This is So Not Normal
"As if getting lost wasn't bad enough, now we gotta track down Althea's insane sisters," Kitty grumbled. "And now we're stuck in some forest somewhere!"
"Well it's not my fault they decided to crash the party," Althea told her. "So to speak. At least the other Trinity in that last dimension gave us a tracker so we could follow them."
"And it explains the basic situation of every universe," Hank added. He took a look at the device. "According to this in this universe there are no such thing as mutants. Everyone is…well, normal."
"Hey we're on the grounds of the Institute," Kurt pointed. "There it is."
"I think it might be best if we remained hidden," Hank told them.
"Why?" Todd asked.
"Why? Do you really have to ask why?" Scott looked at him.
"Well yeah," Todd said.
Lance gave Scott a look. "Summers you have got to learn not to ask things like that."
"Listen in every one of these dimensions so far we've caused several fights, destroyed more than a few buildings, set some fires, outed ourselves…" Scott began. "Do you see where I'm going with this?"
"No…" Todd blinked.
"Jean, I'm getting another one of my headaches again," Scott groaned.
"Let's just sit back and watch," Jean suggested. "Stay together. I'll use my telepathic abilities to keep us hidden."
"You can do that now?" Hank was surprised.
"What can I say, I'm getting better with my powers," Jean shrugged.
"Look," Kitty pointed as the Institute doors opened. "Someone's coming."
"No problems," Jean focused. "Now they won't see or hear us."
"Let's get a closer look," Todd said. "I wanna see this."
"Well it can't be too weird if we're all humans," Kitty admitted. "How bad could it be?"
Out of the doors burst Rogue. She was wearing a red and white Bayville High cheerleader uniform, carrying pom poms and a large book bag. "All right! What a great day for cheering!" She said cheerfully.
"Rogue is a cheerleader?" Lance's jaw dropped.
"No freaking way!" Kitty gasped. "I can't believe it!"
"Oh boy! Oh boy! Today is our Gun Club Meet!" Cheerleader Rogue pulled out a large bazooka and fired it into the sky, setting off several colorful explosions. "GIVE ME A B! GIVE ME AN O! GIVE ME ANOTHER O! GIVE ME AN M! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"
"Okay now I can believe it," Kitty said.
"Oh great," Another Jean walked out looking very different. Her red hair was short and spiked. She was wearing large silver hoop earrings, jeans with the knees cut out, a green top and a black leather jacket. "Another day another boatload of crap."
"Come on Jean," Another Kitty walked out. She was wearing a sensible gray outfit and glasses and had short hair. "School is fun and very educational."
"Bite me loser," Biker Jean snarled.
"At least I can spell loser," Brainy Kitty sneered.
"I don't believe this," Jean blinked.
"I know," Kitty cringed. "That outfit I'm wearing is horrible! Gray with sensible shoes? Ewwwww!"
"Yeeeha!" A normal looking Evan rode out on his skateboard. "See ya later! Gonna catch some air!"
He nearly knocked over Biker Jean and Brainy Kitty. "Watch you ya little twerp!" Biker Jean raised her fist. "Before I ram that skateboard up your ass!"
"Well at least Daniels hasn't changed from our reality," Pietro remarked.
"Hey sexy ladies," A normal looking Kurt came out. He was wearing an open white shirt with a chain on his neck and 70's style tan pants and boots. "How about later we get our grove on?"
"Not in this or any lifetime," Brainy Kitty glared at him.
"It's like all the losers escaped from the Loser Asylum," Biker Jean groaned.
"Oh man I look like Fez from that show; you know the one that takes place in the Seventies?" Kurt groaned.
"You mean That Seventies Show?" Todd asked.
"Yeah that's the one," Kurt nodded. "What's its name again?"
"And people call me dumb," Todd groaned.
"Well that's something I thought I'd never see," Kitty blinked. "An instance where Toad is smarter than Kurt."
"That's also something I'd never thought I'd see," Jean pointed.
"Come on darling, you don't want to be late for work at the office," A very well dressed human looking Raven Darkholme walked out. On her arm in a very expensive suit was Sabertooth. He didn't look as feral and he had shorter hair that was well trimmed though he kept his mutton chops. "As the president of the company you have an image to maintain. Even if you have to work day and night to keep our family wealthy."
"Anything to get away from you…" Corporate Creed grumbled. "I can't wait for my first heart attack."
"Mother! Mother wait for me!" A teenage Graydon Creed ran after her. He was wearing thick rimmed black glasses, a gray suit and tie and carrying a purple lunch box.
"Graydon! Don't run so fast! You might hyperventilate and pass out," Raven warned him. "Then you'll hit your head like last time and go to the hospital and we don't want that do we?"
"No Mother," Graydon said obediently.
"Graydon Creed, Mama's boy," Lance snickered. "This is just too good to stop watching."
A strangely familiar handsome blond teenager in a Bayville High letterman jacket walked out surrounded by Jubilee, Tabitha, Amara, a human looking Lina and Angelica. They were giggling and laughing with him. "Man who's that guy?" Pietro whistled. "He's almost as big as stud as I am."
"Hi Freddy," Brainy Kitty sighed happily. "Remember we have that tutoring session later on today!"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world babe! Come on ladies, let's go to school!" Slim Fred grinned.
"FREDDY?" Kitty's jaw dropped. "THAT'S BLOB?"
"No powers remember?" Lance reminded her. "So no Fat Freddy."
"Wow," Jean was stunned. "I mean wow."
"Guess you wouldn't mind getting kidnapped by that Fred huh?" Wanda smirked.
"Yeah I mean…" Jean covered.
"Thanks a lot Jean!" Scott snapped.
"Looks like you have other tastes in this reality," Althea pointed.
A biker on a motorcycle drove up. Biker Jean ran over to the driver. He took off his helmet. It was Todd only he had less froglike features. "Hey Hot Stuff! Let's ride!"
"You got it baby," Biker Jean gave Biker Todd a passionate kiss. "Oh you are so hot!"
"I'm smoking, doll face," Biker Todd grinned.
"Okay I am officially ill," Jean groaned.
"That makes two of us!" Althea bristled. "And what's wrong with his face? He looks so…so…horrible!"
"I think it's an improvement," Kitty said. "He doesn't look like Kermit the Frog's second cousin."
"Hello! No powers!" Todd snapped. "Which means no experiments on Toad!"
"You are such a tramp," Brainy Kitty made a face at Biker Jean.
"At least I can get a date!" Biker Jean snarled as she took off on the Harley with Biker Todd.
Just then two more figures in prep clothes skipped out. "Isn't it a wonderful day? Let's skip school and go antiquing!" A Preppy Peter grinned.
"Why not?" A short haired preppy Lance grinned back and gave Peter a quick kiss.
"Now I am getting one of my headaches," Lance moaned. "And a big wave of nausea...accompanied by a desire to kill myself."
Xavier rolled up on his wheelchair. He looked very dapper but slightly dazed. "Oh isn't it wonderful to see all our students and family on this glorious day?"
Cain Marko walked out in a business suit. "Isn't it a little early Charles for you to be hitting the sauce?" He told his half brother.
"It's nearly midnight in Tokyo," Xavier grinned as he pulled out his flask and took a drink.
"No wonder Dad left me the estate to manage," Cain groaned. "Erik can you try to keep an eye on him today while I have a meeting with our lawyers? I think I may be able to get them to drop some of the charges against the school today."
"Sorry my friend today I have to go pick up my son," Erik Magnus walked out in a dapper gray business suit.
"Yeah we gotta drag him out of the looney bin," A well dressed Wanda with long hair and an expensive looking red dress snickered.
"Now Wanda, remember we have to be supportive when we pick up your brother from Rolling Glades today," Magnus told her. "Try not to give him a hard time about his shock therapy again."
Just then a car pulled into the driveway. Shipwreck was driving and Ororo was in the passenger seat. She was dressed in a black leather outfit and kissing him wildly. "I love sailors!" She giggled.
"Here we are babe," Shipwreck grinned. "Home safe and sound."
"See you tonight lover boy," Ororo got out, slightly tipsy and stumbled away from the car.
"Make it tomorrow," Shipwreck called out. "I gotta recharge my batteries." He pulled away.
"Okay everyone," Hank blinked as he watched Ororo's half drunk counterpart wobble back inside the mansion. "Let's not tell Storm of what we saw here. Ever!"
"I don't think that's going to be much of a problem," Scott winced.
"Yeah we all kind of enjoy breathing without using a life support system," Lance agreed. "Does anyone else hear sirens?"
Suddenly several police cars pulled up. Logan stepped out wearing a suit and a tan trench coat. "THIS IS DETECTIVE LOGAN WITH THE FBI! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR EMBEZZLEMENT, BRIBERY, AND LIGHT TREASON!"
"Oh crap!" Magnus shouted. "They must have found out about the houses we built in Iraq!"
"TAKE ME!" Sabertooth begged. "I'll tell you anything you want to know just keep me away from my wife!"
"Wow look at all the people," Drunken Xavier giggled. "And all the neat flashing lights..."
"SHRED EVERYTHING! SHRED EVERYTHING!" Raven ran around like a lunatic as the cops chased her.
"Mommy! Mommy help me!" Young Graydon was being chased by some dogs.
"EAT LEAD COPPERS!" Drunken Ororo had somehow got hold of a laser and was blasting the police cars.
"So much for the theory that we'd be normal if we weren't mutants," Wanda quipped.
"Scott I don't think anything we could have done would made this worse," Althea remarked as the chaos continued.
"Yeah it's official," Scott groaned. "We're screwed no matter what universe we end up in."
"Where are you anyway?" Todd asked.
Suddenly another car pulled up. Duncan Matthews leapt out of the car but was restrained by police officers. "Let me go!" He protested. "My boyfriend's in there!"
"DUNCAN! SWEETIE HELP ME!" Scott could be seen being dragged in handcuffs by police. He wasn't wearing sunglasses but he was wearing a black dress with matching pumps and lipstick. "GET YOU HANDS OFF OF ME YOU PIGS!"
"Scott! I'll wait for you!" Duncan cried out. "Even if we have to have a prison wedding I'll marry you!"
"THAT'S IT!" Scott grabbed the device and turned it on. "WE'RE OUT OF HERE!"
"I think out of all the dimensions this is the one place we should have set on fire," Kurt agreed as they left.