Hi everybody! Woohoo! My first Harry Potter fic! I'm sorry to say that I thouhgt this up after several nights of sleep deprevation...Anyways, I have much more serious HP stories that I wanted posted first, but I got this one done in like an hour, so oh well. Ok, this story has some very heavy innuendos, but no slash or anything and very light language. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All the characters, settings, and other cool stuff is not mine, it's J.K. Rowlings. If I was making money off this, trust me I would write a lot faster.

Closet Case

"Why did you drag me in here?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I mean you literally dragged me into this damn closet, and I want to know why."

"Ummm…."

"Did you finally come to your senses?'

"What?"

"Did you finally realize that I'm the bloke for you and decided to drag me here and shag me senseless?"

"What! No! I'm not gay!"

"You're about as straight as a circle."

"How do you figure…"

"The only male in this school who has shagged less girls than you is Longbottom. Or maybe Snape."

"So what! I've been waiting for the right girl!"

A snort.

"Fine, how many girls have you shagged?"

"A fair few, but I swing both ways."

"Ok, say I was gay--which I'm not!--hypothetically, why would I choose you?"

"Hello! Have you seen me? I'm bloody drop dead gorgeous!"

"…you have such a small ego."

"Yes, well I assure you that's the only thing that's small."

"…"

"You know what? I think you do like being in here. You're very happy to see me."

"Don't touch my broomstick."

"But you have such a nice piece of wood."

"…really?"

"Yeah."

"I polished it extra hard this morning."

"Did you now?"

"Yeah. I haven't had a chance since school started. Been busy with homework and stuff."

"I see. That's too bad, it should be taken care of regularly."

"Yes, well, when you're busy…"

"I could polish it for you from time to time."

"No, I'd rather do it myself. I don't really like other people touching it."

"I'm sure that's just girls. If you'd let me polish it…"

"No, that's okay, but, um, thanks for the offer."

A sigh, followed by, "Alright, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Rather abrupt change of topic…"

"The other one wasn't getting me anywhere."

"Right. Well, I just—wait, someone's coming! Malfoy, get your hand off my broomstick!"

"Alright, fine!"

The clank of keys, the sound of one being jiggled in the lock, and finally a voice muttering, "Odd. It's unlocked…" The door swung open and Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were left blinking owlishly at Argus Filch.

"Ah, Mr. Filch—" Harry started, but Draco interrupted him.

"I was just admiring Harry's broomstick," he said.

"Er, right," said Filch, "Dinner just started, so get out of here before a teacher comes looking." The two boys nodded and quickly exited the closet. Filch watched them hurry down the hall before grabbing the Goo-B-Gone he had originally come to the closet for and locking the door firmly. As he walked away, he muttered, "Why do they always do the dirty things in the cleaning closets?"

Phwee! So, there you go, random piece of wierdness from my sleep-deprived mind! I hope you liked it! Please review!

Dibs