Am I Missing?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.

Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke.

Authors Note: I had two versions of this, one with a full on confrontation, and then this one, so I hope you like this. I figured it was way too much, and I hope that you continue to give me the amazing support that you have been..well giving me.

I got a lot of comments about it being angsty and dramatic. And normally I like (hopefully) an even balance, but I need some angst people. ASP is determined to torture me with the lack of java junkie scenes, so I must make my own.

Lorelai managed to avoid the evitable for almost a month before she realized she had to go back. Or make a decision. She didn't want to leave her home and her business and the town, who had supported her and been there for her all these years. And she missed Paul Anka so much.

She didn't want to leave him, but she didn't know where she was going and let's face it, the dog was weird. He had weird quirks and she didn't know if he could even survive the trip without some of his mind going.

She thanked the people of the Inn and the surrounding town who seemed to accept her with open arms. She couldn't believe how nice everyone was, especially to some strange woman who had come to live in an Inn.

Lorelai drove home all the while conscious of the decisions she needed to make. She didn't want to see Luke, and she hoped that somehow he had simply disappeared. And once that thought came and went, she would mourn the loss of him in her life. She knew she had made the right decision, but she still hadn't quite dealt with the repercussions of her actions.

She first drove to the crap shack and she saw Luke's truck there and she sighed. If she went in there she would have to deal with him, but if she didn't, she couldn't get Paul Anka. So she sighed got out and walked up the steps and pushed open the door.

It was weird to think that she hadn't stepped into her house for so long, and now it didn't feel the same. It looked the same, and there wasn't that distinct freshly brewed coffee that somehow managed to seep into every crack and crevice in the house. She saw that Luke was asleep on the couch with Paul Anka sleeping on his bed.

Lorelai gulped and tip toed past him up the stairs and went to pack more of her things. She had managed to find a Laundromat close to the Cheshire cat, but she wanted some nice clothes. She grabbed the quilt she made of Rory's baby clothes and she took a nice picture of Luke and Lorelai when they had been happy and blissful.

She noticed a new picture that was put in between an old school photo of Rory and another one of the once happy couple. There was a picture of April smiling to the camera with a brunette woman and Luke. And at the sight of it she almost sobbed. She whirled around and threw the picture in the open suitcase, and slammed it shut and hurriedly zipped it up and lugged it downstairs.

Paul Anka was awake by the time she managed to as quietly as she could lug the thing to the entryway. He made no sound, almost as if he knew what his mistress plan was. Lorelai kneeled down and rubbed the rough fur behind his ears and smiled. 'I've missed you.' She whispers and takes the leash that is hanging off the hook and looks around to see if she can write a note.

She scribbles something random and is about shuts the door quietly but she can hear a muffled 'lo and she runs to the car and pulls Paul Anka behind her. The door opens as she backs her car out and as she turns to go down the street, she sees Luke's sad expression.

When she gets to her temporary home, Dragonfly Inn, she turns off her car and rests her head on the steering wheel. Even from the distance she could see how sad Luke really was, and for the first time it occurred to her, that maybe Luke is feeling the same pain as she was?

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Luke had seen her and he had pretended to be asleep the whole time, knowing if he rushed up and asked her questions, she would run faster and harder and he didn't know if she would come back. It hurt that she took the dog, in a way they were suffering together that Lorelai left them.

Now he was in it alone. With no one to stay up with him while he drank. Luke was not a man who drank a lot, he was a beer man. He knew it and he liked that it was a safe drink. He knew how much was too much and he knew exactly his limit, but scotch was the kind of drink that you could drink and get drunk. It dulled the pain and it made him feel like he was there.

Luke in all of his days thought that nothing could feel worse than when his father died. He felt like he was alone in the world and that no one would catch him if he fell, and then Lorelai came in. Even as friends, he knew that if something happened she would be there. And now he messed that up.

He sighed and closed the door after seeing her retreating car. He had made the wrong decision in not talking to her. He should have acted on his instincts and his conscious and begged and pleaded with her to come home. To tell him why she felt the way she did and why she looked so satisfied the day she handed him back the ring.

There was a note and all it said was that she had taken Paul Anka and thanks for taking care of him. No mention of where they were, of where she was, and why she had to leave Stars Hallow. If she was even staying there, or if she was disappearing once again. He picked up a discarded glass that once held his solace, nice neat scotch, and he threw it against the wall.

Luke was angry and he could feel it boiling up in a way that he knew he couldn't control. His father taught him that anger didn't get you anywhere. It took good men to bad places, and that he had to learn that lesson himself.

And now here he was, being faced with that life lesson. He could yell and scream and track her down and force her to talk to him, to explain exactly how having a daughter made him such a horrible person that he didn't get an explanation why his fiancée just took off without any explanation.

For days he sat by the phone just waiting for one of her ramblings. His fingers itched to pick it up and dial, but he knew he would get nowhere, and it was true. She had caller id, and she made sure that the people who knew where she was, didn't breath a word.

Even Rory, who had always been in his corner, had shook her head sadly and told him that maybe this was for the best. 'She's just can't take it Luke, that's all.' She had said and then told him that she had a lot of work to do.

Luke didn't get it. He knew there were seven stages of grief. And he had tackled some in the 3 or more weeks since she had given him his walking papers. He had handled shock pretty well. He had sent April home and then sat in his apartment and just stared at the ring. Hoping that it would materialize its owner, and Lorelai would smile or even cry and he would get his chance to explain.

Then the denial came, that Lorelai had to nurse some sick friend he didn't know about, or simply she was running, just like Max. But she would be back, because he was her Luke, and he was the one that never lied to her, never made her feel anything less than the amazing person and woman that she was. And that's when it hit him. He had done what he swore he would never do, if he got the chance to be with her.

He had lied to her, and worse of all, he knew what he was doing, and he didn't try to fix it. And once she did know, he didn't try to even talk to her about it. He had seen the looks of pain on her face, but he just figured that she was sad that he had lied. Never did he believe that she was sad because of their relationship.

And of course he noticed that they almost stopped touching. Lorelai had always been a very touchy person. Even as friends she would place her hand on his arm or would hug him, and she just stopped. No kiss, no hug and certainly nothing in the sex department. And it made him ache just to touch her one last time.

He knew he felt guilt; he was a Danes man, that's what they did best. He felt the kind of guilt that changed you, that made your insides raw and now he had to deal with it.

And finally he now felt the strongest and most painful. Anger, true, clear, all consuming, never going to let up anger. Anger at everything and nothing. Angry that Lorelai didn't have the decency to tell him that she was alright, and anger at himself and the universe for losing the very best thing in the world.

He was stuck brewing in his own anger, while Lorelai cried for the life she lost.