Chapter 21

XXXXXXX

Martin stared at his closet trying to decide what one would wear to a gay bar. After Jack talked to Nate Cooley he thought maybe it would be better to send Danny and Martin to talk to the men at Rick's Tiki Lounge in a more social setting. In other words, they were assigned to go undercover as a gay couple and get the guys to talk about how they knew Jeremy a.k.a. Mark.

Martin laughed at how self conscious he was about what he would wear to a gay bar; it wasn't like he was going to pick anyone up but he didn't want to be the out-of-place geek either. He wondered if those Queer Eye guys made emergency home visits when his doorbell rang. He checked his watch and cursed that Danny was twenty minutes early to pick him up. He walked down the hall and swung open his door saying, "You're earl…." But instead of a lanky Latino there was a curvaceous blonde. "Sam. Hi. What are you doing here?"

Realizing how rude that sounded he gestured that it didn't come out the way he intended and thankfully Sam seemed to understand.

"I thought you might want some help selecting an outfit." Sam grinned. Martin knew she thought he always needed a bit more help in the fashion area and this time he was in no position to argue.

"Actually, I really could use some help." He waved her in and the two of them made their way to his bedroom.

Sam went straight to his closet and shoved a lot of his suits to the side and fished around in the back of the closet. Martin briefly wondered if she had already decided what outfit he was going to wear when he saw her frown as she searched. "What?"

Sam looked over at him and asked, "Where are your charcoal slacks?"

Martin smiled at her and replied, "I think they're still at your apartment."

"Oh, yeah," Their eyes met in understanding before Sam got back to the task at hand. "Okay, then…" She pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and a black v-neck cashmere sweater and handed them to Martin.

"Thanks." He took the clothes, walked into the bedroom and started changing, not caring that Sam was watching. She'd already seen everything anyway. He was standing up as he took off his work slacks and pulled on the jeans. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sam sit down on the bed.

"You were pretty quiet during the ride to the school today." Sam looked at Martin as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Is there something I should know about?"

Martin had just finished buttoning up his jeans and picked up the sweater to put it on when he paused and looked down at the piece of clothing he held in his hands. He should have known there was another reason for Sam's visit. He knew he was being quiet and a little sulky this afternoon but he was unsure of how to broach the subject of the future. Actually, he wasn't so much unsure as he was afraid of what he would find out.

He could feel her eyes on him, waiting for a response.

Still not looking up, Martin began slowly and deliberately, "Do you remember the bus case? The conversation we had when we were staking out Bob Carrol?"

Sam responded softly, "I remember."

XXXX

"Let me guess – 2.2, white picket fence, golden retriever." Sam quipped.

"Yeah, maybe, something like that." Martin responded.

"Not for me. Not in this world."

XXXX

When Sam spoke, her voice was almost a whisper. "So, this is about the comment I made in the office? You want to know if I've changed my mind about getting married and having kids."

Martin nodded slowly.

"Isn't it normally the woman who wants to have the big discussion about the future?" Sam chuckled.

Martin knew she was trying to bring some levity into the discussion but her words stung and he quickly looked up and gave her a steely glare. He saw her expression grow somber. Their eyes met in a silent standoff.

Sam licked her lips before she softly said, "Martin, I just can't see myself living that kind of life. Maybe you had a great childhood but I've seen how ugly it can get; the burden of obligations, the stress of worrying if they are safe or getting into trouble. You know our job and what we've seen parents go through, I don't want that."

Martin looked back down at the sweater, struggling to find his words, when the doorbell rang: Danny was here to pick him up. He quickly pulled the sweater over his head and said, "Now's not the time to have this discussion. I have to go." He stepped into his shoes and quickly strode out of the bedroom to the front door. He knew he was running away but he wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of Sam's answer and what it meant for them.