Future Shock

"Once again we appear to be at Misfit Manor," Hank sighed as they emerged from their latest dimension jump.

"Is it me or does this place look even more of a mess than usual?" Althea asked. She looked at the holes in the walls, toys all over the place, pudding stains on all the furniture and other stains of questionable origin on the floor.

"It does," Pietro remarked. "I wonder why?"

A loud unholy screech could be heard. Rumbling through the door a small herd of hopping young mutants with messy hair (colors varying black and brown), muddy clothes and gills careened into the room. Some of them were even climbing the walls.

"Oh, that's why," Pietro said.

"Three guesses whose kids those are," Kurt chuckled.

"Kids how many times do I have to tell ya?" Toad hopped in wearing his old Brotherhood Uniform and with long hair. "Don't track mud on the ceiling!"

He stopped and looked at the mutants in the living room. "GUYS! PUT ON SOME MORE COFFEE! WE GOT COMPANY!" Toad called out.

"X-GEEKS, SHIELD OR ALTERNATE DIMENSION TRAVELERS?" They heard Blob shout.

"Alternate dimension travelers," Althea said.

"Yeah I kind of figured," Toad said. "ALTERNATE DIMENSION BLOB!"

"AM I THERE?" Blob called back.

"NO!" Toad shouted.

"ONLY ONE POT THEN…" Blob told them.

"Uh," Todd looked around at all the kids going wild. "Ours?"

"You and Al's," Toad nodded. "All twelve of 'em."

"TWELVE?" Althea coughed.

"Ewwww!" Kitty winced at two kids who were poking and pulling at her. "Get your sticky hands off me! Gross!"

"Don't yank my tail!" Kurt snapped at two more toddlers.

"Twelve?" Althea looked at the kids looking at her. "Twelve?"

"Why are you wearing that?" Todd asked pointing to the uniform Toad was wearing.

"Oh," Toad looked down at himself. "Well we had another little incident with the laundry…"

"Al still can't do laundry?" Todd asked calmly.

"Bingo," Todd groaned. "I don't know what it is! She still can't get it right! This was all I had so…"

"Aggh!" Pietro winced. "They're poking me!" One kid shot his tongue at him. "AAAHHHH!"

"This is so surreal," Jean looked at all the kids.

"This is frightening," Scott grumbled. "Hey kids! Stop poking me!"

"So they're all mutants?" Todd asked Toad.

"Well we both have dominant X-Genes so of course all the kids would have a combination of our powers," Toad said. "They got Al's gills and beauty and my toad skills and sense of style."

"In other words the worst of both worlds," Pietro snickered. Then blinked. "Except for that one!"

One young boy looked exactly like Todd, except for the fact his hair was neatly combed and his outfit was clean. "Hello," He blinked politely.

"He's…clean," Kurt blinked. "Why?"

"Eh, in every family you get at least one oddball," Toad shrugged. He looked at the dapper toddler tugging on his pants. "What is it Travis?"

"Daddy," Travis said politely. "Grandpa Shipwreck threw up in the hall again."

"Drinking or Kitty's cooking?" Toad asked.

"Kitty's cooking," Travis told him.

"You didn't eat none of it did you?" Toad asked.

"Nuh, uh…" A seven year old girl with messy brown hair hung from the ceiling said. "We're not stupid! Just Grandpa."

"Accident or bet?" Toad asked.

"Bet," Travis said. "Polly dared him."

"Yeah I can believe that," Jean said.

"Twelve kids?" Althea was in shock. "I can barely tolerate the Triplets!"

"If it will make you feel better Barney's got a lot more," Toad told you.

"Little Beaky?" Pietro asked.

"He's seventeen in our world and uh," Toad thought. "Well let's just say he started pretty young. You won't find them cause they went out for the day. But the other kids are here."

"Other kids?" Lance asked. Just then the house shook.

"AARON CHARLES ALVERS KNOCK IT OFF!" They heard an Adult Kitty scream. "AND LANCE DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!"

"I was just demonstrating…" An adult Lance said as he walked in with a harried looking adult Kitty. The adult Avalanche had long hair and a blue shirt with jeans. The adult Kitty's hair was slightly shorter and messier and she was wearing a stained red top and jeans. "Oh brother…"

"Great just what I wanted to see in the morning," Shadowcat sighed. "My past before I became a failure!"

"Failure?" Kitty asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean before I ruined my life by sleeping with this idiot and getting pregnant!" Shadowcat snapped. "Because of him I lost my chance to go to college and my place in the X-Men!"

"We're married and have kids?" Kitty's jaw dropped. "AND I LIVE IN THIS INSANE ASYLUM?"

"Well we kind of had to since Lance here got us kicked out of the X-Mansion!" Shadowcat snapped and pointed at her husband. "What was left of it anyway!"

"Hey!" Avalanche snapped. "Let's not forget Shipwreck was the one who set that fire in the first place!"

"Don't remind me," Storm walked in a pink bathrobe and fuzzy slippers looking very haggard.

"WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO!" A little boy with white hair and dark skin and nothing else on streaked into the room and out the door.

"HECTOR!" Ororo shouted. "SHIPWRECK YOU IDIOT YOU GAVE THE BOY COFFEE AGAIN"

"Wow that kid is almost as fast as I am," Pietro looked out the window.

"I knew I should have married the Black Panther," Storm snapped. "I would have been Queen of Wakanda! Instead I had to marry the King of Fools!"

"Guys let's not ever tell Storm about this universe either," Hank whispered to the others.

"Or my father," Althea added.

"Take a lesson from this Kitty!" Shadowcat snapped. "You should have stuck with Peter when you had the chance!"

"What are you saying?" Avalanche whirled on her. "Peter cheated on you with that Savage Land chick and had a kid with her!"

"The what?" Kitty asked.

"Big green jungle in the middle of the Arctic," Toad explained. "You'll probably run into it sooner or later."

"No I mean about Peter having a kid," Kitty explained.

"Well he was sick and tired of you stringing him along so…" Avalanche explained. He turned on Shadowcat. "So don't blame me for your so called lousy life! You were the one who slept with me just to get back at him!"

"And you weren't exactly turned off by that idea either!" Shadowcat snapped.

"Oh don't give me that 'all men want sex' garbage!" Avalanche snapped. "Besides you're not exactly wasting your life you know? You do work for the Misfits now!"

"I thought you said she wasn't wasting her life," Scott snickered.

"Oh you're one to talk," Blob walked in. He had a bald head and a beard and a large flannel shirt and jeans.

"Yeah you of all people don't have the right to criticize anyone's relationships!" Shadowcat snapped.

"What are you talking about?" Scott asked.

"Okay here's the deal," Blob told them. "You see there was this mission and we all thought Jean was dead but she wasn't really. But Sinister grew this clone of her called Madelyne and had her meet up with Scott. Scott fell in love with her then married her and then he found out the truth when the real Jean came back."

"By that time Scott and Madelyne had a baby together but Scott left Madelyne anyway," Quicksilver informed them. "As you can imagine that didn't exactly make her happy so she turned to Sinister who activated her dormant mutant abilities and she turned evil and started calling herself the Goblin Queen."

"It sounds like a bad comic book plot," Scott blinked.

"Then after all that he ended up having an affair with Emma Frost…" Avalanche said.

"WHAT?" Jean roared. She glared at Scott.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? HE DID IT!" Scott shouted. "I mean the other Scott did it. Not me…"

"Do I wanna know about our personal lives?" Kurt asked.

"Well let's see," Toad thought. "You and Amanda are pretty solid now. Beast is still having trouble with the ladies."

"Trish Trilby dumped him and now he says he's gone gay," Blob explained.

"WHAT?" Hank's jaw dropped.

"And you don't want to know what a mess Pietro is right now," Blob continued.

"THAT WITCH!" They heard a scream from upstairs. "I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME AGAIN! I WANNA DIE!"

"Oh dear," Blob sighed. "He's finally checked his answering machine."

"So how am I doing?" Wanda asked as she listened to the sobs.

"Not bad actually," Toad told her. "You're dating a former movie star turned Avenger."

"Oh well at least it's not a total loss," Wanda shrugged.

"Oh thanks a lot!" Pietro snapped.

"Twelve kids?" Althea looked at all the hopping mutants around them. "Todd we seriously need to have a talk when we get married about birth control!"

"I married a Jean clone and had an affair with Emma Frost?" Scott was equally in shock. "I gotta sit down." He went to the couch and sat.

SPLAT!

"Hey mister you sat on my ice cream sandwich," A black haired boy said.

"Perfect…" Scott groaned. "Just perfect…"

Half an hour, some washed pants and a dimension jump later…

"And once again I'll ask," Hank sighed. "Where are we now?"

"Looks like the Xavier Institute," Scott looked around.

"It is the Xavier Institute," An adult Cyclops in a battle costume that included a mask of some sort over his entire head told them. "Let me guess, inter dimensional travelers that are lost?"

"Yup," Todd nodded.

"Out of all the weird things we've seen nothing is weirder than everyone simply getting the fact that's what we are," Wanda groaned.

"Well that and this Cyclops' headgear," Pietro snickered. "Going for the novelty condom look?"

"I swear if one more person makes that remark…" Cyclops groaned. "I knew I shouldn't have let Iceman design our new costumes."

"Okay so what's the deal in this world?" Lance asked. "Are you guys fighting Sentinels, being attacked by giant pandas, or what?"

"Giant Pandas?" Cyclops asked.

"Yeah where did you come up with that one?" Pietro asked.

"Well we've seen unicorns, giant snails, telepathic penguins, monkeys…" Lance counted them off.

"I guess sooner or later pandas would come into it," Hank agreed.

"I don't know what's more frightening," Cyclops blinked. "What you people just said or the fact that I understand it."

"Just be afraid," Wanda told him. "Be very, very afraid."

"I'll give you the short version," Cyclops held up his hands. "The Sentinels were dismantled five years ago and the Mutant Rights Act was passed around that time. Mostly the X-Men teach instead of going off to fight. Except when the Earth is under attack by aliens."

"Scary enough, I got that too," Pietro quipped. "So am I a hit with the ladies in this world, as if I need to ask?"

"I hate to tell you this Young Quicksilver," Cyclops snorted. "No wait that's not true. I'm gonna love telling you this. You and Avalanche here are quite the couple."

"What?" Lance's eye twitched.

"Ex-squeeze me?" Pietro blinked. "Baking Powder?"

"Yes your little tea shop and fashion boutiques are the hit of New York," Cyclops grinned.

"Jean, tell me he's lying," Pietro looked at her. "Please tell me he's lying. I'd say joking but we all know Cyclops wouldn't know a joke if it bit his funny bone. He's lying right? Right?"

Jean shook her head. "Sorry Pietro. Well actually I'm not sorry…but he's telling the truth all the same."

"Excuse me please…" Pietro ran out of the room. They could hear him screaming from far away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I feel sick," Lance moaned. "Really…Really sick. Not half as sick as I would feel if I got together with Summers, but sick all the same."

"NOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO!"

"This is going to take a while," Wanda sighed.

Fifteen minutes later…

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"He's still screaming," Todd counted on his watch. "But he's a little quieter now."

"Yeah they can only hear him two counties away," Kurt grumbled.

"Okay I'm back now," Pietro sighed as he zoomed in. "I still feel lousy!"

"Probably half as lousy as I felt when Jean left me for Emma Frost," Cyclops groaned. "So kid me, watch your back!"

"Well that's certainly different," Jean blinked.

"So…If Lance and Pietro are together then that means I got together with Peter right?" Kitty said.

"Actually you didn't," Cyclops coughed. "You see our Colossus met someone else."

"Who?" Kitty asked.

"Northstar," Cyclops told her.

"HA!" Lance laughed. "Wait a minute, what am I laughing about? I'm stuck with Pietro!"

"What did everyone go gay in this universe or something?" Kurt gasped.

"Not everyone," An adult Rogue walked in. She was wearing a black and green X-Man uniform and had long hair. She walked over to Cyclops and gave him a kiss. "Hey sugar. Inter dimensional visitors again?"

"How did you ever guess?" Cyclops groaned.

"You and her are a couple?" Pietro blinked. "How? When?"

"When Jean dumped him for Emma," Rogue told him. "Then I managed to get control of my powers."

"What about Gambit?" Kurt asked.

"What about Gambit!" Rogue snapped. "Had it up to here with that cheating swamp rat!"

"Please tell me you found him in bed with a girl and not a guy," Kurt groaned.

"A girl and a guy," Rogue told him. "Betsy and Warren."

"Ewwwww…" Kitty winced. "I am so glad Rogue didn't come here."

"Quite a horny little group of X-Men we have in this dimension," Pietro quipped.

"That's one of the reasons Kitty left and went into politics," Cyclops sighed.

"She thought she could do more good campaigning for mutant rights than fighting," Rogue explained. "She's now the first mutant mayor of Chicago."

"I'm the Mayor of Chicago?" Kitty was surprised. "I like this reality a lot better than the last one!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lance snapped.

"For crying out loud Lance even I can figure that one out!" Todd told him.

"Well I'm not crazy about it!" Lance snapped.

"Not exactly thrilled here either!" Pietro snapped at him. "Any other interesting couples we should know about?"

"Well there's Logan and Jubilee," Rogue counted off. "Ray and Roberto are running the New Hellfire Club together…Ororo ran off with Spider Man a year after his wife got killed by the Green Goblin. Xavier and Moira are at Muir Island doing research. Blob and the Juggernaut are running a ranch somewhere in Texas. Lina and Angelica are doing medical research together at their new clinic in Key West. Rahne and Doug are teaching here and just got married. Roadblock got married to a reformed Monet. Low Light and Cover Girl got married and have kids. Wanda's married to Kurt…"

"Oh gross…" Kurt winced.

"My sentiments exactly!" Wanda said.

"Well technically you're not blood related," Rogue explained. "She almost married an android."

"What happened?" Wanda asked.

"Darn thing short circuited at the wedding," Rogue shrugged. "I think Quicksilver had something to do with that."

"Good!" Pietro folded his arms.

"Xi and Arcade are the richest couple in the world and have adopted like fifteen kids or something," Rogue went on. "Bobby married Lorna Dane and became an accountant…"

"What about me?" Todd asked. "Did Al and I get hitched?"

"Yup right on TV," Rogue said. "Biggest wedding the White House ever saw."

"The White House?" Althea asked. "One of us is the President of the United States?"

"No… Not exactly," Rogue told them. "I'd better show you. It's almost time for the President's address."

She turned on the television. "Oh my god…" Althea's jaw dropped. "I don't believe it!"

"Hey there my fellow Americans," President Shipwreck in a suit and tie greeted the people on television. "Good news! We've finally captured Vice President Sneeden and stopped his shooting rampage without any loss of life."

"AHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA! BANG! BANG!" They heard Beach Head laughing off camera. "BANG! BANG! BANG!"

"Like I said everything is fine," President Shipwreck said. "Okay the Oval Office still has a few holes in it and the Constitution was blown to bits…Oh yeah and a few senators got some buckshot in the behind. But other than that…"

"Okay we can not tell my father about this reality!" Althea told them.

"Tell us something we don't know!" Lance groaned.

"Well let's see what else is going on in the State of the Union today," President Shipwreck told them. "The economy went up a little today. Half a point but it's better than nothing. Oh and the unemployment rate just fell to 85 percent!"

"I knew I should have voted for the other guy," Cyclops groaned.

"Who was the other guy?" Scott asked. "Creed? Kelly? Apocalypse?"

"Larry the Cable Guy," Cyclops told him. "In my defense I thought he was weak on foreign policy."

"Oh yeah one more thing," President Shipwreck coughed. "We kind of accidentally bombed France today. And Russia. And the Mideast. And China. And New Jersey…"

"Well this President's not weak on foreign policy I'll give you that," Todd blinked.

"Weak is not the word I would use to describe Shipwreck," Althea said. "The lone brain cell in his empty head maybe…"

"The thirty fifth thing I have learned so far on this trip," Lance winced. "Never give Shipwreck any real power!"

"To be fair this new weapons system General Forge installed is really complicated," President Shipwreck explained. "You see these buttons right here on my desk? I mean you don't even have to touch them and…Uh oh…I think I just sent missiles to Belize again."

"We have found the weapon of mass destruction," Kurt quipped. "It's called Shipwreck!"

"It's time to go now right?" Pietro asked.

"Yes it is. But shouldn't we do something about the impending nuclear war that's going to happen here?" Scott asked.

"To be honest Scott," Althea looked at him. "Any reality that elects Shipwreck as President deserves what it gets!"