Living In The Shadows Chapter 4: The Carnival, a kingdom hearts fanfic

A/N: OMGSH! I'm so sorry guys! I didn't realize that it took me 2 months to update this story! Most of you know, the longest is a month and that's only if it's serious... man... well, since I finished KH2, ideas filled my head for all my stories ('cept my double stories, a.k.a. The Real Me and Hopeless Romantics, sry!) Now I'm over my writers block for a while! I'd like to thank all of you for reading and reviewing so far!

Chapter 4- The Carnival

I headed to school with a smile on my face. The day seemed a lot brighter than the past few days. My lucky charm was clenched in my hand that was inside my pocket. Last night was something I wasn't expecting. I knew that Sora and I probably wouldn't get back together, but it was still something special. Maybe our best friend relationship could rekindle.

"Hey Kairi." Selphie smiled as I met up with her in front of the school. She tilted her head slightly as I walked up to her. "You seem happy."

"Yep." I grinned.

"What happened!" She asked excitedly. I laughed.

"Sora and I just had quality time last night. He returned my lucky charm." I held out my star.

"Aw! It's a good thing he's being a gentleman, or else there would have to be some butt whooping." Selphie caused me to laugh some more. She hugged me. "I'm glad to see you in a good mood."

"It's good to be happy." I replied. The two of us walked through the doorway and we headed inside our school. People were talking cheerfully all around me. Was it always like this, or was I too swallowed up in my own self pity to notice?

"Is that Kairi?" I heard a female voice say down one of the hallways. Selphie and I stopped in our tracks to see who it was. Standing there with her arms crossed was a girl I knew back from middle school. She had blonde dyed light brown, layered hair that went just barely below her shoulders. Her gray green eyes were looking straight at me, with a smirk planted across her flawless face.

"Brien." I said quietly. Brien was a cheerleader wanna-be who had the attention span of a fish. She was conceded, she was superficial and mean. Her friends stood behind her as always. Danielle was slightly taller then Brien. She had straight blonde, dark brown, light brown and a red-brown mix of long hair that went to her mid-back. Her eyes were a cold green color. She was full of hate towards anyone who wasn't her definition of 'cool'. I always hated Danielle because she made fun of people because they were either over weight, had glasses, braces, dressed differently, had a certain not that common religion or not to her standards that were considered popular.

Next to Danielle was Amanda (A/N: the not Amanda from Dear Diary 2 for those of you who read that story). Amanda was about Danielle's height. She had blonde curly hair that went just below her shoulders, but always had up and blue eyes. She dressed just like the rest of the group, tight shirts, tight hip-huggers, flip-flops and had purses instead of backpacks.

To the other side of Brien was Kristen, the actual cheerleader of the group. Kristen was the shorter one of them but made up for it in personality. She had shoulder length layered blonde hair on top and black hair underneath. Compared to the rest of the group, she was defiantly the nicest, but not by too much. She at least tries to get to know someone before judging them by the way they look. (A/N: These four girls are girls I really do know from school. Except Danielle and Amanda don't hang out with Brien and Kristen, and I really didn't know Brin and Amanda in middle school, I only knew Danielle and Kristen, but weren't friends with them).

"What do you want?" Selphie asked harshly.

"Just wanted to see what was crackin." Brin walked closer to us. I just stood there. Brit was nice to me up until she found out I was dating the boy of her dreams. She would always flirt with Riku in middle school and it was sickening.

"So are you still going out with Riku?" Danielle asked glaring at me. Oh how much I hated her. (A/N: I really do!)

"Yes." I answered.

"Why would he want to go out with someone like you?" Amanda asked in a snobby way. I simply shrugged.

"Because they were best friends since forever. That makes a difference. They like each other for themselves and not what others see in them." Selphie said. She hated them just as much as I did.

"Whatever." Brien rolled her eyes. "I seriously don't know how Riku could be dating someone like you. You're not his type at all."

"That's not true." I replied just as quietly as I had been speaking before.

"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow. "Then what makes you think he likes you, I mean really like you?"

"Because he's my best friend..." I really didn't know to answer that question. My heart was quickening it's pace up.

"Ooh, that's a great reason." Danielle mocked me, just as she did everyone else. I swallowed.

"Riku is an athlete. Athletes go for cheerleaders, like me." Brien did a girly little laugh as she pointed to herself.

"You mean want to be?" I whispered. She looked at me with a small glare.

"I mean, what's not to like about me? I'm pretty, smart, hott, funny, great to be around and everything a guy would die to have."

"Conceded much?" Selphie asked under her breath.

"Psh, no one asked you." Brien replied to Selph. She looked back at me. "Look Kairi, I think you should break up with Riku."

"Why?" I asked, slightly shaking. I didn't like getting ganged up like this, yet I couldn't stand up for myself, it just wasn't in me.

"Because look at you!" Danielle said. "You have short boy like hair-."

"It's about Brien's length! That's not short!" Selphie glared. I felt my hair that was about to my shoulders and listened to what else had to be said.

"Why don't you shut it Tilmitt." Amanda spoke up again. Selphie only glared more.

"As I was saying, your hair is short, you wear no make-up to hide that hideous face of yours, you wear baggy clothes like the guys, your not girly enough to be dating someone like Riku." Danielle finished off. It all hurt. I didn't want to show them that they were starting to tear me up though. (A/N: she really does say stuff like this to people, it's horrible)

"Just break up with him, let someone who deserves to him, have him." Amanda said crossing her arms. I could feel the tears slowly appearing around the rim of my eyes. I saw a smirk grow on Brien's face.

"Aw, is Kairi gonna cry?" Brien said tauntingly. I slowly shook my head in response. I couldn't let them see me cry. I'd only get mocked more. Suddenly Brien stood up straight and put on an innocent smile. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders. I looked up to see who it was.

"What's going on here?" Riku asked casually, completely unaware of what was going on.

"They were making fun of Kairi." Selphie answered. Danielle and Amanda glared at her but Brien walked closer.

"We were not, we were just having a friendly conversation with your girlfriend." Brien pulled me away from Riku and hugged me as if the whole talk just a minute ago never existed. I took a deep breath, smelling her expensive perfume which I wanted to gag on. She let me go and smiled at me. The bell rang.

"We better go. We'll see you later." Kristen finally spoke. The other three girls started to walk away.

"Bye Riku." Brien waved with a flirtatious smile. They disappeared around the corner. Kristen put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a faint smile before walking away too.

"What was that about?" Riku asked. I looked at Selphie, who was looking at me.

"I already told you." Selphie said. "They were picking on Kairi."

"Is this true?" He looked at me. I looked from Selphie to Riku. Do I tell the truth and get my ass kicked in the long run or let it haunt me once more? I opened my mouth to speak but the bell rang. I just nodded. He gave a disappointed look. "I didn't think Brien was that kind of person. She always seemed too sweet."

"Then obviously you don't know her too well." Selphie crossed her arms and we headed to class. We walked into our History class where other students were busy talking about their own lives. Once the late bell rang, announcements started.

"Welcome to another glorious morning here at Blue Cove High!" The announcer chimed happily. "There will be a football game on the..." I started to space out. I could really care less about the football game. Yeah, Riku was in it and all, but I knew he'd end up talking about it so I would know when to attend the game.

"So. Bored." Selphie yawned causing me to laugh. She smiled at me. I decided to listen back to the announcements once more.

"Now doesn't lunch sound good today? Mhm. Last but not least, there will be a fair this weekend at city park. Cost is $2 which defiantly not bad! Hope to see you all there!" He ended the morning announcements.

"Hey Kai." Riku said. I looked at him.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Would you want to come to the fair with me?" He asked. I smiled.

"I'd love too." I said. He smiled back at me.

"We're all going!" Selphie grinned. We laughed at her.

"Maybe there will be some hott chicks there!" Tidus smirked. Selphie glared at him, making me laugh even more.

"Wow, you seem happy." Riku said. I just nodded.

"Her and Sora made up." Selph brought up.

"Well not officially. Just kind of pushed it aside." I corrected her.

"Okay class! Time for some education!" Our teacher clapped his hands together. We all groaned as we had to get our history books out to take notes. The day dragged on as normal.

The end of the week had finally come around. With it being the weekend, that only meant that the carnival was here. It was Saturday afternoon. Selphie was over and we were getting ready.

"So, are you excited?" Selphie asked.

"I guess." I just shrugged.

"Are you going to go on any rides with Sora?"

"Why would I go on rides with Sora if he'll be with Namine?" I raised an eyebrow at her. She giggled. "Selphie, you worry me."

"Aw, come on Kairi! Tonight is going to be fun!" Selph cheered. I just shook my head and laughed as we got ready. At 8, Selphie and I hopped into my mom's car and we drove to the fair grounds. Everyone was waiting for us at the gates.

"You guys take forever to get here!" Tidus sighed. Selphie hit his arm.

"You told us 8!" Selphie protested. Everyone laughed.

"We just got here too." Riku told us. Selphie stuck her tongue out at Tidus. I smiled at how weird these two were. We headed into the carnival. Mostly teenagers were running around. There were loads of food stands filled with cotton candy, hotdogs, fries, hamburgers, chicken fingers, candy, and varieties of drinks. There were games where you could win posters, small bears, to medium sized stuffed animals to large, bigger then a five year old, stuffed animals. Lines were filled to go on spinning rides, merry-go-rounds, twisting rides, bumpy rides, scary rides, cheesy rides and everything you can imagine.

"This is so exciting." Namine clung to Sora with a grin on her face. Sora smiled at her.

"How about let's go on the mini-roller coaster first." Riku suggested. We agreed and headed over to the line.

"So who's riding with who?" Wakka asked.

"Well, we have an odd number of people..." Sora said looking at all of us.

"Are any of you going alone?" A girl with long black hair pulled into a pony tail, in front of us asked.

"One of us is going to have to." Riku said.

"I'll go with you." Wakka told the girl. She smiled at him as he walked in front.

"My name's Lulu." She told us. (A/N: It's no fun when you're alone at a carnival, so I decided to bring Lulu into the picture).

"I'm Wakka. These are my friends, Sora, Namine, Riku, Kairi, Selphie and Tidus." Wakka introduced us. We all exchanged hellos. Finally we were getting closer to the entrance.

"Oh, Riku!" Some girl called out. We all turned to see four girls walking through the people behind us.

"Oh great..." I heard Selphie say. I couldn't agree more.

"Hey Brien." Riku said. She lightly ran her fingers down his strong muscular arm and smiled innocently at him. I shuddered.

"Hey Riku... how have you been?" Brien said flirtatiously as always when talking to Riku.

"Good, and you?"

"Great! I'm so excited that it's finally the carnival." She looked at the ride. "Would you like to go on the ride with me?" Riku looked over at me, along with everyone else.

"Would that be okay?" He asked me. I wanted to yell, 'Of course not!' but I knew I'd probably be in a mess later on with the girls.

"Yeah, sure." I said trying to sound as if nothing bothered me at all. "Uh, count me out on this ride, guys. Sitting by myself wouldn't be any fun. I'll meet up with you later." I made my way through the line as I heard my friends trying to call me back. No use for me to go back, not like I really wanted to anyway. People were all around, laughing and enjoying the evening.

I figured I'd go to the peak that over looks the area we're in; after all, it wasn't too much of a walk and I figured it'd be nice to just clear away from everything and everyone. I headed toward that back of the carnival and up the little hillside. Truthfully, I really hated walking up stairs, especially when the stairs were uneven and small ones to get to the top of a high place. I was still able to hear the music playing, even with the hill blocking most of the uproar on the other side.

When you're standing on the edge of nowhere
There's only one way up
So your heart's got to go there
Through the darkest night
See the light shine bright
When hero's fall, in love or war
They live forever

Finally I reached the top of the hill. It was flattened out and had a railing around the edge so no one dumb enough would fall. A few benches were scattered here and there. Just a few couples were enjoying the site of the carnival below. I walked toward the railing that over looked everyone having the time of their lives. I placed my hands on the wood posts. (A/N: anyone who's played KH2, remember as you played as Roxas and you went to Sunset Hill on the 5th day... that's what the area looks like where Kairi's at).

This is a song - for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared I'll
Be by your side
And this is a song - for the lonely
When your dreams won't come true
Can you hear this prayer
'Coz someone's there for you

"Bored..." I sighed to no one in particular. What was wrong with the world? Actually, what's wrong with me? I'm up here, by myself, watching everyone having fun. I should be enjoying time with Riku, my 'boyfriend'. Why am I dating him? Are we really much of a couple? At least, are we anymore?

We'll love don't need a reason
She can pick you up
Or leave you bleeding
I've seen a strong man cry
I know the reason why
We all forgive, we all forget
We just keep believing

Where are my real feelings? They've all disappeared into thin air, probably never to be seen again. I should have stood up to Brien and the others. However, I'm not like that anymore. I need to be me again.

'Kairi I want you to stay strong. Don't let people get to you. It's only the beginning.' Oh how right my dad was. It is only the beginning and I'm already getting pushed aside. I don't need to take this... I don't have to take this.

So let it find you
Wherever you may go
I'm right beside you
You don't have to look no more
You don't have to look no more, oh no

Is there really anyone out there for me? Maybe I'm not meant to fit in anymore... wait! I can't think like this! I need to go back to being me, Kairi Hikari!

How to be me again though, that'll be a task that will take a while. I'm sure Selphie, Wakka and Tidus will be willing to help me. What about my situation between Riku and Sora though? Should I break up with Riku and see if possibly Sora and I could get back together? No, that'd be wrong because I'd be getting in the way of Sora and Namine's relationship. I could try being my old self and see if anything between Riku and me change.

It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright

This is a song
A song for the lonely
And that's not you only
Through the darkest night
You're gonna see the light

The more I think about this, the more angry I get at myself. How did I manage to get this way! It's so irritating. I could just kick myself. I let out an aggravated sigh.

Love don't need a reason
Just to leave you bleeding

Can you hear this prayer
Someone's there

This is a song - for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared
I'll be by your side
And this is a song
for the lonely

"Kairi?" Someone said from behind me, causing me to turn around and face the person. Sora was standing there with his hands in his pockets and his head slightly tilted to the side.

"Sora. What are you doing up here?" I asked curiously as he walked up next to me and leaned against the railing of the fence too.

"Just checking up on you, that's all." He said, looking out at the crowd.

"Shouldn't you be with everyone else?"

"Shouldn't you?" Sora did have a good point. I shouldn't have exactly walked off, but it was a nice stress reliever.

"Yeah, but..."

"Riku really shouldn't have gone on that ride with that Brien chick. He did come here with you after all." He looked at me. Blue meeting blue.

"Well, shouldn't you be with Namine. After all, you did come here with her." I said using his same excuse.

"After Brien and Riku got on the ride, everyone went to go look for you. Her friends tired to stop us, but that obviously didn't work."

"Figured that." I laughed slightly causing him to smile at me.

"Good to hear you laugh Kai." He said. I smiled, nodding once. "Maybe we should go down and meet up with everyone now."

"Good idea." I agreed. Sora and I walked down the small steps back toward the carnival. It was much easier going down then coming up. We eventually found everyone, getting ready to go on the Ferris Wheel.

"There you are!" Selphie waved happily as we met up with everyone in line.

"I'm sorry for the whole going on the ride with Brien thing." Riku said to me.

"Uh, that's all right." Wait, I need to stand up! "Actually, no it wasn't. I don't think it was that fair to me. I was left out."

"I know. That's why from now on, we'll ride together on every ride. How about that?" He said. I crossed my arms and thought for a second.

"Actually..." I looked at the Ferris Wheel. "How about for this ride, we go with someone who we normally wouldn't go with? That's my opinion."

"Sounds good to me." Sora said. He looked at me. "Want to go with me?"

"Sure." I smiled.

"Namine?" Riku said holding up his bent arm for her to attach herself onto. She put her arm through his.

"Okay." Namine grinned. Selphie, Tidus, Wakka and Lulu looked at each other.

"I'm not going with Wakka! That'll make me look gay!" Tidus exclaimed causing us to laugh.

"Hey, there isn't anything wrong with gay people, Tidus." Selphie laughed. "Don't be judging them."

"I'm not judging them! I know there isn't anything wrong with them, but still! I refuse to go with Wakka!"

"What are you trying to say? I smell or something?" Wakka glared at the blonde.

"Did you not just hear what I had to say?"

"Okay, to settle this. I'll go with you Tidus." Lulu said.

"That makes it you and I, Wakka." Selphie said. They all agreed and we started to load onto the wheel, one couple at a time. Sora and I went on first.

"It's really nice out." Sora said as Riku and Namine got on the next seat. I held onto the bar in front of us to keep my balance as we swung back and forth.

"Yeah it is." I gazed at the darkened, starry sky. Something completely random came to mind, but I was so curious to hear it from Sora. I never used to let anything slide in my mind if I wanted to know something, so this would help me open up again. "Sora?"

"Yeah?" He asked looking at Tidus and Lulu getting on next as we gradually got higher.

"Do you really love Namine?" I asked quietly so not to get Riku and Namine interested, after all, they were not too far away from us. Sora looked over at me with a confused expression.

"Yeah, I do." Sora looked down at the now far away ground. "Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I was just curious..." I said quietly. Now I felt dumb for asking.

"She seems kind of distant now though. Yeah, we still hang out a lot, but it's nothing like it was back in middle school." I wasn't expecting Sora to add anything, but it was kind of interesting to hear.

"What do you mean?"

"She seems to be always busy. In a way it feels like she's cheating on me. I don't want to jump to conclusions though." Sora looked straight ahead now. "I don't want to be too over protective of her either."

"Why don't you talk to her?"

"Wouldn't that sound kind of weird to randomly call her up and ask 'Hey Nam, is there something wrong, I mean you've been getting off the phone earlier and canceling some of our dates. Is there something I should know?'"

"No, it doesn't sound random. As long as you call at the right time, like after something happened; such as canceling a date or something, talk about it." I told him.

"You know what, you're right Kairi. Thanks. Ha, I guess you're kind of like my voice of reason or something." Sora smiled.

"That's what friends are for." I replied, smiling back. Soon our ride came to an end. Our group went on many more rides and played many of the games they had. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Brien and the others weren't seen after the beginning. That was a good thing though. After the night ended, our parents picked us up. On the car ride home, I decided to ask Selphie something.

"Selphie..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could help me be me again?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be the old me. I need to be the old me. Do you think you can help me? I know I'll need the support during the rough road to recovery." I admitted. I saw a grin grow on Selphie's face.

"Kairi, I'd love to help you out." Selphie said.

"Thanks." I grinned. I looked at the rearview mirror. My mom was smiling at me. I knew she was proud to hear me say that.

A/N: So how was that so far? Gosh, I really do hate Brien... she's so mean to my friend in my Jazz Dance class! Well, hum.. Anyway, I'll be updating Dear Diary 2 and Alluring Beauty early over my spring break (these next 2 weeks!). Thanks to you who've been sticking around!