ah," Kurt nodded. "Now I remember." He jumped down from the tree and looked at the demon.
"Hello there!" The blue demon waved. "Boy do you look familiar."
"You're Gobo I presume?" Kurt sighed.
"Yeah how did you know?" Gobo blinked.
"Let's just say this meeting pretty much follows the pattern of my life…" Kurt moaned. (1)
(1) Check out Evolution XMJ for the origins of that joke. It's gonna get even weirder folks! Man am I having fun with this! He he…