And now a fic based on the characters of L1701E! Hope you like it!
Meet More Maniacs
"Okay how did we end up in Cleveland?" Scott groaned as he looked at the surrounding city. "Could somebody explain that?"
"I told you the location of realties are all random," Hank explained as he poured some grape juice he got from a local vendor into the IM NUTS machine.
"I didn't think they'd be this random," Scott groaned. "Why did we have to end up in Cleveland of all places?"
"You better watch what you say about the Kid of Rock's hometown, Dork," A strange youth with wild shoulder length blond hair hovered above them. "Nobody and I mean nobody disses Cleveland while I'm around and gets away with it!"
"The What of What?" Pietro looked up at the figure. "Who the heck are you?"
He was wearing white tights with red and black razor designs on them, an Ozzy Ozborne T-Shirt with a white and black leather jacket, platform boots with red and black fringe and the same color wrist cuffs. His face was painted a lot like the Ultimate Warrior's with white face paint with red and black streaks. He also had on sunglasses with heart shaped frames and carried a planet shaped green and blue guitar.
"You don't know who Kid Razor is?" He snorted. "I'm insulted."
"You should be used to it," Pietro quipped. "Considering your fashion sense."
"You insulting the Kid of Rock's style Frou-Frou?" Kid Razor scoffed. "You look a lot like that loser Quicksilver, and that's not a good thing! The only good taste he has is his taste in women, like that wife of his, Rrarrrr!"
"Wait a minute…What did you say?" Pietro blinked.
"In fact a lot of you look like those X-Men," Kid Razor looked at them.
"Well some of us are," Kitty explained. "We're from another dimension."
"I can dig that," Kid Razor nodded. "You're Kitty Pryde right?"
"You do?" Kitty asked.
"Hey babe, the Kid of Rock has seen all sorts of weird stuff since he started this superhero gig," He grinned. "Of course right now I'm seeing a lot less of Shadowcat than I usually do." He indicated her chest. "Have you ever considered surgery or something because your counterpart's are a lot bigger!"
"She already stuffs," Pietro snickered.
"CAN IT QUICKSILVER!" Kitty snarled.
"Let's see that's the Beast Old Blue Fur himself," Kid Razor looked around. "The Scarlet Witch looking mighty fine…"
"Oh…" Wanda's cheeks turned pink. She didn't know why but suddenly she felt rather giddy.
"Watch it pal," Pietro felt rather protective of Wanda for a moment. "She's zapped people into walls for less!"
"She can zap me anytime," Kid Razor winked.
Wanda couldn't help but giggle. Pietro was stunned by this reaction. "Wanda what's wrong with you? You got a cold or something? It sounds like you're actually…giggling? Like you enjoy this!"
"Can't fault the lady for good taste," Kid Razor shrugged. "Oh that reminds me, you folks don't have a Jubilee with you do ya?"
"She's back in our dimension," Scott asked. "Why?"
"That's a relief," Kid Razor sighed. "Of course I could have gone without seeing a Dork Light version of Cy-clod over here!"
"WHAT?" Scott growled showing that Kid Razor was getting on his nerves.
"Now you the Kid of Rock has never seen before," Razor whistled at Althea. "Love your look babe! Kind of remind me of a dark haired punk Heather Locklear. Wanna hang out with a better version of Richie Samboa?"
"Sorry, Razor boy," Althea put her arm around Todd. "But I'm more of a Gene Simmons kind of girl myself."
"Yeah," Todd stretched out his tongue. "Wavedancer's the Toad's girl and don't you forget it!"
"Whoa, Ol' Gene would be impressed," Kid Razor whistled. Then he saw Jean. "But not as impressed as I am with you Red. You must be tired cause you've been running through my mind all night long! Oh yeah!"
"All right that's it!" Scott fumed. "Just who are you anyway?"
"Man didn't I explain all this or is your brain running on empty?" Kid Razor rolled his eyes. "Oh wait you're Cyclops so naturally…"
"Just ignore him, we all do," Wanda interrupted. "We just want to know who you are."
"Well Lady in Red I'll tell you," Kid Razor winked. "I am the one and only Rock and Roll Cavalier of Cleveland, the Hero of the Heartland, the latest and greatest of all superheroes! I am the embodiment of the power of rock and roll! I am KID ROCK!" He strummed his guitar to play a powerful solo.
"More like Kid Ego," Scott grumbled.
"He's not bad," Todd admitted.
"He's an idiot," Scott told him.
"You? A copy of the King of Dorks, calling the Kid of Rock an idiot?" Kid Razor snorted. "Don't make me take my guitar and smash you into next week!"
"I'd like to see you try," Scott snapped.
"Scott don't let him goad you," Jean sighed.
"Listen to the woman, Cyclops Lite," Kid Razor grinned. "If not I could always date her and show her a good time with a real man."
"Kill him Scott," Jean glared at him.
"This should be interesting," Pietro snickered.
"Oh really? More interesting than the time I had some fun with your future wife," Kid Razor smirked. "I've heard that Crystal chick shags like a minx!"
"All right pal!" Pietro made a fist. "Nobody hits on my future babe even if I haven't heard of 'em!"
"Please! You're as pathetic as INXS when they had to use a reality show to find a new front man," Kid Razor waved.
"This from a guy who wears more makeup than Paris Hilton?" Pietro mocked. "And worse fashion sense?"
"Oh the Kid of Rock is seriously losing what little patience he has with you clowns!"
"Have you looked in a mirror lately Bozo?" Pietro asked. "Oh wait, of course you haven't. They tend to break when you look in 'em!"
"Pietro you're picking a fight with a man for hitting on a wife you don't even have yet?" Lance looked at him.
"Lance, he just insulted Kitty too," Pietro reminded him.
"He's right," Kitty nodded. "Get 'em Lance!"
"Oh please," Kid Razor snorted. "Like you could take me on!"
"We can try!" Scott snapped.
"Hey aren't you the one who keeps saying we shouldn't start fights with the locals?" Todd pointed out.
"Forget it! This punk's going down!" Scott snapped as he blasted Kid Razor with his optic blasts.
Surprisingly Kid Razor only was knocked back a few feet. "Nice try Goggle Boy," He quipped. "Let's see how well you do!" With a strum of his guitar he sent out a multicolored beam of his own that sent Scott flying backwards right into some trash cans. "Oh yeah! Another Dork bites the dust!"
"Why don't you eat some dust?" Jean couldn't take any more of his attitude. She telekinetically tossed him into a wall. "On second thought go on a diet! You're pretty heavy!"
"That comes from a diet of Heavy Metal Babe," Kid Razor brushed himself off. "Well that and being pretty much invulnerable. Here! Chew on this!" He sent another sonic wave at her.
"All right! Now it's personal!" Scott jumped out of the trash.
"Let's get him!" Lance nodded.
"Let's not and saw we did," Todd sighed. "I'm already tired out from the last few reality fights yo."
"Fine you can sit this one out," Kurt shrugged. "I could use the exercise." He teleported over to Kid Razor and ended up on top of him.
"What you could use is some extra strength dandruff shampoo," Kid Razor mocked as he grabbed Kurt easily and tossed him aside.
"Hello!" Trinity called out as they flew down and landed next to Althea. "What's going on?"
"Oh the guys and some of the X-Men are getting into a fight," Althea explained as Kitty and Lance were tossed aside by another guitar solo . "Again."
"What's really weird is that nobody seems to mind this," Todd said noticing how calm the people passing by were.
"Oh this is nothing," Kid Razor waved. "Superhero brawls in Cleveland are as common as traffic jams. OH YEAH!" He strummed his guitar and a multicolored beam knocked down Lance again.
Althea, Todd, Hank, Wanda and Trinity watched the mayhem. "Well they can't blame us on this," Daria remarked as Scott was once again tossed into the trash.
"Oh dear," Hank sighed as the others fought. "I believe I will go into the next store and purchase some more aspirin." He went off to do so.
"Wow a fight and we're not in it," Brittany quipped. "Or didn't start it."
"It seems so wrong," Quinn said. "Not to mention a bit out of character."
"I think the others are just a little tired and cranky from all the dimension hopping. You think we should help them?" Althea asked.
"How?" Todd asked. "I mean like they guy's swatting the X-Men and Lance around like flies."
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Pietro screamed as he flew backwards and hit a hot dog stand.
"Not to mention Pietro," Todd said. "I admit that it does make me like the guy a bit. Not that I'm crazy about him hitting on you."
"Yeah hey Wanda how about…?" Althea turned and saw Wanda just standing there gazing dreamily at Kid Razor. "Wanda? Yoo hoo?" She waved her hands in front of her face. "Wanda? Hello? Are you in there?"
"He's so…dreamy," Wanda was oblivious to everything.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Todd groaned.
"Okay the Scarlet Witch is down for the count," Althea sighed. "Seeing her brain has decided to take a vacation. And Beast obviously can't handle it. So now what do we do?"
"Looks like the guy is pretty much unstoppable," Todd commented as he saw Jean and the others flying all over the place. "I mean that Power of Rock is pretty much impossible to beat."
"Power of Rock huh?" Daria thought. "Hmmmm…"
"Power of Rock..." Althea thought. "Wait a minute! That's it!"
"I think there's a way to beat him," Brittany thought. "What we need is some speakers and…"
"A computer with an internet connection," Quinn noticed the cyber café.
"For once I know exactly what you little maniacs are thinking of," Althea said. "Todd you still have that Ipod you swiped?"
"Yeah Al," Todd gave it to her. "Here it is. What do you need it for?"
"We need it to help Scott and the others stop this stupid fight once and for all," Althea told him. "And I think my sisters and I have just figured out the way to do it! Come on!" They ran into the café.
"CLEVELAND ROCKS! CLEVELAND ROCKS!" Kid Razor sang as he strummed his guitar, sending out sound waves at the mutants.
"OKAY THAT'S IT!" Scott sent out a powerful optic blast but it was repelled by a force field around Kid Razor. "WHAT?"
"Yes Ladies and Gentlemen and whatever Cyclops is the Kid of Rock can do it all!" Kid Razor whooped as he strummed some more knocking him down. "Remind me to get you some ass-cream for the butt whooping I'm giving you!"
"Oh yeah well maybe you should get some for yourself!" Pietro zoomed over to him preparing to hit Kid Razor with a speed punch when suddenly he was knocked backwards and fell right on top of Wanda. "HEY! HOW DID HE MOVE THAT FAST?"
"Sorry babe! Didn't mean to clock you!" Kid Razor said.
"That's okay…" Wanda said dreamily.
"Wanda! Get a grip!" Pietro shook her. "HEX HIM! HEX HIM!"
"He spoke to me…" Wanda sighed before passing out.
"I don't believe this!" Pietro moaned. "The one time I want her to hex someone…."
"When will you losers ever learn that nothing can stop the Power of Rock?" Kid Razor crowed triumphantly.
"Actually there's one thing that can stop the Power of Rock," Althea grinned as she retuned with Todd and the Triplets. "Everything has an opposite. A yin to a yang…And this is yours!" She turned on the Ipod.
Kid Razor was laughing. Until the first sounds of an accordion began to smash through the air. "That's not what the Kid of Rock thinks it is, is it?" He blinked.
"Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun…" The sound of the Happy Polkateers could be heard singing. "Roll out the barrel, we got the blues on the run, now sing Boom Terrarah! Sing out a song of good cheer! For now it's time to roll out the barrel, cause the gang's all here!"
"What is that noise?" Kid Rock held his hands over his ears. "It can't be!"
"It is," Althea told him.
"Now everybody roll out the barrel! Cause the gang's all here!"
"BEHOLD THE POWER OF POLKA!" Trinity shouted as they turned up the volume.
"HOLY VAN HALEN!" Kid Razor cringed. "NO! NO! ROCK IS STRONGER THAN POLKA!"
"Normally I'd agree with you," Althea grinned. "Unless there are two factors…One, the singer is Weird Al Yankovic in his great parodies."
"And two," Daria grinned. "The patent pending Trinity Decibel Destructor Speaker Systems! CRANK IT UP GIRLS!" The triplets turned on a strange looking sound system that amplified the polka music.
"How…?" Hank began as he walked up to the others. "What the…?"
"Don't ask," Lance sighed. "Just accept it and don't ask!"
Then the Polka Power medley from the Running with Scissors album could be heard all over Cleveland. Teenagers ran in terror away from the music as their favorite songs were changed to polka tunes. People raced into their homes and for their earplugs in order to hide from the noise. Well everyone except for Polka fans, insane fan fiction writers and everyone over 80 who danced in the streets with glee.
(To spare those with impressionable music sensibilities I will not write out which songs were turned into polka, well not all of them anyway. I know not all of you have the tolerance for polka and those that do will just have to go listen to the albums by Weird Al. Go ahead. If you really feel brave listen to them while reading this chapter. But only if you have the stomach and lack of sanity like I do. Do not say you haven't been warned.)
The X-Men and Misfits couldn't escape. They were rooted to the spot. As was Kid Rock. "SAINT STEVEN TYLER THAT'S INSANE!" He yelled. "GOTTA FIGHT IT!"
"I always thought elevator music was the opposite of rock," Scott asked.
"No, that's the opposite of all music in general," Althea pointed out. "Besides we don't want to kill him."
"Good point," Scott winced. He looked. "Kurt you look like you're enjoying this!"
"Well I've kind of grown up around polka so I'm used to it," Kurt admitted.
"Your parents were cruel, cruel people…" Lance moaned in agony.
"Articuno, Ditto, Muk, Flarion and Old Psyduck, Cloyster, Kingler, Shelder, Gloom, Snorlax and of course Vileplume! Zaptos and Charmeleon! Everybody Polkamon!"
"AGH! AH! AH!" Kid Razor doubled over like he was hit in the stomach.
"The fabled Polka-Pokemon Punch," Todd's jaw dropped. "I've only heard about it but I never thought I'd actually hear it!"
"I wish we weren't hearing this!" Lance winced in pain.
"It's time to polka for Ponyta and Pidgey too! Put on your lederhosen and try not to step on little Pikachu!" Trinity sang along doing a do-si-do. "You'd better grab yourself a partner!"
"GET OFF OF ME!" Kid Razor shouted as the Triplets grabbed him and made him twirl around with them. "LET ME GO YOU DEMENTED FANGIRLS FROM HELL!"
"Like Tentacruel or Bulbasaur!" The girls sang as they continued to twirl him around. "Bulbasaur! Hold on a minute! There's still at least a hundred and twenty seven more!"
"AAAAAAAA!" Kid Razor spun around as Trinity let him go.
"Oh man that's cruel," Lance winced as he looked at Trinity. "Even for you guys!"
"Actually Lance that's mild compared to this!" Althea changed tracks for her final assault. "TRINITY! FULL POWER!"
" Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go! Beelzebub has a devil by his side for me, for me, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"NOT A POLKA VERSION OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!" Kid Razor screamed as he dropped to his knees. "NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"
"Actually I think it's kind of catchy," Todd bopped his head and snapped his fingers.
"You get weirder every day!" Scott groaned.
"It really isn't that bad Scott," Kurt told him.
"I take it back," Scott said. "You both get weirder every day!"
"Al come on!" Lance pleaded. "Even he doesn't deserve this! None of us deserve this!"
"AAAHHHH!" Kid Razor writhed in agony as the accordion solo reached it's peak. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
"What…What's going on?" Wanda groaned as she woke up. "What's that horrible sound?"
"Trust me Sis, you were better off unconscious!" Pietro winced in pain.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" A giant ray of light emerged from Kid Razor. "IT'S TOO LOUD! CAN'T…FOCUS…MY…ENERGY….CAN'T…THINK…CAN'T…STOP TALKING…LIKE WILLIAM SHATNER! AAAAAHHHHHH!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
The next thing everyone knew they were all flat on their backs and the street was a mess. "Ooh that's gonna leave a big boo boo…" Kid Razor moaned.
"What just happened?" Pietro asked. "Are we dead?"
"I don't think so…" Kurt moaned.
"You're not dead," Hank walked up to them out of a store with shattered windows. "The two opposing harmonizing frequencies of the musical venues created an…"
"In normal person talk please!" Todd interrupted.
"The Power of Rock and the Polka Power made a big boom," Hank said annoyed. "That clear enough for your miniscule mind?"
"Yes…" Todd coughed as he sat up.
"All that from Polka music?" Jean was surprised at the destruction.
"Hey even Superman has his kryptonite," Althea shrugged. "It was the only thing that made sense."
"THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU?" Kitty yelled. "WE WERE LUCKY WE WEREN'T KILLED BY THAT RACKET!"
"Hey look!" Todd pointed. "He's changing yo!"
Kid Razor slowly morphed into a different person. A nineteen year old male with short messy brown hair with an Aerosmith T-Shirt, jeans and sneakers. "Ohhhh…" He sat up and held his head. "What hit me?"
"You're alter ego got a little out of hand kid," A voice said. Everyone looked up and saw a glowing figure. He had long blonde hair, a futurist style silver jumpsuit with blue shoulder pads and an open neckline in the shape of a lightning bolt. He had large silver platform boots and a killer smile.
"Ronnie?" The boy groaned. "What happened? I thought the Power of Rock was invincible?"
"Nothing's ever invincible kid," Ronnie the Ghost told him. "Okay maybe American Idol's Nielsen Ratings this season but…Like the lady said, everything has an opposite."
"O-kay," Lance blinked. "Hello I'm totally lost and you are?"
"Oh sorry, I'm Robert Parkins," He sheepishly scratched his head. "My friends call me Bobby. This is Ronnie Rocker, he's a ghost of a rock star trapped in my mystical guitar."
"Wait a minute, I've heard of this guy," Lance thought. "But I thought he was still alive?"
"Maybe he is in our world?" Kitty suggested. "I don't remember."
"Long story short when I play my mystical guitar I turn into the Rock and Roll hero Kid Razor," Bobby explained. "He's a really great guy, he just…says what he thinks and that kind of rubs some folks the wrong way."
"You mean like Simon Cowell only a slightly flasher dresser?" Kurt asked.
"Bingo," Ronnie nodded. "Just add in a lot of superpowers too."
"And the ability to damage more than lousy singer's egos," Kurt quipped as he looked at the destruction around them.
"Oh yeah like you guys didn't have anything to do with it too," Kitty folded her arms.
"Do me a favor, don't tell anyone about this okay?" Ronnie asked. "I mean the Kid of Rock has a few powerful enemies and…"
"I gotcha," Althea waved. "But I find it weird that no one ever thought of doing that before."
"Maybe it was too obvious?" Daria shrugged.
"Maybe it was too insane?" Kitty glared at her.
"Yeah I'll go with that one," Wanda agreed.
"Only a really crazy person could think up something like that," Jean said.
"It was my idea," Althea gave her a look.
"Like I said…" Jean smirked. Althea gave her a mock punch in the arm.
"Okay I think it's time to leave now," Hank sighed. "Come on, it's time to cause more destruction in the next reality!"
"Bye! Fighting you was fun!" Trinity cheered as they turned on their own device and teleported away. The others followed in their device.
Soon they were all in a lavish hotel room. "Well this is nice," Kitty remarked.
"Phew! What reeks?" Another Lance walked into the room. He was wearing a Kiss like silver jumpsuit. "Oh stupid question."
"Just what I need," Scott groaned. "Another annoying Alvers!"
"Hey wait a minute," The other Lance looked around. "You're me and…What's going on here? You guys some kind of inter dimensional travelers?"
"Yup," Todd nodded. "That's us."
"Cool," Other Lance nodded. "Hey guys! Get out here!"
They saw Pyro (dressed in an orange spandex leotard like a Van Halen escapee) and three other people walk in they had never seen before. One was a female with feathered jet black hair and tight black clothes with a jean jacket. The other two were twin teenage boys with long black hair and identical five pointed star birthmarks over their right eye. But that was where the similarities ended. One twin's star was purple and the other one was black.
The purple haired star boy seemed to have a happy go lucky air about him as he was dressed in purple acid washed jeans, colorful sneakers, a Kiss T-Shirt with a purple mesh top, red fingerless gloves and a tiger striped belt with green neon rings attached to it.
The black starred twin was very different as he seemed to be radiating anger and barely controlled rage. He had on a gray T-Shirt, black leather jacket, faded jeans and dark boots.
"Althea? Wanda? What are you guys doing here? Wait a minute…" The dark starred teen looked around. "Two Lances? And…What's going on here?"
"Craig this ain't our Toad's Althea," Other Lance explained.
"I kind of figured that when I saw two Lances," The female snickered. "And unless you got a twin you never told us about I'm guessing you guys are some kind of inter dimensional travelers. Am I right?"
"Bingo," Althea said. "There's another me here?"
"Yeah she and her boyfriend Toad are out with Pietro and Fred doing some sightseeing," Pyro waved. "Me I'm happy here. Plenty of things to burn."
"I'm Paul Stanley Starr and this is my twin brother Craig," The Purple Starred youth introduced himself. "Call us Starchild and Darkstar."
"Lila Cheney, Starway," She grinned.
"So what's so different about this reality?" Kitty asked. "And why are you all dressed like you're in a rock band?"
"That's cause we are in a rock band," Craig snorted.
"We're the Superstars!" Paul grinned. "We've just signed a multi-million dollar record contract!"
"You have got to be kidding me," Scott's jaw dropped.
"Man no matter how many times I see that look on Summer's face," Craig snorted. "It's still priceless!"
"How?" Scott asked.
"All thanks to our manager," Paul explained.
"No Louie, I need that contract by tomorrow!" Multiple walked into the room talking on a cell phone. "You're breaking up Louie! Can you hear me now?"
It was just then he saw Trinity. Some primal instinct told Multiple to flee for his life. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He ran from the Triplets.
"KISSY KISSY BABE!" Trinity yelled as they chased after him. "LOVE YA!"
"Uh who are they?" Lila asked.
"My sisters," Althea said matter of factly. "They're nuts and in our universe they love chasing Multiple and harassing him."
"NO! NO MEANS NO! STOP KISSING ME YOU FREAKS!" Multiple was heard screaming.
"Hmmm, maybe we should tell him the odds of your Althea having sisters like that are pretty good?" Althea asked.
"Nah! Let him find that out for himself," Craig waved. "It'll be fun!" He looked at Wanda. "Uh, hi there…"
"Hi," Wanda blinked. "Uh…uh…."
"Hey wanna party a bit?" Paul asked the gang.
"Why not?" Althea shrugged.
"WHAT?" Scott shouted.
Pyro turned on a radio and soon most of the gang were dancing and having a good time. "Wow this is cool!" Kitty giggled.
"I have to admit Paul is kind of cute," Jean grinned.
"Wanda? Wanda stop drooling over Craig!" Pietro snapped. "What is it with you this trip?"
"I'm starting to miss the Kid of Rock…" Scott moaned as he pounded his head on the wall.