What A Circus

"I can't believe you met your long lost brother yo," Todd remarked as the mutants landed into the next dimension.

"I wish he was still lost," Kurt groaned. "I'm glad he didn't want to come with us!"

"Wherever we are," Kitty said as she looked around. "Hey look!"

There was a huge tent and colorful balloons everywhere. XAVIER'S TRAVELLING X CIRCUS! THE GREATEST MUTANT SHOW IN THE WORLD!

"Wow! A circus!" Todd said. "Look at that billboard!"

There was a picture of Todd and Kurt in colorful leotards doing acrobatic tricks. The poster said THE AMAZING NIGHTCRAWLER AND THE TERRIFIC TOAD! THE WORLD'S GREATEST ACROBATS! "Wow." Kurt whistled. "We're famous!"

"So in this reality the Xavier Institute is a traveling circus?" Scott asked.

"The Xavier Institute was always a circus," Lance chuckled.

"How could it not be with you clowns coming over?" Scott snapped.

"Speaking of which," Althea pointed and giggled. There was a picture of Lance and Scott in clown makeup being hit by balls.

"This trip just keeps getting better," Scott groaned.

"Your trip has hardly begun," A familiar Southern voice spoke. They turned to a purple tent. The tent flap drew open. "Enter X-Men and Misfits."

"You know who we are?" Wanda asked as they walked in. To their surprise they saw seated at a table was Rogue. She was in her thirties with long hair wrapped up in a purple and red bandana with crystals attached to it. She wore a long purple and red gypsy coat over a black and red body outfit and black gloves.

"I'm a gypsy fortuneteller. I know things. That's what I do," Gypsy Rogue told them. "My adopted mama Destiny taught me everything about card telling. Well that and giving me some of her powers and teaching me to call on 'em whenever I wanted."

"Cool," Todd hopped on the chair and held out his hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Do me! Do me!"

"Don't ask for my talents like that!" Gypsy Rogue grabbed a newspaper and whacked him on the head. "It sounds perverted!"

"OW! Al, she hit me!" Todd whined.

"I gotta agree with her on this one Todd," Althea shrugged.

"Look I'm gonna tell all your fortunes for free for two reasons," Gypsy Rogue held up her hands. "One, apparently the fates brought you here for guidance and two it gives me something to do while waiting for Desperate Housewives to come on. Now I can only do one reading at a time so the rest of you have to wait outside. I'll do Kurt's first."

"Why him?" Todd whined. "I was here first!"

"To give you time to wash your smelly hands!" Gypsy Rogue smacked him again on the head. "Now go on! Git!"

"Al, she hit me again!" Todd whined as they left.

"Well honey you do need to wash your hands," Althea admitted as the others went outside.

"Okay, let's get this over with," Gypsy Rogue motioned. "Give me your hand and let me see."

"All right," Kurt put his hand in her gloved one. She stared at it intently. "What do you see?"

"A lot of fur," Gypsy Rogue told him. "Hmmm…Interesting."

"What is it?" Kurt asked. "What's my fortune?"

"A word of advice," Gypsy Rogue said. "No matter how tempted you are, don't join the priesthood!"

"What makes you say that?" Kurt was surprised.

"Let's just say it will save you a lot of heartache and angst down the road," Gypsy Rogue waved. "Not to mention a few less dead religious fanatics. Well maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"I really don't want to know any more about this do I?" Kurt asked.

"No," Gypsy Rogue shook her head. "NEXT!"

Kurt left and Hank walked in. "I believe it's my turn," Hank sat down and offered his palm.

"Again with the fur," Gypsy Rogue inspected it. "Oh boy…"

"What? What do you see?" Hank asked.

"Uh, let me ask you something," She asked. "Do you like cats?"

"Cats?" Hank was confused.

"Yeah cats," Gypsy Rogue nodded. "Lions particularly. You like lions?"

"I must admit I have certain affection as well as respect for the King of the Beasts," Hank shrugged. "Why?"

"Uh no reason," Gypsy Rogue lied. "Here's some advice. Follow your dream and learn to play the drums and forget about those piano lessons you've been thinking about."

"Oh, okay…" Hank blinked and stood up. "I confess that does help with my dilemma. But wait a minute, what was all that about cats?"

"NEXT!" Gypsy Rogue shouted. "Next person! Outta time! Move it along!"

Pietro zoomed in. "My turn!" He grinned.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Todd yelled outside.

"SHUT UP!" Pietro shouted back. He turned to Gypsy Rogue and held out his hand. "So…Tell me what great things I will do in the future."

"Well great is one way to describe them I suppose," Gypsy Rogue grimaced. "Hmmm…A lot of this depends on the actions of others."

"You mean like my publicist? I've been meaning to hire one…"

"No you idiot! I mean…" Gypsy Rogue sighed. "Your destiny and your sister's are closely tied together. You must help her and protect her in her times of need. If she chooses one path yours will follow a path of unforgivable betrayal, chaos, destruction and calamity."

"And if she chooses another?"

"Then it's just the usual chaos, destruction and calamity," Gypsy Rogue said. "Oh and you might wanna keep an eye on your wife too. On second thought just make sure you have a good divorce attorney lined up."

"But I'll still be rich and famous right?"

"Oh everyone will know you all right," Gypsy Rogue groaned. "NEXT!"

"AL!" Todd whined as Althea breezed in after Pietro.

"Oh hold your horses honey!" Althea shouted before she sat down. "Okay let 'er rip."

"Great power, destruction, chaos, insanity…" Gypsy Rogue read.

"Yeah yeah, I got that," Althea waved. "I'm Shipwreck's kid remember? Comes with the territory. But I get to marry Todd right? He ain't gonna run off on me is he?"

"Honey let's just say you were made for him and leave it at that," Gypsy Rogue sighed. "NEXT!"

"That was quick," Wanda said as she walked in and a very happy Althea skipped out. "She asked about Toad didn't she?"

"You didn't need to be a psychic to see that," Gypsy Rogue groaned. "Come on let's get this over with."

"Well okay," Wanda showed Gypsy Rogue her palm. "What do you see?"

"Chaos, insanity, mayhem…" She replied.

"Besides that."

"Okay here's some advice and I want you to listen to it," Gypsy Rogue told her. "Never marry an android!"

"O-kay," Wanda blinked.

"I mean it. Don't marry one."

"Okay, I think I can handle that," Wanda said cautiously.

"There's more," Gypsy Rogue held up her hands. "Your mutant gift to alter probabilities is very powerful! I mean really powerful! So keep this in mind! Don't use them to create other dimensions where mutants are in charge. Don't use them to create fake kids! Don't use your powers to destroy your friend's homes! Okay the Institute I can understand. It will get blown up six or seven times anyway that's a given. But most importantly of all when using your hex powers, never, and I mean never, ever, ever under any circumstances say no more mutants! You got that?"

"Okay," Wanda was confused. "Let me see if I get this straight, don't marry an android, don't blow up friend's homes, don't create alternate dimensions or fake kids and never say no more mutants. Is that all?"

"You want me to write it down for you?"

"No, I think I've got it," Wanda said. "Is that all?"

"Yeah you're going to spend a lot of time in therapy but believe me it will help," Gypsy Rogue sighed.

"With friends and family like mine that's also a given," Wanda got up.

"Oh by the way," Gypsy Rogue called out. "In this reality you're the star dancer while your brother cleans up after the animals. Just thought you'd know. Thought it would make you feel better."

"Thanks! You know I do feel better already!" Wanda grinned and left the tent.

"Boy that was a close call," Gypsy Rogue whistled. "NEXT!"

"All right I gotta go next!" Kitty phased into the tent.

"You wanna know about who you should end up with," Gypsy Rogue rolled her eyes. "Great! This again…Your counterpart used to ask me the same stupid thing every other week!"

"Well do me a favor and don't give me any crappy line about following my heart or anything like that," Kitty said.

"Do I look like Oprah Winfrey to you?" Gypsy Rogue snapped. "Give me your hand."

"So like what should I do?" Kitty said. "I need help."

"That's pretty obvious. I know a few good psychiatrists…"

"I'm serious! What do I do?"

"Peter," Gypsy Rogue said. "Keep Peter, dump Lance. That helpful enough for you?"

"Why do people always say that?" Kitty shouted. "Just because Lance has problems…"

"And one of them is you!" Gypsy Rogue snapped. "Hate to tell you this girl, no wait I'm actually going to enjoy telling you this but Lance would be a lot better off without you."

"What?" Kitty shouted.

"Time to face reality Kitty, what are you really doing with Lance when you clearly moved on to Peter?" Gypsy Rogue asked. "The truth is the only reasons you were attracted to Lance were his looks and his rebel attitude. You don't really love him the way he loves you. And that's not right."

"Are you saying I'm shallow?"

"Bingo!"

"I am not shallow!"

"Please, you could stand up straight in a ditch and still your nose wouldn't poke out of it," Gypsy Rogue waved.

"I didn't come here to be insulted!" Kitty stood up and walked out.

"Really, where do you usually go?" Gypsy Rogue asked. "NEXT!"

"My turn," Lance walked in.

"Oh boy," Gypsy Rogue moaned. "Lance you're in for a bit of a rough time."

"But you haven't even looked at my palm yet."

"That's how bad it is," Gypsy Rogue said.

"Kitty's gonna dump me isn't she?" Lance groaned as he sat down.

"Well if it's that obvious why do you wanna stay with her?" She asked.

"Because I'm stupid and I'm in love with her," Lance told her. "Not necessarily in that order…"

"No, that sounds about right," Gypsy Rogue said.

"I'm not that stupid you know?" Lance said. "I know she loves him. I know she's fallen for him but as long as there's a chance…As long as there's a small part of her that still loves me. I gotta keep trying. That's why I've kind of been faking it a little."

"Faking it?"

"Pretending to eat her stuff and get sick," Lance said. "So she'd feel guilty and not break up with me. Then of course I'd feel guilty about making her guilty so I'd actually eat her food and then get sick…Oh god I am sick. I need help."

"Give me your hand," Gypsy Rogue sighed and looked at it. "You've got one shot left."

"Really? I do?" Lance asked hopefully.

"Shut up and listen," Gypsy Rogue told him. "This journey you are on was no accident. You are going to see things in different lights and learn about each other. Observe what you see carefully and learn. If you both learn enough, maybe…I'm saying maybe you two will remain together."

"And if we don't?" Lance asked.

"That's it," Gypsy Rogue shrugged. "But if you make you feel better the next five relationships you'll have if you do break up with Kitty you'll get lucky."

"I don't care!" Lance told her. "I'll do whatever it takes to win Kitty's heart! I am committed to this relationship and…When you say lucky do you mean what I think you mean?"

"Yup."

"Really? Five?" Lance blinked. "That many?"

"Well there's technically six but you'll only get to sleep with five of them," Gypsy Rogue shrugged.

"Well still five out of six, those are great odds," Lance thought. "No, no! I'm going to win Kitty back! I just know it!" He stood up. "I'm going to do it! I will win her back!"

He got halfway out of the tent before he stopped and turned around. "These other women, just in case the worst does happen…Over how long a time period will go by before I meet them all? What five years? Two years? Can you give me a ballpark figure here?"

"I thought you had trouble with sex due to your childhood?" Gypsy Rogue asked.

"I've been doing a lot of therapy for that. Not to mention sleeping with Willow helped. But if these five women you say I'm going to be with are...you know, nice and affectionate...and loving...and not into bondage I think I could deal with it. You wouldn't happen to know what they look like do you?"

"Will you just get out of here?" Gypsy Rogue pointed to the exit.

"Don't get me wrong I want Kitty but according to you no matter what happens I make out pretty good," Lance said. "I mean it's a win-win situation right?"

"NEXT!" Gypsy Rogue shouted.

"Okay! You gotta read my palm next!" Todd hopped in.

"Fine! Here, let me see!" Gypsy Rogue sighed and took a look. Immediately she went pale.

"So whadda see?" Todd asked. "Good stuff right?"

"Oh yeah…" Gypsy Rogue gulped. "Lots of good stuff. You'll…You'll become more powerful. Real powerful."

"Really?"

"Yeah, uh you guys are going to leave this dimension pretty soon right?" She asked. "I mean right after this you're gonna go?"

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded excitedly. "So I'm gonna be an all powerful ninja right?"

"Yeah, that sounds pretty good," Gypsy Rogue gulped. "Why don't you go and send in the next person okay?"

"Okay! Thanks for the reading Nice Rogue!" Todd happily hopped away.

"Oh man thank God they're not staying in this dimension," Gypsy Rogue moaned. "NEXT!"

"Okay…" Jean walked in.

"Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire…" Gypsy Rogue moaned.

"This is about the Phoenix Force isn't it?" Jean sighed.

"Among other things," Gypsy Rogue sighed.

"Okay I don't really want to know the future, how about just some advice?" Jean asked.

"I can do that," She nodded. "Make sure that lying whore Emma Frost stays as far away from your man as possible!"

"You gotta be kidding me," Jean was flabbergasted. "I am possessed by a supernatural force that could possibly overtake me and make me destroy everyone I care about. And all you can talk about is somebody trying to steal Scott away from me?"

"Pretty much yeah," Rogue shrugged her shoulders.

"This was a waste of time," Jean grumbled as she stood up. "Scott and Emma Frost. Like that will ever happen in any lifetime!"

"Can't say I didn't warn her," Rogue sighed. "NEXT!"

"Why is Jean so upset?" Scott asked as he walked in.

"You're gonna be asking that question a lot," Gypsy Rogue snickered.

"I know, I know…" Scott sighed as he showed her his palm.

"Oh man this is worst one of all!" Gypsy Rogue said. "I mean I've seen some bad futures before but you! Whoo! Talk about bad luck!"

"Yeah I gathered that," Scott's face was grim.

"I mean talk about bad! Nothing but chaos, destruction, death, insanity, more destruction, more insanity, a little more death…"

"Wonderful," Scott said in a deadpan voice.

"I mean what did you do? Break a couple hundred mirrors while walking under a ladder in a room full of black cats?"

"Yeah I get the picture here…"

"And your family? Whooo! Man I thought Nightcrawler's was complicated! This makes his family look like the Waltons! Lots of screwed up family issues there!"

"That's just great," Scott drawled sarcastically. "Look…"

"Man nothing but doom, disaster and trouble for you."

"Okay I…"

"This palm here is like the Jackpot of Doom! Do you know there are gypsies out there that tell legends of palms like this? I never thought I'd see one this bad in my lifetime!"

"All right you don't have to rub it in," Scott snapped.

"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Doom-dah! Doom-dah!" Gypsy Rogue sang. "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom Oh the Doom-day Day!"

"Very funny! Now listen..."

"Gonna be doom all night! Gonna be doom all day..."

"ENOUGH! I GET THE MESSAGE!" Scott shouted.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," Gypsy Rogue shrugged. "Sometimes I get a little slap happy being stuck in a tent reading idiots' fortunes all day."

"Wonderful, is there anything good in my life? Anything helpful?" Scott asked sarcastically. "Or is that too much to ask for me?"

"No, there are some good things," Gypsy Rogue told him. "You'll have some nice family surprises this year. If you look at it one way…Uh you and Jean might get married. That is if the Phoenix Force doesn't make her crazy and blow your world up to kingdom come along with a few other of her little friends…"

"Other friends?"

"Let's just say things are going to get interesting in your world," Gypsy Rogue said as she stood up.

"And it was such a nice quiet place too," Scott grumbled. "Thanks a lot for the free readings!"

"Well it's the least I can do," Gypsy Rogue started to pack. "Since you guys close the circus down and I can run off with my boyfriend Logan to start that restaurant in LA."

"What do you mean close down the circus?" Scott asked.

"Oh you know, when the Toad decides to go play with some animal friends and accidentally lets all the elephants loose," Gypsy Rogue said. "And at the same time Jean sees Emma Frost as an animal tamer cozying up to our Cyclops the clown and throws the both of them halfway across the field. Of course when she does that his glasses will come loose and his optic beams will set fire to the tent."

"What?" Scott blinked.

"By then of course everyone is already panicking due to the earthquake Lance has caused," Gypsy Rogue kept packing. "Mostly out of a jealous rage when he sees Kitty drooling over Colossus the Strong Man. That earthquake will bring down and knock out half of the concession stands. That includes the donut fry which will set fire to the other half of the concession stands."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh yeah," Rogue said. "No one is going to die but needless to say with all the animals escaping, and all the equipment destroyed…Well…You can see where I'm going with this."

"Come Rogue that can't…" Scott began.

RARRRRR! An elephant roar could be heard.

BOOM!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

ZAP!

FOOM!

RRRRRRUMMMMBLE!

BOOM!

FOOM!

"FIRE!"

"What am I saying?" Scott put his face in his hands. "Of course it could happen!"

"It did happen. I'd run out there if I were you," Gypsy Rogue said. "Nice meeting you. Hope you life doesn't turn out to be a huge failure."

"Thanks a lot!" Scott groaned as he ran out to see the chaos she described happening.

"FIRE! FIRE! WATCH OUT FOR THE ELEPHANTS! WATCH OUT FOR THE GIRAFFES! WATCH OUT FOR THE TIGERS! YEOW!" People screamed as they ran for their lives.

"Is this going to be a running gag?" Scott groaned. "No matter where we go we wreck something?"

"If you're just noticing this now, Summers…" Lance gave him a look. "I mean where hell have you been these past five years?"

"Five?" Todd asked. "I thought it was six?"

"Six? That can't be right," Lance thought. "Is it?"

"I'm shocked that it's more than five," Kurt admitted. "It can't be more than five can it?"

"It seems like forever to me," Scott groaned.

"Well let's see," Pietro thought. "We all first met up in the fall of …"

"WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP AND RUN?" Kitty yelled. The Misfits and X-Men took off for the hills and safety so they could transport in time, since the thirty minutes weren't up yet.

Outside the tent Wolverine was there on his Harley and a sidecar. "It happened just like you said. Ready to go Darlin'?"

"You bet! We're off to LA, Logan," Gypsy Rogue put on some sunglasses. "But first, let's hit Vegas baby!"

Meanwhile the mutants managed to escape far enough and were able to use the IM NUTS device. The next thing they knew they were sitting in some seats in an auditorium. "Hey! This was a good landing!" Todd commented. "I think we're getting the hang of this stuff."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Kurt moaned. "Because I really don't want to get used to going from one crazy dimension to the next."

"Well this reality couldn't be any weirder than the reality we left," Scott grumbled.

Suddenly the lights went out. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" They heard Professor X's voice. "WELCOME TO THE X-MEN SHOW! THE GREATEST STAGE ON EARTH!"

"WHAT?" Jean yelled.

The stage lit up and all the X-Men were there in gold costumes that reminded the gang of the opening credits of Family Guy. "ONE! Singular mutation! DNA is all it takes! ONE! Thrilling evolution! Causes fires, floods and earthquakes!"

"Okay I guess it could get weirder," Scott blinked. "We gotta get out of here!"

"What and miss the floor show?" Todd asked.